Last Friday Night

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What an exhausting evening! When I went home, I immediately hit the bed and didn’t even noticed my sister came home. I’m not supposed to be there but something came out not right. So, I had no choice but to be there.  On the other hand, staying was worthwhile, a quick chit-chat and meeting everyone again after a long time of not seeing each other. It was quite late when I went back but it was a Friday night filled with wonderful whom some used to be part of my yesterday. So, the evening was concluded with fun and I’m glad I stayed to catch with the kids I used to know. How time flies fast!!! They’re all grown up ready to explore a new beginning for their bright future. I’m happy with how they become and I am grateful to be part of their youths once in their lifetimes.
Before I started my day’s job, I found these photos and I remembered last Friday night. Damn, I was so tired that I forgot to add this in my post last week… (AMKSS Alumni Homecoming)

All the good things and luck are bound to happen to everyone!!!


by Katy Perry ‘Last Friday Night TGIF’

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I’ve seen it all

I told Genevieve today. “You’ve seen every photo. Behold! They are young, slim and pretty! Look at you, you’re too old, fat, dark and short. No wonder he despised and can’t see you. Wake up it obvious, that’s the girl he is into… the photos tell it all!”

Genevieve didn’t cry even if she wasn’t feeling well today. She said, “Age doesn’t matter and God makes no mistakes. There’s nothing wrong with me and I know within me that I am worthy. I am a servant of God and I am blessed. I pray that my goodness will be seen and I am forgiven. I don’t have to compare myself to her because I am unique in my ways. To think about it, didn’t I let go with all of them? I will never feel less because of my age, height and weight for I embrace and accept my true self and skin. Who knows I can love and serve the best? I can bring him to heaven…”

Genevieve is right. No one can judge us or bring us down for God created all of us special.

If Only I Can Take Care of You

The weather was really bad yesterday.  It kept on raining but I was having a good nap for I felt terrible because the internet connection was so slow and I couldn’t load Natsu and Gray.  My sister and cousin complained that they were really bored and it felt that Lent season was not over.  Likewise, I felt down because there was no space for my TV and I-phone dock in our room.  I am desperate of watching Natsu and Gray on  the big screen!

When night-time came, I left a good night message for you.  I was thinking you were out enjoying a drink with your friends.  Likewise, my thoughts were wrong.  It never occurred to me that while I was dreaming of you in the afternoon you were out in the rain doing your job.  Don’t blame me, you always give me the impression that you’re an easy-go-lucky guy.  I’m alright with it because that’s how you deal with your life and there’s nothing wrong with it.

Just now, you shared to me that you were not feeling well and you had a terrible Saturday because the weather was so unkind.   If only I could fly now, I would have done it.  Hoping, I can borrow Nightcrawler’s ability to teleport, I would have been in your side right now.  Don’t make me worry about you.  There’s nothing I can do but be stuck in my room, praying to God that you will be just fine.  Please, don’t be sick because I won’t be there to take care of you.

If only I can take care of you

Can I bring you dozen of roses?

Will a box of chocolates alright?

Will my kisses be just fine?

Is it okay if I hold you so tight?

If you don’t mind, I’ll do your dishes

Rest on my lap while I touch your head

My massage will get rid of the aches

Oh, God! Hope you’re really fine…

I’m so worried, I have to make this post

Published on: 15 April 2012 @15:32

The Deception Curse by the Raggedy Doll

“Anubis, unlock the door of the underworld

Bring along that wicked boy named Little Johnny

In hell where he deserves and he’ll burn to the bones

That bastard is expert in crafting the art of lying

Born without a heart and quick in deceiving kids 

Little Jane, how it fractures me seeing you so weak! 

Grab a handkerchief and wipe away all your tears

A greatest fall will happen to such ridiculous boy 

Little Jane, weep no more for I’m alright

Even if Little Johnny toss me like a trash

He cannot ruin the inner strength of my soul

Little Jane, why were you blinded with his lies?

How dare him to make a fool of your kindness?

A pretentious friend who ought to suffer more 

Is he going anywhere when he can’t reach his dreams?

I might be a Raggedy Doll but I can feel how much it hurts

Though I have no voice, my wrath is etched in my spirit

Little Jane, I can’t avenge for you and  my curse is true!”

“O, my beloved Raggedy Doll! Look at you!

My, my, what Little Johnny has done this time?

O, my Raggedy Doll, why your eyes so hollow?

I beg you not to let your angst darken your being

Little Johnny means no harm and he’s an angel

It’s untrue that he is one of Satan’s sons for he was our pal

Remember the fun and happy days when we played with him

Weren’t his colorful tales enjoyable that made us laugh?

Mama & Papa said never curse for it is a sin against God

Don’t surrender and allow yourself to be controlled by the devil

Raggedy Doll, I can clean and mend you so that you’ll heal

Little Johnny is my good friend and forever he’s special”

“My sweet Little Jane, why are you so quick in forgiving?

Little Johnny will pay the prize of being  a stupid jerk

How can he betray you and put your dignity at stake?

He must be Judas’ kin and he won’t get away with it!”

“O, my Raggedy Doll, please stop with this nonsense

I don’t desire any misfortune to befall at Little Johnny

 I pray to God that you’ll learn to forgive and forget

He’s back to an old playmate but still he’s always my friend”

———————————————————-

Note that this poem is not all about the curse or a girl cursing someone who made her cry.  But, this is all about how anyone naturally feel or react when being directly or indirectly disappointed and failed by others.   Little Jane and the raggedy doll represent the positive and negative feelings and thoughts within every person towards someone in such unlikely situation.  In every person, unconsciously good and evil exist.  Yet, the child within us that is always forgiving, pure and understanding will always prevail.  We should not choose to live in hatred because in darkness we’ll never find true happiness.

——————————————-  

by Philippa Hanna “Raggedy Doll”

——————————————–
T. Lewis and R.K. Harrison inform us:
When a curse is pronounced against any person we are not to understand this as a mere wish, however violent, that disaster should overtake the person in question, any more than we are to understand that a corresponding “blessing” conveys simply a wish that prosperity should be the lot of the person on whom the blessing is involved. A curse was considered to possess an inherent power of carrying itself into effect… Such curses [and blessings] possessed the power of self-realization. 
Source: http://www.religiousverse.com/forum/10-apologetics-and-theology/517-biblical-curses
——————————————–

The Room of Shattered Dreams

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Browsing for recipe online, I was determined to follow my parents’ footsteps that I could be a good cook too.  I should start somewhere, it runs in the genes after all.  If my brothers could do it, I am of no exemption.  In stead of analyzing logic gates, I tried to understand the uniqueness of every ingredient and the significant role fire played in the whole process.  With a sunny face and humor, I proclaimed to my friends, “I am ready for my soon-to-be!!!”  We laughed, I made their dining experience a happy one same I usually did with my family as I grew up.  The table wouldn’t be boring in my presence.  What??? Who??? I don’t recall that girl anymore.

Shoes here, clothes there… I wanted everything in order and I must schedule cleaning every week.  No dusty room, please!!! My place should be neat and adorned with cute stuff, which defined how creative and lively I am. Always in cheap style.  Yet, it cheered me up and gave delight to my heart.  I draw, pray, read and write for extra time.  I even produce animation for fun.  Singing is not my hobby.  I have a horrible voice and I can’t hit the notes.  What’s going on?  Where all cute stuff goes?  What’s with the mess?  OMG, pedicure and manicure missing!!!  The crib of bliss turned to be a monster’s horrifying place with that awful crying and singing sounds.

What’s with the drama?  What’s with the long face?  You forgot what Papa said??? You look beautiful because you always share a smile?  What’s with the inner torture?  You are the bravest… Stop acting like you’re a drama queen!  You’re terrible in crying…

How?  I entered the room where my existence is unknown.  I have no voice.  I heard and seen, and pretended not to know even if I understood what was going on.  The door shutted down.  I tried to be welcomed but the ring leader was disgusted of me.  My head wouldn’t function and my tasks uncompleted.  I felt the torment of being there but invisible.  I should tried hard to be liked but I am bad of faking.  They all scared most of the time but I taught myself to be comfortable.  I showed who I am, which was the biggest mistake I ever did.  The chief was pissed of me and despised my presence.  Despite all his disapproval, I cared and willing to share my love.  But, the chief was headstrong and his heart sealed.  Then, he decided to fly off somewhere to be united with a goddess, the fairest and most perfect.  The festival he planned with excitement and I am not invited. It’s alright, I understand that I am not welcome at all.

Am I the one who I used to know?  Not in that room… it is the room where I am someone whom I don’t know.   I even forgot how to talk a lot and crack a joke.  I should greet everyone, not ignore them… I did or they do…. When was the last time I smiled?   When I  taught I could learn to love again, I entered inside and found myself in the room of shattered dreams.  What is loneliness? I can’t define it before but where I am now I endure its definition.  Don’t come in to the ROOM OF SHATTERED DREAMS where I am the ugliest, undesirable, horrible and the cursed overacting drama queen….

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By Green Day “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”
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You Slaughtered Part of Me Today (That Boy is a Monster!!!)

I’m not crying, it is the sky outside weeping aloud

The image of truth, the hidden photograph revealed

Deceived by string of lies and romantic twine of hopes

Thanks for the joy you bring and the pain you pour

I can no longer hear the sounds of the raging thunders

I can only listen to my own, the shattered crystals within

Why you have to come and bring the daggers of truth?

I want to run to my father’s grave and feel his warm embrace

***

“Papa, that day I almost died,why bother saving me?

If you love me, why you let go and give me a second chance?

Papa, this another life is my hell on earth for everybody lies

It was only your illusion and false promise about someone

If my migraine is deadly, I don’t mind for I want to see you soon

Papa, I tried opening my door, only to find myself bleeding alone

Someone knocking is only a dream for no one is really there —“

***

I asked God several times but His answers always lead me to you

Is this my punishment from being heartless and headstrong?

No wonder you keep on ignoring me, just say that she exists!

Foolish me! My friends and I are just equivalent to cash —

Trap in your strategy of the marketing trade, it’s your job!

***

Somehow I know that I’ll triumph and I won’t give up

How to continue when I am paralyzed with reality?

Few minutes ago, I feel like evaporating to the clouds

Am I really hurt with the truth in front my eyes?

You must be laughing out loud for my stupidity

You must be rejoicing with my defeat for this is what you want

You slaughtered part of me today and hope you’re happy now!

——————————————————–

(Today, I’m supposed to ask a very important favor for I need his help so badly. Look at his chest! She must very significant and irreplaceable—)


He’s a monster!!!! That boy is a monster —- (“Monster” by Lady Gaga)

 

You Slaughtered Part of Me Today (That Boy is a Monster!!!)

I’m not crying, it is the sky outside weeping aloud

The image of truth, the hidden photograph revealed

Deceived by the string of lies and romantic twine of hopes

Thanks for the joy you bring and the pain you pour

I can no longer hear the sounds of the raging thunders

I can only listen to my own, the shattered crystals within

Why you have to come and bring the daggers of truth?

I want to run to my father’s grave and feel his warm embrace

***

“Papa, that day I almost died, why bother saving me?

If you love me, why you let go and give me a second chance?

Papa, this another life is my hell on earth for everybody lies

It was only your illusion and false promise about someone

If my migraine is deadly, I don’t mind for I want to see you soon

Papa, I tried opening my door, only to find myself bleeding alone

Someone knocking is only a dream for no one is really there —“

***

I ask God several times but His answers always lead me to you

Is this my punishment from being heartless and headstrong?

No wonder you keep on ignoring me, just say that she exists!

Foolish me! My friends and I are just equivalent to cash —

Trap in your strategy of the marketing trade, it’s your job!

***

Somehow I know that I’ll triumph and I won’t give up

How to continue when I am paralyzed with reality?

A few minutes ago, I feel like evaporating into the clouds

Am I really hurt with the truth in front my eyes?

You must be laughing out loud for my stupidity

You must be rejoicing with my defeat for this is what you want

You slaughtered part of me today and hope you’re happy now!

——————————————————–

(Today, I’m supposed to ask a very important favour for I need his help so badly. Look at his chest! She must very significant and irreplaceable—)


He’s a monster!!!! That boy is a monster —- (“Monster” by Lady Gaga)

(May 9, 2012 @ 18:39:31)

Quicksand

He was the last to go. He was about to leave but he opened the door again saying “I won’t miss u. Nope, I l’ll miss u.” It would sound nice if only he’s not eight. Little boys do say random stuff without thinking. Beneath the randomness, I could still sense the respect, appreciation and sincerity. If only children can lend others eyes for their sight see beyond physical appearance…

I told my friend that whenever I am down, I put my ex-students photos on my desktop to remind me that once upon a time I am truly seen and appreciated; my age and appearance were never a big deal. It was those days that coming to work felt like heaven, and everyone were very compassionate and cooperative. No bullying and no sabotaging. No finding fault. Each one help one another and work as a team. No need to carry heavy stuff… My students (whatever their streams were) and colleagues were surely offer help. No pre-judging your looks… they were sensitive of your needs making me feel that I belonged. Not counting but helping one another…

I was in trouble today and those people made me feel that I failed fulfilling my duties. All the blame was on me and the rest was off the hook. What happened to teamwork when people around your circle only want to push me down? I called my Friend but her team made me jealous… In terms of physical build, she’s much bigger and way taller than me. Yet, her team was there for her. No one runs away when you needed them the most. No need to put in the group chat, they’re men… they just do it…

I drowned in the quicksand today. Nobody cares because they have good lives. They have everything that they wanted with their carefree lives. I don’t want to get out from the quicksand… I hate being there. I am treated as the outsider. Lame me, I always care and helpful to others… always to share and give… and in return, I was the one in trouble! It was image, pride and dignity ruined.

I always have a happy disposition in life but there are people whose life are perfect but still want to destroy my merry world. Does it make joyful that I’m going home with a heavy heart?

In moments like this, I miss my old self and it used to be…

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My Fairy Tale Comes True Too

Cinderella had one pair of shoes while I have more

She gate crashed a grand ball and found a Prince

Whereas my party is long time over, no one is here

***

Snow White left home because of a witch, so did I

She rejoiced with the dwarfs and I with the kids

She ate a poisoned apple and kissed by her true love

***

Ariel wanted to be out of the sea to be with her guy

The price of her heart’s desire was her golden voice

Yet, I am more voiceless than her because I can’t say it

***

Jasmine had it all and she had Alladin on the magic carpet

Together they explored a whole new world, I did too

But mine is in my fantasy land, exclusively ours only

***

Aurora was asleep for years still love found its way to her

It has been many years since my heart was in slumber

Who among us need to wake up? If you only believe me…

***

Odette became a swan but her looks never stopped her

A love that is true always perceive straight from the heart

No witch can stop the will of God and power of the universe

***

Anna rushed on finding the one, deceived and broken-hearted

Nonetheless, a genuine heart will always find what’s real

No need to hurry just be who I am and live happily everday

***

Is there a happy ending? Can I just live my story as how it is?

I wanted taste the lips of my love and tango with him all night

Who cares I’m too old? My fairy tale come true too, I just know

***

No masks worn, this is who I really am and I’m proud of myself

I’ll continue to be a good person and love everyone around me

Thanks heaven for the gift of love, which I’ll share with him heartily

***Hello, u know who u are… Wake up!!! Sleep no more. Can u share ur seat? Will u listen and not be irritated? I can make a fun and meaningful conversation too! Will u see the heart instead, rather than all insignificant variables? The best choice is only and always right in front of u. How can I make a move or be forward when you slam the door on my face? How can I take courage when you’re always angry and not happy in my presence? How can I ask you out when you never listened nor even acknowledged my existence? How can I kiss you when you walk so fast to be away from me? With all the pain of truth you revealed each day (I did like the bag but now I change my mind, jealous 😂) I only pray for your happiness… for at the end of the day, all I know is to pray… this the worst of the worst chapter of my story…***

I’m Fine Without you

freedom quote

In the saddest moment of my life, I had you by my side. Although you were furious with the situation still we shared the tastiest meal ever. It was indeed our last lunch time together.  When evening came, I had to go and was uncertain of returning. You knew that I tried my best but luck was not on my side. When I left, I had to take you out quickly in my system. Nonetheless, my presumptions were incorrect for my will was not as powerful as the demands of my heart. As a woman, I had greater needs then that money couldn’t afford. Even if I forced myself to stop, it was slowly killing me each day. However, I didn’t allow  my darkness ate the brightness of my dreams and hopes.

Without you and be home from across the oceans, butchered my entire being.   Likewise, I must not be defeated by my needs instead I had to face the sun daily with undying bravery within.  Although there were times when every waking time, I wished not to open my eyes, I kept reminding myself that each day was a birth of new beginnings.    Yes, I went on breathing without you but somehow my emotions abandoned me that I was no different from a walking dead. So,  I forced a smile when I’m with others even if at that instant, all I wanted was to perish and be taken by the wind.

Then, I was back on my feet again and made it through. You rejoiced with me as always. Deep within me, I knew you wanted to be there but I knew it was not the same. Your coldness crept into my spines that brought sickness to my entire being. Indeed, I wept from evening till morning. So many sleepless nights and I put the blame on myself. Again, history repeated itself when I felt despising  all my flaws and my stupid skills.

You told me, “you’re strong!” Indeed, I am. I am alive and I ought to live for each day is a blessing and a miracle. As a matter of fact, I didn’t die when you were totally gone. As I moved forward, I realized that I am alright and there was absolutely nothing wrong with me.. No hassles and guilty feelings. My conscience were all clear. Perhaps,  you smashed my heart several times in the past with my permission but I didn’t lose everything because of it. Above all, my precious existence wasn’t terminated when you made that awful choice and totally changed to shatter my heart.  After all, I still had me with ulrimate goals in life.

NOT QUITTING!!! Always the big dreamer even if I go on journeying minus you, meaning all by myself….Indeed, totally  without you…

Honestly, I’m fine without you despite of my shortcomings. It was not the end of the world when you were out of my life. I am doing what I wanted now while enjoying my liberty.  No more pretenses and secrets. After all, without you is my freedom to be who I truly am, which I overthrown that very moment I let you inside my life.
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by Hinder “Without You”

published last 05/14/2015 @11.53 pm

From a French Boy

The school year reopened with so many drama and conflicts. Even if the indifference pulled me down, I still wake up each day feeling blessed and grateful. Yesterday, the only French boy in my session gave me a handwritten ‘Thank You’ card. It was one of those moments when I am grateful that I am labeled boring with personality that sucks because if I were exciting and trying-to-please-the-men type of girl, then I wouldn’t be in the place where I have the opportunities to share to the young ones how great is God’s love. I told to the kids yesterday that we should pray as one to remain in the light. When I read the card, I am overjoyed by the sincerity of the young boy’s words. Then, all that happened for the entire week were deleted and replaced with God’s love.

I thank Jesus for bringing me to a place where I learned how to care for others and my love for Him inspired others too.

I woke up late today, it was already passed 12pm because I was watching the Miss Q & A Grand Finals till dawn. After my lunch time, I even dozed off… Luckily that I still managed to wake up on time and made it for confession before the 6pm mass started. What a relief after I went out from the confession room! Finally, I can make peace with zero grudges. When the mass was over, I dropped off in Greenwich because I had this craving for an Awfully Chocolate cake… sweets can bring more happiness and this is my treat! Afterwards, while waiting for my bus, I met my friend and we had dinner while uplifting each other’s spirits.

Thank you dear God for bringing me good friends who can see how beautiful I am as a daughter of yours. The faithful always triumph and true love wins all the time!

Eventhough Our Summer Ended😱

Once upon a time, we spoke under the ceiling of stars that summer. There was no memory of our dialogues, I only recalled that I was very tense at that instant. So, you were there when I was waltzing with him and you did remind me of that moment. Sorry I already forgot about it for I am so occupied with my summer lessons and there were others in my class who disrupted my thoughts. So that evening was concluded with merriment in our hearts. When I reached home, I am replying a letter to someone else. It was the beauty of youth and I was good with time management.

You had so much admiration at me and you never judged me as someone selfish similar to what somebody I used to know said. My apologies for not returning for another summer. I even hid the fact that when you dropped by my place, I came from a rendezvous. There were many things unsaid but I am only certain with what I could achieve not who I would keep.

Eventhough our summer ended, the sun never stopped shining and I am always grateful for I am truly blessed with many things. When others are bitter at me, I only become a better person because I look deeper at my good deeds. Even others choose not to see my goodness and will dwell on hatred, I’ll remain true to myself and offer the world my splendid smile.

Remember when you told me that I am a beautiful person and my confidence would bring me fortune. Those were words from the lips of someone who genuinely cherished me for being me. You were one of those few people who appreciated and truly saw my truest beauty as an exceptional daughter of God. Thanks and adieu to our summer days. What was left of our summer are glitter of memories for we left as joyful individuals who made a choice of not turning back. I wasn’t banished not to return in our land, I am only looking foward with my hopes at the pedestal for the future God restored for me.

After so many summers, here I am…. And so hey gorgeous what’s with the frown??? I was just kidding and I thought we had the morning of joke time. What will make you smile??? Stop the hate and just continuously love and love…. Remember, it feels good to forgive others— what do you know, the one who loves you the most is just right in front of you… Yet, you can only see what is essential with your heart, not with your eyes…. take away whatever blinded you and stop looking for what is truly true and the truest…. most genuine of them all! I’m here, present!!! Hey, gorgeous! Chill! I am indeed here… Love yeah!!! Mwaah!!!! Xoxo…

In my secret world…

By Karylle “I love Yeah”

Butterflies in the Meadow

Yellow Girl

Dashing towards the outdoor feeling the breeze only to uncover that the butterflies were all gone.  Where did they go when at this point in time, I am far away from where I used to be?   There used to be quite a number of them chasing me but I prefer to be all by myself.  So, here I am today standing in the midst of a meadow where butterflies are extinct.

How can I rewrite my fate or return to how it used to be? Perhaps, there’s no turning back for the past is in the past.  Moreover, the paradise I always wanted is slipping into my fingers all the time, which is beyond my control.  So, I looked up at the sun recalling all the insults, insensitivity and tactlessness.  Indeed, I am told that the waiting list queue is long and I will never be counted.  Am I such one pathetic fool to be the outcast?

Certainly, I am not oblivious to the reality.  Welcome to the generation whereby being the goody two shoes is uncool and unacceptable.  The obnoxious forwardness pinched my heart briefly but I just shook it off quickly because after what I had been through, I should have known better.  Not so long time ago, I did the unthinkable and allowed myself to be enslaved by my obsession for several occasions then. At the end of the day, it never gave me satisfaction instead I was melancholic, guilty and embarrassed.  I learned my lesson the hard way and so this is my retribution for all the erroneous decisions that I did.  As a result, I also learned to shut up and let people be.

No matter how I am judged or being labelled as horrible with a personality that sucks (according to…), it won’t diminish my confidence and optimism.  Even I am always discouraged and treated sourly, I will still continue to fulfil my obligations with all my heart for God, my family and to others.  When someone throws stones at me, I only give back a delicious bread. In other words, I won’t dwell on grudges and vengeance at all but always do good deeds and as much as possible control my temper while allowing the Holy Spirit in leading the way.

Indeed, I took the road less travelled where all my friendly butterflies existed no more.  Here I am the wandering buffoon who finds it impossible to sweep him on his feet.  Likewise, I won’t surrender in disgrace nor feeling like an idiot for it’s not the end of the world for this too will pass.  Instead, I am going to stand on my feet with my head held up high and never get tired of continuing to love purely and truthfully.

My love isn’t a lie and this is God’s gift too.  It will bring authentic joy to the one with an open heart.  I let the butterfly fly away from me so that it can explore the world and find its audience.  When it gets exhausted from its flight, I am always here waiting lovingly and patiently. After all, I keep on telling myself that I don’t need so many butterflies for one is perfectly fine and more than good enough for me.

Sometimes one can’t see what truly matters when that person is so attached to the ways of the world.  Nonetheless, there’s someone Divine whether you’re a believer or not who knows better and we are no match for His powers.  Almighty King, let Your will be done!

(It was a long and stressful day! I needed a long walk and sweets to relieve me from being anxious for I failed to accomplish my expectations for the day.   And of course, the offer was on for you needed that too… I could sense it without any words uttered.)

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(Butterfly on my shoulder… this was the photo that my sister took with her old Sony camera)

To my first love❤️😍😘

My version of Infinity War face-off is a total disaster. I tried to draw but I actually couldn’t. But, if you were here, you’d definitely tell me not to give up and would say that I could do anything as long as I put my heart into it.

Remember, I oftentimes told you that I could draw without showing any artworks for all I did was read and sleep. I even told you that I could be a nun praying full day at the monastery. You only smiled because you knew too well that I only wanted to be all by myself and I never cared for others except you.

Here I am trying to draw my favourite superheroes. Yet, what so many people don’t know that you never failed to save me, you were the best superhero who loved me for who I am.

When I am cold and aloof, you embraced me with warmth reminding me that I am never alone and I couldn’t always run away from those people who needed me. You always supported me to lead…

I even said that I couldn’t make it in my studies. My secondary school would surely kicked me out and I couldn’t get my certificate for my degree. Undeniably, I am the laziest among my siblings in the academic field and I am always absent from my classes. However, all you said was I could surpass the rest because God blessed me with many gifts. One day, my skills would be my tool for survival. Guess what, now I even made it to second degree and post-grad… Thank you for not judging me and seeing the best in me, which I chose to put aside.

I miss kissing and hugging you everyday. Thank you very much for your unselfish love. You’re the first man I truly loved and my avid fan.

I miss you Papa! Happy Father’s day!

There are no accidents

Finally everything was over yesterday. I was so exhausted but it was worthwhile. Looking back, I didn’t expect to be with the people surrounding me. Yet, I was there…. for four days, it made me realised that tough love is indeed truly tough. In that experience with the kids, I was the disciplinarian, secretary, facilitator, artist, teacher, evangelist… Above all, I had the chance to become a temporary mum. I poured my time, energy and cash for the success of the event. But it was worth my everything because the children and their parents appreciated what I did.

Always thought that it was by accident that I volunteered to be there. Now, I know that there are no accidents for God placed me to where I can grow in faith and to be more caring to all people around me.

Super tedious but I thank God that I survived and I am healthy as a horse.

I don’t mind doing it all over again because being with the kids I am reminded that I am a beautiful person and a blessing to others too. I lost my cool on the kids for several times but I was very proud of what they had shown and done.

UNGLAM but still and always FAITHFUL!

Hmp! I got my new passport today. Passport photos are always unglamorous… What can I do, it’s me and there’s no shame of who I am!

Afterwards, I helped my friends to prepare the venue tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the day. I’m off from work but I’m ain’t resting, I’m too occupied preparing for the Wedding Feast session and the two prayer stations assigned to me. It’s four days event from morning to afternoon….

God enlightened me for what I’ll share to the kids under my care.

In my absence, may God bless you too. I’ll keep you in my dreams as usual! Missing you though… I hope u know and will never ever find out. 😂😝😆😅

https://goo.gl/images/n6skDN

Does it matter if you’re late?

The meeting just ended. Late? Very late. But, does it matter? The thought of the upcoming event is stressful. Three sessions in a row and 4 days straight for a full day commitment … All for the glory of God! Jesus, You’re my all! My wits and talents are not mine, I’m only sharing what belongs to you.

Probably, I felt the pressure because I am afraid of failure and I wanted everything to work perfectly according to plan… I needed to read through, research, reflect and memorise… Do I have the luxury of time to do so?

Well, I am not that confident. I only trust and have faith in God.

Too late!!! Nah! Lord, You’re with me! I should be still…

Taste of Liberty

The shadow of Lochinvar existed no more

No longer the uninvited wedding guest

Resigning from the role of stalker forever

I had my chances and let them off the hook

***

This is no longer the realm of the witch

I departed that sacred place for a decade

The witch and her minions couldn’t destroy me

Not anymore, no one could take away what I deserved

***

I am away from all those shallow pretenders

The ones who overlooked my efforts and hard work

Feasting on rumours to ruin my reputation

My father is right those who are good are rewarded

***

I have forgiven that girl who played to be obsessed

Exhausted of being labeled as the goody two shoes

No more trying so hard to win a hopeless war

Not all about what I wanted but obeying God’s will

***

I am free, although I have quick tears at times!

The taste of my liberty is sweet and beautiful!

No one can snatch it away from me anymore

I am tougher now, no more retreat and regrets

***

And perhaps I will not stop caring even I saw the reality of how happy you were to see and be around her. In that brief moment, I couldn’t help to be in her shoes for you spoke nicely to her and looked admiringly on her pretty young non-oily face. Then, I was minding my business at the corner while telling myself that I shouldn’t be upset when people are happy. I let you be for caring for others means respecting them too and to do myself a favour to live happily with faith, love and hope in my heart. Should I remember that few seconds of reality when we smiled, talked and laughed today? She wasn’t there but I was and it made my day and I was the happiest of them all because I made my friends joyful today. She and whoever those other women are, IDGAF… I care and that’s the truth even if I will cry a zillion times. I’ll get mad all over and over again but I will forgive and love more and more….

The Smile of an Angel

Here I am, indifferent and lukewarm with my blood boiling. I disconnected for I only cared what I needed to accomplish for I am entitled to do my duties and responsibilities. It’s all about work. I existed on my own. Why bother when it was my pride hit to the bottom? I am not sad nor upset but I’m totally outraged. I was told ‘find in your heart to forgive.’ I said, ‘sorry, I am not a hypocrite. It was so much.’ I felt the witch and her minions resurrected putting me in the bad light to shame and take everything away from me.

The line was crossed…

I arrived in the church a bit early to meet a friend who needed my help for our retreat’ prayer station. So, I settled at the pew on the front row. The priest sat across where I was, part of me wanted to approach him for confession. But I back off because I am not ready to reconcile. In my prayer I told God, ‘I did say that I want to go for confession but not today.’ My pride was holding me back.

The mass started and one of the altar boys is in my catechism session. He recognised my presence and he smiled beautifully from afar. Tears of guilt flowing from my eyes. Last Saturday during our session, I convinced the kids that they should not be afraid to approach a priest because it’s like having a conversation with Jesus. I added that it was not about confessing your sins but forgiving and reconciling with those who did you wrong and vice versa.

Did I walk the talk? That little boy and the rest of the kids in my session believed and trusted my words. However, when I was caught in the situation, I broke down because I was so angry deep inside. I wanted to scold backwards and say something nasty.

The little boy looked like an angel in his white clothing. His eyes sparkled while mine were on tears. Did I even deserve that admiration and trust? I’m sorry that I can’t be a saint and my humility reached to its limits. It was like an angel indirectly telling me that I am always good but I should let go of my pride. Then, I revisited that instant, who started it? I wouldn’t react in such manner if people did their things accordingly… The fault wasn’t mine, others were just too mean and wanted to trouble me so that I would lost everything similar to what that witch in the past did.

The smile of the angel still haunting me as a reminder to get out from the cold. Why freeze when you can enjoy the summer heat? I don’t know… I really don’t know… all I know is I wanted to have a happy and purpose-driven life… I never dreamt of being hated to the core!!!

I don’t know. I really don’t know. All I know that those who did wrong should acknowledge their faults too. If only there’s a little conscience—

We are the lucky ones

Last Saturday’s catechism session, I briefly recalled the parables of the ‘Lost Coin’, ‘Lost Sheep’, and ‘Forgiving Father’ to my kids. Then, I asked them where is God in the parables. They answered ‘God is the woman who found the coin. He is the good shepherd who left the 99 sheep to look for the one that was lost. He is the forgiving Father who waited for the son who lost his ways to the materialistic world’.

I was amused for my kids knew the parables by hearts. Afterwards, I asked a follow-up question, ‘I wonder where are we in the stories?’

They quickly answered, ‘We are the lost coin and sheep, and the prodigal son.’

‘What??? Are we the ones always lost!!!’ I blurted out and everyone started laughing. One of them said, ‘it always happen.’

Then, I concluded ‘aren’t we the lucky ones? We have a God who loves as very dearly and our physical attributes doesn’t matter. He will never get tired of looking for us when we are lost. Then, when He’ll find us, He’ll rejoice and have the grandest feast. God will even endure the longest time waiting for us to return to Him every time we fall from grace or separated from Him. He forgives heartily even we don’t seek for forgiveness and pardon. God’s love is unconditional, beyond man’s understanding. In our ways, we can love others the same way too.’

I paused for awhile and whispered in my head, ‘I wish but I know that I can.’ Yet, the real issue, there are people who have so many misconceptions and judgements towards another. So many people in our society who are biased and unfair in how they deal and treated others.

Today, I prayed for the Holy Spirit’s gifts of counsel and understanding because I cannot endure relying on my strength alone. After all, I am the lucky one because I don’t need likes in IG and FB to make me feel good. I’m just happy where I am because God has given me so many skills and I am so grateful that He opened the windows of opportunities for me to use and share my gifts to others. I am the lucky one because I know I am always adored and loved, no social media assurance required. Above all, I didn’t choose God, He chose me. It’s God’s will, who am I to question Him?

Will I share God’s gift of love to others? Of course, I am never greedy nor selfish. But somehow one lost sight of what truly matters because one only sees with eyes not with the heart. You should have known that you are more than the lucky one too.

Indeed, I’m the lucky one because my friend made home-cooked dinner especially for me this evening.

We still remember, Paps!

When you truly love someone, they will be etched in your heart for eternity. It is a love that is limitless as the sky and timeless. It is never a question of when, why and how.

Everyone at home are celebrating minus me but I had my solo celebration and party.

Thank you very much for making me feel that I am truly loved. I am so grateful that you showed me what real and unconditional love was like.

Some people will surely judge me for my face value but you only saw the goodness of my heart and the beauty of my soul.

I might ruined someone’s day causing that person to be in M.I.A. (leaving behind the phone) for more than two hours. Still I knew that I did what I should do to cover for a friend. My day didn’t go that well and I was apologetic leaving my heart felt heavy even until this time. Somehow when you do others a favour, not everyone apparently will agree.

My day may turned to make others felt worst. Still this day was a happy day for all of us. Everyone at home still remember your birthday even in my absence and I am no longer the longest-term-leader. Everyone is in jubilation and I am happy too. My prayers are with you, Paps.

Paps, I love you so dearly with all my heart!

A day in the cove

I couldn’t turn back on my responsibilities. I did come early to the church to guide the parents who volunteered to help in preparing the art and craft materials for the upcoming retreat. I still assisted my session.. if not, I wouldn’t be at peace…

Still I managed to join my family for my nieces’ birthday celebrations…

A day of fun and family bonding!!!!

What a long and fulfilling day!!!! Super happy indeed 😂😂😂😇🌈

The Goddess and I

I took a glimpse of the goddess today. She was a description of perfection. Hence, it was no surprise why he fell head over heels with her. She’s young with define curves and her face launched a thousand ships. She was everything he ever wanted in a woman and I am no comparison in terms of age and physical appearance. Haay! How could someone with my status be able to compete with that?

To think about it, what’s age anyway? What’s with the height and waistline? Do size and numbers matter? Well, mass media is dictating me that physical perfection is a must to be the apple of one’s eyes. Likewise, in the teachings of my faith, a person’s essence lies in the beauty of the soul for when we crossover the body that catches our eyes will only turn into dust. After all, God isn’t calculative and He doesn’t count! He only loves unconditionally without limits and boundaries.

I am not as youthful as I used to be and there’s no stopping of my increasing in years. However, with each passing days, I see to it that I make a difference to others.

I am not a goddess and I don’t aim to be one just to capture his heart. I am as weird as usual, wearing high heels and cheap stuff. Moreover, I can only be myself, loving who I am and always grateful to people around me. I can’t be a goddess. I am the old and ordinary one but I know deep within I am capable of loving the greatest. I don’t have to be a goddess to love with all my heart!!!!

He will afford to buy the whole world for a goddess like her. He will get her the most expensive gifts, all the concert tickets, movie passes and dine with her at finest restaurants (and the bills are on him). It doesn’t matter because I know how to spell contented. I am not envious because I am super happy and delighted with all the deeds and little things.

(Hay, you’re so clueless!!! Thanks for that coz being hidden do me favour. But there are seconds, I can’t help wishing that you’ll look at me same way as you look at the goddess).

Thanks gorgeous for u truly made my day!

The Right to Love

I always have this weight on my shoulder but you don’t want to chat. So, I just let you be…. I know when to keep quiet and make myself occupied. Indeed, you never give me the chance to bite the bullet!

When you started talking about such, that feeling bugged me until this point. You’re world is so occupied and crowded. I don’t think I have to squeeze inside. You don’t have any idea but let it be… let it be!!!

In time, there’s a right time for the right to love!!!!

The One Thing That I Couldn’t Say

Time has moved forward but I remain the same old me

Always that bashful, naive and hopeful little girl

Looking forward and contented in taking glimpses of you

Deep within, wishing that you’ll acknowledge my existence

Just like that little girl, always wanting to greet u hi & goodbye

And when you walked out, hoping you’ll ever response

Will someday you will find me and see my glowing smile?

Will you even realise how much you truly mean to me?

Yet, you are always surrounded by a lot of them

You’re the popular one and I am the wallflower

I am hardly noticed, when I passed by no one saw me

I am absolutely the perfect opposite and no comparison to you

You’re fame is at its height while I don’t want and need any

I’d rather be unknown and stay hidden in my cave

Where I am being myself, and also comfortable, safe and happy

Always looking up watching you shine at the peak of the pedestal

Certainly a lot of them are fighting to get your attention

If only I am as dauntless and daring like them

Then, no need on relying what my fortune cards will foretell

Hence, I isolate myself while being drunk with my longings

I can bear the pain while keeping this secret

Whispering at my father’s grave my voiceless deepest desires

Will my Papa tell you the one thing that I couldn’t say?

Indeed, there’s that one thing that I couldn’t say that I kept for so long!!!

I can defy gravity and make the impossible possible

I’ll bring down those unbeatable foes that caused your pain

I don’t mind crossing the seven seas and go beyond the realms of hell

If it’s for you, will I retreat or decline or will I say no?

The truth is, I am definitely powerless and obviously weak

Quick on shedding tears and I am a no-brainer all the time

All I have is the strength of my genuine and pure heart

Because I am capable of loving, I chose to live to love you above all!!!

By Meatloaf ‘I Would Do Anything for Love’

Whatever the future brings, you are my light.

不管未来如何,你都是我的光。——《风中的女王》

Trapped in Uncertainties

A total silence

Least expected

Totally exhausted

Lack of sleep

I’d rather be inside

In my quiet shell

You asked for it

Giving in, I obeyed

Suddenly under the heat

Trapped in uncertainties

Lost in that moment

No words came out

My heart in rampage

Thank God, you’re unaware!

I’m glad you cannot see

Does it matter at all?

As long as you’re happy

I let you be and as always

I’m hiding in my shell

Keeping quiet and still

Loving you in silence…

By Celine Dion & Barbara Streisand “Tell Him”

Ever Dearest John(s),

Thank you John(s) for the waltz

For I never ever danced again

Thank you for that summer and more

The chitchats and wasting time

I wanted to send a message now

Share my thoughts and talk nonsense

Anything goes, share a laugh

But my calls will be rejected

My messages will be ignored

I hope all my good deeds count

Thank you Johns for smiling at me

Enjoying my company and being there

You know too well, I never pretended

Always telling the truth, a bad liar!

Thank you for not judging my looks

Accepting me despite of weight & numbers

You always see the goodness in me

Even if I pushed you away many times

Not all people are that forgiving

Material things have more worth

Than the purity of my intentions

Why there are people who dwell on hatred?

Why some people choose to be cruel,

When they have the choice to be kind?

Every time I felt the injustice

I remembered all the good words

If only things were meant to be

If only one of you or I shouldn’t go

Johns, I am not the master of my fate

I am here where I can find myself

Improve my skills and do my best

Alias Johns, you all knew too well

I am very lame but I ought not to be hated

Just want to be happy anywhere

And behold the beauty of the world

Not holding on to any of you at all!

Good news Johns, I avowed to let it be

To love and love, just love the love!!!

Bad news is, none of you are coming back!

This time, only ignored, rejected and not forgiven

Everyday I pray that the one who hates me

Will find forgiveness in his heart

I am not being sensitive or being a drama queen

I just don’t want to argue and fight

I wanted to live peacefully & happily

Hope ones eyes are not blinded

With ego, pride and all the rage

I wanted to care and be a Friend

I wanted to go out, have all the fun

Johns, I’m still me, not the prettiest

Always try my best to choose goodness

No hate, only love and never giving up

Even it’ll hurt me all over and over again

For every pains and tears, I’m created

To become stronger and closer to God

Johns, life goes on, no one can take away

My kindred spirit and genuine heart

Whatever there is, no one can erase

My smiles, happiness and gifts

No matter how I will be judged

I will stand still and choose love above all!

You are Priceless!

Yesterday morning, I slept during the whole trip towards my working place that someone had to wake me up by tapping my shoulder when I reached my destination. Thank you concerned student!

I was home early yesterday evening. So, I was all set to do my chores and I started by throwing the rubbish in my room before eating my meal. Then, I went down to take the package from our mailbox. While dining, I realised that my phone was missing. I emptied my two bags which I brought to work that day. I searched high and low but all my efforts were fruitless. I told the auntie that I lost my phone and we gave it series of rings but couldn’t hear it anywhere in the house.

No drama and no tears this time! I composed my self by clearing my thoughts. So, I remembered my old phone and used the iPhone app to locate my device. The Find iPhone app indicated that it was somewhere my location. The last memory that I had was throwing my rubbish. So, I jumped into conclusion that I might unintentionally throw the phone with my garbage coz it happened to me before.

My auntie helped me to report the incident and call the Housing Board. Few minutes later, they sent someone to open our block’s rubbish bin. Hence, I found myself looking for my phone for an hour over dirty trash with all the cockroaches. The smell was so strong but I never puked. I climbed four times to peek at the rubbish pit and I never cared even if I was wearing the same skirt that I had on at work. The search was a total failure. In order to cheer me up, the auntie told me to take a shower because I stink from head to toe. I prayed to clear my mind and to keep calm. No drama, please!!!

I bought my old phone in the shower and tried my luck while exploring the Find iPhone app. I pressed to report lost phone and pressed play sound. When I went into my room, I heard a beeping sound. So, there it was my phone inside the laptop pouch for the whole time and it was in silent mode. (Now, I know how the app works! 😂 lol)

Thanks heavens! Afterwards, I reflected and told God what should I say to my angels tomorrow?

Jesus is the Good Shepherd! He knows His own and He knows each one and He called them by their names.

So, I told the kids my search the pile of garbage story this morning. I told them that if I cried over a phone and had to search a stack of dirt to find it, do you think Jesus won’t do the same? I told the kids that you’re worth is more than a latest iPhone, any expensive gadgets and luxury things. I added, ‘you’re priceless!’ I also told them that their parents sent them to have a moment with me because they’re loved and they wanted them to have a time with Jesus through me. Hence, I honestly told them that I had nothing to offer to them and I am not the expert in religiosity and theology. I am no brainer, clumsy and forgetful! I am bound to my weaknesses except I only have my truest love, the goodness in my heart and purity of my intentions. Others may not appreciate who I am, it doesn’t matter because I am as precious as everyone else! I am worthy.

I don’t have to convince others the truthfulness that lies beneath my heart. I’ll just continue to be myself. I never closed my door, you always shut down yours. All I said may sound lame and senseless, I’m good with that because I know I am genuine and for real. I don’t need to receive all the likes to uplift myself and be happy. I may failed all the time still it never hindered from always trying my best to use God’s gifts productively in His service and to others around me. I did a good job all the time! Thank you, Lord for the opportunities and this chance!

I hope deep within you appreciate it too! No more hate and anger… I am all the drama because I don’t know how to confront and express my anger! I don’t argue and fight. I only keep quiet, cry and walk out. I am mentally healthy, I just don’t want conflict. No explanations needed!

Peace! No war, my gorgeous love! After all the trouble my weakness caused me, I tried my best to keep my cool to endure and be dauntless! I hope you heard yourself and find deep within that words hurt like daggers… Hope what you did to me won’t happen to you! Peace be with you, gorgeous!!!! You’re more than precious to me!

Apart from You, I am Nothing

Why am I doing this? I should be out clubbing and meet prospects. Then, feed the needs of the flesh and be joyous in the ways of the world.

Am I wasting my time? I should be home now doing my chores; and watch Legends of Tomorrow, Arrow and Iron Fist. I should be home preparing my clothes and meals for tomorrow. I could probably start my painting or read a book. Yet, why am I there when I am too tired after a long day at work?

Well, I am there because I know I am loved and God will never disappoint me. I may have my drama moments but it doesn’t mean my faith is lessened. I am in service of Him because I wanted to spread His love and remind others that He exists and He is above all creations.

Wasting time? Of course not! After listening to what the parents said with what their children shared to them, it made feel grateful to God for He called me to serve Him.

He is the true vine and I am one of the branches. I abide on Him because apart from Him, I am nothing.

Well, on my way home for I just left the church. While in the bus, I am composing this post.

Water 💦& ❄️ Ice

💧 Drip, drop. Drip and drop!

Melodramatic & melancholic

I was not dumb nor that naive

I only switched off my brain

To believe in your drama and lies

Although my conscience bugged me

Whatever made you so joyful

I did the unthinkable, breaking rules

That was supposed to be the episode

When we ought to enjoy the waltz

Only we drifted with coldness within

What kind of love it was that chose to hurt?

Wrapping in ice to shield from pain

Yet, the sun slowly melted my cocoon

I was surrounded with the water

The gloominess that I couldn’t deny

Drowning and hopeless in that situation

Rising again for I am loved by many

We turned our backs on yesterday

You’re gone but I never lost my dreams

My ideals and goals are never shattered

I never quitted, things were not meant to be

We’re no longer as cold as we were in the past

The water will drip and drop from time to time

At least we had those days when we were friends

The memories not meant to cherish and keep

Don’t worry, I have forgiven and forgotten

My Cave of Despair 😩

I’m sorry Lord for putting one of your children into the bad light. How different am I to those people who used to bully and talked badly in the past? They’re all gone but I am still dwelling in that cave where I hid every time they attacked me. I let the past torture me, leaving me helpless and losing my dreams and pride.

Why can’t I see Lord the blessings and good people you showered me? Why I always felt that their shadows following me? Why I can’t let the past be in the past? They’re gone now. I am much older, I should know better. Stop the drama! I should grow up!!!

I am sorry Lord for being so judgmental! My apologies for feeling that way causing troubles to so many people. I let my emotions and my incorrect way of thinking took over me.

I don’t deserve it! I’m glad that no one chosen me for I caused hurt on others. I did some actions without thinking of the consequences.

Grow up! Keep it cool! Be the party girl whom I used to be!!! Those bullies are long gone. I am so far from them. Perhaps, I’m unable to complete my post-graduate thesis because I was trying to prove something to them. (that was my regret that kept me going back) Still I accomplished many things now even they stepped down on me. I should not let the past affect my way of thinking and on how I perceived others.

Be that girl again! No drama! Always cheerful and laugh the loudest! Lord, help me bring back that girl that they ruined. I pray to restore who I used to be. I don’t mean to involve so many people in my drama and drag them in the bad light…. It’s my fault not theirs…

SOMEWHERE by Barbra Streisand lyrics

With Love

I didn’t see it coming and so do you

The anguish and fears only collided

My drama doesn’t make me feeble

Only true and never trying to impress

Despising my presence in that place

Did I choose the path where you were?

We’re carefree souls, our spirits soar high

Did you ever see me or will you ever will?

However, I let you be for it’s your delight!

One day, the sun will shine brightly on us

Always here patiently and never ceasing

Dearest you to God I pray, ‘take care’

Sincerely yours… with love, from me

Possibly the Impossible is Possible

There are so many possibilities. We are who we are, aren’t we? We follow the paths of our choices. After every goodbyes, we go to those people whom we wanted to be with. Of course, I understood what ‘leave me alone meant’. I cared because that’s my nature. I wouldn’t insist because I do respect people’s space. Although part of me wanted to reach and find out more, I stood still from where I was, not daring to leap over cold stone-walled fences. At the end of every episodes, I put the blame upon myself. Perhaps, everything was truly my fault. Trust me, I don’t want to be there too but I believe God sent me to where I am to make use of my gifts and to become stronger amidst all challenges. I was admired, liked and respected in every places I went. I never wanted to leave my previous place and I didn’t want to be where I am not wanted.

I am a creep and a weirdo. Call me crazy too! Yet, what anyone know with what I have been through. It’s true that I have shallow tears, an old crybaby. Yet, through pouring out my tears, I released all the negativities for I don’t want to pile them up in my heart. Others may think that shedding some tears is a sign of weakness. Well, not for me, because if any one walked on my shoes, none will surely last. But, I did endure because I believe in my abilities and God will never leave me alone.

Others may define my life as boring without happenings. Yet, how do you define an exciting life? Is it to hookup with random people and get booked for dates? Is it spending cash on entertainment? Well, I don’t want to be with someone to fill my needs and to make me happy because I am joyful and contented on my own. I wanted to be with the one who finds me in his heart and believes with his might that I won’t leave no matter what. I will stay loving, loyal and committed…. and I’ll never get tired of forgiving and understanding. I don’t need so much to enjoy life because I am aware that there are little pleasures in everything and life doesn’t end here.

I always know that it’s impossible. I already dropped the idea in my head. Is it really what I imagined and fancy? Is it only the desire of the darkness within? Is it because of the summer heat that made me sweat? Well, the truth of the matter is I am same as other women. Yet, the only difference is I am expert in hiding and pretending too. I never wanted this but you made my escape schemes failed all the time. It’s not a surprise to me that you have plenty names in your list and your out with one of them. Well, if being with another makes you the happiest, it will hurt but I’ll remind myself to be glad because it’s my true joy and wish is for you to smile and rejoice all the time.

It’s never possible!!!! Will you ever notice me when you set your eyes on your phone for the pretty ones exist there? I always wanted to ask you out. But, you never gave me a chance instead you made me shut up and kept my distant. I wanted to talk random things and listen to your side of the story but you refused not similar on how you talk to others. So, I chose my silence and just fall in love to every song I listened. How can I let it be when you never let me in?

Somewhere in the place I know, you were there more than just a friend. Someone I can hug, kiss and touch everyday. Not elusive but seen the best in me. Not afraid to be closer but someone who cages me underneath his arms. And what do you know, there’s more and more… What do we really know? Possibly, the impossible is possible. After all, everything is possible in God.

I may not write so much now. I may kept my distance because I respected what you wanted. Still nothing changes for whatever there is… it’s the same as it was how I felt in the beginning.

Can’t bring myself to sleep for ur thoughts is the drug that’s keeping me high!

Kiss of Judas


Money talks louder

All for silver and gold

Pride and shame

Words do matter

Trophy to parade

What’s real or true?

Do you care at all?

You are the luckiest

You rejoice and feast

How long this will last?

Carrying the cross

Dying and suffering

Everyday is a torture

Remember, Jesus said

“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted”

Forget about what Judas did

At the end, he paid more…

Are You Captain Cold?

My favourite among the legends, the villain who you only love but can’t hate, Captain Cold. He only proves one thing that being bad isn’t evil, it’s a matter of choice. He may despised the hero (Flash), he is still someone whom you can always count on when facing challenging circumstances. He maybe not that kind of hero who saves the day still he’s the nemesis that won’t turn down the opportunities to fight whether it is bad or good.

Trust me, Captain Cold is not your kind of guy but beneath that coldness he still has a heart that feels even he conceals his emotions.

Patiently waiting for forgiveness. One day, you’ll remember the days when you are fun being you.

Bloopers of the day:

– I had a wardrobe malfunction. My skirt had s big tore behind. Embarrassing! Thanks to the concerned lady who warned me about it!!!

– I helped my friend to place an order online last Sunday. There was an item that arrived when I reached home today. I thought it was the facial cream I ordered. I tried it on my cheeks. Then, it turned sticky like a glue. I was skeptical and so I ran through the orders I previously placed. I am dumbfounded to find out that it was my friend’s order. It was not a facial cream but a NAIL GLUE!!! 😂😆😝

The problem when you cannot read the label ending to a disaster!

A Long Walk

It was a hot day and I messed up

I was never good enough

I blamed myself for many things

Lost in nowhere consumed with fear

All this time, I am never forgiven

No matter how I tried, all was gone

Asking for respect, losing someone

How many times should I say sorry?

Am I pretending to be kindhearted?

Am I really a beast even if I pray?

It was supposed to be a short hike

A long walk that turned into a dash

Embarrassed of what I failed to be

I had to runaway and be with God

Yes, I was with the Almighty

But my thoughts were somewhere

My responsibilities and people behind

Repeatedly telling myself again and again

No one would care, I am no one’s business

I just didn’t know what’s with the hate

I accomplished my tasks, loving my job

Wanting to be there for others

Always concerned how others welfare

Only misinterpreted and misjudged

I left without a word, ashamed of my failure

Do I really deserve where I am now?

Or I only belong to God’s embrace?

Can I be God’s bride and be a nun?

There was no divine intervention

Even the priests in the church were not there

I was looking for a friend, I couldn’t find

What if history will repeat by itself?

When I did my best and I’m still wrong?

The reaction and anger reminded me of the past

So the fear played in my head and the humiliation returned

Will he do the same putting me in the spotlight

To bring me down and to break me into pieces?

Will I lost my pride and those I learned to love?

My fears returned and I felt so little of myself again

There was someone who despised me to the core

It cost my livelihood and jeopardised my pride

Will it happen again? Will I be forgiven this time?

Babe, Genie is So Gray😭

It was a tale like no other tales, 

Forgotten and untold by your forefathers

His story began in the forbidden forest

A lost lovely maiden was chased by beasts

She scampered fast; then, suddenly stumbled

There it was her lifesaver, a golden lamp!

Alas, awaken from a hundred years of slumber !

Outraged but the genie was left with no other choice 

It was his  duty to grant his new master’s 3 wishes

He vowed saying “Your wish is my command!”

The first wish was to salvage her from those monsters

Second wish was to bring her back to her old place

Her third wish was unselfish for it was his freedom!

***

Few years passed, his origin was known to everyone

His skin withered and his powerless like all mortals

A little girl asked, “Mama, why the genie is so gray?”

Babe, genie is so gray for this is what he wanted

 And the maiden only wished for what he truly desired

His liberty brought him plenty of adventures

However, his might had its own limitations

Worst of being free was to feel so much pain

Did he ever regret giving up his lamp

For he felt a great love and was rejected?

***

Well, this is not sad a story or a happily ever after

Even if the genie turned gray and had few years to live

He could always look back with a  contented smile

After all, it’s how we survive that makes living worthwhile

And the unusual surprises of life makes it beautiful

By the way, did the genie found his true love?

What you wish with your heart will surely happen!

If you really want to know, you can ask him

Perhaps, you know him well, more than I do 😉

How this ends? It’s really up to you, my friend —

—————————————————————————————-

“I know that when a door closes, it can feel like all doors are closing. A rejection letter can feel like everyone will reject us. But a closed door leads to clarity. It’s really an arrow. Because we cannot go through that door, we will go somewhere else. That somewhere else is your true life.” 
― Tama J. Kieves

***

Of course, you’re going to get your heart broken. And it isn’t just going to happen once, but a lot. That’s just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you’ll be a stronger person because of it. Then one day someone will come along, and it’ll all pay off and no one will ever break your heart again.

– Redneck Girl, Heartbreak Quotes 

—————————————————————————————–


by Cardigans “Love Fool

What Kind of Woman You Want?

My father told me, be the woman of God and aim to be like the great women in the Holy Bible. Thus, I don’t mind if others will see me as boring because I am contented of being who I am and I accept my flaws as a woman.

Nowadays, it’s all about vanity in social media and physical looks do matter… filtered photos, so much makeup and to the point of plastic surgery… This is the era of visual people and others confidence are based only on LIKES and number of followers.

Despite of society’s standards of beauty, I still believe in what my father said and I will always aspire to be like my heroines in the Bible.

Happy International Women’s Month!

TO THE WOMAN OF GOD: ❤

NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!

NEVER EVER QUIT!!!

Be an ESTHER, bold and courageous enough to stand for the truth, to voice your opinion and fight for the good of others, even when it means to sacrifice yourself. If God has put you in a position, it is for a purpose. Never be afraid to heed that inner voice.

Be a RUTH, loyal in all your relationships, walk the extra mile and don’t quit when things get tough. Someday, you’ll see why it was all worth the effort.

Be a LYDIA, let your homes be open, let your hands be generous, let your hearts be big enough to help anyone in need. Joy is greatest when shared.

Be a HANNAH, never cease to pray. It will never be in vain.

Be a MARY, humble and submissive. You don’t have to be great for God to use you, you just need to obey.

Be a DORCAS, use your talents, however small it may seem to bring a smile on someone’s face. You’ll never know how much it can mean to someone.

Be an ABIGAIL, remember how each decision can turn your life around for good or bad. Be wise.

Be an ELIZABETH, never doubt what God can do. He is the God of many miracles.

Be a MARY MAGDALENE, never let your mistakes and judgments of other people stop you from experiencing the joy of Jehovah.

Be a REBEKAH, never forget that true beauty lies within. Draw all your loved ones closer to God through your Christ-like character.

Lastly be a SARAH, age doesn’t matter, Trust & believe that all things are possible with God according to His time.

👱🏻‍♀️Who Run the World👩🏻‍⚖️

Hey, girl! Embrace this day wherever you are in the world.

Don’t frown for today you shine the brightest. None of us is inferior, we have the edge to reach our goals. Never give up despite the trials!

What did I do for this day? I didn’t wait for others to make me feel special instead I started someone’s day with an awfully sweet treat. It felt good to make others special (no matter how blind).

Hay, I’m all over you and my preference was never of the same gender. You never get it and how quickly you concluded that I play with the same team.

By Beyoncé – ‘Run The World (Girls)’

It’s My B-day Again! (My Extended Celebration)

Thanks for the generosity

I spent not a single cent

Thanks for the thoughtfulness

Even if I am always not there

Thanks for the understanding

Despite I was missing in action

Thanks for the no hate and grudges

Sincerely thank you for everything

For being my friends all this time

Happy birthday too my friends! Wishing us the love that flourish in our hearts forevermore! I’m glad that I came instead of prioritising my take home tasks. Thanks for reminding me that I needed to take a break and breath sometimes!

More and Less: the Season of Lent Begins

I am a bit distracted while I was preparing for today’s session. Instead of reading my notes while I was in the bus, my thoughts were all over making me kept in touch with my dark side again. I guess, it’s not easy to the path of divinity. I am as human as everybody else, of which this morning awakened by a nasty dream and the cry of the flesh.

So, I sought forgiveness from the Divine for my human flaws and my physical needs. Before the session started, I went to the Adoration Room to calm and clear my mind and to concentrate on Jesus. Thus, I sought for the Holy Spirit’s presence to guide me and lead the session. God is fully aware that I didn’t want to disappoint my angels.

Everything went fine (according to how I memorised it) and the flow went smoothly. I also added extra info not found in the plan. Except towards the end, when I realised that I inserted the incorrect last page of the plan. Hence, I am lost for a few seconds. So instead of the panic attack, I let Jesus led the way. I went back to my senses and emphasised on the kids what they could do more and do less during the Lent period.

By the way, the kids were admiring my comic sketches that I made for the story. One of them asked, ‘are you an artist?’ I wished my grade school Teachers heard that because last time it was about the bribery and favourites. None of them noticed my skills in art except my Guidance councillor. She chose my DIY Valentine’s Day card to be displayed on the school bulletin. No one admired it except me and I didn’t tell any of my family members that my work was exhibited. While it was on display, I kept on looking at it everyday for a very long time. Then, I avowed to myself that one day I’m going to make someone special a card way much better and I’ll draw nicer things to make people smile and be happy. Well, my artistic gift is something I shared for the good and glory of God, plus for my pleasure and stress relief.

Going back to the solemnity of Lent, the kids were enthusiastic sharing their inputs on what they can do during the preparation of the Coming of Christ. And so below are mine…

What can I do more…

1. Be more compassionate, caring, charitable, generous and understanding to others

2. To control my temper and be very patient, take a deep breath twice when my patience is challenged and as much as possible avoid the bad mood episodes

3. Take my responsibilities seriously and give my best in everything I do

4. Always choose kindness for others and myself as well

5. Be courteous, courageous and forgiving, let bygones be bygones

6. Pray more, spend more time with Jesus, and keep on believing

7. Accept others for who they are regardless of age and gender

8. Smile always and laugh all the time, it’s the best medicine after all

9. Be more loving, keep loving and loving…always love (hoping the day will come that he’ll choose to feel it in his heart even if he hates the drama— drama sells the reason K-drama is the IN thing nowadays)

What can I do less…

1. Less of losing my cool easily and getting into a bad mood

2. Less of the drama, the isolation and loneliness

3. Less of judging others (particularly the opposite sex) but accept them for who they are

4. Less of idle time but be more productive

5. Less time staying in the darkness of my heart but always see the light at all times

6. Less shopping 🛒 and writing nasty stuff

7. Less hanging around with the media and technology

—-

Lent is a time to be with God and follow Jesus’ example as He prayed in desert for forty days. He withstood the three temptations of the Devil. Today, I read and shared to the kids about the Forgiving Father. Follow the choice of the Father rather than the son even others do not.

—-

And so I am aware with how you’ll talk and I know you won’t greet me back. I still press send because I meant it and I always care. As you said, I should be used to how you treated me even it’s unfavourable… I kept my cool without a single hatred or pang of heartache… One day you’ll find out that angels don’t drop by everyday… May my goodness move your heart and may my prayers keep you away from all evils and dangers in the world. Take care and good night😊😘

I don’t know what I lost until it’s gone… 😢

Isn’t she lucky? Am I the unfortunate one?

Can I buy new specs for his heart too?

If that’s the case, he can surely see me

Everyday I pray, I hope not to see him

He’s so gorgeous it’s killing me inside

I don’t want to catch him in my ride

For it will never make him joyous at all

My presence annoys and disgusts him

I really want to be in her shoes right now

Because he worships her like a goddess

He doesn’t mind spending all his cash for her

He’s willing to do all favours to please her

He only sees her beauty like she’s an angel

How I envy for he’s a gentleman to her but not to me!

When was that time when people I used to know

Generously gave, no computations, no divisions

Was it that long when people really see the beauty in me?

Am I too old to try? Do I have another chance?

Yet, there were sacrifices I had to make in the past

And I had other priorities and I was very scared

Thank you to those people I used to know

For the appreciation, generosity and time

Thank you for seeing me for he never did

What can I do when I thought that I can and I’m ready

No one is there and no one even take a look?

He always see only those pleasing in the sight

Can you tell him that I am a good company too?

Can you tell him that I am sincere and truthful?

Can you tell him that I’m not faking just to please him?

Can you tell him that I am not always gloomy?

I am adventurous, carefree and open-minded too!

Can you tell him that I am already falling for him?

Although he’s getting in my nerves and disappoint me

Can you tell him that if he only cares and see

He will surely uncover what love truly means

To the past: no turning back for we only move forward

For I truly don’t know what I lost until it’s gone

He can never be any of you because he who he is…

Will he ever see and appreciate me one day?

Will he ever find it in his heart that I’m worth it???

Will I continue hiding in my silence again and again?

*****

I am not really good in getting the guy. My expertise is how to lose a guy in an instant. I made a perfect score in making all the guys I liked to despise me and gave them the reasons to hate me to their cores. I don’t even know how to act or say to get their interests. I wanted to try being flirty but it’s just too difficult for me. I only know how to write but not how to speak. I kept my distance because he doesn’t want me there. At least I said what I had to say…

I wanted to be the fake me… the isolated one and distant. I was outside this afternoon, I may not be looking but I am not deaf. I could hear clearly his joyful voice while walking with her on the pathway…

Should I tell him that I had a Valentine’s Day present too? Can anyone help me pass it to him because I will never have the courage to do so? A gift maybe not that pricy but at least not divided by four… I forgot u can only do that to her and not to me… I was hoping there was always a maybe…

If I said whatever I said… it was not because of the price of the gift… it was out of disappointment…. and the fault was mine coz I expected too much! (People are too loaded to buy expensive stuff why so stingy to be generous. Why was it a big deal? Never even ever give me a treat!!! Not even once!! Sometimes I am also nicely dressed, there were male and female colleagues who told me but he never ever see or not even noticed just even once… only criticised me for being overly dressed)

My Heart’s Day gift is actually useless and no point for him for he probably brought a special present for her which I couldn’t have. Definitely they were happily exchanging gifts, dating and that more…. on that special day…. whereby in my darkest and wildest fantasies and dreams…it’s only me!!! Him and I we shared that moment, didn’t we while I am sleeping? Or we can, shall we?

By Celine Dion & Barbra Streisand “Tell Him”

*Celine Dion, my sis and I all-time fave singer… thanks for the track coz the joke brought back so many memories…

Can We Choose Who We Love?

Perhaps, love isn’t ours to define and it doesn’t have criteria nor standards. No matter how we escape or refuse it, love will always lead us to someone whom already etched in our hearts.

Old flick time and I chose to watch ‘The Reader”. At first, I felt it was gross and inappropriate for a 36 year old woman named Hanna Schmitz to have a relationship with an 15 year old boy named Michael Berg. Yet, the movie was more than the May-December affair of an older woman and younger man but about a different kind of genuine love which defies age and status, and also the circumstances surrounding them. Indeed, age doesn’t matter when it comes to love.

According to Michael Berg, ‘Only One Thing Can Make a Soul Complete and That Thing is LOVE’.

Hanna knew Michael is much younger and she never called him by his name. She referred him as ‘kid’. Michael, on the other hand, never said a word to anyone about his relationship with Hanna. During those times, the kind of relationship they shared was a taboo and unacceptable to the society. Michael’s denial only affected him as he aged and part of him still sought that kind of love he had for Hanna.

Perhaps, Hanna also couldn’t admit to herself that she loved someone way much younger than her. She was never opened with her feelings. However, the love they had inspired them to do what they could have done.

The movie taught me that doing something to someone you cherished isn’t a favour that person owed you. Likewise, it’s your gift to your soul that gives joy within because such love taught you courage, humility, generosity and being true to yourself. Love wears no masks, no pretending for it is being WHO YOU ARE AROUND THAT PERSON WHOM FATE BROUGHT FOR YOU TO LOVE.

Is love really our choice? Can we really choose who to love? There are times that I don’t know what to feel anymore and ashamed of what I really feel. Sometimes I suppressed my feelings and just be numbed…. like putting anaesthesia in my heart in your presence… Can I really choose not to love again and again? Will I be like Hanna? Why not let love be if you’ll let me love you more?

The Stranger is my Midnight Lover

Forgetting all my heartaches

The deadly rage within takes a pause

A brief cinema in the world of my head

A soap opera of my unconsciousness

A drama created by my production

No scripts and no auditions required

Only the desires and longings of my heart

Perhaps, it is never a vision

Something beyond unreal

But the feeling brings me to heaven

***

The climax of the scene is bidding farewell

The lover in tears and refuses her to leave

So afraid that she won’t return and leave for good —

She hugs him tightly and explains with kisses

A romantic moment that she’ll always remember

She packs her luggage and flies  to her father’s land

Reuniting with old  friends but something is missing

Rekindling the joys of the past while her heart’s bleeding

She no longer belongs to the shadow of yesterday

She  wants  to share all tomorrows with him

***

It is time to claim her most precious gift

When she enters in the room, he’s no longer there

Is it too late? Why he must leave so soon?

She cries and runs fast towards the door

Then, he gently grabs her shaking hand

Her skin  feels really cold and her heart is alive

The magic of that minute creeps into her soul

He said, “You thought I won’t come

But I am always here waiting”

Together holding each others’ hand

Flying together at the spiral staircase

***

What an authentic joy in my dreams!

Hey, the sun is on duty now!

It’s time to move on and live

He’s no longer my midnight lover

But a nameless man standing  by the road

And whose heart will soon be mine!

(X.O.X.O…. You know i love you and always will… wake up now… X.O.X.O. Don’t you miss me?  X.O.X.O. We’ll find one another… someday… somehow… all over again… our confusions will be over… and it will be no longer just a dream.  X.O.X.O…. I love you so!)


by The Corrs “Only in my Dreams”

Published on 2 March 2012, 1.02PM

Cry Baby: ‘the Saddest Girl Ever Existed’

Saddest girl she has to be
Salty tears stream down her cheek
Her heart’s bigger than her body
Her name is Cry Baby

cry babyWhat’s with the drama? Oops, nothing is wrong, I’m just bored.  In other words, I have nothing better to do with my life as of this moment (aside from sleeping and watching AHEMBsl8itfIcAEUk56, LOL).  By the way, I managed to make 149 cranes for my personal ‘1,000 Cranes Project’, which I aim to complete this month.

So, I was listening to songs I am addicted to last time and one of the artists whose music I enjoyed is Melanie Martinez.  I really love Melanie Martinez and her ‘Cry Baby’ album, all the songs are worth listening.  My favourite tracks are ‘Training Wheels’, ‘Cry Baby’, ‘Doll House’ and ‘Pity Party’.  I’ve been listening to the Cry Baby album since it was released in 2015.  Even until now, I am still watching the music videos because they’re creatively done and everything just captivates me.  The songs in the album are interrelated and there’s a story behind every track.  Melanie Martinez is not only an amazing singer and composer but a magnificent storyteller too! Kudos!

Sadly, true or not, it’s quite disappointing that Melanie Martinez is accused of sexually assaulting another female, Timothy Heller ( new artist and one of her best friends).

From Timothy Heller’s tweets:

Timothy Heller

Melanie Martinez’ response to the allegations:

Melanie Martinez response to Timothy Heller

Read more: http://www.independent.co.uk

By Melanie Matinez “Cry Baby”

Find out more: http://melaniemartinezmusic.com/crybaby/

My baby has finally arrived!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😍😍😍🎂😇😇😇🌈🌈🌈🌈🎉🎉🎉

And my Captain together with his crew are also here to join the fun! Got my friend Totoro freebie❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘

Upcoming: 1,000 Cranes Project (Work in Progress)

 

1st Sunday of Advent with Friends

I had a good laugh, and I talked and ate a lot not caring if I’d put a lot of weight today. Who could resist Japanese cuisine? It was an early Christmas get together with my Holy Family Church pals. My friend commented I am one of the true individuals she met (NOT PLASTIC, NEVER!). She added that I am daringly dressed up outside but I am actually conservative inside. Oops, I agree to that and thanks to her for pointing out. By the way, I loved the grilled salmon that I even ate the fish’s eyeball. Gluttony!!! By the way, I failed the lipstick challenge! My lips too thick!

My cravings put me to sin. Nevertheless, I was all prepared, overly dressed as usual and expected. I always wanted to wear those boots for a long time. There’s no winter in Singapore but let’s pretend I came from another country. The lady in the church who sold me something couldn’t even recognise that we came from same roots.

The joke of the day that I playfully uttered to my friends (with all the get-up), ‘I’m a celebrity before who already quit showbiz’ LOL. My celebrity complex is getting to me again.

A quick stroll around Orchard Central and a bit of shopping. Gosh, so crowded! (Discovered a newly opened 24-hr Japanese store)

After the fun and yummy dining, I went to the mass at the Cathedral, Church of Good Shepherd. After mass, the Archbishop William Goh’s message about the significance of gift-giving during the season was played. I couldn’t remember his exact words but it sounded like ‘when you give people presents, you’re not doing them a favour but you’re giving yourself a chance to share your blessings for everything God has generously gave you’. In other words, you’re giving yourself a favour in doing so. It’s not only about the gifts but it’s the opportunity to make others feel that they’re important, appreciated and remembered.

Actually, I’m jotting down notes for what to give this Christmas. The essence of sharing for me is not receiving back but to spread love and happiness. The smiles that I will see on their faces are more than enough for me. I hope to give everyone at home presents like I used to do. After all, I am still the same, always thinking of others first before myself.

I am fully aware that my sister wouldn’t understand why I turned down her request to sponsor a Children’s party. I had nothing against it. I was the founder of it ever since I was a child. After all, I used to be the president of the community for almost a decade and I used to initiate everything. I just wanted her to understand that when I did it, I was not alone although my father was always been generous. I motivated others to do their roles too. It was a group effort. I may be the captain then but the ship sailed because each one did an integral part. I never lead to be known and praised, I was there because I wanted others to feel that they belonged and it was never a one-man show. I always knew how to share the stage and I never needed the spotlight to feel important and needed.

My words were unkind for I indirectly said that you can never share what you don’t have. Honestly, I didn’t mind giving but didn’t I give so much? All my life it was all about them and so little room for myself. Tough love isn’t easy because I knew I hurt her feelings but I should let it be so that I would allow her to grow and fly on her own, take responsibilities and be humble to reach out to others. Now, I am reminded what I used to do every time I organised every youth and children’s parties. I did those stuff since I was fourteen until I left home. Of course, I pulled everything because I was so thick-skinned and Papa was always my avid supporter.

Christmas is around the corner! Rejoice, my friend, if you a non-believer! God is everybody’s saviour so you’re never excluded from His list this season.

Tomorrow won’t be a drama although all by myself and no one remembers or think of me. It’s freedom day coz I can eat inside and blast the music without anyone complaining. I can wear anything maybe I can wear shorts with matching backless or halter! 😂😂😂😘❤️ I can bring my disco lights!!! One day of freedom!!! Deep inside, I will actually miss everyone especially special…

3 J’s

Spring cleaning today of our L3 cupboards and payer space for our Catechism session already ended this year. Afterwards, I had lunch with my fellow Catechists at Saizerya in Seletar Mall. Thanks for my friend for the lunch treat and it didn’t end there for we had another coffee, a treat by another friend at Ya Kun Family Cafe.

As we discussed our plans for next year’s Catechism L3 sessions, one of my friends shared about the 3 J’s.

What are my 3 J’s this week?

The first J is Joy. What made me happy this week? I was happy with the breakfast treat that my boss gave daily for this week. I’m delighted that I finished the digital painting and drawing that my team will give to our Principal for her retirement gift. I hope my friends like what I did. It will make me happier (I’m not sure if they did like the art pieces I made). Also today my friend told me that I was doing well in my session and she appreciated how I projected my voice. Then, my colleague mentioned that her son was in my class. Her son liked and looked forward for my class every week, and he even applied what he learned at home. All the while I thought there was something wrong with how I spoke and my accent would hinder me in delivering my lessons and sessions. I felt happy for the appreciations and praises.

THE 2ND J IS JUNK! JUNK!!! WHAT MADE ME FEEL AWFUL THIS WEEK? OBVIOUSLY THE STRANGER TREATMENT AND THE RUN AWAY (I THOUGHT AS) FRIEND. I felt the junk but not his… LOL! And so as part of the AVENGERS, my power was the music blast!!! Who’s the stranger now???? Then, I was obliged by my sibling to rush things, which I hated because I had initial plans. The worst part was the truth about my bracelet. God knows I worked hard for it and I treasured it with all my heart. O, Mama when will all the lies end?

The third J is Jesus. How did I choose to follow Jesus this week? I was not that angry but very very mad to the max that there were invisible smoke that came out from ears and nostrils. However, I didn’t let my anger swallow my goodness and draw me to isolation. I chose to forgive and be a friend. I didn’t count what I did or what I have done, or even tolerated. I chose humility over pride, and my position didn’t stick in my head. Thus, instead of hate, I spread kindness and shared. I even let the one who ruined my day chose what he liked and the price never mattered. It was not intentional. I just knew that the person was quite picky and particular. Then, this week were my sister and nephew’s birthdays and also shared with them my blessings so that they would have a good time in their respective celebrations. I pray to Jesus that my Mama will stop lying for others’ sake and just for once she’ll also consider my feelings. Above all, I spent my time wisely together with my friends in Christ. Next year, I’m looking forward to share my love for Christ to others and grow more in faith. Others think that I’m lame because of I cherished my family and faith with all my heart. No issue with me. Whatever they’ll say, I still do my best to remain in the light and pray everyday for God’s guidance so that I won’t lost my way again.

I maybe lame but tomorrow I’ll walk with my knee-high boots for a lunch out with my friends. It has been quite some time since I last wore it.