Last Friday Night

cute green photos

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cute green photos3

What an exhausting evening! When I went home, I immediately hit the bed and didn’t even noticed my sister came home. I’m not supposed to be there but something came out not right. So, I had no choice but to be there.  On the other hand, staying was worthwhile, a quick chit-chat and meeting everyone again after a long time of not seeing each other. It was quite late when I went back but it was a Friday night filled with wonderful whom some used to be part of my yesterday. So, the evening was concluded with fun and I’m glad I stayed to catch with the kids I used to know. How time flies fast!!! They’re all grown up ready to explore a new beginning for their bright future. I’m happy with how they become and I am grateful to be part of their youths once in their lifetimes.
Before I started my day’s job, I found these photos and I remembered last Friday night. Damn, I was so tired that I forgot to add this in my post last week… (AMKSS Alumni Homecoming)

All the good things and luck are bound to happen to everyone!!!


by Katy Perry ‘Last Friday Night TGIF’

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My Hands are Tied

One child asked today, ‘what if we love someone and that person doesn’t know?’

‘Love is from God. If you grow to love that person, it must be God’s will for you to do so. Just continue loving that person and keep doing good,’ my friend’s reply.

First and foremost, I am given a bunch of children who were well-behaved as of the moment. Probably my voice was quite intimidating and kinda authoritative for those twenty-three kids to listen to me attentively. Lord Almighty, I pray that such behaviour will be maintained throughout the year.

I had a quick lunch for I needed to help my friend’s session for another friend couldn’t make it for she had to be away.

And so we spoke about love…

It’s true that I have a very rich imagination, which can make my spirit fly over the moon. Yet, that isn’t good enough because I have to live my reality wherein I love in secret and do everything in my power to maintain my silence. I chose to keep quiet because I respect his choices and feelings. This time, I won’t permit the devil in me to use anyone I cared as weapon against me.

Why do you choose the ones who is written in your heart? Perhaps, the heart wants what it wants because it listens to God’s voice. If I have a choice, I’ll choose a prince who is a true gentleman. Likewise, not all wishes do come true because God knows much better than the fairies.

My lips are sealed for I stumbled and stammered the words if I’ll speak the truth. My hands are tied for I can’t set myself free to let it be because I wish for his happiness even it isn’t me.

What is he like anyway? One thing for sure, he’s the most gorgeous of them all. He’s very skilful and talented. Absolutely, he is a young carefree spirit who travels the world to capture its beauty and for pleasure of course. He has nothing to worry in the world for he gets everything he wants. The truth of the matter, a number of them are into him. He has high standards that even God has difficulty of finding him a match. Yet, if he only listens and look closely, his heart won’t be wrong. In most instances, our minds will set all high standards to conform with what the society sets but it’s always the voice of the heart that can make any creation the happiest.

Love without expectations but always be true….

Does it matter if he doesn’t know? My hands are tied but whether he’s naughty or nice, I always say my prayers for him. Never fail on showing kindness and generosity in my ways. After all, it is the least that I can do for the one who is truly in my heart all this time.

Good night, gorgeous! I may not see you daily at least I have you in my dreams a and your attention is all mine.

After all, I trust my heart and won’t doubt in the Almighty Father who always bless and look after me all this time.

By Zac Efron, Zendaya – ‘Rewrite The Stars’ (from The Greatest Showman)

Can’t Hurry

I am oftentimes told that I’m so slow or I have zero confidence and courage. What can I do this is who I am? Honestly, I did try several times before. Yet, nothing works to my advantage only I am left behind with deep wounds. The important thing is I survived. As of now, I enjoy everything I do and always grateful with what I have.

Thank you for being who you are because in your ways you’ll always special❤️😘😍

I can’t say the words. I’ll just waltz with u all night long in my dreams where we’re both incredibly joyous with nothing matters at all. Well, nothing is impossible. God will find a way even it seems to have no way.

By The Supremes “You Can’t Hurry Love”

U are not looking…

How to write a poem as beautiful as you?

Your body is a wonderland, I can’t explore

Your thoughts wandering, I’ll never catch

Your smile is so magnificent, can it be mine?

***

How to compose a song as sweet as you?

Your lips so soft, I always wish for a kiss

Your arms so strong, hold me all day long

Your skin so smooth, just a little touch will do

***

How to make a love letter as special as you?

You are never awake or even barely there

Your heart in search of someone pleasing to the eyes

You are not looking, how can you see me?

***

How will I say that I truly and deeply care?

You never give me a chance to be heard

You only wish to listen and speak to others

My heart’s romantic whispers you ignored

***

How can I be there when you push me away?

How can I have the courage when you already chose her?

How can I share more when you walk faraway?

I am always here, you don’t know for you’re not looking

Wishing Today is Everyday

Who is the meanest among the meanest?

Possibly, he is whom above all the sweetest!

In his many ways, stand out as the greatest

Trembling inside, I’m just the weakest

How to be her? She’s truly the loveliest

Yet, God knows I can love him the best!

Hope tomorrow is the same as today

Spectrum of colours, not blue nor gray

All anxiousness suddenly fade away

Let romantic melodies forever play

We are all occupied but simply gay

‘Hey, gorgeous will you see me someday?’

I don’t mind where, always lead the way!😉☺️

Thursday the princess will be there

My heart will be crushed, so unfair!😔

Yet, she’s the one he wants to stare

Surely he’ll overjoy, out of despair!

Very motivated, floating in midair

His happiness isn’t mine to share!

Still in my silence, I will always care😍😘

Wishing today happens everyday

For he’s so inspired, full of energy

I hope that I’m the reason he smiles

For it brings my heart to million miles

Wishing today my secret I can tell

Well if I did, rejection will be my hell

It is never enough but all ends well!💝☺️❤️

By Loren Allred ‘ Never Enough’ (ost The Greatest Showman)

Do I have to say what you obviously know? Of course, you always look good. It’s true that I am shy, if I am not, you’ll surely be disgusted with this old hag eyeing on somebody likeyou.

Can U be My Gigolo?

Thank you for taunting me because I learned to appreciate all the good words and praises I received in the past and present. Thank you for saying that I gave you no motivation because you made me count in my head all the individuals I inspired and whom always look up to me. Thank you for putting me down because I embraced who I am more and grateful of my age.

Did it hurt to find out the truth that you like that pretty face? Not really because it was who I expected that you like. Honestly, I already had the hint even before you admitted so. Some pretty girls at times are snobbish with a little air of arrogance. Yet, most men will overlook all the negative qualities for they only care with the physical attributes pleasing to the eyes. You said that you want the ones within your age bracket, the pretty and sexy ones. Pray hard that the attitude won’t suck and the person will choose you too! I won’t qualify or suit your standards but none matters or hurt because in my lifetime I am fully aware that I have reached out to so many people regardless of who and what they are. I do things I did and will never get tired of doing, not for appreciation and recognition but because I maximised God’s gifts and I shared these willingly to others. For I believe that God sent me to where I am with a purpose. Thus, in all the things I do, I always put my heart and soul to it even how broken and tired. I won’t be her but at least I am always true, never planted hate or anger even if you’re mean all the times. Forever, I am generous, caring and thoughtful. For sure, she has never given you what I shared. Even those were inexpensive things and how bad was my handwriting, I gave out rooted from the heart. I hope one day you’ll see with your heart not with sight. Generally, I pray that values and morality won’t fade with time, and should still very important even with the millennials.

What’s with you today and the passed few days? Why try so hard to bring me down? You must be the Devil’s advocate for always throwing shades on me and oftentimes testing my patience. Undeniably, the devil did succeed in using you by stirring my emotions lately and recently. Nevertheless, not today and onwards for I won’t allow anyone anymore to be used in taking away my happiness. After what happened last week, I decided that enough was enough!

I confidently claimed my dreams and my answered prayers. I’ll continually love with all my heart, truthfully and unconditionally. You can say that it’s a joke. I hope you’ll recall how many times you rejected and pushed me away, and chose to ignore me all the times. I only respected your space and decision. I will never push myself to someone whose eyes are set to someone else. May the light from heaven, take you away from darkness of the world and open your eyes to what is real that has been in front of you all these time.

It’s true that I am not romantically involved with anyone. Thank you for the suggestion that I should get a gigolo. If that’s the case, I have a proposal. Can you be my gigolo? How much per hour? Then, I’ll pay you to accompany me for Valentine’s Day. Finally, I can go out watch movies, concerts or musicals because you are there for the pay. So, I can chill and experience again, the night life during TGIF and Saturday fever.

Can you be my gigolo? I’ll try my best to afford it. Does love nowadays have a price? Well, I believe that God won’t disappoint me and I am always blessed by him. What’s temporary isn’t meant to last. There are many instances that love comes in many disguises and only with those pure hearts can behold.

From now on, you are no longer the instrument of the devil but my motivation ( even if I am not to you). Even after all nasty things that you said, I found who I really am with no mask and there’s no stain of shame for being me. Since you only see what you want to see, and only guided by the needs of your flesh and material pleasures; you already missed out what being truly loved really meant.

Again, gorgeous, can you be my gigolo? Please….

The Boy Who Always Sleeps

Frequently seen with eyes closed

Oftentimes engaged in deep slumber

I need to implore his assistance

Should I bother while he’s asleep?

****

Oh, he must be dreaming of her!

Can it be me and not someone else?

Is there once, I crossed his thoughts?

Should I wake him up with a sweet kiss?

****

The boy who always sleeps somewhere

Under the sun, his fair skin glows

At close proximity, heard his snoring

Can he hear my heart whispering his name?

****

The boy who always sleeps can’t see

For he’s waltzing with her on the clouds

Faraway from my reach and can’t touch

He’s deaf to my words when I said, ‘I love u…’

****

What difference does it make at all?

Whether he’s wide awake or asleep

He only perceives her and not me

Am I trash and nobody for him? (Hope not!)

***

To the handsome boy who always sleeps

When someday you’ll finally wake up

Don’t be blinded with pride & vanity

Always see with your heart not with sight!

Random things on my bed while watching Bleach for I’m home bound because I’m not feeling well. I truly felt awful that I missed today’s event in the church. Perhaps, when my body ached, it was God’s indirect way of stating that I should give myself a break and just rest. I had a long and tedious week. But, now I’m absolutely fine. Praise God!

IF THIS WILL REACH U: ‘Gomennasai, Gorgeous!’

On my way home, I saw the crack shaped heart on the sidewalk.

Then, when I almost reached my house I stepped on a heart-shaped leaf on the old pavement.

Heart…heart… so many hearts! Similarly like love, it is everywhere that least seen by passers by for they’re rushing or so occupied with their thoughts. Undeniably, I am one of those but my eyes can still see beauty that the rest of the population will surely overlook. How about you will you bother to take a glimpse even for a split of seconds?

So, I recalled the incident today. I cried out loud because I felt that I started the flame that burned out the house of complex strangers. I don’t blame anyone except me! It made me feel that all my hard work and efforts were overthrown because I let my guard off and lost my cool. Just one wrong move, I tossed away everything I built up.

And so I have to eat the humble pie –Forgive me, gorgeous… How to say sorry when I was trying to accomplish my duties? How to say sorry when we both hurt our prides?

Gorgeous, gomennasai!

Once in awhile, I remind myself to fake my emotions at times and always try to impress others (specially you). Or hold back my tears to show people, ‘hey, I’m tough!’ For some, crying is a sign of weakness. But, it’s not in my case, I weep to let out all my negative emotions so that afterwards, I’ll be alright when I face the world again.

The truth, I never cried when my father passed away. People advised me during the wake to let my emotions out but I didn’t. I needed to be tough because my mother and sister kept on crying. I am never known to be a weakling like them. I had to be strong for everyone in my family at that point were very fragile. I pretended at that time, only to mourn until now. I should have cried everyday then, so that I would get tired and be numbed until it wouldn’t affect me at all. Thus, holding back my tears also restored the pain and fear of losing.

Henceforth, I learned to cry it out so that I’ll feel okey and forget which part really hurt so much. It doesn’t matter if people knew that I cried (including you). There’s no shame on it. I don’t pretend and will never try so hard to impress. Forgive me for being true to myself and did such drastic measure to show that ‘hello, I mean business!’

Hoping sorry is good enough because I AM REALLY MEAN TODAY! Btw, this isn’t hormonal. I did what I did because I was trying to send a message that I am committed to what I am doing and do the same. Trust me, I didn’t want to be the antagonist of your story. I maybe one evil witch today but I am still that princess who is waiting for just one kiss. Is a hug too much to ask?

I tried this before I left. It tasted absolutely good. I really and truly love it! What do u think, gorgeous? Thanks… See, Captain when it comes to him I just don’t eat my words, I even swallowed it whole! Don’t blame me, whatever he did, his gorgeousness won’t escape him. Why you have to be so gorgeous anyway!

Captain, I salute you! After a rough time, you just made my day. The good thing of being childish is that I am so shallow that I rejoice on little things even with this inexpensive One Piece anime card holder. Thanks Captain, because of you I already forgot whatever dramatic episode happened. Good thing that I cried a lot because now I don’t even remember what’s that all about.

Will I stop loving because with what upset me? Will I stop trying to care because he’ll see others except me? How can he possibly even like me when my being true overshadowed the goodness of my heart?

Love doesn’t bring anyone to paradise and happy ending. It is a hell ride of challenges and mix emotions. Nonetheless, you are with someone whom you can be true to yourself with no pretentious and someone whom you’re willing to forgive over and over again.

One day, you’ll realise that love is more than appearance or what money can buy… it isn’t found in age or someone aligned to your standards.., it is actually in someone whom you choose to ignore.

Can you see me? Gorgeous, forgive me… hope you know… One of the words I learned from my Captain, “gomennasai”

Whoever you are, gomennasai… again and again!

Wet Orange

Gorgeous, you were right I was mean — the meanest! My apologies for being judgmental and quick to jump into conclusions. What do I know anyway?

Today is no different from the other days that passed. The teasing and ridicules are already part of our norms. You gave a nasty side comment about my orange retro getup, which annoyed me for a few seconds. Afterwards, I was fine with no hate rooting in my heart. Probably I have accepted who and what you are…

I don’t know, it’s not my business to explain. All I can say, today I am just happy. I am happy seeing all the variety of expressions on your face. I am joyful because we co-exist in the same dimension of which never was the choice we made. Is it funny to be there when all we wanted is to be somewhere with the people whom we considered as our ideals? Haha. At times, the jokes are on us. I am happy because I can see the happiness glowing from your eyes.

I conceal the truth for you will never believe me anyway. Will you ever take me seriously? Of course not, I’d rather keep things this way and let’s wait and see.

Was it you in my ride while it rained so hard? What a brief glimpse of you but I will never forget that beautiful smile! Should I despise something that makes me happy? Our journey together is short and not easy. So, why make a fuss and complain. Let’s just enjoy the ride. Someday you’ll find it in your heart that what really matter the most isn’t in brand names or expensive goods or trendy gadgets… for what truly matters is priceless that no money can buy.

I went home with my pair of wet orange high-heels shoes on. Before I reached my place, I danced and sang on my way with a big smile on my face. Despite how tired, I still have the energy to do my unfinished tasks. Thanks for making me alive!!! 😘 XOXO

You don’t have to understand what you can’t comprehend. Just be you, always gorgeous!!! Keep smiling, gorgeous!!!

Sinking

What makes an artist an artist? Is it about brilliance and expertise? For me being an artist is to see the beauty in every little things all over us that most ordinary people won’t bother looking.

What makes you who you are? Do you only see with your eyes? Are you sure you didn’t miss the one heart that is always genuine and true? Do I have to flatter when I can speak the truth and I always do my best to see the beauty in all subjects and beings? Can you tell who is who? Can you distinguish which is which? Don’t look with your eyes for you’re bound to be deceived.This unfinished artwork using coloured pencils was inspired from a memory I had yesterday. Last Friday, no matter how I tried the junks experienced last week (starting with my badly coloured hair) swallowed my being that I overlooked my Jesus-moments.

I couldn’t even finish what I was doing and the cute boys from BTS couldn’t inspire me anymore. On my way home, while I was in the bus I couldn’t even sleep, I passed by a forested area. Eventually a bird on top of a dead tree caught my attention. It reminded me that at times we feel dead inside surrounded by people who seemed or pretending to be in high spirits. Nonetheless, no matter how we isolated ourselves, there a people who appreciate our beauty like that bird on the top of a dead tree. We can never be alone or unseen no matter how unfair others are. All we need to do is to listen and appreciate those people around us who acknowledge and recognise our contributions and worth as one of God’s children.

This afternoon was the launch of Catechism 2018. One brother shared that most of the times we are like Peter whose faith is sometimes not there in impossible situations. When Jesus told Peter to walk in the water he probably didn’t believe that he could and it was even possible. Thus, he sank and the painting below was Peter’s perspective of how he saw Jesus helping him from drowning.

Most of the times, it’s difficult to maintain our faith. But always bear in mind that it is not some theory or a make believe story, it is real and true. Jesus never left any of us. He is always there to save us from any circumstances when we feel like hope is gone and we’re sinking. Just allow Jesus to save you in the waters of ambiguity and emptiness.

A photo with Singapore’s Archbishop William Goh. According to his grace, keep falling in love with Jesus and be moved with His love to inspire others. Walk the talk is not easy but I will not quit on trying and continuously do my best in doing so.

INTO the COLD Again and Again

I don’t love

I don’t cry

I don’t hate

I don’t feel

NOTHING left

No hurt

No pain

It’s safe

I’m numb

This is me

Back again

Into the COLD

Frozen as ice

Do I know you?

Sorry I forgot

Some stranger

Some name

The worst

Some beast

So horrible

I am the prey

Want gold?

I’ll get more

I am a fool

Be careful

Sweaty hands

Chilly day

I don’t care

I don’t recall

I’m not kind

I’m not sorry

The hurricane

The storm

I survived

Brought me back

Into the cold again

You want this?

I’m out of your life

For good, for real

I’m back again

Into the cold

Where you used

To find this bitch….

Published on: Oct 17, 2012 @ 13:22

When she was there…

When the butterfly flirted with the flower…

my heart sank unable to comprehend what I abruptly felt. 😐😔😣☹️😖😠

Next, I was caught in confusion, the reason my heart suddenly lost its vibrance and became gloomy out of nowhere. It was expected of him to obviously go for someone like her. Nonetheless, I just couldn’t explain why my hands felt so cold to the max.

Drifting out of the scene, I wanted to be all by myself while looping the song ‘When It Falls Down’ by Alan Walker and Noah Cyrus. I always bear in mind to fulfil my duties first and not be distracted with that unknown and indescribable feeling within. I only wished that I could just fall asleep in that instant because in my dreams there’s only the two of us in paradise, and she’s out of the picture.

Honestly, it was nobody’s fault that I couldn’t fake my feelings or just pretend to be alright. I didn’t know what I truly felt inside, it’s just too complicated and difficult to define and explain.

Nope, no tears! I have all reasons to be gleeful. Yet, no matter how I cheered myself when I recalled his looks in her presence I was pushed away. Then, I was nothing but a non-existent shadow. He smiled beautifully at her, and the sparkles in his eyes were like ten thousand blades stabbing my heart a million times. Worst of all, what can I offer with this ugly and badly coloured haircut of mine?

She was everything and his type: young, petite, tall, smart, pretty and everyone goes for someone her race (but not me)… And that’s it, all I can say that I am imperfect and so much older with a heart blessed by God. Always thankful for the little blessings and all the gifts God has bestowed upon me. Reaching this age is what I considered as a miracle and never an embarrassment for there were so many who were unable to make it this far.

Honestly, lame as it may sounds, I prayed to be like the righteous woman described in the Holy Bible in the book of Songs. However, for this era, it doesn’t matter for it’s the reign of the bitches! The daring ones always get the man. Even if I’ll do the same, I don’t think it will work for me… If I’ll act like one, it will surely be an epic fail because I’m not good with such actions! It isn’t who I am. Do I have to lie to myself and be someone I am not to deceive and get the guy? What can I do? I only know how to kneel down and pray. I don’t know how to express my feelings verbally for all I can do is draw and write.

I am always the least liked and not even in the list, no matter how pure are my intentions and good is my heart. Never the priority or not even remembered, only the one who is quick to disappoint. Easy target of jokes and ridicules. Not even once seen as someone who is worth it all. Like everyone else, I am special too❤️😍

I didn’t want to omit my jolly disposition today. Somehow when she was there, a needle pricked my heart that caused my smiles to depart so soon. He should have known but he was so fixated with her presence that I was unseen. He’ll never find out what it was like to be in such situation nor interested of finding out the truth in my heart through my eyes.

https://youtu.be/oa58XivdUgY

By Toni Gonzaga ‘I’ve Fallen For You’

U Were Gone with No Goodbye

Yelling out for your name

There was a complete silence

Calling you again and again

Hearing the echo of my voice

The thunder frightened me

Outside raining cats and dogs

Its sound was so deafening

I whispered your name

Swallowing the pain within

What? I am all by myself?

What time did you disappear?

There was no farewell

You were gone just like that

You left without saying goodbye

My heart cried a little bit

Looking sadly at my phone

Why can’t I be courageous

To just dial or send an SMS?

What was with you anyway?

You perished like a bubble

Must be rushing to be with her😭💔

Hay! You should have known

I’m always here needing you

Loving you all this time, in my silence

This is for everyone, not for me…. Right, Nico Robin? What is not important to others truly matters to me? I don’t care if others will judge me for being childish! I like what I love and little things can make me happy! I keep my words and care even if others don’t!!! I hope everything that I did matter for my deeds came out of the goodness and purity of my heart.

A New Year for Us

Another day of the week and another month of the year

in the midst of all uncertainties, I have nothing to fear

For in my heart, I know you never left and always near

This time will be ours and I will hold you close, my dear

**** 

No more worries for tomorrow, we will find our ways again

The wounds already healed and there  is  no more pain

Always sunshine for together we’ll survive the heavy rain

A crowded journey in the imperfect ride with life’s train

**** 

Published on: Dec 31, 2011 @ 18:08

There were so many things that I went through that you just didn’t know… But, I made it through all by myself. I may never be her but I excelled and survived in my ways because God is my strength. If you’ll happen to read this, I am still and always admirable. No disappointments and heartaches were able to slaughter my confidence and good heart. I don’t wish anymore for our roads to cross again because someone out there deserves to be loved more…. someone who is brave enough to be mine. He sees with his heart and find me there.

7 years ago I wrote those lines, hoping to hold and be seen by someone whom used to be there. Likewise, there were choices we made in such complex situation. Even if those days were gone, I never lost hope to find what is really mine. No more borrowing this time!

My resolution this year, if given the chance to love someone special, I will no longer hesitate. Instead I will love with all that I am, a kind of love that doesn’t question but full of acceptance and understanding. I won’t try so hard or seek to be with someone in desperation despite of my age. A woman’s age shouldn’t lower her worth or value. Nonetheless, this should empower her because as anyone grows older experiences, insights and wisdom increase with time. Perhaps, it won’t be easy for me to make the first move. Whoever you are, gorgeous… all you have to do is asked and I’m all yours.

I trust God’s words “I am Your God. Thy will be done.” The message appeared and heard in my dream and you were there. It was engraved on the keychain that you insisted that I should find and always wanted to have. I am not the expert in dreams interpretation but in all my dreams you were who you are and never someone else.

Howdy, I’m the pub girl! Do you want a bucket of drinks? What’s happy hour again? (This bleached hair has so many labels)

not even a single minute I ever stopped

thinking of you and giving up loving you

heartily, tenderly, truthfully, sincerely and unconditionally

image source: http://hqwallpapersplus.com

new-years-eve-2013-5666313846390784-hpcute image via Google

New Year, New Hair Disaster!

It’s the time of the year when I really put an effort to change my hairstyle. Yet, I ended up with the worst hair ever. Well, it was language barrier at its finest! I requested for a bob cut and a lighter colour dye on my hair when I was at the salon. I was so relax watching animation movie on my phone. Then, to my dismay my hair was cut short with no layering and no style. My hair looked so thick and messy. To add up, the person who attended to me bleached my hair. I never had this colour in my entire life because it is not allowed in any of my working places ever since. When I saw my hair on the mirror, I really wanted to cry. I had teary eyes. I was so angry that I kept quiet. The person wasn’t that bad he discounted me with everything. However, the damage was done. I didn’t make a scene. I also felt guilty because he was trying his best to make me feel good. Yet, there was no undoing… I must face the music and be brave enough to face all criticisms. Gosh, I felt like someone who had a terrible breakup that I totally overhauled my hair to the extreme. I lost my image and identity!

When I was in the party at my friend’s place, a friend commented if I am going to audition for K-pop. One added that it looked like I had a doll’s hair. I was the subject of ridicule….

Then, when I went to my brother’s place, my Sister-in-law thought I was wearing a wig. My brother called me Dragon’s Ball Z Super saiyan or one of the trolls.

The worst that I feared is what will my boss will say. I expect scolding. What a day to start the New Year! Help me God coz I needed few days to change the colour of my hair.

Gorgeous, tell me when…

Hey gorgeous,

How can you sleep so tightly now when I can’t no matter what I do? Why your image won’t leave me and it keeps on haunting me even my eyes are shut?

Doing random stuff to put me to sleep. Hey, gorgeous. I must miss you so much that I cannot sleep. Can I booty call or message you out of nowhere? Why you’re so tough to reach? Will you stop subtracting and counting numbers? You make me so dumb that I don’t really know what matters the most❤️ All I know is I LOVE U MORE❤️💞💖😍

<<<<<<<

By Michael Buble feat. Nelly Furtado – “Quando Quando Quando”

You are Who You are…

meadow by gen

What are you waiting for?

I was asked several times

Indeed, patience is my virtue!

Can I hurry God’s time?

Should I be daring again?

Nope, I can’t be who I am not!

***

But you are who you are

Always not remembering

Not caring how it feels

When you sleep the longest

Wishing to wake you up

A quick kiss on your lips

***

Again you are who are

Not looking at me at all

Still keeping my words

Even if you’ll never will

Naughty and mean at times

I chose kindness above all!

***

Even you are who you are

God knows, I always care❤️☺️

Waiting here patiently

One day, you’ll stop counting

Open your heart and realize

Nothing really matters at all!

Can We Choose Who We Love?

Perhaps, love isn’t ours to define and it doesn’t have criteria nor standards. No matter how we escape or refuse it, love will always lead us to someone whom already etched in our hearts.

Old flick time and I chose to watch ‘The Reader”. At first, I felt it was gross and inappropriate for a 36 year old woman named Hanna Schmitz to have a relationship with an 15 year old boy named Michael Berg. Yet, the movie was more than the May-December affair of an older woman and younger man but about a different kind of genuine love which defies age and status, and also the circumstances surrounding them. Indeed, age doesn’t matter when it comes to love.

According to Michael Berg, ‘Only One Thing Can Make a Soul Complete and That Thing is LOVE’.

Hanna knew Michael is much younger and she never called him by his name. She referred him as ‘kid’. Michael, on the other hand, never said a word to anyone about his relationship with Hanna. During those times, the kind of relationship they shared was a taboo and unacceptable to the society. Michael’s denial only affected him as he aged and part of him still sought that kind of love he had for Hanna.

Perhaps, Hanna also couldn’t admit to herself that she loved someone way much younger than her. She was never opened with her feelings. However, the love they had inspired them to do what they could have done.

The movie taught me that doing something to someone you cherished isn’t a favour that person owed you. Likewise, it’s your gift to your soul that gives joy within because such love taught you courage, humility, generosity and being true to yourself. Love wears no masks, no pretending for it is being WHO YOU ARE AROUND THAT PERSON WHOM FATE BROUGHT FOR YOU TO LOVE.

Is love really our choice? Can we really choose who to love? There are times that I don’t know what to feel anymore and ashamed of what I really feel. Sometimes I suppressed my feelings and just be numbed…. like putting anaesthesia in my heart in your presence… Can I really choose not to love again and again? Will I be like Hanna? Why not let love be if you’ll let me love you more?

Can I have you tonight?

Apologies for stealing the photograph

The castle touching the heavens

A prince wandering nowhere

Will you forgive my ignorance?

I didn’t mean to stare for awhile

In your eyes, I’m lost in paradise

Will you forgive my dreams?

Spare me a second, my heart begs

In the world I built in my mind,

Will you let me touch your lips?

Let me briefly hold your hand

Forgive me for this insanity

Can I lend you from someone?

Can I have you tonight only in my head?

Same as Always, I Beg U…

Switching off my brain

Should I switch off too

This silent heart of mine?

What began as ordinary

Turned as disaster, my tragedy

Ought to be the random artist

The wannabe writer someday

Not in-charge with this mess!

***

Smart phones aren’t impressive

Making this generation dumber

Social media is all for vanity

Posts are altered or filtered

What are you trying to show?

Are we born to be unwise?

Can’t you judge who’s true?

Is everyone in your friends’ list

Or those who followed you

Are genuinely your real friends?

***

Move out, old school girl!

Old-fashioned ways are lamed

Being authentic isn’t the trend

Be fake like everyone else

Should I be when I can’t?

Is love a game of deception?

For me, love isn’t about the status

It’s acceptance of imperfections

It has no language nor figures

Love is unconditional and lasting

***

Same as always, I’m barely there

Same as always, the jokes on me

Same as always, I have duties

Same as always, my heart is quiet

Same as always, my lips are sealed

I beg you, see not with your sight

I beg you, please look deeper

I beg you, see with your heart!

I beg you, will you please see me?

Same as always I beg you, will u?

When I am seen as unattractive and fat, I see myself as God’s work of art for I am also God’s masterpiece, not only those pretty hot chicks you followed and like a lot!

When my day goes rough, I rewarded myself with my happy food (plus tons of junk foods) and Zumba no more… Forgive me Lord for my gluttony😩🙏🏻

By Imagine Dragon ‘THUNDER’

Sigh. When I can’t watch what I always wanted… it’s so weird to be in solo flight in concerts, movies and plays… I miss my sis, my friend and you-somebody-that-I-used-to-know… Haay. This is those moments when I wished to be with someone…

A Thousand Cranes for a Wish

What will you do to make a wish come true?

More than a year ago…

My friend told me, “make a thousand cranes to make your wish come true”. Seriously, who will do that? A thousand? Can it be a hundred? I was even struggling folding one to make an origami crane.

The Japanese Legend…

An ancient Japanese legend promises that anyone who folds a thousand origami cranes will be granted a wish by the gods. (Source: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_thousand_origami_cranes)

My Dream…

The setting was in my room, there were people looking for someone I knew. I was frustrated because I had no idea where he was. Then, I went outside but I forgot about him because I was distracted with the merrymaking. Suddenly, I remembered him and I was anxious. I ran barefooted and yelled his name even I was unheard. I shouted at the dark path and on top of a cliff until I reached my hometown. I continued running and still calling out his name loudly that I became very angry. There were men who called out for me but I never cared for my lips spoke only his name. I was clothed with dirt and the sound of his name coming out from my mouth made me extremely mad.

As I went on dashing, I passed by a church and I went to the prayer room. I saw the statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary. I was so angry that I forgot my prayers. However, all my dirt melted and became puddle of water in front of the statue. A lady told me, ‘you’re lucky for she listens to your prayers”. When I looked around flooded of faces were there, old and young praying to the Blessed Virgin. I sipped the water and it tasted like my tears. Then, inside there were pearls and the withered flower I offered slowly bloomed in front my eyes. I asked the Blessed Virgin, “If you truly listen to me, I beg you. Please, tell me where is he and lead me to him?” Suddenly, a paper appeared on my feet and it gently folded in front of me. There was no wind blowing but it flew like a paper crane. My younger siblings came and my youngest brother wanted to fly the crane. My sister told him to let me be. I ran off with the paper crane leaving them behind. My rage transformed into undefined gladness in my heart. I was rejoicing. I wasn’t running instead I leapt with joy. I screamed his name and echoed a beautiful melody. His name became music to my ears. The paper crane continued guiding me until I saw him in my phone. Then, it led me to a strange place and he was there. I saw him and he spoke to me saying the words that only my heart recalled and treasured. Nonetheless, I was trying to get out from the scene because I am fully aware that it was only a dream.

Aftermath, I was in sleep paralysis. The more I tried to wake up, I kept on returning into his arms.

My one thousand cranes…

The dream didn’t mean anything not until someone told me that God speaks in our dreams through symbols. During that time, I always prayed the rosary everyday in dedication to the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Eureka! As I reflected, it occurred to me that maybe the thousand cranes is more than a legend but it’s the attitude towards what you really want. The Japanese are known to be hardworking and committed people. See, they’ll even do everything for a single wish. How about me? Can I do the same? Thus, the process of folding the paper cranes signified my sincerity and commitment to what my heart truly desires. For me, Mama Mary wanted me to realise that a wish isn’t just a wish, it’s more than that…. it takes time, tons of patience and endurance, and requires efforts too. Above all, have faith and believe!

There were many times that I gave up on making the cranes. Likewise, there was a tiny voice within kept on pushing me to not let down the Blessed Virgin Mary. I finished folding a thousand cranes even before the target date that I set. I couldn’t hang them in my room because I am not allowed. So, I decided to make them small and put everything in a glass jar like collecting fireflies (which I always wanted to do as a little girl).

My 1,000 cranes taught me that nothing in this world is easy. Everything is complex and difficult but an authentic heart conquers it all despite of age and appearance. Aside from that, I proved that I am willing to do the impossible for the one I cherished with all my heart. It was alright to waste my time and money… anything for a wish… I already made it just on time for Christmas!

See! I created an art piece, my unique masterpiece! My Christmas wish is… Everyone in heaven knows!❤️❤️😍😍

Will you love it too? FYI, my dream also made me realised that your name is so beautiful and I just can’t detest it despite of the fact that I tried ignoring it for several times… over and over and over again…. Children love it too especially this season… Christmas isn’t your thing but it’s more than a festive holiday. It’s a birth of undying hope, unconditional love and eternal joy!

My chubby and cutie Nephew

How to say I love you…

past in the past

Did I really forget? Didn’t  I make this choice a decade ago?

Was it just another episode of a dream last night?

The voice from the past haunting me till now

Should I ran off then when the offer was there?

Could I trade my high heels and nice dresses for affection?

Should I abandoned my books  and paintbrushes for you?

Am I ready to dwell in a home which isn’t my dream house?

How could I explain to my friends or face my family?

Was my happiness connected to what would others say?

I made this choice and I chose not to believe then

For I thought, love was illusion and you were unreal

A made believe story of my youth and a poetry I composed

Last night, in my thoughts you waited for so long

Didn’t I always make you wait and hard to persuade?

From a distance you traveled into my thoughts

“Are you alright?” you asked (you always cared)

I bubbly and quickly replied ‘Yes’ and you were not convinced

Out of my thoughts, awakened alone on my bed

I asked repeatedly, ‘am I?’ in my dreams I did lie

If I given up what I have now for you, would it be heaven?

Blame me not, if I decided not to follow and I firmly stayed

I was young, carefree, confident and independent

My liberty was everything and I was a big dreamer

Forgive me if I never believed that you did care

Somehow I did matter and I am loved by you

I was confused, always a coward and uncertain

Did I say those words? Did I tell you I also cared?

Thank you for being so brave in loving me

I wish that I could be like you and be courageous in loving him too

I cared for you in my ways but I love him above all…

How did you do that? Teach me, how to let him know!

How to say I love you when the past is in the past?

How to say I love you when the present can’t see?


“Let It Go” by Idina Menzel ost Frozen

The Essence of Gratitude (Are You Thankful My Friend?)

20140713-160234-57754123.jpg9 July 2013 around 9 PM. I wrote below and this post was published privately. So, when I found it, I omitted some lines and published it publicly.

CAN I INVITE YOU TO CHEER YOU UP A LITTLE?

“Hello there!!! Don’t be pissed! Don’t be angry!!! Calm down. Feel the grasses on the ground. Relax and take life easily. Don’t let the pressure eat the serenity of your mind.

Hello there!!! It’s me again wishing you a good day. I tried so hard to make an audio invite to cheer you up but the recording was awful. My bad I couldn’t undo and decided not to send at all. If you have time, please do find time, can I invite you? Let’s have… whatever your heart’s desire …”

Take note, this is an edited version because the whole content was so cheesy for me to handle. Was it really my embarrassing composition? Anyway, I forgot what was the drama behind but it doesn’t matter anymore because I guess that person is happier now. I claimed my happiness too because I’m no longer stuck into that situation made for someone’s advantage and convenience.

By Ed Sheeran ‘Happier’

Perhaps, there were heartaches in the passed that blurred my sight in the present. It wasn’t fair that I connected someone from those who were already gone. Actually, I was grateful with what was humbly shared. Then, blame it to social media for I found a lot of things that ate the purity of my soul and slaughtered my jolly spirit. Thus, the innocence of the child within departed. So, my pride and hurt dominated that I lost sight of your efforts to extend good deeds. I am guilty as charged. My apologies. Gomen nasai (ごめんなさい)!!! I am sorry.

In this Christmas, I shared gifts and simple card to people whom I considered as parts of my life. Whether they are grateful or not, I hope that they’ll find in their hearts that I am heartily and truly thankful to all the things they’ve done and everything they shared with me. I am easy to please and I appreciated every little things anyone had done for me. I thank God for giving me the people whom I cherished with all my heart. In gratefulness, there’s peace within, a homage of contentment in all situations.

And to you… whoever you are…

Thank you gorgeous for walking into my life and for not knowing. Thank you for being who you are, which taught me to rejoice in silence and love in hiding.

I just continue believing in God for He makes complex situation simple. Whatever excuses we can think to runaway from this. God acknowledges no reasons, He extends His hands and gives us the greatest gift, which is love.❤️❤️❤️

Well, it’s true that I’m thoughtful and generous, and always think of others. On the other hand, I am not the expert in identifying which gifts to share. Is it alright? Do you like it? After all, it’s always the thought that counts. Isn’t it? I don’t know with you. Are you grateful my friend?

Excerpt from Pope Francis’ Christmas message:”The Christmas gift is you, when you are truly friend and brother of every human being. The Christmas card is you, when kindness is written in your hands. The Christmas greeting is you, when you forgive and reestablish peace, even when you suffer.” Thank God for you’re more than any gifts in this world. I’m thankful to be home alone for a week now because I am so bored that I made my own pasta recipe today mixed with all my leftovers. Actually, I ate it and tasted ‘magnifico!’ ( I love my own!)

7th day of Simbang Gabi at Church of Our Lady Star of the Sea in Yishun. The song of Mary, the Magnificat “my soul rejoices in the Lord”

Saudade (A nostalgic longing…

In our days, if we want to send a message to someone, it’s very simple: just send an email. In the 19th century, when the painter José Ferraz de Almeida Júnior (1850-1889) lived, however, letters were practically the only resource. If the sender in question was someone very dear, the letter ceased to have a simple informative or communicative aspect and began to have an emotional dimension, such as the lady’s case in this masterpiece: Saudade, produced in the last year of the artist’s life. Almeida Júnior was murdered by the husband of a woman with whom he had had an affair for several years. (from DailyArt by Rute Ferreira)

My SAUDADE moment…

Everyday I always have a dose of art and this masterpiece by Almeida Junior’s Saudade reminded ME of myself. When I saw it, I put on the shoes of the lady in the painting (reading my own handwriting for someone special).

Snail mails are obsolete nowadays but I still wrote a lot of letters to someone whose name spell and sound like yours. Did anyone tell you that it’s for you? Sorry, I’m so shy to pass my letters to the postman. No wonder you never received any. LOL.

Hopefully, one day you’ll read everything. At this point, I won’t be seeing you. Imagine, several days of being distant felt like forever. So, in my hibernation, I kept on sleeping at least you’re present in my dreams and I just kept on writing what I couldn’t say or send via SMS. Besides, what’s the point, you’re seeing a lot of hotties within the age range. Of course, they aren’t as lame as me who can only draw and write… Wait, I can be fun and wacky too! You just do know for you always sleep or refuse to see me right under your nose.

My God is fully aware that I am very shy when it comes to this! Thus, in this nostalgic longing, despite of the distance, the love inside won’t leave and it will always remain true. The priest said in today’s homily that the world needs authentic and virtuous people. Will the day will come when you’ll discover that I am indeed one in a million?

Hay, you just don’t know how much courage I needed to save and how many times I rehearsed in my head to do the things I did and said… Tsk, tsk, you just have no idea…

6th Simbang Gabi at the Church of Our Lady Star of the Sea in Yishun. The priest said if miracles could happen to Mary and Elizabeth, it can happen to anyone too for NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE IN GOD. Be brave my Friend because most of the time I am not coz you’re most of the time scary, self-centered and unpredictable.

Dance with me tonight, only in my dreams.

By Ed Sheeran “Dive”

My Beautiful Angel Baby

Several times, I wondered how come I ended with this insanity. Obviously you’re gorgeous, but it’s not about it. Reality check, we’re like from two different universe trapped in this complex world. I never wished to be here nor dreamt to lay eyes on someone like you.

Are we friends? Or we’re just one of those acquaintances. Behold, the girls you followed, they fit the age criteria and they have all the ticks in your physical beauty checklist. Hay, it’s true who am I compared to the girls you admire?

Why on earth it has to be you? You only care about them who are the likes of you; and above all, yourself. I’m not certain if you ever saw me or appreciated the things I did. Whether you bothered or not, I am always true and will continue doing all my deeds.

My beautiful angel baby, I saw you in my dreams and that was nothing new. Even in the realm of my sleep you pestered me but then you drifted in sadness. Suddenly, I found you in a soothing scene and you smiled so beautifully that I couldn’t take my eyes off you. It was one of those dreams when I wished not to wake up at all.

My beautiful angel baby, why am I falling? Maybe because you have your ways of getting into my nerves even if I tried my best to ignore you. Maybe because you can make me smile and I am being me around you. Maybe because you’re the fairest of them all. Maybe because I simply don’t know. I’m counting the reasons and explanations I could enumerate. Then, the more I think about it, the more I don’t know why. I TRULY DON’T KNOW. When I presumed that I’m too old for this… here I am another fool…

My beautiful angel baby, you don’t even remember me. In your too occupied schedule, I am nowhere to be found. Whatever!!! My beautiful angel baby, if and only if you stumbled upon this composition, do find it within you that I always hold you in my heart.

Performed by Miguel, featuring Natalia Lafourcade (ost Coco) ” Remember Me”

5th night of Simbang Gabi at Church of the Risen Christ in Toa Payoh

Always persevere in prayer for nothing is impossible in God similar to what happened to Zechariah and Elizabeth, the parents of John the Baptist.

Saw U First

Woke up late this morning. I was off to work unprepared, I left my place half asleep. When I was in my ride, I immediately dozed off. Out of impulse, I lazily opened my eyes to behold somebody whom I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want history to repeat itself and not that cold treatment again.

Even if I tried to vanish from the situation, still I couldn’t turn my back from being there. So, I caught myself with you in another ride. Eventually you were not that person before. I decided not to disrupt your music but you actually spoke at me. Could this be true? Was it really you? Thanks for being in that good mood for I am not treated as a stranger but someone you actually knew.

It was those moments when I whispered to myself to act normal. Warning my heart, ‘don’t jump and no leaping’. I was trying to feel the ground because for a brief instance I imagined myself floating on the clouds. Sometimes, I wanted to blame Ed Sheeran for feeding the nonsense in my head with his lyrics.

This evening, the priest said that the world is filled with cheaters and liars… He forgot to include the pretenders. Well, I am also no different. I am too a 3-in-1: a cheater, liar and pretender in situations (not the extreme!)

First, I am a cheater, cheating my feelings for I have no choice since there are responsibilities and obligations that I needed to carry out. Second, I am a liar, not telling the truth and concealing what lies beneath. What most people didn’t know, despite the way I dressed, I am actually timid when it’s about the love parade. The ones whom captivated my heart always scared me. Thus, I lie to myself that it’s alright to hide in my writings even if part of me wanted to scream and yell out ‘XOXO, you know I love you very much!!!’

Lastly, I am a great pretender. Pretending that I am not looking because I oftentimes see you everywhere in my head and even in my dreams. I was looking when you were not. Also pretending to keep distance even all the times your magnetic field is the hardest to resist. Pretending in many occasions because I valued your space and I respect your feelings too. Aside from that, whatever and whoever makes you happy, I am alright with that for I want to let you be.

Hey gorgeous, that was one sleepy cute smile! Nope, the cutest and sweetest I’ve seen for ages!

By Ed Sheeran ‘Thinking Out Loud’

Christmas is the time to share and spreading joy and love to others!

4th Day of Simbang Gabi at Church of St Anthony in Woodlands.

Be My Baby Now❤️

Indeed, I have a long day

And you have your way

Disrupting while I lay

Is this the price I pay?

Mary and Joseph, I pray

Please, I don’t want to play

Gorgeous, you’re so wow!

And to you, I always bow

Will you see me? How?

Oh, be my baby now!!!

Poor pussy cat crying ‘meow!’

Needing your caress somehow

3rd Simbang Gabi at Church of St Bernadette

By Ronettes ‘Be My Baby’

By Wonder Girls ‘Be My Baby’

By Ariana Grande featuring Cashmere Cat ‘Be My Baby’

Give me a little of yours…

Give me love like never before

‘Cause lately I’ve been craving more

And it’s been a while but I still feel the same

Maybe I should let you go

You know I’ll fight my corner

And that tonight I’ll call ya

After my blood is drowning in alcohol

No I just wanna hold ya

2nd day of Simbang Gabi in St Anne’s Church at Sengkang

By Ed Sheeran “Give me love”

Are you drank tonight? Do you remember me? Do you still know even outside the room? Are you surrounded with all those pretty hotties? Well, that’s your life… whatever makes you happy! I don’t have to interfere instead I stayed at home listening to Ed Sheeran’s playlist.

No make-up with pimples on my face.

Dancing in the Dark

Avowing to maintain my silence and stay in the cold for the rest of the day. Am I my self-made Snow Queen? Leave me alone, I chose to be isolated in the dark? And you were there again pestering me as usual. I ignored. I didn’t bother. I remained frozen.

You always had a way in dissolving the ice in me. Why on earth there was a free breakfast? How could I resist a tasty curry puff? Was it good enough? Blame it to Ed Sheeran and Andrea Bocelli’s collaboration! And so I gave in! Why I couldn’t be the Snow Queen even just today? I rehearsed it perfectly last night and I composed a lengthy writeup about my coldness drama. However, you ruined it with just a snap of your fingers plus that huge goofy smile of yours. How could I be stupid to be manipulated by you? See, your gorgeousness won over me again!

Then, you were back as usual and you had nothing to do with your life for you were so entertained in making a fool out of me. Yes, my phone is oily and so as my face! I didn’t bother with my looks because I wanted to live by the Snow Queen image of the I-don’t-care-what-you-think-of-me aura. Duh, it was expected you only judge people based on their appearance! So what? I see with my heart even if you don’t! And so there was she… did you spill the beans to a friend? It was nothing new for it was expected…

The lights were off but I was not in tears. Indeed, I am very far in terms of numbers but it was never a threat nor my insecurities. Alone in the room, I closed my eyes beholding you and me dancing in the dark… a dance you’ll never find out and the steps are my secret not yours to discover! Shall we dance???

Yeah, thanks a lot!!! But I am never eating those goodies!!! Nothing changes the fact that you disappointed me not just once and kinda not my cyber friend.

By Ed Sheeran with Andrea Bocelli ‘Perfect’

First Simbang Gabi in the Church of Christ the King at Ang Mo Kio.

So it hit me that this was the Blessed Mother Mary I saw in my dreams. Reminding me when a female elderly stranger approached me almost 4 years ago. She told me that she saw a radiant sparkling and colourful lights surrounding me while I was praying at the foot of thy Blessed Mother. The lady told me that I’m blessed with Mother Mary’s love and mercy. Then, in my dream recently, there was another lady who told me “you’re so lucky for Mother Mary always listens to your prayers”.

Steamboat in my friend’s place. What a tasty evening!

Christmas is here!

Cold as Ice: Me the Snow Queen

This is the day when I woke not wearing a big smile with all positivity. I didn’t prepare my clothing just randomly picked clothes from my closet. Thank you social media for telling me the truth. No worries, I’ll never use the platform anymore.

Of course, this is twice in a row. Those were favours that were easily given to others but never to me. How I despised my self for being generous, kind and understanding for others are not!!! The truth of the matter, others couldn’t say no to pretty faces but it was no big deal to disappoint me.

COLD. Very cold. I go to work only thinking of my responsibilities. I’m only there for the money. Isn’t it? So, I was the last one to go because I have duties to fulfil. I come to work TO ACTUALLY WORK. Nothing else and nothing more. I don’t want to feel anymore. Hey, don’t remind me that I’m old because I am fully aware!

I don’t want to be that girl anymore…

MY SELFLESSNESS… When I was young, I always saved my allowance to buy the things I liked. I never asked my parents for something extra. Probably, it was almost Christmas or my sister’s birthday by that time for I bought her a Barbie doll out of my so many months of savings. When I was fourteen, that amount was too much. My friends bought expensive shirt for themselves. On the other hand, I bought something for someone I cared. I always thought to share is bringing joy to others. Thus, it makes me gleeful too.

Nonetheless, I am such a fool of putting others’ happiness first before my own. Stupidity, right? People are naturally selfish because they don’t remember my deeds and they only care with what they want. Nobody cares if I cared or get hurt… How I detest that girl!!! Why spend for others that will never bother how it hurts to be disappointed?

Walking with a frozen heart and feeling cold as ice. There is no God who can hear and thy father already vanished for so long. It’s a solo flight and no one will fight my battles. I must continue earning because my purpose in this world is to work and work, and just profit from my labour. No one even notices or remembers me. I refused to feel and talk anymore. I am the new Snow Queen. I don’t know how to find joy in what I am doing. I will only do what is expected from me.

This Snow Queen doesn’t want to talk anymore. I want to do my responsibilities quietly. Speechless and cold as ice.

By Michael Jackson ‘Bad’

By Taylor Swift ‘Look What You Made Me Do’

OUCH! REJECTED!

OUCH!!!

SERIOUSLY! I hurt my ego… I’m just only one of the followers and so not meant to be followed… So, you followed who and who? I get it… the petite, fit, young and pretty!!! Oh, I forgot that this old fatso can only draw!!!

Actually, I wanted to start the proposed designs…

My Devil told me, ‘C’mon Gen, I am naturally evil but are you really that naive and stupid??? Can’t you see that no one can see and u will never matter whether you go to gym… Don’t ever attempt to lose weight at all! How much in all from ur pocket??? You do the Math!’

I wanted to get my sketch pad to draw the designs in mind before I digitalised. I looked at my speechless Angel. I stared at her eyes and I could tell that she agreed with the Devil.

Duh! Forget it! Miss FOLLOWER! Besides, no one ever did appreciate or like my drawings and designs…

OUCH again!!!!

Thanks anyway. It’s for everyone. Then, thanks. What else??? My throat hurts… coz I have to do my responsibilities. Reality check: the one who works the hardest is given the shortest term. Whatever! I still choose to do what is right!

OUCH again and again!!!

OUCH!!! That was fast!!! I was not supposed to say!!! What a quick rejection! Thanks bro for the tickets.

OUCH. OUCH. OUCH!!!

Why can’t I return to the days when there were no filters? Why the heck I didn’t see before? Now, that I’m starting to see… Welcome to this era whereby only looks matter. I only hope people see and remember with their hearts…

The little prince then returns to the fox to say goodbye. As they part, the fox tells him a secret: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” The little prince realizes that he is responsible for his rose. (Excerpt from the book ‘The Little Prince’ by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry)

It’s my fave part of that book. Yet, it has no effect to this generation for nowadays people only look with their eyes and never with their hearts.

The Stranger is my Midnight Lover

Forgetting all my heartaches

The deadly rage within takes a pause

A brief cinema in the world of my head

A soap opera of my unconsciousness

A drama created by my production

No scripts and no auditions required

Only the desires and longings of my heart

Perhaps, it is never a vision

Something beyond unreal

But the feeling brings me to heaven

***

The climax of the scene is bidding farewell

The lover in tears and refuses her to leave

So afraid that she won’t return and leave for good —

She hugs him tightly and explains with kisses

A romantic moment that she’ll always remember

She packs her luggage and flies  to her father’s land

Reuniting with old  friends but something is missing

Rekindling the joys of the past while her heart’s bleeding

She no longer belongs to the shadow of yesterday

She  wants  to share all tomorrows with him

***

It is time to claim her most precious gift

When she enters in the room, he’s no longer there

Is it too late? Why he must leave so soon?

She cries and runs fast towards the door

Then, he gently grabs her shaking hand

Her skin  feels really cold and her heart is alive

The magic of that minute creeps into her soul

He said, “You thought I won’t come

But I am always here waiting”

Together holding each others’ hand

Flying together at the spiral staircase

***

What an authentic joy in my dreams!

Hey, the sun is on duty now!

It’s time to move on and live

He’s no longer my midnight lover

But a nameless man standing  by the road

And whose heart will soon be mine!

(X.O.X.O…. You know i love you and always will… wake up now… X.O.X.O. Don’t you miss me?  X.O.X.O. We’ll find one another… someday… somehow… all over again… our confusions will be over… and it will be no longer just a dream.  X.O.X.O…. I love you so!)


by The Corrs “Only in my Dreams”

Published on 2 March 2012, 1.02PM

Rainy Days

Pouring rain outside

Side by side, are we not?

The coldness inside

Please hold me so tight!

You closed your eyes

I gazed admiringly at you

We’re arms length apart

If only I can move closer…

Rainy days in December

You and I in same room

Always miles away

Who’s surrendering?

A dream isn’t just a dream!

C’mon, don’t stop believing

Sun shines after the rain

Happiness after the pain

By Glee casts “Don’t Stop Believing”

(How I missed this old favourite song and show! RIP Cory Allan Michael Monteith aka Finn)

Not Today

I left all my belongings behind, all I wanted was to disappear. It rained cats and dogs but there was typhoon Yolanda within.

Not today. Of all the days in the week, just not today. Don’t be the instrument of the Devil in ruining my day. And so it happened, you’re the Devil’s minion and I forgot that Jesus was my Master. Thus, the Devil scored high today and he perfectly used you again and again.

Indeed, I left scorned weeping under the rain penniless. I sought refuge in the church. Perhaps, Father JJ heard me sobbing, so he probably included in his prayers.

When I reached home, I lit four candles for Papa while watching again Star Wars Episode 4. Supposedly, I wanted to speak my mind through my writings. I accidentally opened the group chat of my ex-students and realised an unread message. Let’s say, it was God’s doing because for the first time I finally said what I felt. Whether that person concerned took my words negatively, may God’s wisdom be with that person too. At least, I pulled that dagger out from my chest.

Sometimes we don’t choose to get hurt. However, there are things that happened beyond our control. One thing I learned today, when you draw closer to God and choose to follow Jesus, the Devil will use our weaknesses to manipulate the situation.

The Devil told me this lie today that only my Father could love me. Absolutely INCORRECT! Love comes in many forms and different people expresses love in their unique ways. One thing, I’m grateful that I’m glad that you don’t like and don’t care for God will answer me.

700 cranes to go!!!! Just like in my dream that origami brought me just to that right place with the Blessed Virgin’s guidance.

Remember When…

I always wondered if u can still feel my happiness and pain. Today was the day of my nightmare and disbelief. It was the moment of truth when I wished to disappear too. All my smiles were frozen and my dreams shattered… How I wished to delete this day on the calendar!!! This day never existed at all!!!

Papa can u hear me? Papa can u see me? Remember when u told me that u wanted to see me happy with someone else? I laughed and told you that who cared about others when you could be there (U knew too that they existed without me spilling the beans for some of them were so daring). Perhaps, I was certified Papa’s girl then. I only avowed to take good care of you until you aged. However, it never happened because you left so soon and forever you remained 50.

Nobody experienced the great pain that I felt because you were my everything. You were truly my avid fan who always sat in front on the stage witnessing every silly things that I used to put up. You always saw the brave and strong girl in me. Then, you always reminded me not to be sad because your sadness would be more. I was happy with no pretensions. I was so courageous that I caused people to lose what they had. I only cared with what I could achieved and not with the attachments. Indeed, I was so valiant that I feared no one and nothing else.

On this day, more than a decade had passed, you returned home inside a box cold as ice. I never cried. I refused for it wasn’t expected. You and God had no reasons to abandon and disappoint me. Not a single drop of tear at that moment. Aftermath, my tears were too shallow.

Fortunately, I was brought to places were I was well-accepted. Then, I managed to find a way to further my studies. I shouldered the family’s responsibilities left behind due to the expenses of ur medications. You should be proud of me, I was more than a Super Girl or Wonderwoman that time. Imagine, I managed to juggle everything. I paid my school fees and worked at same time. Not only that, I also paid some of the expenses at home and other dues. Despite the difficulties and head trauma caused by the vehicular accident, I still managed to get good grades better with I had when I took my degree. I even passed the licensure exam and finished the three-year post graduate studies’ academic requirements including passing the two days examinations. My professors were pleased with me, there were no lies and tricks. You were right, I could possibly get more if I didn’t slack or just charmed my way out in all situations.

Papa, you should meet those amazing people who could see the gem in me beneath my clothes and appearance. God blessed me with these precious individuals who are truly my inspirations and they also made me feel accepted and appreciated.

Remember what you told me in the bus. You said that it never mattered who, how and why for God blessed me with so many gifts that could make anyone proud. I guessed that I was not ready then, you were my world and it was difficult to let them in when I had those chances. Or maybe there were things not meant to happen because no forces in the universe brought any of us on same track again.

Well, there’s no need for telling because I bet you’ve witnessed the worst of them all. When I thought I could, I was only taken for granted, I was not the choice, and I was the object of ridicules and disrespect. In the midst of the sour and fake treatments, I remained true to myself, always grateful to my blessings, never count what I could share or give, and always do my responsibilities with no complaints. I still cherished our family, even there many times that I felt used. Above all, my faith never ceased amidst the storms. I pray each day that even my tears easily fall, I won’t give in to the lies of the Devil or lose my temper and say bad things to others.

Papa, I don’t know if the day you foretold would ever come. I don’t know if I could keep my promise to Lola. Nowadays, people are materialistic and trapped in the cyberspace. Maybe, I should finish my 1,000 cranes, and maybe that one old and long time ago Christmas wish will finally come true. It was what the fourteen year old me who used to wish on the stars. Now, that you’re with the stars Papa, wish the same thing for me too similar to what you say in my dreams.

I always made it a tradition that before I attended the mass or go to church, I always give a treat to my colleagues or friends to make me feel less sad. I guess that isn’t happening this time for people are just mean. Perhaps, today I am going to return with how it used to feel on that day. Of course, I will light a candle and go to church today. Hopefully, I can make it to the mass service.

By Barbara Streisand “Papa, Can You Hear Me?”

RIP Nico Robin. I was willing to give the amount…. If it were me, the price never mattered… How much did I give… can I sum up??? That made me extremely stupid! Being thoughtful and generous is equivalent to brainless, worthless and not counted…

Cry Baby: ‘the Saddest Girl Ever Existed’

Saddest girl she has to be
Salty tears stream down her cheek
Her heart’s bigger than her body
Her name is Cry Baby

cry babyWhat’s with the drama? Oops, nothing is wrong, I’m just bored.  In other words, I have nothing better to do with my life as of this moment (aside from sleeping and watching AHEMBsl8itfIcAEUk56, LOL).  By the way, I managed to make 149 cranes for my personal ‘1,000 Cranes Project’, which I aim to complete this month.

So, I was listening to songs I am addicted to last time and one of the artists whose music I enjoyed is Melanie Martinez.  I really love Melanie Martinez and her ‘Cry Baby’ album, all the songs are worth listening.  My favourite tracks are ‘Training Wheels’, ‘Cry Baby’, ‘Doll House’ and ‘Pity Party’.  I’ve been listening to the Cry Baby album since it was released in 2015.  Even until now, I am still watching the music videos because they’re creatively done and everything just captivates me.  The songs in the album are interrelated and there’s a story behind every track.  Melanie Martinez is not only an amazing singer and composer but a magnificent storyteller too! Kudos!

Sadly, true or not, it’s quite disappointing that Melanie Martinez is accused of sexually assaulting another female, Timothy Heller ( new artist and one of her best friends).

From Timothy Heller’s tweets:

Timothy Heller

Melanie Martinez’ response to the allegations:

Melanie Martinez response to Timothy Heller

Read more: http://www.independent.co.uk

By Melanie Matinez “Cry Baby”

Find out more: http://melaniemartinezmusic.com/crybaby/

My baby has finally arrived!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😍😍😍🎂😇😇😇🌈🌈🌈🌈🎉🎉🎉

And my Captain together with his crew are also here to join the fun! Got my friend Totoro freebie❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘

Upcoming: 1,000 Cranes Project (Work in Progress)

 

Wasting in my lonely tower

gen_collage1

“I was the one who had it all
I was the master of my fate
I never needed anybody in my life
I learned the truth too late”

***

I’m all by myself in the office today. I brought my speakers and fancy lamp to brighten the unlighted room. I’m free to do the things I wanted and I could dine inside (and no one would nag). Then, I was super vain that I took a lot of selfies. Not caring if I wore my old clothes today and I put heavy matte lipstick, ’22’ from Kylie’s lip kit. Well, it didn’t matter because no one was looking. Free as the birds outside my window but it rained on my way home, so there were no birds at all.

Well, there was a song that struck me, from the movie “Beauty and the Beast”. I feel like Beast right now, every lines of the song hit me to the core. I could relate to the lyrics and who would thought that I have feelings too. All this time, I already thought that I forgot how to feel and I could remain locked in my self-made tower and be isolated. Suddenly, there was something written… Things happened that I couldn’t control…

I’ll never shake away the pain
I close my eyes but he’s still there
I let him steal into my melancholy heart
It’s more than I can bear

Now I know he’ll never leave me
Even as he runs away
He will still torment me, calm me, hurt me
Move me, come what may

Wasting in my lonely tower
Waiting by an open door
I’ll fool myself he’ll walk right in
And be with me for evermore

I rage against the trials of love
I curse the fading of the light
Though he’s already flown so far beyond my reach
He’s never out of sight

Now I know he’ll never leave me
Even as he fades from view
He will still inspire me, be a part of
Everything I do

(lyrics from https://www.disneyclips.com/lyrics/evermore.html)

by Dan Stevens “Evermore” (Ost Beauty and the Beast)

1st Sunday of Advent with Friends

I had a good laugh, and I talked and ate a lot not caring if I’d put a lot of weight today. Who could resist Japanese cuisine? It was an early Christmas get together with my Holy Family Church pals. My friend commented I am one of the true individuals she met (NOT PLASTIC, NEVER!). She added that I am daringly dressed up outside but I am actually conservative inside. Oops, I agree to that and thanks to her for pointing out. By the way, I loved the grilled salmon that I even ate the fish’s eyeball. Gluttony!!! By the way, I failed the lipstick challenge! My lips too thick!

My cravings put me to sin. Nevertheless, I was all prepared, overly dressed as usual and expected. I always wanted to wear those boots for a long time. There’s no winter in Singapore but let’s pretend I came from another country. The lady in the church who sold me something couldn’t even recognise that we came from same roots.

The joke of the day that I playfully uttered to my friends (with all the get-up), ‘I’m a celebrity before who already quit showbiz’ LOL. My celebrity complex is getting to me again.

A quick stroll around Orchard Central and a bit of shopping. Gosh, so crowded! (Discovered a newly opened 24-hr Japanese store)

After the fun and yummy dining, I went to the mass at the Cathedral, Church of Good Shepherd. After mass, the Archbishop William Goh’s message about the significance of gift-giving during the season was played. I couldn’t remember his exact words but it sounded like ‘when you give people presents, you’re not doing them a favour but you’re giving yourself a chance to share your blessings for everything God has generously gave you’. In other words, you’re giving yourself a favour in doing so. It’s not only about the gifts but it’s the opportunity to make others feel that they’re important, appreciated and remembered.

Actually, I’m jotting down notes for what to give this Christmas. The essence of sharing for me is not receiving back but to spread love and happiness. The smiles that I will see on their faces are more than enough for me. I hope to give everyone at home presents like I used to do. After all, I am still the same, always thinking of others first before myself.

I am fully aware that my sister wouldn’t understand why I turned down her request to sponsor a Children’s party. I had nothing against it. I was the founder of it ever since I was a child. After all, I used to be the president of the community for almost a decade and I used to initiate everything. I just wanted her to understand that when I did it, I was not alone although my father was always been generous. I motivated others to do their roles too. It was a group effort. I may be the captain then but the ship sailed because each one did an integral part. I never lead to be known and praised, I was there because I wanted others to feel that they belonged and it was never a one-man show. I always knew how to share the stage and I never needed the spotlight to feel important and needed.

My words were unkind for I indirectly said that you can never share what you don’t have. Honestly, I didn’t mind giving but didn’t I give so much? All my life it was all about them and so little room for myself. Tough love isn’t easy because I knew I hurt her feelings but I should let it be so that I would allow her to grow and fly on her own, take responsibilities and be humble to reach out to others. Now, I am reminded what I used to do every time I organised every youth and children’s parties. I did those stuff since I was fourteen until I left home. Of course, I pulled everything because I was so thick-skinned and Papa was always my avid supporter.

Christmas is around the corner! Rejoice, my friend, if you a non-believer! God is everybody’s saviour so you’re never excluded from His list this season.

Tomorrow won’t be a drama although all by myself and no one remembers or think of me. It’s freedom day coz I can eat inside and blast the music without anyone complaining. I can wear anything maybe I can wear shorts with matching backless or halter! 😂😂😂😘❤️ I can bring my disco lights!!! One day of freedom!!! Deep inside, I will actually miss everyone especially special…

3 J’s

Spring cleaning today of our L3 cupboards and payer space for our Catechism session already ended this year. Afterwards, I had lunch with my fellow Catechists at Saizerya in Seletar Mall. Thanks for my friend for the lunch treat and it didn’t end there for we had another coffee, a treat by another friend at Ya Kun Family Cafe.

As we discussed our plans for next year’s Catechism L3 sessions, one of my friends shared about the 3 J’s.

What are my 3 J’s this week?

The first J is Joy. What made me happy this week? I was happy with the breakfast treat that my boss gave daily for this week. I’m delighted that I finished the digital painting and drawing that my team will give to our Principal for her retirement gift. I hope my friends like what I did. It will make me happier (I’m not sure if they did like the art pieces I made). Also today my friend told me that I was doing well in my session and she appreciated how I projected my voice. Then, my colleague mentioned that her son was in my class. Her son liked and looked forward for my class every week, and he even applied what he learned at home. All the while I thought there was something wrong with how I spoke and my accent would hinder me in delivering my lessons and sessions. I felt happy for the appreciations and praises.

THE 2ND J IS JUNK! JUNK!!! WHAT MADE ME FEEL AWFUL THIS WEEK? OBVIOUSLY THE STRANGER TREATMENT AND THE RUN AWAY (I THOUGHT AS) FRIEND. I felt the junk but not his… LOL! And so as part of the AVENGERS, my power was the music blast!!! Who’s the stranger now???? Then, I was obliged by my sibling to rush things, which I hated because I had initial plans. The worst part was the truth about my bracelet. God knows I worked hard for it and I treasured it with all my heart. O, Mama when will all the lies end?

The third J is Jesus. How did I choose to follow Jesus this week? I was not that angry but very very mad to the max that there were invisible smoke that came out from ears and nostrils. However, I didn’t let my anger swallow my goodness and draw me to isolation. I chose to forgive and be a friend. I didn’t count what I did or what I have done, or even tolerated. I chose humility over pride, and my position didn’t stick in my head. Thus, instead of hate, I spread kindness and shared. I even let the one who ruined my day chose what he liked and the price never mattered. It was not intentional. I just knew that the person was quite picky and particular. Then, this week were my sister and nephew’s birthdays and also shared with them my blessings so that they would have a good time in their respective celebrations. I pray to Jesus that my Mama will stop lying for others’ sake and just for once she’ll also consider my feelings. Above all, I spent my time wisely together with my friends in Christ. Next year, I’m looking forward to share my love for Christ to others and grow more in faith. Others think that I’m lame because of I cherished my family and faith with all my heart. No issue with me. Whatever they’ll say, I still do my best to remain in the light and pray everyday for God’s guidance so that I won’t lost my way again.

I maybe lame but tomorrow I’ll walk with my knee-high boots for a lunch out with my friends. It has been quite some time since I last wore it.

Too Old

Spark at the beginning

I like you ever since

You stir my emotions

Enjoying the fun 

Always a good laugh

I know, I’m too old

What’s the big deal?

Age doesn’t matter

For I just can’t help

Feeling this way

You’re too addictive

My happy pill

And stress relief

Forever be yours

One Piece avid fan

I should have not get the phone casings because I’m going to change my phone soon.  But when I saw them on sale, I forgot my plans.  Luffy and your crew, what have you done to me? LoL Can’t wait to go home and watch the latest episode…

Can’t Say

I don’t want to catch you in same bus again. Thus, I made a choice to come either very early or so late. It was not my intention to be there that day, it was merely a coincidence. Apparently my friendliness and cheerfulness received a cold response. It was so awkward to be there when I was treated as a stranger. Obviously, I was offended and the worst part was the quick dash, as if I had a disease or it was a shame to be seen with me. So, go ahead, run as fast as you could!

When I thought that I saw a friend, all I got was that disgusted stare, indirectly stating “move away” or “get lost”. So, who is made of plastic? I always chose kindness and be myself, and make others happy and be heard. Likewise, to be in that situation made me feel super-duper upset.

Hey, if you don’t know me, I don’t know you too! Move along, don’t lecture me if I blasted my music because I don’t listen to strangers. Forgetting something, I supposed to have the power… Isn’t it time to tell you who’s really in-charge here! I never looked nor listened. My anger took my memories, at that point, no one existed but me. I was the Snow Queen that day for that was how you made me.

God knows that I’m slow to anger and I forgive really fast. The following day, no discussions needed to avoid arguments. As always despite the meanness, I chose generosity and sharing to others. I don’t hold on to my rage and anguish for I always move forward towards the light by doing what’s right.

I maybe unappreciated but I am alright with that because I am fully aware of my strengths and weaknesses. In this world, never expect the whole population to bow down because there are so many people who are difficult to please. It isn’t my style to please others and seek other’s approval. I know what I’m doing, so I must execute my schemes accordingly. In case of errors, I immediately admit my imperfections and learn from my mistakes.

You just don’t have any idea, how many times that I wanted to call and send messages. But knowing you, I don’t think it will do me any good. So, I hold my horses and let you be. I may said a lot but there are words that I can’t say.

I can’t say that I’ll surely miss you when you’re gone. I can’t say that I want to add or befriend you in any social media platforms. I can’t say that I want to spend more time with you. There’s so much there is but I can’t say the words because the disgusted look on your face frightens and pushes me away.

I keep my distance and hold back. I’m glad that you’re happy and if there’s someone behind the scene, how lucky that person indeed to have someone like you.

Take care, I know you’ll have fun! I want to check on you but you don’t want to… I respect that… Share the sceneries and the experiences… Maybe till we meet again! We sing along some other time… I am enjoyable to hang around too. Certainly won’t bore you with my company!

By Jessie J “Flashlight”

If You Can Find the Way Again

Hi! Where are you today?

quote-a-man-paints-with-his-brains-and-not-with-his-hands-michelangelo-126641I remember clearly what you said
Wasn’t it so good to be true?
Your friends and sister, who else knew?
Perhaps, I took you lightly then
No explanations for you understood
Whatever there was, ‘thank you’
I should have not look at numbers
I should have seen the truth
Was it worth giving a chance?

Four years had passed since then
You insisted on taking that photo
How delighted were you to see me!
I was not supposed to be there
But you insisted and I stayed
Can I take back whatever I said?
But, I wasn’t thinking of myself
I decided what was best for you
And so, my escape was a fool
It should be you but I just couldn’t

If you can find the way again
Will you look at me admiringly?
Do you think I aged or still the same?
Will you still choose me from the rest?
If you can find the way again,
Will you say the same words?
When others are mean to me
You and the rest crossed my mind
I should have swallowed my pride
I should have not calculated
Does the difference matter now?
Surely you won’t run away,
You won’t make me feel awkward,
You won’t treat me like a stranger

I won’t waste my thoughtfulness
My generosity will make a count
Sorry, I never gave you a gift
Maybe, if you can find your way again,
I can give you more than there is…

Sorry, I wasted my drawing
I should have painted you instead
Thank you for appreciating
That I’m a beautiful person
Thank you for enjoying my company
You know that I could be fun too!
I should have not taken it as a joke…

By Lady Gaga “Boys, Boys, Boys”

*Thanks everyone for the good laugh, the praises and kind words you’ve said.  Thanks for those memories because every time I am treated wrongly, I revisited those happy days with all of you.  Whether you mean what you said or not, I’m still thankful that you all walked into my life because of that I am reminded that I existed and made a count.  I salute all of you, it was indeed brave of you and that made me the coward.  I should have run fast to catch the earlier bus.  My instincts were always right!  Whatever there was, in the deepest part of my core, I am fully aware that I’m that same person you used to know and no numbers can change that… Some people just naturally mean and horrible….  

This Too Will Pass

I cheered my sister for today’s her birthday and apologised for the delay of the birthday present. I hope she’ll find it in her heart that despite our differences, I love her truthfully ever since and I’m always here for her. I believe that she’s tougher than I am and surely she’ll rise from all challenges. Love you sis❤️😘🎉🎂🍰

In our lifetime, plenty of decisions are made. Whether it’s right or wrong, there are reasons why God allowed things to happen whether we like it or not. Yet, if we listened closely to the Almighty, He always wants what’s best for us.

I believe God sends us angels through people we encountered. I’m absolutely ecstatic and grateful for He always brought amazing, inspiring and wonderful people in my life that pulled me through during tough times. For those in the dark, I hope that sharing my smiles were good enough to them and if I am given the permission I will surely their angel too.

I told my sister whatever we’re struggling this time, it will pass. Whatever downhill we’re currently rolling, this too will pass. We’ll just remain to be good people and bring happiness to others.

Saturday: #fiveloaves&twofishes at Westlife Dormitory in Woodlands (25 Nov), spending my Saturday doing mission works.

Sunday: Graduation day for Baking Class and I choreographed & mixed the songs for my class’ presentation. The audience and organisers liked it so much that I had no choice but to go up and embarrassed myself all over again. Although it was embarrassing, it was worth it because I made so many people happy.

After the event, I met my photography pals. Then, I gave them my early Christmas presents.

Sunday: I missed attending mass, so it is a must to go for confession next week. (Next week also, I’ll attend the Saturday mass because my friend promised to cook dinner afterwards) In addition, I hope God will understand that my friend needed me because she was quite upset so I had to accompany her. She definitely needed an older sister to lean on at that point. I’m glad that I gave her my listening ears and cracked her my not-so-funny jokes. I cheered someone Lord and even shared my cash! I hope that reason was acceptable excuse for missing my Sunday obligation.

Sincerely Yours

Hey Gorgeous,

Have you heard one of the new singles from Taylor Swift’s new album entitled ‘Gorgeous’? It’s my recent favourite song aside from Ed Sheeran’s songs ‘Dive’ and ‘Perfect’. Well, every time I listened to that song I could relate it to you. Likewise, I was gorgeous first before you were. LOL. I remembered a friend handed me a letter and on the envelope he wrote ‘To Gorgeous Gen’. See, I am gorgeous too!!! Well, those were the days before Facebook and Instagram came out and people really socialised with someone they really knew not with some random accounts in social media. And those were the days too when there were no filters and Photoshop, no deceptions and no lies.

What can I say, technology changes how people interact. Whether it has bad or good impact upon us, we should not allow technology to overpower our well-being that it becomes our master. No matter how advance the modern times turned out still I’m the old school girl who sees the beauty of existence despite of how ugly the situation turns out.

During my school days, I thought that I could hike all the mountains and I wouldn’t care if my skin would be darker. How I loved Mother Nature! Suddenly, after my vehicular accident, fear became my pal. Thus, I hid and just be contented in my cave. That’s one thing I admired from you, you’re carefree and adventurous. Someone I always wanted to be until my father was taken by the angel of death.

Hey, gorgeous you look like a fallen angel yesterday! Of course, the unspoken praises we kept in our hearts. We are silent with good words and we can deal with each other’s outbursts. Aren’t we two different species from different times? Look at us entwined in a space that we don’t want. Trust me, I already submitted my complaints countless times to God. He told me to trust Him because He knows what He’s doing, and He also assured me that He isn’t toying with us.

God has probably a good sense of humour better than the two of us. Of course, He is fully aware that we both don’t like each other. 🙄 Duh! Yet, no matter how we deny and escape; we can’t just fight the power of the universe. If I can runaway from this, I’ll return to someone who cherished me the most. Surely, you’ll do the same. Is that what we really wanted and can bring us happiness? Apparently, not!

Why you have to be gorgeous and frequently appear in my dreams every night? Why you have to be gorgeous that no matter how I avoided and condemned myself for this, I’m just being me around you? How could I possibly be not the coyote and be just one of those brainless blondes in mean girls and comedy themed movies in your pranks?

Henceforth, I am left with no choice but to accept the situation and be grateful to God that I found you. Definitely, it’s alright even you can’t find or see me at all. For I know, deep inside our wishes are the same and we don’t want them to come true.

How the days will unfold is beyond our control, why worry? Let’s live accordingly and soon be brave enough to accept the greatest gift from Heaven.

Hey, gorgeous see you in my dreams where we do things which are absolutely far from our reality. Who knows?😘😉

Sincerely Yours,

By Taylor Swift ‘Gorgeous’

Share the Light

Relief. At last, I can take a deep breath and have a sound sleep now. I’m glad that I did what I have done. This time not really humiliated but actually appreciated.

The past partly stopped me but after I prayed and reflected. “Seize the moment to make others happy and don’t fail to share a smile”. Those were the words that came to me. To give is not to expect anything in return but to give delight to others for they’re after all significant and special.

How long it has been? I am not sure if it hit him the efforts that I exerted. Seeing someone unexpected was the moment of truth for me. God’s way of telling me to keep away from him. Still I chose to be the prey because I despised the idea of being admired by children. So today I realised the possibilities that those I didn’t want maybe so much better than him and what they had for me maybe true for that instant.

Another phase, I moved forward pretentious. It was not really what I felt. I was something that I insisted to feel. The only truth there were my generosity and thoughtfulness. I should have checked with God instead of being enslaved with my pride.

So here I go again, not knowing what I am doing. For a long time I gazed at my reflection, not staring at my physical flaws but the radiant of Jesus’ light in me. I am no longer that silly or pretentious girl. I am being me. It is never about what you can receive but what you can willingly share.

I am not a perfect creation but I strive for goodness because it gives me serenity and gives me a clear picture of my purpose in existing. I don’t try so hard to impress, I only do my best in what I do.

I was told that no one wanted or will want me. The statement initially agitated me, so I recalled one-by-one the boys and men who used to be there and even the ones whose names I couldn’t remember. The memories soothed my rage. Perhaps, it was not about being wanted or trying so hard to be needed. It was following the will of God and giving Him the authority to lead my life.

In my disobedience and impatience, God had His ways of saving me but the Devil used my neediness to pull me away from the light. This time, I have the light in my grasp. I am not letting go but I heartily share it to people around me. I do my part and God will do the rest! Take note, it is written in the Scriptures that no one will light a lamp to be hidden under the bed. A lamp is meant to light a whole room.

Finally, I freed myself from all my thoughts that was holding me back. Little by little, I liberated myself from whatever error I did.

Nonetheless, isn’t it funny that in my fantasy, I spent the evening with you. I will surely make you the happiest tonight. Well, if isn’t meant to happen, at least I still hold that fake memory in my head. 😘🍰🎂🎉

“Marvin Gaye” by Charlie Puth featuring Meghan Trainor

To Give or Not to Give

It must be a trick of the eye

A light? A bird? A plane?

‘Something’ floating above

A whisper within stating

‘You’re angel at the clouds’

Indeed, I never walk alone!

***

Lunch is served and I’ve seen

The proof in front of me

There she was coming to him

Plus flood of messages & more

How insignificant my gifts!

Probably he’ll get so many

What my presents are for?

Only want others to be glee

But someone else matter

Make them the happiest

***

My generosity is a waste

My thoughtfulness a joke

No one can appreciate

No one ever remembers

Perhaps, I’ll keep the gifts

Hidden and unshared to him

Connecting the Dots

This evening I couldn’t bring myself to draw for you crossed my mind.

Don’t you know? According to Wikipedia, the world population was estimated to have reached 7.6 billion as of October 2017. Above the earth, anyone’s appearance doesn’t matter. Whether you are fat or thin, up in Heaven, everyone looks the same. For from afar, with billions of people occupying the globe, all of us are like moving dots who are always on the go to survive the unpredictable winds of change.

What our stories be like? How do we ended up to where we are? Well, life is full of mysteries so live and deal with it. Moreover, there’s someone greater than all of us who knows every name of each single dot. His great power can bring some dots altogether whether we like it or not. Hence, be brave and still for the mission impossible. For when the Almighty connects the dots, it won’t be a smooth sailing and bed of roses. Yet, it brings out our true selves with joys in our hearts despite all the consequences. So, keeping the faith in my heart that God knows what He’s doing and I trust Him.

Why you ought to be mean? I don’t mind trading places with those who you cherished the most. If people aren’t happy around me, I’d rather disappear and give you whoever can make you the happiest. Hope one day, you’ll see that I am not only made of numbers that I am a woman too.

Despite of all the ill talks behind my back, I’m still grateful to God to where I am today because I am given the opportunity to showcase His gifts to me and others benefit from them too. And to which dot He’ll connect me, I’ll fully accept with no questions asked.

Speaking of gifts, I didn’t know which is which. I don’t know what’s gotten into me that I even bothered to give someone who never liked my taste and who never failed to remind me with my flaws. Sometimes my brain just switch off and I do things without understanding what I am doing. Will you like any of those? I don’t know because I’m the worst gift-giver ever! Besides, you’re expensive taste won’t appreciate my cheap thoughtfulness. Isn’t the thought that counts?

By Anne Murray “You Needed Me”

Recycle Bin Emptied

Life doesn’t keep scores

Whether I win or lose

I did carve you within

Words in my sleep were right

Time to tidy up the mess

Get rid of all the memories!

***

Put my efforts to my pieces

Used to inspire my art

That turned as my trash

None was meant to hurt

My indirect vengeance

A scheme unplanned

***

I want to draw another

The scars left behind

My tragedy and fear

Can’t paint the same

The portraits needed to go

Soft copies must be deleted

My Recycle Bin emptied

Thanks for all the pains

I’m braver & stronger now!!!

Can I paint someone new?

Certainly, got the courage!

Am I allowed to do so?

God, all I wanted is to share

To give my all and love too!

I know that I can. I will!

For there’ll be one man

He’ll treasure the portraits

Making him proud too!

By Grant Gustin “Running Home to You”

10,000 Reasons

A morning of prayer and thanksgiving… and farewell to a great leader.

I’m thankful for all my blessings and the good things that happened in my life. I am too grateful, so I also gave thanks to the people who helped me even if I am difficult and distant.

I’ll worship Your holy name

You’re rich in love

And You’re slow to anger

Your name is great

And Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness

I will keep on singing

10, 000 Reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, oh my soul

By Matt Redman “10,000 Reasons”

Seize the Day!

My cough kept me awake from time to time from nighttime till dawn. When I already slept soundly, I was awakened by a tremendous sound of continuous thunders. It frightened me even more knowing that I am left alone in the house, uncle and aunty went for a trip overseas for three days now. Due to lightning, there was a power trip. Hence, all lights went off! I’M SUCH A SCARY CAT!!! I’m afraid of the dark and thunder, plus no one was there. I initially panicked, dropped my phone facedown and broke its screen protector (I just replaced it 2 weeks ago). ‘Trust in Jesus, trust in Jesus!’ I kept reminding myself.

What a heavy rain! High heels not for today! At work, I thought that I’m free from teaching and I could do other tasks instead. Besides, I already offered to assist. Yet, another class was waiting. I couldn’t shortchange the kids and tell them that I have nothing to teach. Thus, despite my cough, I managed to deliver the lessons in between my barking. Then, when I was about to eat my free lunch at the canteen, another class came inside the com lab. I thought no more lessons for today! Yet, this is my last day with these kids. Next year, they’ll be on another level and they won’t be in my class again. Why not seize the day and give them something to remember? So, I did what I could by giving them an interesting lesson and gave out prizes afterwards.

I missed the free lunch. Well, it was alright since I did my part in my responsibilities. Nevertheless, I’m grateful to my friend for he gave me the burger that was given to him. So, I didn’t spend anything for lunch after all! Thanks❤️🙏🏻

By Spongecola “Bahaghari”