Black Pages

Holy Spirit! Lord of Light! From Your clear celestial height, Your pure beaming radiance give!

How will you see when you close your eyes?
How will you feel when you shut down your heart?

Distorted facts fed into her innocence
Age is a matter of number, what did she know?

Web of misjudgments, cruelty and lies
What would you expect from the sons of darkness?

A just woman and kinder spirit with sweet smiles
Benefit of the doubt, everyone is a friend

She thrived to be someone she was not
The question of the color of her flesh

In the black pages of her life written
The tears that no one bothered and    cared

There she was in a place she wished to belong
Only not welcomed, broken and left alone

On those black pages, you can read
Her swollen eyes and suffering in silence

How could you see the artworks filled with love
When she drew on black pages with black paint?

How could you read her sorrowful texts
When she scribbled on black pages with black ink?

Is the color of your skin, also the shade of your heart?
Though out of trend, her beauty is skin deep

In her black pages included other’s feast
Yet, in the darkest moments she found the light

She’s not the coward in those black pages
Her heart does not discriminate, do you?


edited by gen❤️😘

As it goes…

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Several days in hiding, concealing fears and loneliness

Letting the world see a smile that’s crying inside

Keep on fighting when to surrender is the best choice

Always believing despite the hopelessness of the situation

Always thankful for everyday’s blessings

When deep side longing for a miracle

Always chasing a dream that seems impossible

Creating beautiful creations with my hands

Painting someone whom I can’t hold

Someone who can’t see or feel me at all

Yet, as it goes, holding on to life’s surprises

No more Mermaid theories and false hopes

The ocean is so vast to explore…

As it goes, who says you’re only breaking apart

When there’s so much to live for in uncertainties?

As it goes, life goes on no matter how the wind blows

Your Light Next to Mine

I was distracted by a Prince Charming’s smile 

But my instincts proved my dreams to be lies

I couldn’t be swayed by a gigolo’s charms

Not trading my dignity for Hercules’ abs

My God will never give me what isn’t mine

I pray with all my heart everyday

Then, in a place and in that instant

I laid my candle trusting only Him

My prayers were uttered while my heart leaped 

God whispered and there you were

Standing beside me placing your light next to mine

I Pretend ❤️😌😘

Yes, I’m a great pretender

Pretending to be the one

Under the blue moon

On the isle filled of petals

Gazing at those eyes

Twinkling like the stars

Holding my cold hands

Figuring out crossroads

Thinking of me at night

Checking me out today

Pretending that you stared

Reality check: Wake me up!

You forgot my name

Never noticed as I came

Letting me passed by

Not a single word uttered

Let’s have coffee, shall we?

You are there, I know

Then, no more pretending 

Can I have you tonight?

Apologies for stealing the photograph

The castle touching the heavens

A prince wandering nowhere

Will you forgive my ignorance?

I didn’t mean to stare for awhile 

In your eyes, I’m lost in paradise 

Will you forgive my dreams?

Spare me a second, my heart begs

In the world I built in my mind,

Will you let me touch your lips?

Let me briefly hold your hand

Forgive me for this insanity 

Can I lend you from someone?

Can I have you tonight only in my head?

Kindness or Stupidity 

How many times you should forgive?  How many times you should understand?  No one is sorry and cared only with what I feel.  Are they aware of my feelings too?  Hey, it was hurting me more because I worked every penny I have and I cherished all my belongings. 

 I worked hard for my dreams.  No parents, relatives or siblings paid my school fees when I took another degree, and I paid my registration for the teaching board exam and also paid the review center with my own money.  I never owed anyone.  I worked hard for it.  I didn’t enroll for the major despite of the fact that I am not good in Mathematics because I couldn’t afford it.  In my mind, I must used what I only had and so I reviewed on my own.  I was even so thick skin to go to teacher’s school just to give me feedback for the mock test even if I didn’t pay him.  I reached my post-graduate studies and completed all units with all my cash. Then, I had to pay the dues at home and other stuff, also my brother’s college tuition fees.  A working student paying for a student.  Sounds ridiculous but I did that.

Nothing was left for me.  Not even my heart.  I tossed it away long time ago.  Will it ever feel after all the sacrifices I made for family and dreams?  I never thought of myself, always put others first.

I never complained but in stead I counted my blessings and very grateful to all the good people I met.  I used my skills and interests as my entertainment.  I invested money for what I loved.

I gave up what I had for other’s sake, believing it would generate profit to someone.  After finding out about the news, I lost my grip and my heart transformed into a stone.  Stupid me?  I should kept it where it was safe.  Am I kind? Am I just being stupid?  Always being fooled over and over again.  How can you trust those who lied?  Should people take responsibility with their lives?

My father was right when he read my palms.  According to his readings,  I am good in earning money but I would spend it all for family’s sake until nothing would be left for me.

It’s time to change what was written.  Choices were made.  They made theirs and I will make mine.  This time I am above my list.  I am my priority! Time has changed and circumstances give people no options.  And so, choices are made.  Should I be sorry?  Should you?

*(I can’t sleep coz of this… don’t know for how many days…)

Finding what I lost…

Tradition has it that when your younger sibling will marry before you, he or she should give tribute to you in terms of money or things.  If the younger sibling will fail to do so, the older sibling/s will be cursed and probably will end up to be forever alone.

Half a decade ago, my younger brother got married with his long time girlfriend.  Sadly, I missed that significant event not because I was bitter for him walking the isle before I did.  It was due to some financial issues and I had certain priorities then that stopped me from taking the flight and be in attendance for his special event.  My choice made others criticized me in so many hurtful words.  Nevertheless, they just had no idea what sacrifices I did for my family even up to this point of time.

Hence, my brother got married and I was not in the picture.   Nonetheless, I demanded what he owed me.  It may sounded selfish; yet, at that situation I had my reasons to ask what was rightfully mine.  Indeed, my brother bought me a pair of golden earrings.  I was happy when he surprised me with that jewelry.   I rejoiced not because the curse will be omitted, it was more than that.  It was the feeling of being forgiven and respected.  Then, just like any women of my age, a spark of hope and maybes were born within.  There was someone I considered by that time.  Yet, there were many things in life that wouldn’t work as planned.  Turning back, I placed myself in the worst situation that I never imagined to be involved.  As a result, a lot of boiling emotions were piling up.  Thus, my fears and pains questioned God’s plan. God only replied, ‘in My time’.

Patiently waiting and healing with time, I treasured those pair of earrings with all my heart.  After all the challenges I went through, my faith never faded and still remained optimistic despite my age.  I wore the earrings last Wednesday.  When I was about to clean my face, I noticed that my left ear had no earring on.  I briefly panicked.  Then, I silently spoke to the Almighty. ‘I will never cry again for what I lost because what matters most is what I am, who I’ll become and how I live my life.  My Lord, You have given me so much and no superstitions will ever stop Your plans.  I have nothing to fear because You walk with me in my loneliness’.  In my silence, I felt that everything will be fine and there’s no need to search high and low.  Besides, I journeyed so far from my working place to my house and there was no way for me to trace my footsteps.  Aside from that, I made some stopover to shop for what to wear for next day’s corporate picture-taking.  The probability of finding it was very slim.  Likewise, it didn’t matter, at least I still have the other one.

The next day, I woke forgetting about the other earring that I lost.  I am so occupied preparing myself for the picture-taking.  When I reached my working place, I immediately plugged in the cord of my hair straightener brush and suddenly I saw on my chair that other earring I lost.  What a surprise!  I didn’t lost it on the road but it only dropped at my office to where I am sitting.

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I had my answers.  You were right my Lord, when You spoke in my dreams that I don’t have to search for what I am looking for is only there all the time.  I may be unable to uncover the mystery of those words as of this point of my life.  Yet, I will always trust in Your words and plans for me and move forward while fulfilling Your plans.

You are pretty aware that I refused to lead because I’m so conscious with my accent, still You brought those children under my care.  When one of them didn’t show up during our important event, I did the impossible and prayed silently to find that girl.  I told You that this must what the Good Shepherd felt when one sheep was lost.  Miracle did happen, I was able to find her and the mother even brought us food.  Who would ever thought that one of them has the desire to serve you?  Perhaps, what I said to those kids came from the Holy Spirit and it had impact on them.

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Photo credit: Daniel Seah, Chuch  of St Vincent de Paul’s First Holy Communion last Saturday (19 June 2017)

Does it matter if I made this choice to be where I am now?  I always know that God put me in the situation which I can manage where I can serve my purpose and possess that contentment in my heart.  Romantic love’s offer may come and go.  I did take those chances and broke my heart several times.  Yes, there were so many stages in my life when those failures weakened me and I drowned to the belief of hopelessness.  Nonetheless, You never gave up on me and You brought me here instead.  Now, this journey taught me that it’s not about the love I lost but it’s about the faith and courage I found within that truly matter in my existence.  I lived and failed countless of times; however, I remain standing still no matter how strong the wind blows.  I survive it all and found ‘who I am’ in the process.


🙏🏻God’s Answer to the Fool’s Prayer

With anger, envy and pride, the fool prayed:

“My God, up in the clouds with the angels and cherubs

Shower me with gold so that in poverty I can esape

Though I don’t sweat at all, grant me the wealth I deserve

In nothingness I suffer, in emptiness I weep all day

Am I equal to my brothers, you owe me what they have?

My desire is for greatness only to stroll empty-handed

Where is justice, my Lord when others have it all?

Lend me the titan’s strength so I can crush my foes

Breaking their bones for their lives are meaningless 

God please listen to my pleas and answer me!” 


God always listen and to the fool He answered:

“My child, above the clouds I behold you on earth

Please take note there’s no gold factory in heaven

Material wealth is gained by ceasing opportunities

Yet, what matters most is what’s within your heart

You and your brothers are created in my image

My child use the talents I gave you and excel

I, your God is just and my blessings are for all

Oh, my child! Have courage, be humble and forgive 

Don’t be a demigod, cherished all my creations!

I, your God always listen.  How about you, my child?”


Boldness and determination

Falling through and brokenness 

An obsession with tragic finale

Wrong choices, grave sins

Thunderstorms addiction

A taste of bitter cotton candy


For when you fall, you arise

Climbing the mystic mountains

Flying high towards victory 

Building wrecked kingdom anew

A fresh start, a new posting

Roses bloom on the 5th of May

Challenges await but I CAN

Meeting others coz I’m over you

Goodbye, my old friend….

Sleep Less

The game of fate

War of the champs

No weakling’s place

One foot backward

Disappear all dreams

Strategies and schemes

Are you greater than God?

Pray hard and fast more

Don’t close your eyes

A blink is your misfortune 

What will you do to win?

Cheaters are widespread 

Indeed, I CAN for I CAN!

I believe in my wits

And I believe in God

God leads the right way

I am here for He wills it

His masterpiece is ME

What’s Behind the Door

I fear of tomorrow 

Scared of the ruins

Beneath my sorrows 

All dreams shattered 

The friends I let go

What’s behind the door?

Is it my misfortune?

Or the fate I detest?

What if behind the door…

Another adventure

A love worth it all!

A hope to hold by

The face of God waiting

Someone shut its door

Another will surely open

What do I know this bad luck

Maybe my lifesaver 

For the worst to come

Forgive Me, Lord coz I can’t Forgive

Will you forgive those who are not sorry?

Will you welcome those who condemn?

Will you choose to love those who loathe you?

Should I apologise for those who wrong me?

Yet, instead of hearing my request

It’s not all about my petitions

For You said “YES!” and Your yes means YES

Thank You for my friends and enemies too

My journey brought me to reconcile

I vow to You for You’re GREAT and I’m small

Thank You for allowing to be in peace

Thank You for opening Your doors

Thank You for loving me more…

God Rescues the Just

My brothers will surely laugh

They are right, aren’t they?

The ridicules and mocking 

Have they grown to appreciate?

Lord in loneliness and fear

It’s a solo fight, prince missing!

No mercy and compassion 

Yet, tonight you showed

Strangers aiding each other

Lost but someone led the way

Stranded, I shared what was mine

The devil told me, doors locked

No heavy rain stopped me

Thank you for letting me in

And I’m joyful to be in your feast

I am so grateful for today

The free food, smiles and friends

Truly you’ll make a way

Even my fears tell me there’s no way

You said today, My Lord Almighty

“You rescue the just from distress”

Thank you and Amen, my King!

Tomorrow will take care of itself


“Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.” (Except from Today’s Gospel: Matthew 6:24-34 – Eighth Sunday in Ordinary Time)

I pull it off yesterday despite of how tense I was and worried how everything would turn out.  I thought the kids wouldn’t allow me to lead them when we were in the Eucharistic Adoration room but with God’s intervention they obeyed and participated throughout the prayer.  I am grateful there were parents who joined me and kids.  I’m also grateful for my friends who were there to support me.  At the end of our group prayer, one parishioner approached me saying, ‘sister, your prayer is answered because I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit while you prayed’.   Thanks heaven for the assurance.

Today, I celebrated in East Coast my friend’s birthday.  I did try to use the roller blades but for now I don’t have the courage and confidence.  I’ll just give myself some time.  I love the food and I enjoyed the day!  


I was kicked out and boxes piled

Trashes and garbage in the bin

Unwanted or needed toss away!

Oops, did I accidentally let it be!

Baby, forgive me for it’s on me

Unintentional, my foolishness

Yet, how can I ever forget?

Apologies for my carelessness 

Never gave up for your return

When I was not looking 

Surprise! Surprise! Hey there!

I found what I thought I lost

Another Blessed Year

I’m alright with growing old because in each year God blessed me with countless gifts.

I don’t complain that I aged for each year, I accomplished many little things.

I am not ashame of my age because it’s just a number since what matter most are my good deeds.  

I am not afraid with what tomorrow will bring because God is just one call away.

I am happy to be happy because I made and will make more and more people happy with my commitment, dedication, hardwork, love and sincerity.

Thank you God for another year and for picking me up each time I fall!!! Thanks for all the people who cherished and value me❤😘❤

MacDonald’s Quarter pounder for my birthday!!!!

I will not wait for long…

That Moment U Slaughtered Me

That moment u slaughtered me, 

I exclamed ‘I will not teach again!’

I tossed my canvas and brushes

I felt so little of my being

All I composed were nothing

On my mirror, an ugly woman stood

I fell prey to devil’s advocate

Pretending to move forward 

Tried so hard and lost in tears

All you said ‘I’m good…’

You never checked on me

As if all I did meant nothing

That instant, I allowed you to kill me
I gave up but God never surrendered 

It maybe a point of no return

A lot of gold spilled ino the wind

Then, Jesus redeemed me from doom

He said, ‘It’s alright my child!’

He pulled me from the shadows

A lot were calling me ‘teacher!’

‘Job well done!’ they praised

Some said ‘I am the artist!’

Confidently beautiful under the sun

Behold, I can still write this!
Yes, I let you buried the knife

But God pulled it from my chest

You only killed me in that minute

In that instant, you crashed my world

Likewise, you are lesser than God

You had no power to take my skills

There’s always a rainbow after the rain

I forgive you and forgive myself too

You simply said, ‘I’m good’

Thanks God, I’m feeling great!

Always counting my blessings

Not looking back only moving forward

Don’t check on me for my hero is here

My extraordinary prince charming

No more knife but his armor and shield
Thank you very much for breaking my heart

Maybe it’s ME…

Sometimes you want to be not yourself and be someone else to get out from your comfort zone and to prove someone wrong…

Only to realize being who you’re not won’t make you happy at all but a sin with lessons learned. 

Despite of the blunders and downfalls of yesterday, there’s rising up and soaring high.

That feeling of something heavenly sent… God knows! God answers!  He always knows when—

Persevere in Prayer 

A mass was conducted nationwide for the catechists and I’m very blessed to received the blessings from my church’s priest.  Afterwards, was praise and worship with my friends in the ministry.  This year, I’ll take charge.  O Lord, with great powers come great responsibilities.  Let me be your voice and lead me.  Nothing is impossible in You.  My hope this year is for successful and fruitful year in love and in faith.

Nicole’s birthday!!! The whole event ended late.  So, I went straight to my friend’s place for dinner.

Moving On

Got the nerve to scold me after 4 years of earning some cash from me!!! Oh, she only gets the consequence of her lies and witchy-kind of attitude.

I packed 3 extra large boxes to be sent home and moved tons of things by myself.  Good thing the driver of the mover I procured was very helpful and didn’t ask for so much cash or overcharged.

Now, a peace of mind.  No one prying in my room, invading my privacy.  No wrong judgment and evil conclusions.  You didn’t get her nor me.  I felt sorry for you old fat bastard.  You’re nationality and money have no effect on us.  If only your spouse knew… 

Well, God has His plans and it’s for my benefit!  Thanks heaven for the free wifi. Movie marathon from morning till now!  I’m 101% grateful to move out from that controlling freaks’ rules.  I always miss and love my friend and the kind grandfather who once welcomed me in his home.  If grandpa is strong enough, he’ll surely shut the mouths of that couple from hell.

To My 👶 Baby

Baby, I cried today. My heart wanted to explode but I’m glad my friend was there for me.  It was upsetting to be judged as the rudest and most disorganized by a fellow Catholic.  Does they know the definition of being rude?  If they want to talk, why not call?  After all, all matters can be settled at home same as before.  What’s the need of sending so many messages when I was at the party? An elderly man threatening and scolding a young woman… from where I come from baby, all women should be treated equally with understanding and respect regardless of their status in life.  Baby, if you treat other women with disrespect then that’s how badly those who are close to you.  What you do to others what you do them to… What will you feel if others will treat anyone closer to you that way?

My baby, I controlled myself.  I told myself let the course of nature get into them.  I don’t know who is rude the one who is quick in judgement and scold with I own the world attitude?  I paid my rent on time.  If I am messy, it is because I dreamed to start a boutique for my sister and mother’s sake.  They have any idea that my sister left so many things?  I hope money can really make them happy…. Hope to remind them, they’re not getting younger anymore….

It’s Over, a New Chapter Begins 

I lied. I pretended.

I was selfish and mean

I did hurt someone 

God pulled me away

Yet, I wanted to return 

Only unwelcomed, unfriended

Insisting the desires

Belonging to another being

Insane and obsessed

I became who I am not

Running away in tears

Hoping to be rescued 

Pretending again

In isolation and hopelessness

The ridicules and sadness

No one rescued me

Drowning in my tears

Surprisingly, Jesus saves me!

The drama comes to an end

They are happy, aren’t they?

It’s over and it’s my turn now

There’s always hope for the living





A new chapter begins

This time is mine

I am the apple of ones eyes

Spotless Minds

You can delete what’s in the mind but not what’s in the heart ❤️ 

And to forget doesn’t mean you can’t absolutely remember since there are memories that linger within your heart.

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Minds” Love this movie over and over again… you can always take chances in love with no regrets😘😍

The Joke is Finally Over

Say goodbye Joker for your triumph had come to an end.  At last someone did kick your ass for real.  

After several episodes, Luffy won the fight versus Donquixote Doflamingo alias Joker.  Too bad Trafalgar Law was unable to beat him to avenge Corazon.  Well, Luffy did the job of for his sake and the rest of the Dressrosa’s residents.  Well, during this battle some Strawhats crews were missing such as Nami, Brook, Chopper and Sanji. 

See Me Not

Hmp! Little visions can’t behold my existence as I climbed to heavens.  Am I ignored for my I am vertically deprived? Choked and out of air!  For all the days I am dressing down, the unexpected happened.  Hey, did I actually exist!!!

The unflattering and insignificant scene of nothingness.  So, I continued my stroll and whatever brought a bird to another’s nest was none of my business. I am one solitary woman trapped in my cowardness, if only silence could speak.

I knew that I was there and never mattered.  Nonetheless, I am thankful to God that in the web of life I am not entangled to what isn’t.  God has His ways.  He has the master plan.  I pray and dream, trusting God always!

Thank you very much❤️ Looking great as always💪🏻❤️🏋🏻🏆💂🏻‍♀️

The Landlady 

She’s a witch in disguise
A mask of her fake smile
Offering you a place
Be warned for at night
She stirs the potion
To slowly steal your youth

She’s jealous of the maiden
For her man may not say it all
Actions speak louder than words
The admiration in his eyes
Kill her confidence inside
She’ll banished her and the pal
Swallow their beauties and youths
Wrinkled skin, dimmed her core

The landlady welcomes everyone
Don’t be deceived with her lies
She’ll take away your pride
Twisted story and allegations
The mobs will put you in fire
She plays her game pretty well

Every power has its weakness
No evil triumphs over goodness
Where’s the landlady, my prince?
‘Will you still be a landlady
When your man’s woman has it?’
‘Will you still be the landlady
When no one’s renting the space?’

The one once deprived with a home
Residing a mansion she can see
The perfect view from her window
In the loneliness of the asylum
Her laughter reaches her ears
And she responds in silent tears
The reflection of drying aging skin
Dear landlady, too much envy kills
Sickening the mind and heart
Accept and embrace your aging
Judge her not and let her be
Let the young, enjoy their youths!
Dear Lord, bless the landlady
For she lost not only her magic
But the ones she loved the most
Selfishess and obsessiveness
Brought her hell on earth!

Believe with All your Heart

The priest in his sermon said,’if you wanted it don’t give up on asking.  If you get tired or stopped, maybe actually needed it the least.’  Ask and it shall be given.  Knock and it will be opened.  Seek and it shall be found.  

Are you tired my friend??? I am not! How can one man saved the world?  It is through great faith and tremendous love.  Believe and it is yours.  The messages incribed in my dreams, not just the fruits of my slumber but the messages from God.  

The story of prophet Moses in ‘The Prince of Egypt’ is always my favourite Disney movie.  In addition, one of its soundtracks ‘When You Believe’ is my  all-time favourite song.  It’s not about the animation or the tune that made me hooked to them.  But it’s the deeper insights of the film and the inspirational messages of the song… For dreams are real and they do come true… when you believe with all your heart.

When it’s gone, it’s gone…

I took care for awhile but everything was not good enough! Were all my efforts wasted?  I did my best and dedicated my time.  Am I being unlucky? 

It was not about the outcome for what matter was I tried.

I can’t bring back what I lost because when it’s gone, it’s gone.  Instead of mourning over two dead stinky fishes, I look forward to something I know who’ll grow with me.  I’m going to get it!  I’m going to bring home the bacon!  I am the victor! I am going to get the crown 👑!!!!

Always want to put me into trouble…

If they have their happy endings, why put effort in making others’ lives difficult?

Mean people drown with your sins rejoice while you can still laugh

Round and round you go like a carousel… WATCH OUT!!!

Why make it a big deal? Little issue must spread to the whole world 

When others will do there best to put me into trouble 

I will look up high in heaven and close my eyes

‘Thank you, Lord for giving me a good heart.  Help me take care with it for everywhere there are people who want to destroy it.  Thank you for showing me your love through the goodness of your many children.’

The Magic of the Red String in the Little Red Dot Elmo Magalona and Janella Salvador “Born for You”

Some people make you believe that there’s someone out there and they can be there.  Likewise, all they considered are themselves and their interests.  And the next thing you’ll uncover, they’ll always want the women who can please their eyes and entertain them on bed.

Some people think, your traditional beliefs don’t suit the modern world for you’ll only get what you want using your head not your heart.  Then, your faith and miracles are childish and foolish.

Some people will tell you, use technology to get connected and surf in the cyber space to get the star. Been there and tried that…. But my heart tells me something else. 

If my dreams are words and messages from God, I am glad so because you’re always there.  God is connecting us and the magic of the red string will bring us to each other even in this tremendous galaxy… Somewhere in the red dot, our strings connected!

We’ll get there

Others say stop believing coz you’re too old😝 Just quit for there are no miracles😭😜 And some took faith as stupidity and a big joke😔😒😞😟

 This is my quest, I run my ship…

The sea isn’t out of fishes.  The right one might be with the wrong one. Just relax and sail smoothly.  In time, that certain fish will swim to the coral beneath my heart❤️❤️❤️

Live a happy life for tomorrow is a new day😇 Thank God for all the blessings🙏🏻❤️😘😍

I’m alright, Lord!

It’s the point in my life when I assured Jesus, ‘I’m alright, Lord!’  

The truth does not hurt anymore.  Should I thank and condemn Facebook?  No need for I can count my blessings rather than pinpoint which hurt the most.  I always grateful with what I have rather with what I don’t have for the moment.  God has His reasons.  I will never decipher Him but I’m living each day as a miracle.

In my mind I screamed, ‘I should be in that group!’  Another said, ‘transfer!’ But, my intuition told me to stay foot.  Yet, it’s a good thing that I didn’t for my group came first place. (Thanks to all the efforts of my colleagues) In that moment I realized, God always leads you to the best.  

Does the truth hurts? Nope, it taught me to see that life is always beautiful! I must go on living…

To my father above me

I should give you a treat today like I used to do.  Likewise, you left to heaven so soon. Is there a celebration in heaven too? Or just nearby same as yesterday.  Certainly you’ve seen me cry but let me be for every teardrops is the building block of my strength.  They judged me to be weak and disliked me for crying a lot.  However, beyond what they knew and understood Papa, I am stronger than any others closer to them.  FYI, I won’t commit suicide just because of a game.

Someday, you’ll meet my captain for he no longer resides in my dream.  Papa, my father for life. My prayers and love are always yours. 

I only want my Captain

captain america drawing

And they said, ‘grow up and quit on dreaming.’  I won’t stop and rather go on with this insanity than to make a choice of which I’ll surely regret. I may dream, love and have faith of a child, it doesn’t matter because I’m always GENuinely GEN…

I made series of blunders in my past and I let others took advantage with my innocence.  What am I? A hero or a survivor? Sometimes it’s so exhausting to be the one who provides and be there for others in need.  I don’t complain instead grateful for all God’s gifts and blessings.  Yet, what others see in me — not a beautiful creation but an opportunity or a joke.  I embraced my uniqueness and my queer ways for I am who I am.

If ever I’m going to feel it again and share myself once more, I want it to be with no one else but only with my Captain.  Perhaps, I’d rather keep on dreaming where he exists and always smile beautifully at me.  No hidden agenda and no lies.  His eyes see the beauty in me and appreciates my talents.

I am a victim of life’s circumstances and I need a hero to save me from drowning into the depths of my loneliness and sadness.

I want no other one.  I only want my Captain!

captain america drawing2

by Yeng Constantino “Ikaw”

Hi, future me…

captain gen

Welcome to the reality of existing where you dwell not according to your written texts but has the free will to become how the future unfolds.  Harsh and unfair, that’s how everything goes and it feels I am living someone else’s life surrounded by strangers. Perhaps, it’s my escape from the pains others bestowed upon me.  Yet, no matter how dark the shade I’m in, life is not monochromatic… Life is not limited to a single color.  It is not only dull and black but filled with plenty of rainbows.  Thus, live a colorful life!

Well, I watched the anime movie ‘Colorful’, the journey of a ‘lucky’ soul in Makoto Kobayashi’s body to later on uncover his greatest sin and who he really was when he was alive.  An animation that shows not only entertainment but the reality of how youngsters deal the difficult situations of our era.


Dear you,
Who’s reading this letter
Where are you and what are you doing now?

For me who’s 15 years old
There are seeds of worries I can’t tell anyone


If it’s a letter addressed to my future self,
Surely I can confide truly to myself

Now, it seems that I’m about to be defeated and cry
For someone who’s seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?
This one-and-only heart has been broken so many times
In the midst of this pain, I live the present

Dear you,
Thank you
I have something to tell the 15-year-old you

If you continue asking what and where you should be going
You’ll be able to see the answer

The rough seas of youth may be tough
But row your boat of dreams on
Towards the shores of tomorrow

Now, please don’t be defeated and please don’t shed a tear
During these times when you’re seemingly about to disappear

Just believe in your own voice
For me as an adult, there are sleepless nights when I’m hurt
But I’m living the bittersweet present

There’s meaning to everything in life
So build your dreams without fear
Keep on believing

Seems like I’m about to be defeated and cry
For someone who’s seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?

Please don’t be defeated and please don’t shed a tear
During these times when you’re seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice

No matter era we’re in
There’s no running away from sorrow
So show your smile, and go on living the present
Go on living the present

Dear you,
Who’s reading this letter
I wish you happiness

-lyrics from Tegami ~Haikei Juugo No Kimi E~ – Angela Aki, (ost, anime movie “Colorful”)

Colorful OST – Tegami Haikei Juugo No Kimi He

Beautiful Dreams to Trash

dream and reality

Today is the day, a tragedy!

 I wish to disappear again

If only I can hide in my sleep

Then, perish in my dreams 

Where I am the happiest 

My father’s smile was genuine

The voice was real and mine

Yet, in the horror of reality 

All by myself to survive

A nightmare with no escape

For others see me worthless
Somehow in a beautiful dream

In a memory and my world

I belonged and I am free to be me

Then, waking up to be the trash

Unappreciated and unimportant

Somehow, I’m always strong

One who never quits at all…

With a heart that’s always true…

O Captain! My Captain!

O Captain! My Captain! our fearful trip is done;

The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;

The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,

While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:

But O heart! heart! heart!

O the bleeding drops of red,

Where on the deck my Captain lies,

Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! My Captain! rise up and hear the bells;

Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;

For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

Here captain! dear father!

This arm beneath your head;

It is some dream that on the deck,

You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;

My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;

The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;

From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;

Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!

But I, with mournful tread,

Walk the deck my captain lies,

Fallen cold and dead.

“O Captain! My Captain!” is an extended metaphor poem written in 1865 by Walt Whitman, about the death of American president Abraham Lincoln.