The Man at the Top of the Hill

At the top of the hill, his empire stands constructed with his pride.  There’s a room reserved for her queen.  Picture perfect indeed!!! Yet, does perfection truly exists?   Have you check your mirror lately? Don’t flatter yourself! 

The man at the top of the hill will never look down and he doesn’t want to be a friend.  Not because he finds love, he can toss others away.  After all, you don’t know what you lose until it’s gone. If the criteria is based on age, race, height and weight; then, it’s a superficial world.  There’s nothing to look forward when the faces you see are untrue.

Will I climb up to find him??? Should I come when I am uninvited??? Not moving and keeping my silence.  I am made of stone, a girl who writes and draws.  Indeed, for you being different is weird.  Hilarious, laugh out loud… Laugh until the table turns and the joke is on you. If you’re so certain, good for you and all the best.  Calamities come and who knows what will happen to you??? You’ll surely won’t find me because I am already gone when you found me.   You just think so much… Then, think again…. It’s a mystery what’s really in my heart!

My friend asked, “why are you looking up?”  

“I am staring at the man on the top of the hill awaiting for him to go down,” I replied with a dry smile.

My friend gave me a slap. “Are you sure?  Wake up!!! You must be out of your mind.  Do you think you can force yourself into something just to runaway from what there was yesterday? You don’t need a man to complete you.  You’re always happy being yourself.  Be grateful with your skills and always have a good heart.  Don’t get tired of being kind and don’t give up on your faith.  You were seen and always loved but you made the choice to go forth alone because you wouldn’t trade dreams and family for something that was not lasting.  None of them had forgotten but they let you be because you chose your freedom.  The man on the top of the hill is the fiction you made, a character in your story.  You wanted him to exist even in your heart, you desired someone else. Don’t look up at someone who’ll never look down.  Don’t hurt your neck, instead embrace yourself.”

I remembered… Somewhere in the past…

He was searching for me while I was hiding from him.  He tricked me to watch movies with him.  We played the unusual games.  Pop! I was gone!!! Five years after, he found me.  But, I disappeared again.

… He was short of cash but he managed to make those long distance calls.  I actually confused him…. Come on, it was nothing but holiday’s fling.  When he thought that I was hurt and came for him, I was actually running away from another boy and called someone else. 

…. His handwriting and grammar were off but his words were unbelievable.  Rejecting him all over again but he just knew not to give up, which made the story complicated.  However, I used him for the show and to insult others. Please, you must be insane to think I am head over heels for you!

….He sang sweetly but I am untrue.  There were worlds that I created that meant not to clash.  Come on, I know how to play with my cards.  Of course, it was the most beautiful love story he shared, the two-in-one:  a birthday and Valentines Day present. He said that I was born for him.  Nope, I am made to live in my dreams.  

… He played his guitar while waiting for me to reach home.  His songs meant a lot, the boy with the sweetest smile.  Nonetheless, I pushed him away because I cared with what people would say.  I’d rather lose what I could have than to have what I didn’t intend to keep.  I never mentioned to him, I was sending messages to his cousin and it was mean of me not to be interested for I judged him with his looks.  And when he left, another cousin of his surprised me.  That one was quite tough for he never gave up through the years.  Then, the funniest part was when one of his cousin asked me for a dance.  I complained aloud.  He was a bit toxicated and I pissed him.  So, he left me on the dance floor.  I guess, the boy with the guitar came back but I am no longer home.

… There he was, the handsome boy on his bike.  How many times we went out and watched movies before I vanished?  I’m sorry, I didn’t welcome him home.  I’m not ready for my father needed me more.  I guess, I was tied to my standards and wouldn’t let go of the Dream Guy that I almost had.  The risk I let go for I am a coward.  I hated love and I didn’t want love.  Yet, he was a true Prince Charming. He was very good-looking, a true scholar, successful engineer and the wealthiest of them all.  I walked with him in my dream and he woke me up on the wedding day.  I was there.  I am not one of the guest and I am not his bride.

…. I said what I said because I wanted to get rid of him.  He was the handsome and smart dude, every college girl desired.  We never spoke or I chose not to talk anymore.  He asked someone closest to me, how to get back someone he let go.  Please, I am not interested.  There he was and he found me.  He tricked me into a date.  Then, he asked and all I did was laugh.  There would never be us and I kept to myself that I was seeing someone else.  Years after, he found me again but there would never be us.  What was erased wouldn’t be retrieved? We should not be sorry, we could only move forward.

I never tried so hard and they kept appearing, and he was the last of the good man I knew who cared.  Before him was the door I slammed and I walked out.  You think that I would look back!!! At least I said sorry before I lost the phone he gave me.  Going back to the last, in his ride, he said I should not leave home.  If I had known, I should listened…. I wouldn’t be here in the world of men who would not totally give a damn.   If the one before was true, it was all deception and a game he presumed that he could win.

Then, I realized it was I who never went down from the mountain.  I didn’t grab the chances because it was safe in my monastery.

How long will he stay at the top of the hill? The day will come when the sparrow fly with tears for that one special grain is already taken.  It will look at the river and see his reflection. ‘What I have done?’ The story turns upside down.


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