Dearest Little Me,
Today you must be home chattering with your imaginary friends while doodling the image of the man you wished to meet. Guess what, around three decades after, he still doesn’t come to life. Likewise, you’re skills in drawing will improve and it doesn’t matter if your artworks can’t move another’s heart. Your fairy godmother won’t give you a prince charming in reality. So, I won’t blame you if ever you’ll get exhausted of waiting for so long particularly when everything doesn’t make any sense at all. Once in a blue moon, you’ll switch off your brain because you’ll feel empty. Yet, the worst must be unveiled for in that way you’ll learn a lot more about growing up and surviving in life.
I know you very well, you’ll look at the stars talking to someone across the universe. When you’re young everything is possible but as your age is accumulated ‘impossible’ will be your favorite word. It will be a hell difficult road especially when Papa will not join you anymore for God will summon him to heaven so soon.
My chubby quiet girl, you know your country very well. You’ll memorize all historical facts and you’ll treat all national heroes like your bloodline. You’ll grow up to be radical and in your heart you want to make the difference. You’re aware of the country’s social issues and unselfishlessly you’ll take a part. Somehow there will be people whom you served and looked up who will later slaughter the patriot in you. What’s with being nationalistic when they’ve taken your pride? A holy man maybe a beast, a display of sheep’s clothing. And so you’ll leave even someone who used to care will say ‘stay’.
You’ll detest the boys who’ll disturb you and you won’t be flattered like other girls will usually feel. You’ll take all the acts as nuisance and jokes. Trust me, there will be times when even your male friends will confuse you. You’ll be hiding from one or two and you’ll scold them when they’ll have the courage to call. You’ll wish they’ll all perish. My girl, the genie heard your wish and many years forward it does come true. Then, you’ll stare at the lovers on the road wondering, ‘why am I alone?’ You’re the expert in letting go with what you can have because you’re afraid that ‘what if’ dreams will just turn into nightmares.
Remember the day you promised Papa that you’ll buy him a house? You will keep your word even Papa won’t dwell in that home of yours. It’s your place but no one will be waiting or accompany you back again. You’ll think what if you just let it be, a poor man’s wife whose earning is not more than ten dollars a day. Yet, you have someone who will enjoy the breakfast you’ll make, lunch to share and a dinner to laugh with. Probably you’ll make a lot of nice clothes and curtains like Mama did. In a faraway land, you’ll wake up so early preparing a breakfast for someone whom will never appreciate the meal you willingly share with love and care. Then, your thoughts will return to the first few months in high school when your heart exists in your imaginations. The last period of class before lunch with the teacher who sounds and looks like a goat (God bless his soul!). You’ll look outside the window and someone special catches your eyes. At that very moment, the world stops rotating and the music plays in your heart. Is it love or you’ll just love the idea of love in your youth? As you’ll pass through different phases of your life, how you’ll define love will change with time. Perhaps, it’s never your cup of tea because the love you’re aware of is, being there for your family and be the true servant of God.
Will people see with their hearts? You’ll meet a lot of friends and they love to hang around with you. Nonetheless, you have to perish in their lives because it’s so sad to hold back when everything won’t be the same. You want to accomplish something and find out what you’re looking for while moving forward on your own. All your friends don’t have any idea how much you miss them and love each one with all your heart. You don’t want to disappear, you just take the courage to fight the unbeatable foe in their absence as your allies. Good thing that you’ve been the greatest friend who will always stand for them because all laughter will echo no more. For as you go on with the quest, you’ll become nobody’s friend and you’ll sing even you can’t sing just to hear the sound of your voice.
Dearest little me, you’ll try your best to rewrite your story. However, no matter what you’ll do you can’t change a thing because you’re not the author of your life. God’s plan is not yours to understand. You have to live with it, have faith and trust Him. Well, this is too complex for your tender mind to comprehend and you have to grow up to learn how everything turn out. Little me, always remember to BE HAPPY all the time even everything turns rough. Then, whatever others will say and how they’ll judge you, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL because that’s who you are and God created you in His image. As what is said in your dreams, ‘the answer of your prayers are more than the wealth you’ll receive and there’s no need to seek for more richness”.
Your old self