Autumn Friend

She was already broken when she found that place.  Backward the time when a treacherous man almost tricked him to be enslaved in a rotten system whereby a stranger like her was taken for granted.  She avowed not to trust his kind.  Never!  

Nonetheless, God saved her and brought her to a place where someone who mattered used to exist. She took the courage and they were connected again.  Yet, though the right thing to do was hard, she unchained a part of her for she needed to survive on her own.  When she thought she found a home, she was only judged by her clothes and shoes.  Perhaps, regrets were there.  She was not sorry and her tears were paid.  People may judge her but not the Almighty.  God never abandoned her.  Never!  

Exiled somewhere, she ought to labor for that was her sole purpose.  She felt lonely and sad because she forgot to smile and laugh.  She didn’t have a single friend left.  When she found them, he missed someone in particular.  She was terrible in singing but thanks to the music she could hear her voice long time buried.  Of course, there was no pretending, she kept quiet because she didn’t know people.  The opposite sex was not fond of her.  She was not the sort that would catch their eyes.  But she only desired to be happy and be comfortable in that one messy and stingy cell.  She wanted to listen to her laughter.  She wanted to be a friend.  However, she was not that sort who pretended to win people.  Indeed, she was faking when she kept quiet and moved away because how much she wanted to join the conversation and poke at others.  She wanted to laugh again.  So tired of weeping over someone she wished never walked into her life.

At last she was out of her cocoon.  She  chose to be a friend.  How delighted she was every time she was invited!  He had no idea how her heart rejoiced when she joined his friends out.  She didn’t mind to be one of the boys as long as she was happy.  Of course, she was super delighted knowing that she accepted them despite of how funny she wore her clothes.  Yeah, she was a pink girly-girl but she could blend and be a good friend.  She showed him that she cared for he needed that… Yet, you couldn’t triumph over someone who only saw with his eyes not with the heart.  Above all, he had no idea that she needed it the most for her to be officially over somebody that she used to know.

She loathe the drama!  Come on exaggeration was for art’s sake.  Great, she was writing again in her distorted style wherein the contexts were not it seemed.   The reality of the matter was she used others to justify the past and proved herself wrong.

Thanks to him, she realized that what was there maybe unusual but it was not all her fault.  She looked back (which was not good) to find herself in the party where she didn’t belong and in their eyes were unspoken truth.  Love was truly complicated for both of them.  It was a matter of mind conditioning, the past was in the past.  Who was he? She didn’t remember anything at all.

She looked who was in front of her and observed him closely.  He was not him! They were two different species.  As for the other one, she obviously made a count and he shared to her those borrowed moments.  This one, shut the door of friendship.

She wanted to be a friend.  Always be the friend.  I guess she turned out to be boring and it made her really sad.  She told her teenage self, “popularity won’t last and the invitations soon no more.”  She cried because she missed her old self.  She never expected to age as boring and her smiles would fade.  She heard them but they didn’t want her in.  No more invitations because of gender discrimination.  She was nothing but one worthless girl.  She could act like a boy too.  What was the point?  She drifted into her songs.  She would never talk again.  She learned to keep quiet.  Selective mutism.

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