I am strong, right??? I have so many stuff to deal with… All drama is all in my head… My heart should not feel at all. Nothing means something. Will it make feel less? I have to complete my tasks and remind myself that’s my sole purpose after all. As if I am someone who’s not capable of feeling… Many times I always wish and dream…
You are you
Engrossed and occupied with daily responsibilities
I hardly existed, it seemed I am not even there
Then, your phone kept on ringing from time to time
There were calls that ought not to be ignored
The voice that surely delighted your stressful day
Your energy drink, your inspiration and the one of the kind
Should I ask with what I am totally aware of?
Indeed, you are you and I have no rights to demand
You are who you are, and being you moved me
I am me
Weird, maybe, the appropriate description
Old school, that’s what I am used to
I tried not to be me, be one with my friends for once
I did and I was not amazed walking in another’s skin
Scrutinized and ridiculed, lessons learned in the hard way
I am only me, keeping my feelings to myself
Ashamed of expressing the music in my heart
Even part of me didn’t want to give up, I must because I care
How can I say that I long for your touch and kisses?
How will I show you that I wanted more what you desired?
I am me, a woman with certain needs yet chained in my cell
We are we
What we think may not always be right
What we believe may not always be true
What we have may not what we really wanted
We are we, always trying to live accordingly
Trying to prove something and always going forth
When we know our paths, we’ll tend to get lost at the crossroads
Somehow you are you and I am me
We can’t change who we are but accept what we are
I maybe disappointed but I won’t hold grudges on you
I may a bit outrage, I won’t yell nor nag endlessly
You know by now, I can’t be angry for so long
Always caring, forgiving, patient and understanding
You maybe wonder, what the hell is my problem
You won’t demand answers nor argue nor mind at all
You will always live as it is and still laugh with your friends
It may not bother you but somehow we are alike
We can only be us for that’s who we are
Whatever others will say, we are who we are
You are you, the one always special, my impossible
I am me, I keep quiet and speak here what I can’t say
by Romantics “Talking to Your Sleep”
Carmen Electra or Kim Kardashian
Bootylicious, Beyoncé or Nicki Minaj
Perfect hour glass, so Jennifer Lopez!
Vital statistics: 38-24-42!
Hot as summer, no silicon added
A head-turner, your dream girl….
The beauty queen, your trophy
The model, your willing to die for
Be the puppy and the banker
What an irresistible power over you!!
Finally, in your net is the best catch
Fishing is over! That’s it, isn’t it?
She’s everything in the criteria
The glossy skin and tempting lips
Young and fresh, suits heaven’s bed!
She’s made for perfection, all yours!
The spotlight is hers, never be mine!
I can’t judge someone I don’t know
But she must be a goddess to have you
When I was young, I didn’t own Barbie
There was no need even other girls got one
Always contented with the paper dolls I drew
That was all I had and willing to share
The merriment I offered and difference I carved
My paper dolls were not perfect and so I am
Yet, always authentic and made out of love
I won’t aspire for who I will never be
Even if I always force a smile and disguise to be fine
Looking over the hedge and staring at the sun
So thankful to God for all my blessings and gifts!
I will never be she for I AM PROUD TO BE IMPERFECTLY ME!
Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to saint Matthew 13, 11.16-17
Jesus said to his disciples : “Knowledge of the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven has been granted to you.
Blessed are your eyes, because they see, and your ears, because they hear.
Amen, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.”
——
Thank u Lord for giving my heart eyes to see the goodness in each of my fellowmen even if others can’t see me with their hearts too. Thank u for giving me listening ears not only to hear but to understand unspoken and uttered words.
**because I am clever enough to know. Despite of the disappointments and heartaches, I must be me. I know what’s going on and it’s make me feel like crying all the time. Isn’t it sad how clueless others can be? Or isn’t it sadder that you have a mouth but you can’t just speak for you know what you already know?
St Anne’s feast day and the celebrant of the 11am mass was his grace, Rev Father Archbishop William Goh.
A celebration together with my family. Thank u St Anne for this beautiful and joyful day.
I bought Legolas doll…
Then, chilling at my bro’s place with my sis-in-law, sis, nieces and mama.
My niece, Janelle’s version of me…
I missed my sewing class but spending a day with my family was worth it all.
You think because you only think. What if you’ll try to feel and give sight to your heart? Is it about what you know? What if there are so much you don’t know? Will you choose someone who is away when just arm’s length you can just reach the one who is truthful all the time? What if there are so many words unspoken that are really rooted from the heart? How can you see with so many doubts and you try to prove others that you’re certain even behind the scene are all question marks? Is it all about what you need? How about what you want? You’re just unaware that there’s no need to try so hard and spend a lot of effort to be accepted. For the one you push away is the one who’s always true, withstanding all the storms and unchanging with time. Indeed, she loves you so much and that’s the one thing you refused to see. Two is a company and three is a crowd. Keep out queer girls in the boy’s world.
Perhaps, you simply can’t forgive and analyze others too much. There’s someone who just shuts up because it’s all what you want. When you care deeply for someone special, all you can do is respect his decision. You just carry on with the heartbreak and be the best of being who you are.
In same room, out of reach. It feels like continents apart. Where can I book a plane ticket to get to you? My care, kindness and generosity rewarded with indirect rejections. Again and again. I get it. Thus, I am walking backwards even my heart won’t just give a damn. My brain rules this time. So, I just keep quiet and moving from a distance.
When I am about to move closer, you set the boundaries. In the same room, you are there but I feel so alone. Will you detest the one who desire the best of you? You think she’s weird for she dresses up, draws and writes. Yet, are we all admirable and unique in our ways? As the days progress, there’s that gap we invisibly created… How much I miss you… I really miss you so much!
(*no one’s reading this… so nobody knows… shh! no one will find out)
This time, I am whole again
My prayers sent to heaven
Faith and trust to the Almighty
Doubts no more, I believe
Like the little girl I was
Accepting His wisdom within
I let Him fill my emptiness
***
Yet, the Devil has schemes
Temptations of the flesh
When my eyes are shut
In darkness and helplessness
The scene of the past played
We are sinners, not saints!
Awakening the fury and needs
***
Perhaps, that’s all I was
He, the Devil makes me recall
The eyes and smiles, my weakness!
The truth that murders my spirit
Yes, the Devil is really right
I agree but I don’t let him be
Return to your throne in hell!
****
My dear Devil this time you lose
You can’t use those memories
I am glad for my resurrection
There are lies in those pictures
There’s sorrow being with another
The unending fights somewhere
You chose the muse for the show
***
I maybe deceived but not my Lord
Using my desires to lure me again
No more fears, I cast him away
There are no regrets for what is lost
Letting go not holding on and on
Some things are not just meant to be
I’m happy for I owe it the most to me
***
No Devil you are absolutely wrong!
Despite the mask, a love in tornado
Cupid’s clumsiness, my lessons learned
Don’t try to take away my hopes
I am BRAVE, always the bravest
What a relief to reclaim my liberty!
The wedding in Cana and miracles!
***
When the Devil creeps at night
He whispers yesterday’s delight
The valiant one, he truly exists
Dear St Anne, clear the passageway!
Holy Grandmother, I look up to you
You’ll touch the heart of the worthy
Dear St Anne thank you very much!
http://www.marypages.com/Anna.htm
“Saint Anne’s Dream”
Lately, I had been through a lot and I’m suffering deeply emotionally. All my life, I depended at no one and resolved issues using the powers bestowed upon me. However, I made an error of welcoming the devil that brought havoc in my smooth sailing. The aching loneliness and so much emptiness that I’ve never known, which my will power couldn’t get rid.
All I wanted was to be temporarily out of my hall of misery. You have no idea what it is like to be a daughter, sister and aunt. What can I do, I voluntarily took my father’s throne even he didn’t want to pass it to me. Perhaps, my heart was exhausted of feeling down and a change of routine would be a great help. Thus, it became a big deal not to be counted.
Sorry. I prayed for forgiveness. I am not a hypocrite. I couldn’t bear it. Besides, I am not good of holding grudges and I am can’t be angry for so long.
Forgive me for feeling bad. Should I also apologize too for what I feel is true and my intentions are all pure?
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep
Everybody’s worried about me
In too deep Say I’m in too deep (in too deep)
And it’s been two years
I miss my home
But there’s a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rachelplatten/fightsong.html
by Rachel Platten “Fight Song”
Dearest Little Me,
Today you must be home chattering with your imaginary friends while doodling the image of the man you wished to meet. Guess what, around three decades after, he still doesn’t come to life. Likewise, you’re skills in drawing will improve and it doesn’t matter if your artworks can’t move another’s heart. Your fairy godmother won’t give you a prince charming in reality. So, I won’t blame you if ever you’ll get exhausted of waiting for so long particularly when everything doesn’t make any sense at all. Once in a blue moon, you’ll switch off your brain because you’ll feel empty. Yet, the worst must be unveiled for in that way you’ll learn a lot more about growing up and surviving in life.
I know you very well, you’ll look at the stars talking to someone across the universe. When you’re young everything is possible but as your age is accumulated ‘impossible’ will be your favorite word. It will be a hell difficult road especially when Papa will not join you anymore for God will summon him to heaven so soon.
My chubby quiet girl, you know your country very well. You’ll memorize all historical facts and you’ll treat all national heroes like your bloodline. You’ll grow up to be radical and in your heart you want to make the difference. You’re aware of the country’s social issues and unselfishlessly you’ll take a part. Somehow there will be people whom you served and looked up who will later slaughter the patriot in you. What’s with being nationalistic when they’ve taken your pride? A holy man maybe a beast, a display of sheep’s clothing. And so you’ll leave even someone who used to care will say ‘stay’.
You’ll detest the boys who’ll disturb you and you won’t be flattered like other girls will usually feel. You’ll take all the acts as nuisance and jokes. Trust me, there will be times when even your male friends will confuse you. You’ll be hiding from one or two and you’ll scold them when they’ll have the courage to call. You’ll wish they’ll all perish. My girl, the genie heard your wish and many years forward it does come true. Then, you’ll stare at the lovers on the road wondering, ‘why am I alone?’ You’re the expert in letting go with what you can have because you’re afraid that ‘what if’ dreams will just turn into nightmares.
Remember the day you promised Papa that you’ll buy him a house? You will keep your word even Papa won’t dwell in that home of yours. It’s your place but no one will be waiting or accompany you back again. You’ll think what if you just let it be, a poor man’s wife whose earning is not more than ten dollars a day. Yet, you have someone who will enjoy the breakfast you’ll make, lunch to share and a dinner to laugh with. Probably you’ll make a lot of nice clothes and curtains like Mama did. In a faraway land, you’ll wake up so early preparing a breakfast for someone whom will never appreciate the meal you willingly share with love and care. Then, your thoughts will return to the first few months in high school when your heart exists in your imaginations. The last period of class before lunch with the teacher who sounds and looks like a goat (God bless his soul!). You’ll look outside the window and someone special catches your eyes. At that very moment, the world stops rotating and the music plays in your heart. Is it love or you’ll just love the idea of love in your youth? As you’ll pass through different phases of your life, how you’ll define love will change with time. Perhaps, it’s never your cup of tea because the love you’re aware of is, being there for your family and be the true servant of God.
Will people see with their hearts? You’ll meet a lot of friends and they love to hang around with you. Nonetheless, you have to perish in their lives because it’s so sad to hold back when everything won’t be the same. You want to accomplish something and find out what you’re looking for while moving forward on your own. All your friends don’t have any idea how much you miss them and love each one with all your heart. You don’t want to disappear, you just take the courage to fight the unbeatable foe in their absence as your allies. Good thing that you’ve been the greatest friend who will always stand for them because all laughter will echo no more. For as you go on with the quest, you’ll become nobody’s friend and you’ll sing even you can’t sing just to hear the sound of your voice.
Dearest little me, you’ll try your best to rewrite your story. However, no matter what you’ll do you can’t change a thing because you’re not the author of your life. God’s plan is not yours to understand. You have to live with it, have faith and trust Him. Well, this is too complex for your tender mind to comprehend and you have to grow up to learn how everything turn out. Little me, always remember to BE HAPPY all the time even everything turns rough. Then, whatever others will say and how they’ll judge you, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL because that’s who you are and God created you in His image. As what is said in your dreams, ‘the answer of your prayers are more than the wealth you’ll receive and there’s no need to seek for more richness”.
Yours truly,
Your old self
What are in my thoughts?
You have to know me
To dig the hidden well
Down under the secrets lie
Six feet below the ground
I don’t know what to pray
No right words to say
Waterfalls running dry
Left in the room to cry
Jesus help, do come by!
I deserted the place
My head totally blank
All imaginations erased
My friend who are you?
What’s with the look?
Go ahead call Mary’s name!
Stranger across my way
Staring at my direction
Is it me or someone else?
A prince among the crowd
Tick tock says my heart!
Kneeling in front of God
Singing love and praises
Aren’t we called today
To love more and heal?
Gotcha! Peace be with you
Did I catch your eyes?
Or is this all about cash?
Not another bitter story
You smiled sweetly again
Tick tock says my heart
When it’s right, he’ll know
No questions will be asked
I claim what belongs to me
Shoo the wolves! Again
Tick tock says my heart
She was already broken when she found that place. Backward the time when a treacherous man almost tricked him to be enslaved in a rotten system whereby a stranger like her was taken for granted. She avowed not to trust his kind. Never!
Nonetheless, God saved her and brought her to a place where someone who mattered used to exist. She took the courage and they were connected again. Yet, though the right thing to do was hard, she unchained a part of her for she needed to survive on her own. When she thought she found a home, she was only judged by her clothes and shoes. Perhaps, regrets were there. She was not sorry and her tears were paid. People may judge her but not the Almighty. God never abandoned her. Never!
Exiled somewhere, she ought to labor for that was her sole purpose. She felt lonely and sad because she forgot to smile and laugh. She didn’t have a single friend left. When she found them, he missed someone in particular. She was terrible in singing but thanks to the music she could hear her voice long time buried. Of course, there was no pretending, she kept quiet because she didn’t know people. The opposite sex was not fond of her. She was not the sort that would catch their eyes. But she only desired to be happy and be comfortable in that one messy and stingy cell. She wanted to listen to her laughter. She wanted to be a friend. However, she was not that sort who pretended to win people. Indeed, she was faking when she kept quiet and moved away because how much she wanted to join the conversation and poke at others. She wanted to laugh again. So tired of weeping over someone she wished never walked into her life.
At last she was out of her cocoon. She chose to be a friend. How delighted she was every time she was invited! He had no idea how her heart rejoiced when she joined his friends out. She didn’t mind to be one of the boys as long as she was happy. Of course, she was super delighted knowing that she accepted them despite of how funny she wore her clothes. Yeah, she was a pink girly-girl but she could blend and be a good friend. She showed him that she cared for he needed that… Yet, you couldn’t triumph over someone who only saw with his eyes not with the heart. Above all, he had no idea that she needed it the most for her to be officially over somebody that she used to know.
She loathe the drama! Come on exaggeration was for art’s sake. Great, she was writing again in her distorted style wherein the contexts were not it seemed. The reality of the matter was she used others to justify the past and proved herself wrong.
Thanks to him, she realized that what was there maybe unusual but it was not all her fault. She looked back (which was not good) to find herself in the party where she didn’t belong and in their eyes were unspoken truth. Love was truly complicated for both of them. It was a matter of mind conditioning, the past was in the past. Who was he? She didn’t remember anything at all.
She looked who was in front of her and observed him closely. He was not him! They were two different species. As for the other one, she obviously made a count and he shared to her those borrowed moments. This one, shut the door of friendship.
She wanted to be a friend. Always be the friend. I guess she turned out to be boring and it made her really sad. She told her teenage self, “popularity won’t last and the invitations soon no more.” She cried because she missed her old self. She never expected to age as boring and her smiles would fade. She heard them but they didn’t want her in. No more invitations because of gender discrimination. She was nothing but one worthless girl. She could act like a boy too. What was the point? She drifted into her songs. She would never talk again. She learned to keep quiet. Selective mutism.
My day is complete
2012/10/08
Published
At the top of the hill, his empire stands constructed with his pride. There’s a room reserved for her queen. Picture perfect indeed!!! Yet, does perfection truly exists? Have you check your mirror lately? Don’t flatter yourself!
The man at the top of the hill will never look down and he doesn’t want to be a friend. Not because he finds love, he can toss others away. After all, you don’t know what you lose until it’s gone. If the criteria is based on age, race, height and weight; then, it’s a superficial world. There’s nothing to look forward when the faces you see are untrue.
Will I climb up to find him??? Should I come when I am uninvited??? Not moving and keeping my silence. I am made of stone, a girl who writes and draws. Indeed, for you being different is weird. Hilarious, laugh out loud… Laugh until the table turns and the joke is on you. If you’re so certain, good for you and all the best. Calamities come and who knows what will happen to you??? You’ll surely won’t find me because I am already gone when you found me. You just think so much… Then, think again…. It’s a mystery what’s really in my heart!
My friend asked, “why are you looking up?”
“I am staring at the man on the top of the hill awaiting for him to go down,” I replied with a dry smile.
My friend gave me a slap. “Are you sure? Wake up!!! You must be out of your mind. Do you think you can force yourself into something just to runaway from what there was yesterday? You don’t need a man to complete you. You’re always happy being yourself. Be grateful with your skills and always have a good heart. Don’t get tired of being kind and don’t give up on your faith. You were seen and always loved but you made the choice to go forth alone because you wouldn’t trade dreams and family for something that was not lasting. None of them had forgotten but they let you be because you chose your freedom. The man on the top of the hill is the fiction you made, a character in your story. You wanted him to exist even in your heart, you desired someone else. Don’t look up at someone who’ll never look down. Don’t hurt your neck, instead embrace yourself.”
I remembered… Somewhere in the past…
… He was searching for me while I was hiding from him. He tricked me to watch movies with him. We played the unusual games. Pop! I was gone!!! Five years after, he found me. But, I disappeared again.
… He was short of cash but he managed to make those long distance calls. I actually confused him…. Come on, it was nothing but holiday’s fling. When he thought that I was hurt and came for him, I was actually running away from another boy and called someone else.
…. His handwriting and grammar were off but his words were unbelievable. Rejecting him all over again but he just knew not to give up, which made the story complicated. However, I used him for the show and to insult others. Please, you must be insane to think I am head over heels for you!
….He sang sweetly but I am untrue. There were worlds that I created that meant not to clash. Come on, I know how to play with my cards. Of course, it was the most beautiful love story he shared, the two-in-one: a birthday and Valentines Day present. He said that I was born for him. Nope, I am made to live in my dreams.
… He played his guitar while waiting for me to reach home. His songs meant a lot, the boy with the sweetest smile. Nonetheless, I pushed him away because I cared with what people would say. I’d rather lose what I could have than to have what I didn’t intend to keep. I never mentioned to him, I was sending messages to his cousin and it was mean of me not to be interested for I judged him with his looks. And when he left, another cousin of his surprised me. That one was quite tough for he never gave up through the years. Then, the funniest part was when one of his cousin asked me for a dance. I complained aloud. He was a bit toxicated and I pissed him. So, he left me on the dance floor. I guess, the boy with the guitar came back but I am no longer home.
… There he was, the handsome boy on his bike. How many times we went out and watched movies before I vanished? I’m sorry, I didn’t welcome him home. I’m not ready for my father needed me more. I guess, I was tied to my standards and wouldn’t let go of the Dream Guy that I almost had. The risk I let go for I am a coward. I hated love and I didn’t want love. Yet, he was a true Prince Charming. He was very good-looking, a true scholar, successful engineer and the wealthiest of them all. I walked with him in my dream and he woke me up on the wedding day. I was there. I am not one of the guest and I am not his bride.
…. I said what I said because I wanted to get rid of him. He was the handsome and smart dude, every college girl desired. We never spoke or I chose not to talk anymore. He asked someone closest to me, how to get back someone he let go. Please, I am not interested. There he was and he found me. He tricked me into a date. Then, he asked and all I did was laugh. There would never be us and I kept to myself that I was seeing someone else. Years after, he found me again but there would never be us. What was erased wouldn’t be retrieved? We should not be sorry, we could only move forward.
I never tried so hard and they kept appearing, and he was the last of the good man I knew who cared. Before him was the door I slammed and I walked out. You think that I would look back!!! At least I said sorry before I lost the phone he gave me. Going back to the last, in his ride, he said I should not leave home. If I had known, I should listened…. I wouldn’t be here in the world of men who would not totally give a damn. If the one before was true, it was all deception and a game he presumed that he could win.
Then, I realized it was I who never went down from the mountain. I didn’t grab the chances because it was safe in my monastery.
How long will he stay at the top of the hill? The day will come when the sparrow fly with tears for that one special grain is already taken. It will look at the river and see his reflection. ‘What I have done?’ The story turns upside down.
Blasts thy music, care not with thy hearing!
Unexpectedly, I saw an old friend and I tickled the soul for the entire trip. Before I alighted, I said with a smile in my heart “I am the same.” No changing, take out the drama. Even the party lights are off, I am happy. I don’t have to be happy because of others. I am joyful because I owed that to myself. Are you done analyzing me? Quit presuming with what will take out my loneliness! I am not desperate of getting attached and go online or FB just to get one. I don’t feed my illusions and fantasies with deceptions and lies. I don’t give cash or invest for the show. I CARED. I SHARED. Not the drama queen and obsessed. Probably, a little bit weird but not insane and needy.
I don’t lose what I never had. I don’t have to call or send a message when response is extinct. I don’t have to run to someone who is never there. I will never talk if what’s inside won’t be heard. I won’t expect from anyone who can’t appreciate and see me at all. I will not bother with anyone who only push me away and won’t get what I really feel. No need returning to the first day for it actually has no significance anymore.
I don’t have amnesia. I just don’t know you at all. Whatever stored in the RAM of my CPU is totally erased with the disc of my will power. No need of trying so hard and pretend to be someone else when I can only be me. I can’t turn away from my beliefs, faith and values. I will never stop loving my family. I will forever value all the wonderful people I met in the highway as a moved forth in my journey of survival and finding my true purpose. I backup the files… However, with yours, no data left. I cleared the mess of my room. I saw the business card and the drawings. I kept and packed everything for nothing mattered at all. My system already reformatted getting rid of the bugs that caused my malfunction.
I am experiencing a lot emotional stress lately. Yet, in the tower of my isolation, I realized there are so many people who considered me as friend and willing to share their smiles and whatever they had with me. In their hearts, I made a count and they see me with their hearts. As I reboot to start all over again, I will make it through with those people who feel blessed of having me. Who are you? I don’t know you at all! YOU DON’T EXIST!!! Not at all…
I chose my silence
I respect your choice
I wanted to care
U pushed me away
I remained neutral
Though heartbreaking
No need to talk at all
Will you see me
Not only just a friend
But more than a woman?
Warming the cold nights
Shower and more kisses
Sharing not only food
What are your fantasies?
Am I naughty or nice?
Do you want to find out?
Shivering in the room
So cold, no one to hold
At the corner, I’m mute
Engulf with the music
Staring at you always
Not getting tired at all
In my silent mode
Drifting with u somewhere
There exists our heaven!
There was no response. No replies were always expected.
“How rude? This man is so rude! Can I scold him for you?” a young girl commented feeling disgusted and her friend agreed. She unpurposedly read the messages. It was an official business, the reason I passed her my phone. I smiled dryly and replied jokingly. I even playfully encouraged her, “go on, scold him for me and say you’re the rudest!”
“Are you sure? Mean it and I’ll send him the message!” the young girl eagerly said. I looked at her with my eyes saying ‘yes’ but I only shook my head.
I can’t change people from who they are for I can only be me. I don’t deceive others and play as the ‘victim’ to win and gain sympathy. I never failed to show that I care and you’re very special to me. If you make fun of my feelings and don’t see my worth, it’s who you are… I will never regret and feel bad with what I truly have inside for I can still see the beauty of the world even in the tiniest blessings. I don’t have to be vocal… I am expert in keeping quiet and hiding.
It’s alright even if the invitation isn’t for real and my excitement is instantly killed. I doubled check and the avoidance told me so. Apparently, despite it all, I am still generous and thoughtful. I don’t nag and scold. I only keep my words. I don’t want to repeat and repeat because one word is enough for a wise man. You can’t presume other’s response when you never asked.
Although I was upset, beating the Mecha God meant a lot to me. I was so happy as if I won the lottery. I sent messages. No reponse. Maybe, already asleep…. Morning came, the messages were read and delivered. And nothing was said.
So rude. In fact, the rudest. For some, values are only written on textbooks and posters, and taught in school. However, I still cherished mine even if others don’t give a damn.
I keep my promise and words because that’s all I am. Beneath the music, I can hear; and with all the gestures, I can read. I know the pity and the ridicules. No translations needed for I know what’s going on. Totally not clueless. Though unspoken, I can just read between the lines. I maybe born yesterday and my reading comprehension may not be superb, I get and simply know. I am not a nitwit!!! Laugh more…. Stupid may I appear… You don’t know I get it all the time!
Will I despise where I am now? Should I regret what I let go? I toil hard, be there for others and oftentimes forget myself. I care and always know. I don’t react and always pretend. I exist where rudeness is everywhere. I remain who I am, I want to be the fun girl I used to be… Thinking positive and loving life.
I will never care, just always giving expecting nothing in return. Don’t want to ask because I already know the answers. Trying to be funny??? U get it but still u always want to keep on hurting me….
Remember Joseph, Nile, Cornelio, Red, Moon, TK, Cube, Duck, Ring, Aladdin…. So many names in the past, forgotten heart… Time has passed, you can’t bring back what are lost. Mirror, mirror on the wall… They were true princes and knights, and they were just the fairest of them all! Yet, the dreamer left to travel afar only to keep on dreaming in the midst of hopelessness’ shore. Tears run dry. I am left with nothing but my faith. I may not see the photo in the phone, I don’t have to see what I already expected.
I will leave a mark and I am not the one who’ll feel sorry. I don’t lose for being me. I only get the prize from Heaven. I have to be tough and forever strong. When I’ll see them again, the star shining at the sky and dried leaves only falling on the ground. Will I can conquer the Dark Mecha God by my own? I am a noob and my units are not powerful enough… Nonetheless, the game doesn’t end for those who always pursue….
Lessons are learned and the clowns will be off the stage. The show isn’t over, Papa…. Only moving to another chapter, which the challenges are get tougher and people are getting meaner.
Friend? Are you? Who are really pretending? Is it me or you? Spare me your pity!!! I need no one’s mercy!!! I’m thankful to God for those friends who valued me. I still pray for the heartless, may God be there for him and let his heart perceives the true beauty skin deep.
4 am today. There’s always time… what do u know… I get the calls and I know the whispers…
Oops, lost track of the time!!! Late for farewell dinner. Sorry friends, I am stuck with my loneliness!!! Gotta go… Better late than never!!!
What goes around comes around…
Your pride and arrogance will be your defeat!
If I happened to be in the family, am I included? What I have done then when I was there to extend help and totally profit nothing?
My brother’s stupid moves are not my aunt’s, mother’s, brother’s and sister’s faults. Some of them stayed for loyalty, kindness and word of honor. How dare you to overlook what they have done??? How heartless are you for putting them down??? Don’t blame Don Juan for Don Pedro’s arrogance and sins. I am not in favor with what my brother did but it hurts me a lot if me and my family are included with whatever he was accused. It’s totally bias and illogical because none of us benefited a single cent out of it. He is imperfect but he is not evil! How about you who are stoning him with your foul words?
Laugh out loud now and I wish to hear you laughing the loudest at the end. What do you know, your pride maybe extinct tomorrow????
Viv d' Biggest Dreamer 