Last Friday Night

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What an exhausting evening! When I went home, I immediately hit the bed and didn’t even noticed my sister came home. I’m not supposed to be there but something came out not right. So, I had no choice but to be there.  On the other hand, staying was worthwhile, a quick chit-chat and meeting everyone again after a long time of not seeing each other. It was quite late when I went back but it was a Friday night filled with wonderful whom some used to be part of my yesterday. So, the evening was concluded with fun and I’m glad I stayed to catch with the kids I used to know. How time flies fast!!! They’re all grown up ready to explore a new beginning for their bright future. I’m happy with how they become and I am grateful to be part of their youths once in their lifetimes.
Before I started my day’s job, I found these photos and I remembered last Friday night. Damn, I was so tired that I forgot to add this in my post last week… (AMKSS Alumni Homecoming)

All the good things and luck are bound to happen to everyone!!!

by Katy Perry ‘Last Friday Night TGIF’



A friend invited me to her place for her birthday celebration. So, I attended mass nearby her place. According to her, dinner will be served around 8.30pm because we needed to wait for her family members. While waiting, I was enlightened with work…

How sad it was when your messages were ignored!!!!WOW, YOU KNOW HOW TO SAY GOOD NIGHT TO ALL!!!!! I forgot not to someone I know… whose name sounds exactly like mine…🤬😡😡😡🤬🤬😠

One, two, three…. Who’s made of plastic anyway!!!!! I said what I had to say even my messages were not even acknowledged.

One, two, three…. Why should I count those people who’ll never see and whose eyes are set to those pleasing to the eyes only??? Thanks to God for the good meal this evening. Thanks also that I am surrounded with good people plus two priests tonight. In addition to that, I was offered something beneficial and profitable to my skills. If others don’t see me, it’s really sad and upsetting because I cared, but I always remind myself that there are people who can appreciate me regardless of age, weight, height, language race or religion.

Everyday I remind myself that in God’s eyes, my good heart and deeds are seen and acknowledged. I am always thankful for all my blessings and the opportunities He gave to me to make use of my gifts. I told my sister that all of us have equal talents no one has more nor less.

Whoever you are when one day you’ll know… I hope you can see with your heart!!!

I thought of seeing my kids tomorrow. I am motivated to prepare… After all, those kids are my happy pill❤️❤️❤️

Good night and take care❤️

Just Checking! 😂

The drama queen strikes again. Sorry but u know too well that I will never have the guts to bother. Not because I don’t care. You have no idea💡, you never left my thoughts and your smiles always haunting me. Therefore, I composed a message that I have no nerve to send.

Sometimes I wished to be just like other girls but it won’t be easy for me to be that expressive and too daring. It somehow feels scary inside and my heart is like about to explode… You always have that kinda weird impact on me…


What Was Normal Day Turned Unusual!

A morning started with your long face

I was a bad thief, I was easily caught

It wasn’t intentional but I ruined your day

The table turned around unexpectedly

A normal day turned really unusual

I was just happy, I didn’t know the reason

The simple dining outside I enjoyed

For the first time you were just there

Suddenly you were a true gentleman

I didn’t care what was revealed

A normal day with the joy within

For I am a shallow girl with quick tears

Little things were good enough for me

I didn’t do what I did to impress

I only understood and simply cared

Take care wherever you may go

A long drive to go beyond the heights

Conquer the peaks, take the challenge!

Till I meet you again and see you more

Whatever your flavour that’s who you are!


Perhaps, She’s an Angel

How-to-Detect-a-Wolf-in-Sheeps-Clothing.001I’m stuck on doing my work… From work, I went back home still doing work. I’m taking a break because I am out of ideas… mental blackout attack!!!

Looking back, what’s with the attitude… You must be very happy and excited to be home every weekend. Probably, someone pleasing to your eyes and can make your heart jump to its peak surely awaits.

Was I generous enough? Am I not showing real kindness? I tried to build rapport despite the surrounding barricades and high fences. Then, I am easily pushed and disrespected. I have to endure because I love what I am doing, God placed me in a place whereby I am given the opportunities to share my gifts, and I know deep within that I never faked who I am.

Perhaps, she’s an angel… the wind beneath your wings. Someone you adore and caress at night. She can make you smile from ear-to-ear, and laugh with all the nonsense.  She’s everything within the standards and qualifications. She’ll stick around and won’t hurt you. You’ll treat her like a gentleman does and share everything you’ve got… You’ll treat her right, with thoughtfulness, consideration and kindness.

And when the flame dies out and the honeymoon stage is over… you’ll someday realize that the true angel is the one whom you chose to ignore and always treat badly. I’ll still stick to what my father said to me ‘what’s in the heart only truly matters’. Society standards of physical appearance fade in time and turn to dust after death. Whereas good deeds leave marks to those people you’ve touched, and in another life, it will be rewarded by God.  Although my belief is old school, I’ll still cherish it because there’s nothing wrong to strive and stand for what is right!


Saving the best for last

If I’ll tell you what’s it all about

Will you ever get it right?

If you’ll happen to read this

Will you bother to find out?

Perhaps, it’s a good choice

To leave some words unsaid

I’ll reserve what’s there to keep

The portrait of you done by me

Mine to keep not yours to see

I drew each one as requested

And you were no exception

But what you really didn’t know

There was a digital painting too

And it wasn’t meant to share!

You’re the model in my artworks

Unknown to you and the world

For I’m still that same timid girl

With big mouth but couldn’t speak🤐


What Kind of Woman You Want?

My father told me, be the woman of God and aim to be like the great women in the Holy Bible. Thus, I don’t mind if others will see me as boring because I am contented of being who I am and I accept my flaws as a woman.

Nowadays, it’s all about vanity in social media and physical looks do matter… filtered photos, so much makeup and to the point of plastic surgery… This is the era of visual people and others confidence are based only on LIKES and number of followers.

Despite of society’s standards of beauty, I still believe in what my father said and I will always aspire to be like my heroines in the Bible.

Happy International Women’s Month!




Be an ESTHER, bold and courageous enough to stand for the truth, to voice your opinion and fight for the good of others, even when it means to sacrifice yourself. If God has put you in a position, it is for a purpose. Never be afraid to heed that inner voice.

Be a RUTH, loyal in all your relationships, walk the extra mile and don’t quit when things get tough. Someday, you’ll see why it was all worth the effort.

Be a LYDIA, let your homes be open, let your hands be generous, let your hearts be big enough to help anyone in need. Joy is greatest when shared.

Be a HANNAH, never cease to pray. It will never be in vain.

Be a MARY, humble and submissive. You don’t have to be great for God to use you, you just need to obey.

Be a DORCAS, use your talents, however small it may seem to bring a smile on someone’s face. You’ll never know how much it can mean to someone.

Be an ABIGAIL, remember how each decision can turn your life around for good or bad. Be wise.

Be an ELIZABETH, never doubt what God can do. He is the God of many miracles.

Be a MARY MAGDALENE, never let your mistakes and judgments of other people stop you from experiencing the joy of Jehovah.

Be a REBEKAH, never forget that true beauty lies within. Draw all your loved ones closer to God through your Christ-like character.

Lastly be a SARAH, age doesn’t matter, Trust & believe that all things are possible with God according to His time.


How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?

I was told nobody wants me.

But, come on… No reason to frown and get mad. Chill! All I need was a good drink. Whatever!!! Thanks to all those boys (even I couldn’t remember everyone’s names) for the admiration, attention, favours, flatteries, efforts and time. Whether everything was for real or not, thanks for the memories…

I wanted to believe that I did fall but honestly I am not brave enough to express it all. Although I am acting tough, survived all the storms and sacrificed for all the people I loved still I am shy when it’s all about love… And so, I hide in my jokes, nonsense and tactlessness … to make my nervousness not really obvious…

It’s a long day but everything turned out well.

By Christina Perri “A Thousand Years”


👱🏻‍♀️Who Run the World👩🏻‍⚖️

Hey, girl! Embrace this day wherever you are in the world.

Don’t frown for today you shine the brightest. None of us is inferior, we have the edge to reach our goals. Never give up despite the trials!

What did I do for this day? I didn’t wait for others to make me feel special instead I started someone’s day with an awfully sweet treat. It felt good to make others special (no matter how blind).

Hay, I’m all over you and my preference was never of the same gender. You never get it and how quickly you concluded that I play with the same team.

By Beyoncé – ‘Run The World (Girls)’


Awfully me…

How to be good when all my efforts and hard work are unseen?

How to express when he keep pushing me to someone else?

How to show I care when he’s looking at others?

How to talk when he’d rather be staring and chat at her online?

How not to feel bad when it really hurts to be ignored and ditched?

How to ask him out when he already have plans?

How to be a friend when I don’t know if I am welcome?

I am always bad at this… Always the awfully me!

Always say the opposite and do what’s unfavourable

Always keep everything in silence when I have so much to say

I am always the awfully mean, doesn’t know how to please

Shy to the core, easily get tense and doesn’t know how to fight!

How will he know it when he always never notice me?


Again, Tick Tock Says My Heart

God knows who to love

What are in my wild thoughts?
You have to know what’s beyond
To dig the deepest hidden well
Down under where my secrets lie
Only two meters away from you


I don’t know what to do anymore
No right words to say each day
Waterfalls running uncontrollably
Left in the room to miss you more
Please help, come not only in my dreams!


I deserted that messy place
Exhausted and absent-minded
But you never left my thoughts
Should I get it for you or not?
Or are you kidding again?


Sitting so near inside closed door
But you’re as selfish as usual
Keeping things you don’t use
My proud prince who can’t see me
But still tick tock says my heart!


Kneeling in front of the Almighty
My prayers are exclusively yours
Aren’t our lives entwined this day
To grow, heal and love even more?
Gotcha! My heart can be yours…


Do I catch your sight somehow?
Or is this all about the jokes?
Not another of your prank saga
Here you go again, making me tense
And so, tick tock says my heart


When it’s right, God always knows
The time when no more questions
I can make you the happiest too
Shoo those wolves! Go away!!!
Again, tick tock says my heart 💓hurting again


My Epic Fail

I didn’t know why I did what I did. Sometimes I do things without thinking. Hay, there are things I can’t explain and don’t understand what’s with me anyway.

It was supposed to be not known, I expected you to come later for Monday blues. When I walked in, it was unexpected and a surprise… I am caught in the act. I thought that what I did wouldn’t be revealed, so I am caught dumbfounded.

Sadly, all my efforts were not appreciated because it was a total fail. What could I do, I liked something scented and forgot that others may not like it. What to do, I am a girly-girl and I preferred my stuff to smell like the blossoms. In other words, fragrance is a must but not necessarily compulsory. Lol. I was so disappointed of myself to fail such simple task. So, it was a back job… my fault and I really felt bad to made others annoyed and unhappy for my epic fail…

Wash away it immediately, gorgeous! Give the chance to repeat and undo my wrongdoing. I actually tried my best but it resulted as my historic epic fail. Hello, I’ll try again and I will never give up. I’ll try and try until I got it right… Hope this time, I have your approval and I won’t disappoint you anymore… Never ever again make you frown and give such disgusted look!!!


Master Dreamer

Joseph is always my favourite in the bible. Even the name of the blog is inspired by him. Joseph certainly wasn’t afraid to dream. Neither was he afraid to share his dreams with his brothers. The only problem was that Joseph’s dreams usually portrayed him being blessed and in a position of power over his brothers. When they heard about these dreams, they became offended. They looked on Joseph as a starry-eyed visionary and sarcastically called him a “master dreamer” (Genesis 37:19).

Any one of us might react the same way. Faced with someone else’s expectant hope, especially if it seems to be at our expense, we can feel irritable or offended. Instead of encouraging the “Josephs” around us, we seek to bring them down to reality. We would never entertain such lofty, unrealistic dreams. And that’s too bad because the Holy Father’s message often includes an encouragement of the very same youthful hope that Joseph. God helped Joseph keep his hope alive. During years of imprisonment and slavery, he kept sending Joseph dreams as promises of his goodness. He wants to do the same for you. He wants to open the door for you to increase your hope.

No matter your age, God wants to give you a young and hopeful heart. So ask him for a heart that is free to dream and that helps other people dream. Let him wash away any fear or bitterness that might quench your dreams or make you try to quench someone else’s dreams.

Remember, hope is a beautiful gift from God. So the next time someone shares their dreams, say yes to that hope. And feel free to do the same for yourself.

“Lord, free my heart to hope. Help me to dream along with you.”


We are all dreamers and we don’t give up. Thanks for helping out and for sharing your skills. In our ways, we are building the young ones’ dreams too. Whether you like it or not, or whether you believe it not, I appreciated what you did and your skills. I meant what I said and my thanks rooted from my heart.

It’s my never-ending birthday. I received these gifts from my colleagues. It’s a very tiring day, I came late and totally dressed down. I left work late and went straight for a reflection gathering with my church friends. Thanks God for this moment because it was time for me to reflect and relax even about two hours. Thanks for reminding me dear Father of your never-ending and unconditional love. A friend indirectly called me boring because I am some goody two shoes. She said men don’t like boring women. Well, if being good and loving God is boring, I don’t mind.

If no man likes me because I chose what is right and always true to myself, and I don’t praise them to flatter and win their hearts. It’s alright because I know in my heart that my intention is pure and I am capable of loving with all I am.


Irrelevant moments

It was nothing new that I dolled up but not to you

My formal shoes were my normal wear, how about yours?

One of those days, our usual and unusual selves met somehow

Whether it was what we had on that deserved the praises

Whether it was what we could do that deserved the gifts

Still we shared those precious irrelevant moments today

Hey, pestering me and always challenging my patience

Was it a meal with you or the air? No presence felt

Was it you whom I spoke but refused to see me?

So, I told God that’s it! Lord, bye and no thanks!

Whoa 😲 God had a unique way of answering me

God said, “Be bold! Be strong! Do not give up at all!”

What was totally nothing and not counted to you

Something worth writing and always remembered

No drama and not exaggerating or twisting events

There was purely you and me sharing irrelevant moments

To make those insignificant memories somehow very special❤️❤️❤️


From Bitter to Better

All work, no play made me boring, foolish, sensitive and impulsive. I thought of my work before I slept last night and woke up thinking of my responsibilities. Since I am super committed to my duties and obligations, I expected everyone else to be the same and carried out their tasks seriously. Hence, it was truly disappointing when it turned out to be the opposite. I felt disrespected, ridiculed and all my efforts were wasted. I walked out with all the bitterness in my heart. I wanted to go home. My boss said not to give up, be very patient and understanding towards others. Likewise, the fault was mine too for my expectations for others were so high and I presumed that our goals were inline.

After the conversation with my boss, I still walked out not knowing where to go. I went on, not certain with my directions. I stopped until my temper cooled down. I chilled out and had breakfast. Suddenly, I received messages, which rang a bell into my close-minded head that I am needed. Thus, I must reroute to where I belonged. So, my thoughtfulness and generosity got into me, and thought of getting breakfast for everyone. I felt guilty too for dining comfortably while others were so occupied.

Just like that, I am back and I am absolutely fine. I’m one easy girl. Since I am bitter, I deserved a hot coffee for being hot-tempered. Lol 😂 Thanks! I am not a coffee person but I am truly grateful for the recommendation and the giveaway. It was (not that) bitter but it made me feel better. The sweetest thanks to you from the bottom of my heart (not faking it).

I told my Papa once ‘boys like pretty and sexy girls. They worship the beauty queens and models, Papa.’

My Papa replied, ‘You’re greatest asset is your goodness and truthfulness. Physical aspects aged and after death, looks will rot. Remember, it’s always the heart that matters from herein forward even until you’re gone.’

I hope that one day, I can be special too and someone out there truly appreciate who I am and cherished my worth beyond what the eyes can perceive. I hope someone really find it in his heart that indeed it’s truly the heart that matters and I am worth everything too.


What does it take…

What does it take to make you see what I see?

After a lot of things on your shoulders today, I heard a word that best suited you. It was supposed to be a compliment and acknowledgement of all the potentials I’ve seen you’re capable of. Not everyone is multifunctional and know what you can do. It is truly amazing to see you have various abilities and very keen to explore many fields of interests. A lot of Renaissance men like Leonardo da Vinci, Rene Descartes, Newton and many others who left footprints in History and contributed to the development of the modern era were multipotentialites too.

What does it take to make you believe?

It was my sincerest appreciation and with all honesty. I am not goofing around or toying with words. What’s with the beast mood? Chill. I know that it’s quite a Long day for everyone. In the other end, I felt so guilty for not being there. My presence may not be felt but my heart was left where I belonged. I couldn’t help on thinking how everyone was doing. I am committed to my responsibilities. Thus, I couldn’t help to be worried with everyone’s welfare. I don’t know what right words to say to convince you that I wasn’t faking it and my intention was for real. I don’t understand what’s with the comparison? I don’t know how to talk for you to believe that I meant to praise you for that’s what you deserved.

What does it take to make you stop with the joke?

Isn’t it obvious that the person was nothing special? Am I giving the signs that I am at least interested? Why so clueless? No pushing, please. Whatever there is, the heart sees no reason, doesn’t look at variables and it doesn’t know how to do Maths. For the heart doesn’t compute nor calculate, it only knows how to love and love and love. I hope the jokes will end for finally you’ll find it in your that it has always been you even from the start.

What does it take to make you happy?

Can I afford your happiness? Isn’t it something that I can buy? In case you don’t know, I am not loaded. I am just one hard working individual who rely on my potentials for survival. I don’t know what should I get you to make you smile a little to take your worries away. Recently, I am in meditative vibes to at least subtract the negativities within. Maybe the reason you think that I am concealing my true self. By the way, I was just trying to cheer you up in the ways I can. What can I do to make you happy and to stop all nastiness? Will you tell me? You’re fully aware that I am not faking it. Chill. No need for sour treatment and quick judgment. No comparing, please!!!

What does it take to enter in that heart of yours?

You’re not aware of my backstory and you have no idea what I went through before you met me. There were people who robbed me with my smiles and stripped away my dreams. Yet, the past doesn’t matter anymore because the important thing is I survived and never surrendered. On the other hand, how about you? How many times should I call your name for you to hear me? How loud should I shout so that you’ll wake up and listen? How can I move closer when you’re keeping the distance? How can I ask when you already turned me down before I uttered the phrases? How will I enter if you keep on shutting the door? Despite it all, I am not quitting the show nor taking a vow because I know somewhere within you it’s there. One day, it will be the bravest and strongest… it will never care for it chose to believe and embrace God’s true gift.


Who Am I to Judge?

Dear Gorgeous,

In my hopes and hopes, if only you can read this…

You were right to say that I am judgmental. I fully agree with you. Who am I to judge you or anyone else? Am I not a psychic, what do I know about what you’re thinking and your preferences? I don’t stalk you, so I know nothing of how you live your life. The God to whom I pray and believe is filled with compassion and understanding. Why can’t I live following His example? How am I different from those hypocrites who only worship God for the sake of showing off?

You claimed to be bad and I am fully aware that I am good for that what majority of the people I met said and saw in me. The truth of the matter is you were much better than I am because you can easily forget. However, me on the other hand, struggled in forgetting and forgiving. I told my friends this evening that you indirectly taught me what the word ‘forgive’ truly means. Thanks to you because in the process of forgiving, I learned to accept what others are not and realised my imperfections.

You always effortlessly brought out the worst in me, which I labeled as the ‘fake’ me. Yet, at the end of every episodes, I only concluded ‘what’s with the drama because I hated it too more than you do’ and so I always ended up being true to myself. Perhaps, your best asset is not only your handsomeness but its your truthfulness. It sucked at times but who needed all the flattery when it is made of shallow words. Thanks for the honesty whether it’s bad or good because it made me appreciate who I am and be very grateful with what I have.

Again, you were correct to say that I am the meanest. I am mean because I am stuck with my pride and I turned my back to those people who needed me. I am mean because I used my literary skills to avenge others without even finding out their backstories. I am mean because I chose to be aloof despite of the fact that there are people who wanted my caress and my cheerfulness. I am mean because I have trust issues and always draw invisible question marks to some people I met.

I couldn’t thank you more for all the roller coaster emotions because in that ride I learned to hang on despite of my fears and uncertainties. Hence, the curse I thought that I have inside is indeed the specs that is God’s gift for me because it aided me to see situations clearly. I too need new spectacles for my heart because many times my anger blinded me with the truth.

I actually ate and finished this… hot and spicy and so are you! No matter how little, it always counts and the price never mattered.

Well, you’re a good looking young man, temptations are everywhere and it’s not a surprise for me… Whatever there is and whoever they are, who am I to judge? Likewise, in your heart of hearts, you know what truly matters— You may not believe me but if you’ll find me in your heart, I can give you beyond what is expected. After all, I am known to do extra miles.

Hope the cream will ease the pain and will aid to help your taste buds heal very fast. The Holy Spirit helped me in finding it because it wanted me to save money for I was thinking of buying another one tomorrow. I wasn’t looking for it, I was only tidying because the place was messy. I didn’t want to take my time off tmr, leaving the room like that… As I was arranging, there it was—

I mean these words that I said. I am not faking when I say, ‘Take care😘 Good night😍😜’


It’s My B-day Again! (My Extended Celebration)

Thanks for the generosity

I spent not a single cent

Thanks for the thoughtfulness

Even if I am always not there

Thanks for the understanding

Despite I was missing in action

Thanks for the no hate and grudges

Sincerely thank you for everything

For being my friends all this time

Happy birthday too my friends! Wishing us the love that flourish in our hearts forevermore! I’m glad that I came instead of prioritising my take home tasks. Thanks for reminding me that I needed to take a break and breath sometimes!


More and Less: the Season of Lent Begins

I am a bit distracted while I was preparing for today’s session. Instead of reading my notes while I was in the bus, my thoughts were all over making me kept in touch with my dark side again. I guess, it’s not easy to the path of divinity. I am as human as everybody else, of which this morning awakened by a nasty dream and the cry of the flesh.

So, I sought forgiveness from the Divine for my human flaws and my physical needs. Before the session started, I went to the Adoration Room to calm and clear my mind and to concentrate on Jesus. Thus, I sought for the Holy Spirit’s presence to guide me and lead the session. God is fully aware that I didn’t want to disappoint my angels.

Everything went fine (according to how I memorised it) and the flow went smoothly. I also added extra info not found in the plan. Except towards the end, when I realised that I inserted the incorrect last page of the plan. Hence, I am lost for a few seconds. So instead of the panic attack, I let Jesus led the way. I went back to my senses and emphasised on the kids what they could do more and do less during the Lent period.

By the way, the kids were admiring my comic sketches that I made for the story. One of them asked, ‘are you an artist?’ I wished my grade school Teachers heard that because last time it was about the bribery and favourites. None of them noticed my skills in art except my Guidance councillor. She chose my DIY Valentine’s Day card to be displayed on the school bulletin. No one admired it except me and I didn’t tell any of my family members that my work was exhibited. While it was on display, I kept on looking at it everyday for a very long time. Then, I avowed to myself that one day I’m going to make someone special a card way much better and I’ll draw nicer things to make people smile and be happy. Well, my artistic gift is something I shared for the good and glory of God, plus for my pleasure and stress relief.

Going back to the solemnity of Lent, the kids were enthusiastic sharing their inputs on what they can do during the preparation of the Coming of Christ. And so below are mine…

What can I do more…

1. Be more compassionate, caring, charitable, generous and understanding to others

2. To control my temper and be very patient, take a deep breath twice when my patience is challenged and as much as possible avoid the bad mood episodes

3. Take my responsibilities seriously and give my best in everything I do

4. Always choose kindness for others and myself as well

5. Be courteous, courageous and forgiving, let bygones be bygones

6. Pray more, spend more time with Jesus, and keep on believing

7. Accept others for who they are regardless of age and gender

8. Smile always and laugh all the time, it’s the best medicine after all

9. Be more loving, keep loving and loving…always love (hoping the day will come that he’ll choose to feel it in his heart even if he hates the drama— drama sells the reason K-drama is the IN thing nowadays)

What can I do less…

1. Less of losing my cool easily and getting into a bad mood

2. Less of the drama, the isolation and loneliness

3. Less of judging others (particularly the opposite sex) but accept them for who they are

4. Less of idle time but be more productive

5. Less time staying in the darkness of my heart but always see the light at all times

6. Less shopping 🛒 and writing nasty stuff

7. Less hanging around with the media and technology


Lent is a time to be with God and follow Jesus’ example as He prayed in desert for forty days. He withstood the three temptations of the Devil. Today, I read and shared to the kids about the Forgiving Father. Follow the choice of the Father rather than the son even others do not.


And so I am aware with how you’ll talk and I know you won’t greet me back. I still press send because I meant it and I always care. As you said, I should be used to how you treated me even it’s unfavourable… I kept my cool without a single hatred or pang of heartache… One day you’ll find out that angels don’t drop by everyday… May my goodness move your heart and may my prayers keep you away from all evils and dangers in the world. Take care and good night😊😘


Cuteness Overload 🤓

A taste of you one at the time

Smell as sweet as you are

Are you chewy and yummy too? 😋

Hmmm… will u let me find out?😘

I wasn’t supposed to be there

But the cruel monster arrived 👹

He roared and screamed loudly 🤬

Chasing me out from his cave 🙀

Where were you for the rescue?😭

You were feasting with her 🍲 🥘 🍚 🍻

Was it fair? I did my tasks too!

Why I didn’t get any recognition?

Gender bias! Guys get the treat!👱🏻‍♂️🏅🏆

Only men are praised, never mind—

I’ll still do my best for I love this!!!

Though unseen, never discouraged 💪🏼

Thanks for lending me a page 📝

On the journal of yours, so cute😘 ✍️

You were the boss, so I obeyed 👨‍💼

Sir,☕️ coffee or 🍵 tea? Or me?

Just to let you know, I don’t mind…

Oops, 🙊 the flirty me only exists here!

Hey, boss can’t take my eyes off!

It was truly too much to handle

The eyes, the smile and all of you…

My, my, cuteness overload!!!🙈🙉🙊

If I can’t sleep tonight, I’ll blame you!!🙇🏻‍♀️


Forgive me, Lord for my bad thoughts. I almost forgot that I have a session to prepare tmr. Bless my mind and clear it for tmr I’ll be with my angels. 😇 👼

By Celine Dion ‘Have You Ever Been I Love?’


In the Darkness of My Heart 💔

Two more nights to go… Tonight, the Parents Night Session just ended and I’m multitasking while in the bus on my way home by composing this post. Well, we were short of manpower this evening, the reason that I left the church really late because a lot of tidying up to do.

All my efforts in making the last year’s FHC retreat video to show our parents tonight paid off because after seeing it, a lot of them were motivated to volunteer for the upcoming retreat for the kids this year. My friend told me that the video possibly opened their eyes to the fact that more hands are needed during the retreat.

After this long night, I felt good. Yet, honestly, I am not always good. It’s true that I am mean and judgmental… Perhaps, I couldn’t process my feelings well because I grew up sheltered in my father’s love. The love my father showed me was my basis and definition of love. All my life, I believed that only my Papa could like and love me. From then, I created a world exclusive only for my Papa and me. No one was welcomed and the one good man ever existed in the entire universe was only my Papa.

I was obedient and loving daughter. I am such a darling to my Papa, always hugged and kissed him, and prepared everything for him. I told my Papa, “I will take care of you until you’re very old.” It was a promise that I intended to keep but cancer took my Papa away. Aftermath, I am more drawn to being alone. So, I isolated myself from others and specially to those who cared and probably meant what they said. I wanted to be on my own and love was never real, it was merely nothing but my imagination… Yet, I still have feelings. Then, how?

‘No drama!’you exclaimed. But you have no idea that the real drama is here, my Shakespeare moment. If I opened your messaging app, it was purely accidental. I blurted it out quickly so that you wouldn’t think that I am prying on your personal life. Trust me, I read none nor remember any of the names there. Whoever it was you were chatting was none of my business and if it was personal, the mere thought of it hurt a little more… In the darkness of my heart, all the drama was about to explode that would immediately turn to rage and isolation in a second, which would conclude to bad mood. But, I kept my cool because I promised to be kind to myself and be grateful to God.

I thank God because He gave me the opportunity to feel this way to you even you denied my existence for several occasions. There were a lot of times that you possibly refused to see me. To make my points worst, I did my best in making a horrible impression. The irony wasn’t it? Most girls would be in their best and be like angels to please the guys they liked. However, in all instances I did the opposite. Perhaps, in the darkness of my heart, I’d rather keep that love than pass it on to you— (my selfishness exactly!)

If I’ll pass it to you, will you accept it? I act the way I acted because I am afraid that my feelings might push you away. So, I made this choice to love you in silence and be contented of having you in my imaginations and dreams. I hope whoever she is, she’ll love you sincerely and take care of you because I wanted to… but there’s nothing I could do if she’s the one who can motivate and make you happy.

You don’t believe me and you always think that I am fake. But what do you know when you don’t actually see and give me the time and chance? We were there… we kept within each other’s spaces… In the darkness of my heart, I felt bad because I was a coward not taking the opportunities.

However, on my way to the church and after today’s event concluded, I realised that in my world not only my Papa existed. It was only the Devil’s lie telling me that no one really acknowledged my presence and good works. The darkness in my heart miraculously found the light and your face flashed in front of me. I am happy for you because you’re happy. Keep safe and always take care because you’re always gorgeous to me!😍❤️😘 Always know you are loved by me…


A Girl Can Also Hope

A girl can wish to the stars

To be the light that guide you

To be there and kiss your lips

To hold your hand everyday


A girl can pray to the Creator

To keep you safe from harm

To guard you from the Devil’s clasps

To shield you from all diseases


A girl can dream in her sleep

Of her wonderland you explored

Of how gorgeous you’ve always been

A waltz in an unknown paradise


A girl can imagine in waking time

A fantasy of wilderness she keeps

Your strong shoulder she can lean

Your lovely eyes only gazing at her


A girl can paint on her emptiness

The portrait of you on her wall

You add beauty to her lonely canvas

For you inspired her in many ways


A girl can only write all the words

For she doesn’t know how to speak

For she’s scared to shout what’s inside

Scribbling what she won’t dare to say


A girl can only hope that someday

You’ll turn around in her direction

You’ll finally realise she’s only there

Right in front of you all this time…


A girl can also hope that someday

You’ll find her in that heart of yours

Someday it’s her and no longer them

You’ll see with your heart not with sight!

I heard it all but I wasn’t envious, only embarrassed with the red overflow… it was my karma for being such a drama queen and trying so hard to be the villain of the story…

By Celine Dion “Falling into You”


I don’t know what I lost until it’s gone… 😢

Isn’t she lucky? Am I the unfortunate one?

Can I buy new specs for his heart too?

If that’s the case, he can surely see me

Everyday I pray, I hope not to see him

He’s so gorgeous it’s killing me inside

I don’t want to catch him in my ride

For it will never make him joyous at all

My presence annoys and disgusts him

I really want to be in her shoes right now

Because he worships her like a goddess

He doesn’t mind spending all his cash for her

He’s willing to do all favours to please her

He only sees her beauty like she’s an angel

How I envy for he’s a gentleman to her but not to me!

When was that time when people I used to know

Generously gave, no computations, no divisions

Was it that long when people really see the beauty in me?

Am I too old to try? Do I have another chance?

Yet, there were sacrifices I had to make in the past

And I had other priorities and I was very scared

Thank you to those people I used to know

For the appreciation, generosity and time

Thank you for seeing me for he never did

What can I do when I thought that I can and I’m ready

No one is there and no one even take a look?

He always see only those pleasing in the sight

Can you tell him that I am a good company too?

Can you tell him that I am sincere and truthful?

Can you tell him that I’m not faking just to please him?

Can you tell him that I am not always gloomy?

I am adventurous, carefree and open-minded too!

Can you tell him that I am already falling for him?

Although he’s getting in my nerves and disappoint me

Can you tell him that if he only cares and see

He will surely uncover what love truly means

To the past: no turning back for we only move forward

For I truly don’t know what I lost until it’s gone

He can never be any of you because he who he is…

Will he ever see and appreciate me one day?

Will he ever find it in his heart that I’m worth it???

Will I continue hiding in my silence again and again?


I am not really good in getting the guy. My expertise is how to lose a guy in an instant. I made a perfect score in making all the guys I liked to despise me and gave them the reasons to hate me to their cores. I don’t even know how to act or say to get their interests. I wanted to try being flirty but it’s just too difficult for me. I only know how to write but not how to speak. I kept my distance because he doesn’t want me there. At least I said what I had to say…

I wanted to be the fake me… the isolated one and distant. I was outside this afternoon, I may not be looking but I am not deaf. I could hear clearly his joyful voice while walking with her on the pathway…

Should I tell him that I had a Valentine’s Day present too? Can anyone help me pass it to him because I will never have the courage to do so? A gift maybe not that pricy but at least not divided by four… I forgot u can only do that to her and not to me… I was hoping there was always a maybe…

If I said whatever I said… it was not because of the price of the gift… it was out of disappointment…. and the fault was mine coz I expected too much! (People are too loaded to buy expensive stuff why so stingy to be generous. Why was it a big deal? Never even ever give me a treat!!! Not even once!! Sometimes I am also nicely dressed, there were male and female colleagues who told me but he never ever see or not even noticed just even once… only criticised me for being overly dressed)

My Heart’s Day gift is actually useless and no point for him for he probably brought a special present for her which I couldn’t have. Definitely they were happily exchanging gifts, dating and that more…. on that special day…. whereby in my darkest and wildest fantasies and dreams…it’s only me!!! Him and I we shared that moment, didn’t we while I am sleeping? Or we can, shall we?

By Celine Dion & Barbra Streisand “Tell Him”

*Celine Dion, my sis and I all-time fave singer… thanks for the track coz the joke brought back so many memories…



Too much overthinking

I did what was unthinkable

What it was like to do

What I learned from you?

Your bag must be precious

Thus, forgot you were gorgeous

Dashing quickly on my heels

I ignored, I didn’t know you too

I was so mean, really really bad

That was what you made me do

You thought it was easy for me?

It really felt awful, my heart broke!!!💔💔💔

Obviously you wouldn’t care

At the end of the day, I spilled it

Accusing you as someone as a faker

You knew me in, I didn’t exist out

You always ridiculed me in the room

You didn’t know my name outside

What a faker? How about me?

Always the worst and the meanest

Pretending not to care all this time…

Who am to judge when I’m alike?

Yes, I’m no different coz I’M A FAKER TOO!!!

Faking my feelings, hiding the truth

Forgive me but you never gave a damn

So, I just looked up to God for apologies


Not that Kind of Girl

Thanks heavens for my kids were such lovable little darlings, my sweet beautiful angels. I was with the girls and we reflected on the maxims. So, I shared to them that I am labeled as the meanest. Amazement and disbelief were written all over their faces and they just laughed it off, as if it was one bad corny joke.

Am I really the meanest? Well, I pray to God to lend me His good heart all the time. Then, despite what others think, I’ll still choose to do what is good and right. When situation arises, I remind myself to humbly admit and apologise when I do wrong. Not only that, I must also always find it in my heart to forgive others.

I’m grateful to spend my Saturday with them because this is the kind of girl I am.

I may the kind of girl that you oftentimes see wearing high heels and stilettos, and overdressed all the time. Hopefully that you’ll find in in your heart that I am not that kind of girl who takes advantage on others, selfish, materialistic and attention-seeker. I am not the kind who only thinks of myself and even looks down on others.

Well, I am the girl loved and raised by my father who is always grateful to the Almighty, loves life to the fullest and always ready and willing to share my blessings, talents and time to God and others as well.

In addition, I am not even that kind of girl who pretends and wears mask to get what she only wants. For I am that kind of girl who doesn’t live in lies and always tries my best to remain true. If I maybe keeping my distance because I am not that kind of girl who is very aggressive, flirtatious, needy, obsessive and pushy. I am the girl who respect others space for I love with liberty, understanding and with no criteria or measures. I guess, you should have known that for now. I don’t love because I needed to be loved, or to escape my status, or for stability and security. I love with no reason at all. I love because I love you. I DO.

Good night!

By Shuree ‘One Girl (Can Change the World)’


Gone & Taken

Heard and seen, always known

There’s truth in a pal’s tales

The glass shattered in pieces

Pray harder, call all the saints!

What’s the use he’s already taken?

The usual day, filled with shades

On separate ways, another path

His direction to her not to me

His silhouette slowly perished

Out of my sight into her arms

Suddenly he’s gone & taken by her

Was it a dream when he was there?

Over and over again, I am the joke

Am I just an automaton in the room?

Guess what, I’m like everyone else!

It’s not easy to hide and pretend

And it’s my deepest melancholy

To witness him gone and taken by her

By Martin Garrix & Dua Lipa ‘Scared To Be Lonely’


New Year, New Hair Disaster!

It’s the time of the year when I really put an effort to change my hairstyle. Yet, I ended up with the worst hair ever. Well, it was language barrier at its finest! I requested for a bob cut and a lighter colour dye on my hair when I was at the salon. I was so relax watching animation movie on my phone. Then, to my dismay my hair was cut short with no layering and no style. My hair looked so thick and messy. To add up, the person who attended to me bleached my hair. I never had this colour in my entire life because it is not allowed in any of my working places ever since. When I saw my hair on the mirror, I really wanted to cry. I had teary eyes. I was so angry that I kept quiet. The person wasn’t that bad he discounted me with everything. However, the damage was done. I didn’t make a scene. I also felt guilty because he was trying his best to make me feel good. Yet, there was no undoing… I must face the music and be brave enough to face all criticisms. Gosh, I felt like someone who had a terrible breakup that I totally overhauled my hair to the extreme. I lost my image and identity!

When I was in the party at my friend’s place, a friend commented if I am going to audition for K-pop. One added that it looked like I had a doll’s hair. I was the subject of ridicule….

Then, when I went to my brother’s place, my Sister-in-law thought I was wearing a wig. My brother called me Dragon’s Ball Z Super saiyan or one of the trolls.

The worst that I feared is what will my boss will say. I expect scolding. What a day to start the New Year! Help me God coz I needed few days to change the colour of my hair.


Can We Choose Who We Love?

Perhaps, love isn’t ours to define and it doesn’t have criteria nor standards. No matter how we escape or refuse it, love will always lead us to someone whom already etched in our hearts.

Old flick time and I chose to watch ‘The Reader”. At first, I felt it was gross and inappropriate for a 36 year old woman named Hanna Schmitz to have a relationship with an 15 year old boy named Michael Berg. Yet, the movie was more than the May-December affair of an older woman and younger man but about a different kind of genuine love which defies age and status, and also the circumstances surrounding them. Indeed, age doesn’t matter when it comes to love.

According to Michael Berg, ‘Only One Thing Can Make a Soul Complete and That Thing is LOVE’.

Hanna knew Michael is much younger and she never called him by his name. She referred him as ‘kid’. Michael, on the other hand, never said a word to anyone about his relationship with Hanna. During those times, the kind of relationship they shared was a taboo and unacceptable to the society. Michael’s denial only affected him as he aged and part of him still sought that kind of love he had for Hanna.

Perhaps, Hanna also couldn’t admit to herself that she loved someone way much younger than her. She was never opened with her feelings. However, the love they had inspired them to do what they could have done.

The movie taught me that doing something to someone you cherished isn’t a favour that person owed you. Likewise, it’s your gift to your soul that gives joy within because such love taught you courage, humility, generosity and being true to yourself. Love wears no masks, no pretending for it is being WHO YOU ARE AROUND THAT PERSON WHOM FATE BROUGHT FOR YOU TO LOVE.

Is love really our choice? Can we really choose who to love? There are times that I don’t know what to feel anymore and ashamed of what I really feel. Sometimes I suppressed my feelings and just be numbed…. like putting anaesthesia in my heart in your presence… Can I really choose not to love again and again? Will I be like Hanna? Why not let love be if you’ll let me love you more?


The Stranger is my Midnight Lover

Forgetting all my heartaches

The deadly rage within takes a pause

A brief cinema in the world of my head

A soap opera of my unconsciousness

A drama created by my production

No scripts and no auditions required

Only the desires and longings of my heart

Perhaps, it is never a vision

Something beyond unreal

But the feeling brings me to heaven


The climax of the scene is bidding farewell

The lover in tears and refuses her to leave

So afraid that she won’t return and leave for good —

She hugs him tightly and explains with kisses

A romantic moment that she’ll always remember

She packs her luggage and flies  to her father’s land

Reuniting with old  friends but something is missing

Rekindling the joys of the past while her heart’s bleeding

She no longer belongs to the shadow of yesterday

She  wants  to share all tomorrows with him


It is time to claim her most precious gift

When she enters in the room, he’s no longer there

Is it too late? Why he must leave so soon?

She cries and runs fast towards the door

Then, he gently grabs her shaking hand

Her skin  feels really cold and her heart is alive

The magic of that minute creeps into her soul

He said, “You thought I won’t come

But I am always here waiting”

Together holding each others’ hand

Flying together at the spiral staircase


What an authentic joy in my dreams!

Hey, the sun is on duty now!

It’s time to move on and live

He’s no longer my midnight lover

But a nameless man standing  by the road

And whose heart will soon be mine!

(X.O.X.O…. You know i love you and always will… wake up now… X.O.X.O. Don’t you miss me?  X.O.X.O. We’ll find one another… someday… somehow… all over again… our confusions will be over… and it will be no longer just a dream.  X.O.X.O…. I love you so!)

by The Corrs “Only in my Dreams”

Published on 2 March 2012, 1.02PM


Cry Baby: ‘the Saddest Girl Ever Existed’

Saddest girl she has to be
Salty tears stream down her cheek
Her heart’s bigger than her body
Her name is Cry Baby

cry babyWhat’s with the drama? Oops, nothing is wrong, I’m just bored.  In other words, I have nothing better to do with my life as of this moment (aside from sleeping and watching AHEMBsl8itfIcAEUk56, LOL).  By the way, I managed to make 149 cranes for my personal ‘1,000 Cranes Project’, which I aim to complete this month.

So, I was listening to songs I am addicted to last time and one of the artists whose music I enjoyed is Melanie Martinez.  I really love Melanie Martinez and her ‘Cry Baby’ album, all the songs are worth listening.  My favourite tracks are ‘Training Wheels’, ‘Cry Baby’, ‘Doll House’ and ‘Pity Party’.  I’ve been listening to the Cry Baby album since it was released in 2015.  Even until now, I am still watching the music videos because they’re creatively done and everything just captivates me.  The songs in the album are interrelated and there’s a story behind every track.  Melanie Martinez is not only an amazing singer and composer but a magnificent storyteller too! Kudos!

Sadly, true or not, it’s quite disappointing that Melanie Martinez is accused of sexually assaulting another female, Timothy Heller ( new artist and one of her best friends).

From Timothy Heller’s tweets:

Timothy Heller

Melanie Martinez’ response to the allegations:

Melanie Martinez response to Timothy Heller

Read more:

By Melanie Matinez “Cry Baby”

Find out more:

My baby has finally arrived!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😍😍😍🎂😇😇😇🌈🌈🌈🌈🎉🎉🎉

And my Captain together with his crew are also here to join the fun! Got my friend Totoro freebie❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘

Upcoming: 1,000 Cranes Project (Work in Progress)



Wasting in my lonely tower


“I was the one who had it all
I was the master of my fate
I never needed anybody in my life
I learned the truth too late”


I’m all by myself in the office today. I brought my speakers and fancy lamp to brighten the unlighted room. I’m free to do the things I wanted and I could dine inside (and no one would nag). Then, I was super vain that I took a lot of selfies. Not caring if I wore my old clothes today and I put heavy matte lipstick, ’22’ from Kylie’s lip kit. Well, it didn’t matter because no one was looking. Free as the birds outside my window but it rained on my way home, so there were no birds at all.

Well, there was a song that struck me, from the movie “Beauty and the Beast”. I feel like Beast right now, every lines of the song hit me to the core. I could relate to the lyrics and who would thought that I have feelings too. All this time, I already thought that I forgot how to feel and I could remain locked in my self-made tower and be isolated. Suddenly, there was something written… Things happened that I couldn’t control…

I’ll never shake away the pain
I close my eyes but he’s still there
I let him steal into my melancholy heart
It’s more than I can bear

Now I know he’ll never leave me
Even as he runs away
He will still torment me, calm me, hurt me
Move me, come what may

Wasting in my lonely tower
Waiting by an open door
I’ll fool myself he’ll walk right in
And be with me for evermore

I rage against the trials of love
I curse the fading of the light
Though he’s already flown so far beyond my reach
He’s never out of sight

Now I know he’ll never leave me
Even as he fades from view
He will still inspire me, be a part of
Everything I do

(lyrics from

by Dan Stevens “Evermore” (Ost Beauty and the Beast)


1st Sunday of Advent with Friends

I had a good laugh, and I talked and ate a lot not caring if I’d put a lot of weight today. Who could resist Japanese cuisine? It was an early Christmas get together with my Holy Family Church pals. My friend commented I am one of the true individuals she met (NOT PLASTIC, NEVER!). She added that I am daringly dressed up outside but I am actually conservative inside. Oops, I agree to that and thanks to her for pointing out. By the way, I loved the grilled salmon that I even ate the fish’s eyeball. Gluttony!!! By the way, I failed the lipstick challenge! My lips too thick!

My cravings put me to sin. Nevertheless, I was all prepared, overly dressed as usual and expected. I always wanted to wear those boots for a long time. There’s no winter in Singapore but let’s pretend I came from another country. The lady in the church who sold me something couldn’t even recognise that we came from same roots.

The joke of the day that I playfully uttered to my friends (with all the get-up), ‘I’m a celebrity before who already quit showbiz’ LOL. My celebrity complex is getting to me again.

A quick stroll around Orchard Central and a bit of shopping. Gosh, so crowded! (Discovered a newly opened 24-hr Japanese store)

After the fun and yummy dining, I went to the mass at the Cathedral, Church of Good Shepherd. After mass, the Archbishop William Goh’s message about the significance of gift-giving during the season was played. I couldn’t remember his exact words but it sounded like ‘when you give people presents, you’re not doing them a favour but you’re giving yourself a chance to share your blessings for everything God has generously gave you’. In other words, you’re giving yourself a favour in doing so. It’s not only about the gifts but it’s the opportunity to make others feel that they’re important, appreciated and remembered.

Actually, I’m jotting down notes for what to give this Christmas. The essence of sharing for me is not receiving back but to spread love and happiness. The smiles that I will see on their faces are more than enough for me. I hope to give everyone at home presents like I used to do. After all, I am still the same, always thinking of others first before myself.

I am fully aware that my sister wouldn’t understand why I turned down her request to sponsor a Children’s party. I had nothing against it. I was the founder of it ever since I was a child. After all, I used to be the president of the community for almost a decade and I used to initiate everything. I just wanted her to understand that when I did it, I was not alone although my father was always been generous. I motivated others to do their roles too. It was a group effort. I may be the captain then but the ship sailed because each one did an integral part. I never lead to be known and praised, I was there because I wanted others to feel that they belonged and it was never a one-man show. I always knew how to share the stage and I never needed the spotlight to feel important and needed.

My words were unkind for I indirectly said that you can never share what you don’t have. Honestly, I didn’t mind giving but didn’t I give so much? All my life it was all about them and so little room for myself. Tough love isn’t easy because I knew I hurt her feelings but I should let it be so that I would allow her to grow and fly on her own, take responsibilities and be humble to reach out to others. Now, I am reminded what I used to do every time I organised every youth and children’s parties. I did those stuff since I was fourteen until I left home. Of course, I pulled everything because I was so thick-skinned and Papa was always my avid supporter.

Christmas is around the corner! Rejoice, my friend, if you a non-believer! God is everybody’s saviour so you’re never excluded from His list this season.

Tomorrow won’t be a drama although all by myself and no one remembers or think of me. It’s freedom day coz I can eat inside and blast the music without anyone complaining. I can wear anything maybe I can wear shorts with matching backless or halter! 😂😂😂😘❤️ I can bring my disco lights!!! One day of freedom!!! Deep inside, I will actually miss everyone especially special…


3 J’s

Spring cleaning today of our L3 cupboards and payer space for our Catechism session already ended this year. Afterwards, I had lunch with my fellow Catechists at Saizerya in Seletar Mall. Thanks for my friend for the lunch treat and it didn’t end there for we had another coffee, a treat by another friend at Ya Kun Family Cafe.

As we discussed our plans for next year’s Catechism L3 sessions, one of my friends shared about the 3 J’s.

What are my 3 J’s this week?

The first J is Joy. What made me happy this week? I was happy with the breakfast treat that my boss gave daily for this week. I’m delighted that I finished the digital painting and drawing that my team will give to our Principal for her retirement gift. I hope my friends like what I did. It will make me happier (I’m not sure if they did like the art pieces I made). Also today my friend told me that I was doing well in my session and she appreciated how I projected my voice. Then, my colleague mentioned that her son was in my class. Her son liked and looked forward for my class every week, and he even applied what he learned at home. All the while I thought there was something wrong with how I spoke and my accent would hinder me in delivering my lessons and sessions. I felt happy for the appreciations and praises.

THE 2ND J IS JUNK! JUNK!!! WHAT MADE ME FEEL AWFUL THIS WEEK? OBVIOUSLY THE STRANGER TREATMENT AND THE RUN AWAY (I THOUGHT AS) FRIEND. I felt the junk but not his… LOL! And so as part of the AVENGERS, my power was the music blast!!! Who’s the stranger now???? Then, I was obliged by my sibling to rush things, which I hated because I had initial plans. The worst part was the truth about my bracelet. God knows I worked hard for it and I treasured it with all my heart. O, Mama when will all the lies end?

The third J is Jesus. How did I choose to follow Jesus this week? I was not that angry but very very mad to the max that there were invisible smoke that came out from ears and nostrils. However, I didn’t let my anger swallow my goodness and draw me to isolation. I chose to forgive and be a friend. I didn’t count what I did or what I have done, or even tolerated. I chose humility over pride, and my position didn’t stick in my head. Thus, instead of hate, I spread kindness and shared. I even let the one who ruined my day chose what he liked and the price never mattered. It was not intentional. I just knew that the person was quite picky and particular. Then, this week were my sister and nephew’s birthdays and also shared with them my blessings so that they would have a good time in their respective celebrations. I pray to Jesus that my Mama will stop lying for others’ sake and just for once she’ll also consider my feelings. Above all, I spent my time wisely together with my friends in Christ. Next year, I’m looking forward to share my love for Christ to others and grow more in faith. Others think that I’m lame because of I cherished my family and faith with all my heart. No issue with me. Whatever they’ll say, I still do my best to remain in the light and pray everyday for God’s guidance so that I won’t lost my way again.

I maybe lame but tomorrow I’ll walk with my knee-high boots for a lunch out with my friends. It has been quite some time since I last wore it.


Too Old

Spark at the beginning

I like you ever since

You stir my emotions

Enjoying the fun 

Always a good laugh

I know, I’m too old

What’s the big deal?

Age doesn’t matter

For I just can’t help

Feeling this way

You’re too addictive

My happy pill

And stress relief

Forever be yours

One Piece avid fan

I should have not get the phone casings because I’m going to change my phone soon.  But when I saw them on sale, I forgot my plans.  Luffy and your crew, what have you done to me? LoL Can’t wait to go home and watch the latest episode…


Recycle Bin Emptied

Life doesn’t keep scores

Whether I win or lose

I did carve you within

Words in my sleep were right

Time to tidy up the mess

Get rid of all the memories!


Put my efforts to my pieces

Used to inspire my art

That turned as my trash

None was meant to hurt

My indirect vengeance

A scheme unplanned


I want to draw another

The scars left behind

My tragedy and fear

Can’t paint the same

The portraits needed to go

Soft copies must be deleted

My Recycle Bin emptied

Thanks for all the pains

I’m braver & stronger now!!!

Can I paint someone new?

Certainly, got the courage!

Am I allowed to do so?

God, all I wanted is to share

To give my all and love too!

I know that I can. I will!

For there’ll be one man

He’ll treasure the portraits

Making him proud too!

By Grant Gustin “Running Home to You”


10,000 Reasons

A morning of prayer and thanksgiving… and farewell to a great leader.

I’m thankful for all my blessings and the good things that happened in my life. I am too grateful, so I also gave thanks to the people who helped me even if I am difficult and distant.

I’ll worship Your holy name

You’re rich in love

And You’re slow to anger

Your name is great

And Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness

I will keep on singing

10, 000 Reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, oh my soul

By Matt Redman “10,000 Reasons”


Seize the Day!

My cough kept me awake from time to time from nighttime till dawn. When I already slept soundly, I was awakened by a tremendous sound of continuous thunders. It frightened me even more knowing that I am left alone in the house, uncle and aunty went for a trip overseas for three days now. Due to lightning, there was a power trip. Hence, all lights went off! I’M SUCH A SCARY CAT!!! I’m afraid of the dark and thunder, plus no one was there. I initially panicked, dropped my phone facedown and broke its screen protector (I just replaced it 2 weeks ago). ‘Trust in Jesus, trust in Jesus!’ I kept reminding myself.

What a heavy rain! High heels not for today! At work, I thought that I’m free from teaching and I could do other tasks instead. Besides, I already offered to assist. Yet, another class was waiting. I couldn’t shortchange the kids and tell them that I have nothing to teach. Thus, despite my cough, I managed to deliver the lessons in between my barking. Then, when I was about to eat my free lunch at the canteen, another class came inside the com lab. I thought no more lessons for today! Yet, this is my last day with these kids. Next year, they’ll be on another level and they won’t be in my class again. Why not seize the day and give them something to remember? So, I did what I could by giving them an interesting lesson and gave out prizes afterwards.

I missed the free lunch. Well, it was alright since I did my part in my responsibilities. Nevertheless, I’m grateful to my friend for he gave me the burger that was given to him. So, I didn’t spend anything for lunch after all! Thanks❤️🙏🏻

By Spongecola “Bahaghari”


11.11: Farewell My Angels

I told myself I wouldn’t love or be involved again.  I’d rather hide in my cave and be the couch potato queen.  Live an unhealthy lifestyle and grow fat, dressed badly walking on ballerina shoes; and don’t even bother to find out my purpose.  Yet, love has many forms!

I claimed not needing anyone for I am contented with the company of myself.  When I left home, I slammed the door to shut everyone out in my life.  Perhaps, there was an erroneous choice I once made that dragged me to hell because I thought it was what I needed and wanted at the moment of my anxieties and frustrations.

Hey, Lord! Thanks for Your saving grace that opened my eyes to the essential of my existence.  When You brought me to where I truly belonged,  I slowly accepted my reality and learned to trust in Your plans. Everything didn’t come instantaneously, the process took awhile. Indeed, I was truly a slow learner. So, that was Your way of teaching me to be more understanding and patient as a person for others.  I am totally imperfect and I still need to work on my flaws over difficult people who are slaves of their egos.

I told You, I couldn’t.  Didn’t I? Not the centerstage again, I am told that it wasn’t my cup of tea.  What did I know about children? What else I could say about You? So, on my third year in service, You gave me children under my wings.  Whaaaat??? A new challenge and different responsibilities….

In the midst of this year, the circumstances of the situation, almost took me away from those angels.  Remember what I said to You, ‘there’s no taking back with what You have given and for sure You won’t allow Your sheep unaided.’

You answered me in a dream.  I dreamt of this day except in that dream I brought them ice cream but all my friend and I brought them were boxes of pizza.  Well, when you fed children, they could be perfectly well-behaved.  

Well, these children were my angels in desperate times.  In that time, when I was swallowed by the whale of darkness, God gave me these angels to assure me that nothing was impossible in Him. 

 I am always misunderstood. I admit when my heart and pride are pierced, my tongue is pulled down. Then, I’m left speechless and I’d rather be isolated.  I really don’t know how to deal with my anger.  I wish that I could shout and scold people, or pretend that I am cool with everything even if I am not.

It wasn’t a good day yesterday.  My body gave up on me.  I was exhausted but I pushed myself to keep kicking for I took my responsibilities seriously.  The people around me made me feel that being a goody two shoes was incorrect and a big joke.  

Thank you my angels for being restless at the beginning but with all the words you said, I am reminded that I introduced you to Jesus in a different way, which made you love and trust Him even more.  

I am not good in getting angry and expressing myself.  I don’t know how to deal with anger.  It only stressed me out that made me withdrawn from others.  I don’t even know how to nag or scold…. All I can do is cry… But, despite my tears, I can still face the world bravely with an ageless bright smile.

Thanks to you my angels for making me feel good and teaching me to love and be true to my commitment.  Thank you also for showing me to love Jesus even more. Thus, I didn’t let rain nor my sickness stopped me to be with you for the last time.  I hope I could stop you from growing and flapping your wings to the world because I feared the tendency that one of you may be like Anakin Skywalker who grew to become the Darth Vader.  Yet, you have to fly on your own to spread Jesus’ love.

Our journey in faith isn’t over.  Keep moving forward with confidence in Jesus.  Don’t be like the foolish bridesmaids but be like the wise ones who always had oil in their lamps.  Farewell my angels, till we meet again!


It’s My Birthday! 18 Again!

I’m the debutante today for the second time!  I wore a navy blue cocktail dress with a flower wreath on my head.  It felt good to be young again!  (I looked more confident and prettier this time compared to my actual 18th birthday.  It’s what you call growing old gracefully).

I had fun and enjoyed the whole celebration.  All hardwork paid off!

I just didn’t enjoy dressing up!  But I also did my part in making the whole presentation a success.

Thanks to all my groupmates and friends for all their contributions.  I’m grateful to all these very talented and skillful ladies!  

I woke up early to prepare all the stuff needed.  My friends were there to help me and they brought all the tasty food too!  Wow, it’s teamwork as it’s finest!  Thanks to our teacher, Ms Anabelle for everything she shared and taught us!  I totally don’t have confidence in baking for I thought it is tough to make all those cakes, breads and other pastries.  Thanks to this course, I learned a new skill and discovered that baking isn’t that tough at all!  The course has ended but I’m looking forward for more opportunities to bake more and more…


In Darkness there’s Light

Insulted. Absolutely! Definitely!

Are we made of plastics?

So nice and friendly inside 

Outside, go ahead avoid me!

Embarrassed of my age?

Shame on you for judging me!

I am not only made of numbers 

My heart is forever young

Always appreciating little pleasures

My soul will never age in God

For it is not restricted to time 

I know you can’t see me at all

For you were not even looking

It’s alright if you can’t appreciate 

I’ll always remain to be true to myself 

The birthday bash and presents

I won’t waste them on someone 

Who never cared and bothered 

Besides, you’ll receive a lot from many

So you won’t notice if I won’t give my gifts

If only you knew and spend that day with me

You’ll be the happiest, the best day ever!

I hope it makes your spirit high

Humiliating and poking your jokes on me

Of course, young girls are plenty 

If you only knew and find it within

No one will ever love you same way as I can

You don’t know, you never looked closely!

In darkness I hid, strolling unseen

Dressed in white, did I become a ghost?

In darkness, I found my serenity

No matter how many times you ridicule me

The light within will always be on fire

By Kesha “Girl on Fire”


The Last Message

In the middle of all the ridicules and humiliations, when I’m stuck in the reality where I don’t matter and exist anymore.  The Devil surely did a good job in feeding me with all the lies.  Yet, in my defence, the angels made me remember those wonderful memories that I kept only to myself.

Yeah, it was the longest-running infatuation but it began beautifully and how I described it was my favourite lines of all time.

Audrey Hepburn

“It was one boring lesson and I was definitely hungry.  My teacher didn’t only look like a goat but he sounded like one.  I felt like sleeping in class.  So, to control myself from falling asleep, I looked around to keep my drowsy eyes occupied.  Then, at that unexpected moment, you trapped my sight with your presence.  I was glued to you, despite of the fact that your friend was much cuter.  You were goofing around on the stairs not so far from where I was.  I couldn’t take my eyes off because you had the loveliest smile that I ever seen.  At that very instant, the world stopped rotating and the background froze.  It felt that it was only both of us existed in the world, and everyone’s existence dissolved and blurred from that scene.  Then, the only sound I heard was the melody from the piano.  There was only you and I, and I could hear the music looping in my heart.”

We were children back then, what did I know?  All I am determined to achieve was to create a name for myself.  When that time would happen, I wouldn’t tremble anymore when you would be there.  After all, you were the only man that I ever knew who completed my checklist for the ideal guy.  I admit that I was not that loyal, I played along with the options.  However, you were always the number one and the best.  Yet, you were almost perfect that made everything about you scary.  Suddenly, you were gone, Cleopatra was reborn and the attention I got was not really that pleasing at times.

I was an inferior teenage girl.  But, in college I was overconfident and everything was so easy to me.  I am always selected and lots of people wanted to be my friends.  I became a part of many things.  Perhaps, in school and my community, I etched a name for myself.

After I received my degree’s cert, you were the first one I searched.  I never told anyone but you were the only one I dared and put effort to reach out.  Well, I had my resources.  If I really paid attention to it, I could nominate myself as the best stalker.  Nonetheless, why should I be one?  That was the prime of my teens, I had the time of my life and I always enjoyed the little pleasures and suprises the world could offer.  In other words, I was too busy that I couldn’t spare a second in stalking you.  Sorry to disappoint your expectations but my obsession never led me to such extremes. Anyway, I only did whatever I did out of my impulsiveness because I thought at that point, I am already valiant enough because I already made it in college.

What they didn’t know, for a brief time, we exchanged messages and dropped calls.  When I heard your voice after five years, it was a disbelief that it made me awake for the entire night.  My apologies to those guys who thought I was into them because the truth was I only danced along with the music of my youth.

Several random messages were exchanged between us.  Suddenly, you asked me to come to the place where you were playing pool.  I refused but you insisted.  I wanted to be there but I couldn’t.  I am still not your equal.  My fears were greater than my feelings.  Plus, I couldn’t violate my dignity and pride. I convinced myself that it was not time yet.  Not yet.

I had my chance but I blew it because I had nothing to prove to you and everyone else.  I still couldn’t draw same as you could.  In addition, I still couldn’t prove myself that I deserved that seat in my class and I belonged in that place where we found one another… I’m not just the lucky one, I belonged too!

Prior to deleting your mobile number.  I used my creativity in writing to compose the last message I sent to you…

“It doesn’t matter.  Actually, nothing matters at all.  As long as I know that same sun and moon shine above our heads, I will always be fine.  May they watch over you and won’t fail to tell you that I truly cared even from a distance.”


contact deleted

Perhaps, I was almost there but my heart couldn’t overthrow the power of my mind.  My brain assured me that I chose correctly because following my heart would probably direct me to ruins.  Hence, I put an end to that infatuation for it was merely nothing but the invention of a dreamy and hopeless teenage girl.  No happily-ever-after ending.  It was the finale of my choice.

If I accidentally dropped by and saw you for the last time in your special day, please bear in mind that what never began was obviously over.  After that day, the world never stopped anymore and the music never played again.  I was like a walking dead incapable of feeling real affection and still scared of showing my true feelings.  Indeed, I am only good at hiding and writing. After all, they don’t really see the real me…

By Anne Hathaway “Somebody to Love” (OST Ella Enchanted)



The Broken-Hearted Girl

After all the tears and the drama

There is still a huge hole in her heart

The escaped souls from hell tempting her to curse

Yet, her gloominess will never spoil her pure soul

Her wrath is temporary, it will soon go away

Even if her kindness & generosity are ignored,

She remains true from the start till the end

Others’ intentions have question marks

Still she holds on her faith & believe in miracles


It is one of  the so many episodes of real soap opera

She’s not playing the role of the broken-hearted girl

She will never be the loser for she survives it all

She will never raise and wave the white flag of defeat

Try catching her, she’s flying farther than you

It takes a heartless someone to make her dream high

Forever she’ll care for you ‘coz she’s unlike other girls…

X.O. X.O .X.O. X.O .X.O. X.O .X. O.

i’m back to the old place — our dreamland… welcome me back again… thanks for not leaving soon in  that safe place that doesn’t suck —

Written last 12/12/12

By Beyonce “Broken-Hearted Girl”


My Heart in Explosion 

It’s a flood, blast in red!

Catastrophic isn’t it?

All wet, take my clothes off!

Where is the hanger?

Hurry open the window 

Dry my birthday dress!

Hey, I’m not naked at all…

Black shorts and shirt

Don’t see me like this

Humiliating to the max

My heart in explosion!

Too much embarrassment 

Absolutely awkward time…


Where Were You When I was 17?

Marlena asked Jacob Jankowski “where were you when I was 17?”.  The line struck me because I asked myself the same question every night for I’m so smittened with your presence in my dreams.  Even if there were  no scientific connections between dreams and reality still I wanted to believe that such unreal and imaginary moments in my head gave my heart reasons to bounce again as it used to do when I was 17.

Water For Elephants poster

Our story is not similar with Jacob and Marlena for there was no train ride that led us to the miracle of finding love.  Instead, I took an unintentional flight to leave my disgrace behind only to find a bench where I used to frequently see someone with headset and books.  Are you aware that I wasted my time looking for your photograph and I accidentally kept one?   Are you aware that it was so silly of  you and your friend to make fun along the background?  Do you still remember when you were obliged to wait for me?  Do you recall the time when I sent you out of the room twice for you were not welcome inside?  I can still remember that moment I spoke to you and how we shared same sweet smile from a distant.  Maybe you think that I didn’t catch you winking at me twice.  I only pretended that I didn’t see but actually I did.  Yet, all those random events are meaningless because we were never acquainted or became friends. (At that time…)

Dreams are all false, a fool’s perception of a non-existent world. Nonetheless, it is a perfect universe I conquered because it is where I can freely hold your hand and lovingly kiss you. There are no rules and standards, no norms to abide.  It is where we are free as a man and a woman.  If I am seventeen, I will still not talk to you but at least there will be no issues if you become one of my friends.

Perhaps, I don’t want them because I only wish of you even if it is difficult to see you again.

(Actually, few months later, you took courage to speak with me.  Then, we became FB friends and had at least 3 photos of only two of us together.  One event was during the reunion and another was my bday.  We spoke several times and you told me about your future plans.  We had a brief connection but that wasn’t ours to flourish and keep.  For sure this time, you’re no longer 17. Hope to see you again.  I don’t know if you’re that same person I used to know 6 years ago. There are plenty girls out there but there’s no one like me. Miss those days and thanks for not embarrassing me.  Thank you very much for the honesty, respect and admiration).

Published 6 June 2011 


Grow Up Fast

If we will meet again, will this obsession fade with time? I can’t fast forward or rewind my life. All I can do is wait for reality to unfold  and reveal our destinies. 

(Ah! My Goddess – Ah! Urd’s Little Romance)

Published 6 June 2011


The Final Apple

Four days and three nights Kerygma Retreat in St Francis Xavier Retreat Centre.  I surrendered my phone during the retreat and finally I can use it now.  During the retreat, I met people who didn’t judge me but helped me cope with my internal wounds. Through the sessions, I’ve learned to accept myself, understand and live my faith.  Thank you to the Holy Spirit for the gift of tongue, the language of love between Jesus and I.  

   Each day, all participants are encouraged to get apples with scripture verses.  I took my last apple and told Jesus.  “Lord, thank you for today and this apple is my finale.  This is my answer.”

22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly[a] I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

I believe and I claim it.  In Jesus’ name, let it will be done!


In His Time

Thursday, 💔😭

   I questioned my archangels 

  I doubted my prayers were heard

   Is the Blessed Mother really there?

   Then, I challenged the Almighty 

   And to Jesus, I gave my conditions

   What will I share to those kids

   When my seed was in thorny soil?


    Before I was inspired to draw

    Before I shared to the children

    Indeed, the rosary is powerful!

   Before I came to the session early

   Perhaps, I couldn’t sleep that night

  Awaken that evening flabbergasted 

   A big sigh, ‘All of YOU heard my heart”

   In Jesus’ ways, He answered 

   Not in my terms but in His time

   Who am to dictate my Saviour?

   In His time, it will be me too… 💑


    I thank my archangels and saints

   They heard me and they cared

   O, Blessed Mother forgive me 

    Thanks for giving me all the love

   I thank God for always being there

   My faith and my prayers not wasted

   Thank you Jesus and Your message

   “Patience my child, the time will come

    Don’t stop believing and have faith

   He’ll come around very soon 

  Let him be and he’ll be courageous 

   He’ll clear his head and love wins”

   Alright Jesus, your time be his too!




Will You Fall from Grace?

Father, I always wonder why there are people who at times misunderstood my purpose? I already accepted the loudness of my voice.  Why can’t others do too?  Should I keep quiet when it’s all about the call of duty?  The truth of the matter is I am insulted every time but I just shake it off because I know for the fact that I mean no harm.

Somebody I used to know from not long ago, told me there was nothing wrong with how I sounded.  Those were the times, when that person put efforts to talk and talk.  Yet, when a chapter ends, take a step to a world whereby there are people who see and only kind to those who are visually acceptable in their standards.  Should I feel bad and hate them?  Should I fall from grace?

Nope, I am not like them.  I don’t care if I am not in their criteria.  What’s the big deal?  I will still prepare what to wear the next day and look good for myself.  It doesn’t matter if others will notice me, as long as I’m happy with what I’m wearing.  I’m comfortable of walking in my skin and no matter how mean they can be, my confidence won’t be subtracted.  It’s not a question of body size, age and nationality.  But, a matter of attitude and how you handle yourself.  
Whatever you do and no matter how you do it, there are always people who’ll criticise and judge you. If people will bring you down and won’t like you, will you fall from grace? No, no, never! I always be who I am.  I will do my best in all I do.  I sing and dance even I don’t know how and I will never be good with any.  I’ll revive my deleted animation channel.  I’ll keep on drawing and learn more skills like baking… I won’t let the ways of the world take away my faith and dreams.  Whatever the millennials will say, what is right is always right.  It can never be wrong.  One day, I’ll be heard and people will actually read this.

Will I fall from grace because of some mean and selective people? Nope, I kill them with kindness.  If there words are getting into my nerves, (at times I’ll get mad a little) I’ll listen to BTS or Got7 and count 1 to 10 until I composed myself.  I can’t dwell on hate.  Life is always beautiful.  I am fun to be with and I still have my humour.  Too bad, it’s all about the loudness when in fact I make sense…

‘Kill ’em with Kindness’ by Selena Gomez


Wake Me Up When September Ends

I AM READY! THIS IS IT, Lord!  This is it!!!

By Green Day ‘Wake Me Up When September Ends’. My favourite jam last time


Don’t Wake the Sleeping Dragon

It was only a legend, some old folktales
It was told, her father was the greatest slayer
A bravery known by so many men
There was one unforgettable battle
He slayed an expectant mother
The dragon’s last angry words
“My kind will never be extinct
My son will unknowingly dwell
In the heart of your most beloved
Be warned not to make her weep
The sleeping dragon will rise!”
Her words gave chills into his spine

To the little angel on his arms
He avowed to her a joyful world
A wonderful place with no bitterness 
Before his last breath, he said
“My sweet baby angel, never allow
Sadness to dominate your heart
The pain will pass, be happy always!”

She’s a friendly, kind and jolly girl
Yet, there were witches out there
They took away everything from her
But, she never gave up on hope,
A bright tomorrow of laughter

However, the worst has to come
Abused innocence and kindness
She only wished to purely love
Feelings were taken for granted
And so her wrath was so high
The flames came out of nowhere
A big sounding roar was heard
The dragon within was awakened
And so bloodshed was on the land

The miracle of love put out
The fire of her burning rage
The dragon within is asleep once more
Be warned don’t make her a fool again
If you are not true, go away!
Don’t wake the sleeping dragon
For her fury will be its strength
Stop all the lies & sarcasms
If she’ll keep on crying to bed
The dragon might hear her sorrows
It will escape again and you’ll be sorry!

Published last 19 Oct 2012

by Evanescence “My Immortal”


The Archangels and Me

Today is the feast day of the archangels.  Who are they and what do I know about them?  First, St Michael for me is the valiant one for he defeated Lucifer.  Secondly, St Gabriel for me is the messenger for he announced to Mary and Joseph the birth of Jesus; and told Zachariah the birth of John.  Lastly, St Raphael for me is not only the healer but also the matchmaker who led Tobias to Sarah.  

Who are the archangels to me in my situation at this point?  St Michael is for courage.  St Gabriel is to proclaim the truth.  St Raphael  is to lead the way. 

St Michael make us valiant 

At times, we’re frightened 

Scared to death of rejections

Afraid that our hearts are wrong

St Gabriel speak in our dreams

Tell us everything will be fine

We can’t runaway from God’s plan

It’s time, let His will be done…

St Raphael lead us the path

Help us heal our brokenness 

Whatever paths we’ll take

Guide us to where we belong 

St Michael lend us your strength 

St Gabriel tell us the Divine’s will

St Raphael take away the demons

Almighty Father, Your we’ll be done!

“It might be series of dreams but the voices might be St Gabriel’s.  It was unexplainable, but I saw someone calling me when I had my accident and I was awakened for he called my name.  Then, during the lowest points of my life, St Michael cheered me not to fall in the pit of hell.  I wouldn’t be here.  I was hesitant to give it a try for I was rejected then.  But, I am where I am now thanks to St Raphael.  Thanks to my archangels.  If it’s not too much to ask, another favour again.  Thanks in advance.  This time, I’m ready!!!”