Last Friday Night

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What an exhausting evening! When I went home, I immediately hit the bed and didn’t even noticed my sister came home. I’m not supposed to be there but something came out not right. So, I had no choice but to be there.  On the other hand, staying was worthwhile, a quick chit-chat and meeting everyone again after a long time of not seeing each other. It was quite late when I went back but it was a Friday night filled with wonderful whom some used to be part of my yesterday. So, the evening was concluded with fun and I’m glad I stayed to catch with the kids I used to know. How time flies fast!!! They’re all grown up ready to explore a new beginning for their bright future. I’m happy with how they become and I am grateful to be part of their youths once in their lifetimes.
Before I started my day’s job, I found these photos and I remembered last Friday night. Damn, I was so tired that I forgot to add this in my post last week… (AMKSS Alumni Homecoming)

All the good things and luck are bound to happen to everyone!!!


by Katy Perry ‘Last Friday Night TGIF’

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Cold as Ice: Me the Snow Queen

This is the day when I woke not wearing a big smile with all positivity. I didn’t prepare my clothing just randomly picked clothes from my closet. Thank you social media for telling me the truth. No worries, I’ll never use the platform anymore.

Of course, this is twice in a row. Those were favours that were easily given to others but never to me. How I despised my self for being generous, kind and understanding for others are not!!! The truth of the matter, others couldn’t say no to pretty faces but it was no big deal to disappoint me.

COLD. Very cold. I go to work only thinking of my responsibilities. I’m only there for the money. Isn’t it? So, I was the last one to go because I have duties to fulfil. I come to work TO ACTUALLY WORK. Nothing else and nothing more. I don’t want to feel anymore. Hey, don’t remind me that I’m old because I am fully aware!

I don’t want to be that girl anymore…

MY SELFLESSNESS… When I was young, I always saved my allowance to buy the things I liked. I never asked my parents for something extra. Probably, it was almost Christmas or my sister’s birthday by that time for I bought her a Barbie doll out of my so many months of savings. When I was fourteen, that amount was too much. My friends bought expensive shirt for themselves. On the other hand, I bought something for someone I cared. I always thought to share is bringing joy to others. Thus, it makes me gleeful too.

Nonetheless, I am such a fool of putting others’ happiness first before my own. Stupidity, right? People are naturally selfish because they don’t remember my deeds and they only care with what they want. Nobody cares if I cared or get hurt… How I detest that girl!!! Why spend for others that will never bother how it hurts to be disappointed?

Walking with a frozen heart and feeling cold as ice. There is no God who can hear and thy father already vanished for so long. It’s a solo flight and no one will fight my battles. I must continue earning because my purpose in this world is to work and work, and just profit from my labour. No one even notices or remembers me. I refused to feel and talk anymore. I am the new Snow Queen. I don’t know how to find joy in what I am doing. I will only do what is expected from me.

This Snow Queen doesn’t want to talk anymore. I want to do my responsibilities quietly. Speechless and cold as ice.

By Michael Jackson ‘Bad’

By Taylor Swift ‘Look What You Made Me Do’

OUCH! REJECTED!

OUCH!!!

SERIOUSLY! I hurt my ego… I’m just only one of the followers and so not meant to be followed… So, you followed who and who? I get it… the petite, fit, young and pretty!!! Oh, I forgot that this old fatso can only draw!!!

Actually, I wanted to start the proposed designs…

My Devil told me, ‘C’mon Gen, I am naturally evil but are you really that naive and stupid??? Can’t you see that no one can see and u will never matter whether you go to gym… Don’t ever attempt to lose weight at all! How much in all from ur pocket??? You do the Math!’

I wanted to get my sketch pad to draw the designs in mind before I digitalised. I looked at my speechless Angel. I stared at her eyes and I could tell that she agreed with the Devil.

Duh! Forget it! Miss FOLLOWER! Besides, no one ever did appreciate or like my drawings and designs…

OUCH again!!!!

Thanks anyway. It’s for everyone. Then, thanks. What else??? My throat hurts… coz I have to do my responsibilities. Reality check: the one who works the hardest is given the shortest term. Whatever! I still choose to do what is right!

OUCH again and again!!!

OUCH!!! That was fast!!! I was not supposed to say!!! What a quick rejection! Thanks bro for the tickets.

OUCH. OUCH. OUCH!!!

Why can’t I return to the days when there were no filters? Why the heck I didn’t see before? Now, that I’m starting to see… Welcome to this era whereby only looks matter. I only hope people see and remember with their hearts…

The little prince then returns to the fox to say goodbye. As they part, the fox tells him a secret: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” The little prince realizes that he is responsible for his rose. (Excerpt from the book ‘The Little Prince’ by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry)

It’s my fave part of that book. Yet, it has no effect to this generation for nowadays people only look with their eyes and never with their hearts.

The Stranger is my Midnight Lover

Forgetting all my heartaches

The deadly rage within takes a pause

A brief cinema in the world of my head

A soap opera of my unconsciousness

A drama created by my production

No scripts and no auditions required

Only the desires and longings of my heart

Perhaps, it is never a vision

Something beyond unreal

But the feeling brings me to heaven

***

The climax of the scene is bidding farewell

The lover in tears and refuses her to leave

So afraid that she won’t return and leave for good —

She hugs him tightly and explains with kisses

A romantic moment that she’ll always remember

She packs her luggage and flies  to her father’s land

Reuniting with old  friends but something is missing

Rekindling the joys of the past while her heart’s bleeding

She no longer belongs to the shadow of yesterday

She  wants  to share all tomorrows with him

***

It is time to claim her most precious gift

When she enters in the room, he’s no longer there

Is it too late? Why he must leave so soon?

She cries and runs fast towards the door

Then, he gently grabs her shaking hand

Her skin  feels really cold and her heart is alive

The magic of that minute creeps into her soul

He said, “You thought I won’t come

But I am always here waiting”

Together holding each others’ hand

Flying together at the spiral staircase

***

What an authentic joy in my dreams!

Hey, the sun is on duty now!

It’s time to move on and live

He’s no longer my midnight lover

But a nameless man standing  by the road

And whose heart will soon be mine!

(X.O.X.O…. You know i love you and always will… wake up now… X.O.X.O. Don’t you miss me?  X.O.X.O. We’ll find one another… someday… somehow… all over again… our confusions will be over… and it will be no longer just a dream.  X.O.X.O…. I love you so!)


by The Corrs “Only in my Dreams”

Published on 2 March 2012, 1.02PM

Rainy Days

Pouring rain outside

Side by side, are we not?

The coldness inside

Please hold me so tight!

You closed your eyes

I gazed admiringly at you

We’re arms length apart

If only I can move closer…

Rainy days in December

You and I in same room

Always miles away

Who’s surrendering?

A dream isn’t just a dream!

C’mon, don’t stop believing

Sun shines after the rain

Happiness after the pain

By Glee casts “Don’t Stop Believing”

(How I missed this old favourite song and show! RIP Cory Allan Michael Monteith aka Finn)

Not Today

I left all my belongings behind, all I wanted was to disappear. It rained cats and dogs but there was typhoon Yolanda within.

Not today. Of all the days in the week, just not today. Don’t be the instrument of the Devil in ruining my day. And so it happened, you’re the Devil’s minion and I forgot that Jesus was my Master. Thus, the Devil scored high today and he perfectly used you again and again.

Indeed, I left scorned weeping under the rain penniless. I sought refuge in the church. Perhaps, Father JJ heard me sobbing, so he probably included in his prayers.

When I reached home, I lit four candles for Papa while watching again Star Wars Episode 4. Supposedly, I wanted to speak my mind through my writings. I accidentally opened the group chat of my ex-students and realised an unread message. Let’s say, it was God’s doing because for the first time I finally said what I felt. Whether that person concerned took my words negatively, may God’s wisdom be with that person too. At least, I pulled that dagger out from my chest.

Sometimes we don’t choose to get hurt. However, there are things that happened beyond our control. One thing I learned today, when you draw closer to God and choose to follow Jesus, the Devil will use our weaknesses to manipulate the situation.

The Devil told me this lie today that only my Father could love me. Absolutely INCORRECT! Love comes in many forms and different people expresses love in their unique ways. One thing, I’m grateful that I’m glad that you don’t like and don’t care for God will answer me.

700 cranes to go!!!! Just like in my dream that origami brought me just to that right place with the Blessed Virgin’s guidance.

Remember When…

I always wondered if u can still feel my happiness and pain. Today was the day of my nightmare and disbelief. It was the moment of truth when I wished to disappear too. All my smiles were frozen and my dreams shattered… How I wished to delete this day on the calendar!!! This day never existed at all!!!

Papa can u hear me? Papa can u see me? Remember when u told me that u wanted to see me happy with someone else? I laughed and told you that who cared about others when you could be there (U knew too that they existed without me spilling the beans for some of them were so daring). Perhaps, I was certified Papa’s girl then. I only avowed to take good care of you until you aged. However, it never happened because you left so soon and forever you remained 50.

Nobody experienced the great pain that I felt because you were my everything. You were truly my avid fan who always sat in front on the stage witnessing every silly things that I used to put up. You always saw the brave and strong girl in me. Then, you always reminded me not to be sad because your sadness would be more. I was happy with no pretensions. I was so courageous that I caused people to lose what they had. I only cared with what I could achieved and not with the attachments. Indeed, I was so valiant that I feared no one and nothing else.

On this day, more than a decade had passed, you returned home inside a box cold as ice. I never cried. I refused for it wasn’t expected. You and God had no reasons to abandon and disappoint me. Not a single drop of tear at that moment. Aftermath, my tears were too shallow.

Fortunately, I was brought to places were I was well-accepted. Then, I managed to find a way to further my studies. I shouldered the family’s responsibilities left behind due to the expenses of ur medications. You should be proud of me, I was more than a Super Girl or Wonderwoman that time. Imagine, I managed to juggle everything. I paid my school fees and worked at same time. Not only that, I also paid some of the expenses at home and other dues. Despite the difficulties and head trauma caused by the vehicular accident, I still managed to get good grades better with I had when I took my degree. I even passed the licensure exam and finished the three-year post graduate studies’ academic requirements including passing the two days examinations. My professors were pleased with me, there were no lies and tricks. You were right, I could possibly get more if I didn’t slack or just charmed my way out in all situations.

Papa, you should meet those amazing people who could see the gem in me beneath my clothes and appearance. God blessed me with these precious individuals who are truly my inspirations and they also made me feel accepted and appreciated.

Remember what you told me in the bus. You said that it never mattered who, how and why for God blessed me with so many gifts that could make anyone proud. I guessed that I was not ready then, you were my world and it was difficult to let them in when I had those chances. Or maybe there were things not meant to happen because no forces in the universe brought any of us on same track again.

Well, there’s no need for telling because I bet you’ve witnessed the worst of them all. When I thought I could, I was only taken for granted, I was not the choice, and I was the object of ridicules and disrespect. In the midst of the sour and fake treatments, I remained true to myself, always grateful to my blessings, never count what I could share or give, and always do my responsibilities with no complaints. I still cherished our family, even there many times that I felt used. Above all, my faith never ceased amidst the storms. I pray each day that even my tears easily fall, I won’t give in to the lies of the Devil or lose my temper and say bad things to others.

Papa, I don’t know if the day you foretold would ever come. I don’t know if I could keep my promise to Lola. Nowadays, people are materialistic and trapped in the cyberspace. Maybe, I should finish my 1,000 cranes, and maybe that one old and long time ago Christmas wish will finally come true. It was what the fourteen year old me who used to wish on the stars. Now, that you’re with the stars Papa, wish the same thing for me too similar to what you say in my dreams.

I always made it a tradition that before I attended the mass or go to church, I always give a treat to my colleagues or friends to make me feel less sad. I guess that isn’t happening this time for people are just mean. Perhaps, today I am going to return with how it used to feel on that day. Of course, I will light a candle and go to church today. Hopefully, I can make it to the mass service.

By Barbara Streisand “Papa, Can You Hear Me?”

RIP Nico Robin. I was willing to give the amount…. If it were me, the price never mattered… How much did I give… can I sum up??? That made me extremely stupid! Being thoughtful and generous is equivalent to brainless, worthless and not counted…

Cry Baby: ‘the Saddest Girl Ever Existed’

Saddest girl she has to be
Salty tears stream down her cheek
Her heart’s bigger than her body
Her name is Cry Baby

cry babyWhat’s with the drama? Oops, nothing is wrong, I’m just bored.  In other words, I have nothing better to do with my life as of this moment (aside from sleeping and watching AHEMBsl8itfIcAEUk56, LOL).  By the way, I managed to make 149 cranes for my personal ‘1,000 Cranes Project’, which I aim to complete this month.

So, I was listening to songs I am addicted to last time and one of the artists whose music I enjoyed is Melanie Martinez.  I really love Melanie Martinez and her ‘Cry Baby’ album, all the songs are worth listening.  My favourite tracks are ‘Training Wheels’, ‘Cry Baby’, ‘Doll House’ and ‘Pity Party’.  I’ve been listening to the Cry Baby album since it was released in 2015.  Even until now, I am still watching the music videos because they’re creatively done and everything just captivates me.  The songs in the album are interrelated and there’s a story behind every track.  Melanie Martinez is not only an amazing singer and composer but a magnificent storyteller too! Kudos!

Sadly, true or not, it’s quite disappointing that Melanie Martinez is accused of sexually assaulting another female, Timothy Heller ( new artist and one of her best friends).

From Timothy Heller’s tweets:

Timothy Heller

Melanie Martinez’ response to the allegations:

Melanie Martinez response to Timothy Heller

Read more: http://www.independent.co.uk

By Melanie Matinez “Cry Baby”

Find out more: http://melaniemartinezmusic.com/crybaby/

My baby has finally arrived!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😍😍😍🎂😇😇😇🌈🌈🌈🌈🎉🎉🎉

And my Captain together with his crew are also here to join the fun! Got my friend Totoro freebie❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘

Upcoming: 1,000 Cranes Project (Work in Progress)

 

Wasting in my lonely tower

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“I was the one who had it all
I was the master of my fate
I never needed anybody in my life
I learned the truth too late”

***

I’m all by myself in the office today. I brought my speakers and fancy lamp to brighten the unlighted room. I’m free to do the things I wanted and I could dine inside (and no one would nag). Then, I was super vain that I took a lot of selfies. Not caring if I wore my old clothes today and I put heavy matte lipstick, ’22’ from Kylie’s lip kit. Well, it didn’t matter because no one was looking. Free as the birds outside my window but it rained on my way home, so there were no birds at all.

Well, there was a song that struck me, from the movie “Beauty and the Beast”. I feel like Beast right now, every lines of the song hit me to the core. I could relate to the lyrics and who would thought that I have feelings too. All this time, I already thought that I forgot how to feel and I could remain locked in my self-made tower and be isolated. Suddenly, there was something written… Things happened that I couldn’t control…

I’ll never shake away the pain
I close my eyes but he’s still there
I let him steal into my melancholy heart
It’s more than I can bear

Now I know he’ll never leave me
Even as he runs away
He will still torment me, calm me, hurt me
Move me, come what may

Wasting in my lonely tower
Waiting by an open door
I’ll fool myself he’ll walk right in
And be with me for evermore

I rage against the trials of love
I curse the fading of the light
Though he’s already flown so far beyond my reach
He’s never out of sight

Now I know he’ll never leave me
Even as he fades from view
He will still inspire me, be a part of
Everything I do

(lyrics from https://www.disneyclips.com/lyrics/evermore.html)

by Dan Stevens “Evermore” (Ost Beauty and the Beast)

1st Sunday of Advent with Friends

I had a good laugh, and I talked and ate a lot not caring if I’d put a lot of weight today. Who could resist Japanese cuisine? It was an early Christmas get together with my Holy Family Church pals. My friend commented I am one of the true individuals she met (NOT PLASTIC, NEVER!). She added that I am daringly dressed up outside but I am actually conservative inside. Oops, I agree to that and thanks to her for pointing out. By the way, I loved the grilled salmon that I even ate the fish’s eyeball. Gluttony!!! By the way, I failed the lipstick challenge! My lips too thick!

My cravings put me to sin. Nevertheless, I was all prepared, overly dressed as usual and expected. I always wanted to wear those boots for a long time. There’s no winter in Singapore but let’s pretend I came from another country. The lady in the church who sold me something couldn’t even recognise that we came from same roots.

The joke of the day that I playfully uttered to my friends (with all the get-up), ‘I’m a celebrity before who already quit showbiz’ LOL. My celebrity complex is getting to me again.

A quick stroll around Orchard Central and a bit of shopping. Gosh, so crowded! (Discovered a newly opened 24-hr Japanese store)

After the fun and yummy dining, I went to the mass at the Cathedral, Church of Good Shepherd. After mass, the Archbishop William Goh’s message about the significance of gift-giving during the season was played. I couldn’t remember his exact words but it sounded like ‘when you give people presents, you’re not doing them a favour but you’re giving yourself a chance to share your blessings for everything God has generously gave you’. In other words, you’re giving yourself a favour in doing so. It’s not only about the gifts but it’s the opportunity to make others feel that they’re important, appreciated and remembered.

Actually, I’m jotting down notes for what to give this Christmas. The essence of sharing for me is not receiving back but to spread love and happiness. The smiles that I will see on their faces are more than enough for me. I hope to give everyone at home presents like I used to do. After all, I am still the same, always thinking of others first before myself.

I am fully aware that my sister wouldn’t understand why I turned down her request to sponsor a Children’s party. I had nothing against it. I was the founder of it ever since I was a child. After all, I used to be the president of the community for almost a decade and I used to initiate everything. I just wanted her to understand that when I did it, I was not alone although my father was always been generous. I motivated others to do their roles too. It was a group effort. I may be the captain then but the ship sailed because each one did an integral part. I never lead to be known and praised, I was there because I wanted others to feel that they belonged and it was never a one-man show. I always knew how to share the stage and I never needed the spotlight to feel important and needed.

My words were unkind for I indirectly said that you can never share what you don’t have. Honestly, I didn’t mind giving but didn’t I give so much? All my life it was all about them and so little room for myself. Tough love isn’t easy because I knew I hurt her feelings but I should let it be so that I would allow her to grow and fly on her own, take responsibilities and be humble to reach out to others. Now, I am reminded what I used to do every time I organised every youth and children’s parties. I did those stuff since I was fourteen until I left home. Of course, I pulled everything because I was so thick-skinned and Papa was always my avid supporter.

Christmas is around the corner! Rejoice, my friend, if you a non-believer! God is everybody’s saviour so you’re never excluded from His list this season.

Tomorrow won’t be a drama although all by myself and no one remembers or think of me. It’s freedom day coz I can eat inside and blast the music without anyone complaining. I can wear anything maybe I can wear shorts with matching backless or halter! 😂😂😂😘❤️ I can bring my disco lights!!! One day of freedom!!! Deep inside, I will actually miss everyone especially special…

3 J’s

Spring cleaning today of our L3 cupboards and payer space for our Catechism session already ended this year. Afterwards, I had lunch with my fellow Catechists at Saizerya in Seletar Mall. Thanks for my friend for the lunch treat and it didn’t end there for we had another coffee, a treat by another friend at Ya Kun Family Cafe.

As we discussed our plans for next year’s Catechism L3 sessions, one of my friends shared about the 3 J’s.

What are my 3 J’s this week?

The first J is Joy. What made me happy this week? I was happy with the breakfast treat that my boss gave daily for this week. I’m delighted that I finished the digital painting and drawing that my team will give to our Principal for her retirement gift. I hope my friends like what I did. It will make me happier (I’m not sure if they did like the art pieces I made). Also today my friend told me that I was doing well in my session and she appreciated how I projected my voice. Then, my colleague mentioned that her son was in my class. Her son liked and looked forward for my class every week, and he even applied what he learned at home. All the while I thought there was something wrong with how I spoke and my accent would hinder me in delivering my lessons and sessions. I felt happy for the appreciations and praises.

THE 2ND J IS JUNK! JUNK!!! WHAT MADE ME FEEL AWFUL THIS WEEK? OBVIOUSLY THE STRANGER TREATMENT AND THE RUN AWAY (I THOUGHT AS) FRIEND. I felt the junk but not his… LOL! And so as part of the AVENGERS, my power was the music blast!!! Who’s the stranger now???? Then, I was obliged by my sibling to rush things, which I hated because I had initial plans. The worst part was the truth about my bracelet. God knows I worked hard for it and I treasured it with all my heart. O, Mama when will all the lies end?

The third J is Jesus. How did I choose to follow Jesus this week? I was not that angry but very very mad to the max that there were invisible smoke that came out from ears and nostrils. However, I didn’t let my anger swallow my goodness and draw me to isolation. I chose to forgive and be a friend. I didn’t count what I did or what I have done, or even tolerated. I chose humility over pride, and my position didn’t stick in my head. Thus, instead of hate, I spread kindness and shared. I even let the one who ruined my day chose what he liked and the price never mattered. It was not intentional. I just knew that the person was quite picky and particular. Then, this week were my sister and nephew’s birthdays and also shared with them my blessings so that they would have a good time in their respective celebrations. I pray to Jesus that my Mama will stop lying for others’ sake and just for once she’ll also consider my feelings. Above all, I spent my time wisely together with my friends in Christ. Next year, I’m looking forward to share my love for Christ to others and grow more in faith. Others think that I’m lame because of I cherished my family and faith with all my heart. No issue with me. Whatever they’ll say, I still do my best to remain in the light and pray everyday for God’s guidance so that I won’t lost my way again.

I maybe lame but tomorrow I’ll walk with my knee-high boots for a lunch out with my friends. It has been quite some time since I last wore it.

Too Old

Spark at the beginning

I like you ever since

You stir my emotions

Enjoying the fun 

Always a good laugh

I know, I’m too old

What’s the big deal?

Age doesn’t matter

For I just can’t help

Feeling this way

You’re too addictive

My happy pill

And stress relief

Forever be yours

One Piece avid fan

I should have not get the phone casings because I’m going to change my phone soon.  But when I saw them on sale, I forgot my plans.  Luffy and your crew, what have you done to me? LoL Can’t wait to go home and watch the latest episode…

Can’t Say

I don’t want to catch you in same bus again. Thus, I made a choice to come either very early or so late. It was not my intention to be there that day, it was merely a coincidence. Apparently my friendliness and cheerfulness received a cold response. It was so awkward to be there when I was treated as a stranger. Obviously, I was offended and the worst part was the quick dash, as if I had a disease or it was a shame to be seen with me. So, go ahead, run as fast as you could!

When I thought that I saw a friend, all I got was that disgusted stare, indirectly stating “move away” or “get lost”. So, who is made of plastic? I always chose kindness and be myself, and make others happy and be heard. Likewise, to be in that situation made me feel super-duper upset.

Hey, if you don’t know me, I don’t know you too! Move along, don’t lecture me if I blasted my music because I don’t listen to strangers. Forgetting something, I supposed to have the power… Isn’t it time to tell you who’s really in-charge here! I never looked nor listened. My anger took my memories, at that point, no one existed but me. I was the Snow Queen that day for that was how you made me.

God knows that I’m slow to anger and I forgive really fast. The following day, no discussions needed to avoid arguments. As always despite the meanness, I chose generosity and sharing to others. I don’t hold on to my rage and anguish for I always move forward towards the light by doing what’s right.

I maybe unappreciated but I am alright with that because I am fully aware of my strengths and weaknesses. In this world, never expect the whole population to bow down because there are so many people who are difficult to please. It isn’t my style to please others and seek other’s approval. I know what I’m doing, so I must execute my schemes accordingly. In case of errors, I immediately admit my imperfections and learn from my mistakes.

You just don’t have any idea, how many times that I wanted to call and send messages. But knowing you, I don’t think it will do me any good. So, I hold my horses and let you be. I may said a lot but there are words that I can’t say.

I can’t say that I’ll surely miss you when you’re gone. I can’t say that I want to add or befriend you in any social media platforms. I can’t say that I want to spend more time with you. There’s so much there is but I can’t say the words because the disgusted look on your face frightens and pushes me away.

I keep my distance and hold back. I’m glad that you’re happy and if there’s someone behind the scene, how lucky that person indeed to have someone like you.

Take care, I know you’ll have fun! I want to check on you but you don’t want to… I respect that… Share the sceneries and the experiences… Maybe till we meet again! We sing along some other time… I am enjoyable to hang around too. Certainly won’t bore you with my company!

By Jessie J “Flashlight”

If You Can Find the Way Again

Hi! Where are you today?

quote-a-man-paints-with-his-brains-and-not-with-his-hands-michelangelo-126641I remember clearly what you said
Wasn’t it so good to be true?
Your friends and sister, who else knew?
Perhaps, I took you lightly then
No explanations for you understood
Whatever there was, ‘thank you’
I should have not look at numbers
I should have seen the truth
Was it worth giving a chance?

Four years had passed since then
You insisted on taking that photo
How delighted were you to see me!
I was not supposed to be there
But you insisted and I stayed
Can I take back whatever I said?
But, I wasn’t thinking of myself
I decided what was best for you
And so, my escape was a fool
It should be you but I just couldn’t

If you can find the way again
Will you look at me admiringly?
Do you think I aged or still the same?
Will you still choose me from the rest?
If you can find the way again,
Will you say the same words?
When others are mean to me
You and the rest crossed my mind
I should have swallowed my pride
I should have not calculated
Does the difference matter now?
Surely you won’t run away,
You won’t make me feel awkward,
You won’t treat me like a stranger

I won’t waste my thoughtfulness
My generosity will make a count
Sorry, I never gave you a gift
Maybe, if you can find your way again,
I can give you more than there is…

Sorry, I wasted my drawing
I should have painted you instead
Thank you for appreciating
That I’m a beautiful person
Thank you for enjoying my company
You know that I could be fun too!
I should have not taken it as a joke…

By Lady Gaga “Boys, Boys, Boys”

*Thanks everyone for the good laugh, the praises and kind words you’ve said.  Thanks for those memories because every time I am treated wrongly, I revisited those happy days with all of you.  Whether you mean what you said or not, I’m still thankful that you all walked into my life because of that I am reminded that I existed and made a count.  I salute all of you, it was indeed brave of you and that made me the coward.  I should have run fast to catch the earlier bus.  My instincts were always right!  Whatever there was, in the deepest part of my core, I am fully aware that I’m that same person you used to know and no numbers can change that… Some people just naturally mean and horrible….  

This Too Will Pass

I cheered my sister for today’s her birthday and apologised for the delay of the birthday present. I hope she’ll find it in her heart that despite our differences, I love her truthfully ever since and I’m always here for her. I believe that she’s tougher than I am and surely she’ll rise from all challenges. Love you sis❤️😘🎉🎂🍰

In our lifetime, plenty of decisions are made. Whether it’s right or wrong, there are reasons why God allowed things to happen whether we like it or not. Yet, if we listened closely to the Almighty, He always wants what’s best for us.

I believe God sends us angels through people we encountered. I’m absolutely ecstatic and grateful for He always brought amazing, inspiring and wonderful people in my life that pulled me through during tough times. For those in the dark, I hope that sharing my smiles were good enough to them and if I am given the permission I will surely their angel too.

I told my sister whatever we’re struggling this time, it will pass. Whatever downhill we’re currently rolling, this too will pass. We’ll just remain to be good people and bring happiness to others.

Saturday: #fiveloaves&twofishes at Westlife Dormitory in Woodlands (25 Nov), spending my Saturday doing mission works.

Sunday: Graduation day for Baking Class and I choreographed & mixed the songs for my class’ presentation. The audience and organisers liked it so much that I had no choice but to go up and embarrassed myself all over again. Although it was embarrassing, it was worth it because I made so many people happy.

After the event, I met my photography pals. Then, I gave them my early Christmas presents.

Sunday: I missed attending mass, so it is a must to go for confession next week. (Next week also, I’ll attend the Saturday mass because my friend promised to cook dinner afterwards) In addition, I hope God will understand that my friend needed me because she was quite upset so I had to accompany her. She definitely needed an older sister to lean on at that point. I’m glad that I gave her my listening ears and cracked her my not-so-funny jokes. I cheered someone Lord and even shared my cash! I hope that reason was acceptable excuse for missing my Sunday obligation.

Sincerely Yours

Hey Gorgeous,

Have you heard one of the new singles from Taylor Swift’s new album entitled ‘Gorgeous’? It’s my recent favourite song aside from Ed Sheeran’s songs ‘Dive’ and ‘Perfect’. Well, every time I listened to that song I could relate it to you. Likewise, I was gorgeous first before you were. LOL. I remembered a friend handed me a letter and on the envelope he wrote ‘To Gorgeous Gen’. See, I am gorgeous too!!! Well, those were the days before Facebook and Instagram came out and people really socialised with someone they really knew not with some random accounts in social media. And those were the days too when there were no filters and Photoshop, no deceptions and no lies.

What can I say, technology changes how people interact. Whether it has bad or good impact upon us, we should not allow technology to overpower our well-being that it becomes our master. No matter how advance the modern times turned out still I’m the old school girl who sees the beauty of existence despite of how ugly the situation turns out.

During my school days, I thought that I could hike all the mountains and I wouldn’t care if my skin would be darker. How I loved Mother Nature! Suddenly, after my vehicular accident, fear became my pal. Thus, I hid and just be contented in my cave. That’s one thing I admired from you, you’re carefree and adventurous. Someone I always wanted to be until my father was taken by the angel of death.

Hey, gorgeous you look like a fallen angel yesterday! Of course, the unspoken praises we kept in our hearts. We are silent with good words and we can deal with each other’s outbursts. Aren’t we two different species from different times? Look at us entwined in a space that we don’t want. Trust me, I already submitted my complaints countless times to God. He told me to trust Him because He knows what He’s doing, and He also assured me that He isn’t toying with us.

God has probably a good sense of humour better than the two of us. Of course, He is fully aware that we both don’t like each other. 🙄 Duh! Yet, no matter how we deny and escape; we can’t just fight the power of the universe. If I can runaway from this, I’ll return to someone who cherished me the most. Surely, you’ll do the same. Is that what we really wanted and can bring us happiness? Apparently, not!

Why you have to be gorgeous and frequently appear in my dreams every night? Why you have to be gorgeous that no matter how I avoided and condemned myself for this, I’m just being me around you? How could I possibly be not the coyote and be just one of those brainless blondes in mean girls and comedy themed movies in your pranks?

Henceforth, I am left with no choice but to accept the situation and be grateful to God that I found you. Definitely, it’s alright even you can’t find or see me at all. For I know, deep inside our wishes are the same and we don’t want them to come true.

How the days will unfold is beyond our control, why worry? Let’s live accordingly and soon be brave enough to accept the greatest gift from Heaven.

Hey, gorgeous see you in my dreams where we do things which are absolutely far from our reality. Who knows?😘😉

Sincerely Yours,

By Taylor Swift ‘Gorgeous’

Share the Light

Relief. At last, I can take a deep breath and have a sound sleep now. I’m glad that I did what I have done. This time not really humiliated but actually appreciated.

The past partly stopped me but after I prayed and reflected. “Seize the moment to make others happy and don’t fail to share a smile”. Those were the words that came to me. To give is not to expect anything in return but to give delight to others for they’re after all significant and special.

How long it has been? I am not sure if it hit him the efforts that I exerted. Seeing someone unexpected was the moment of truth for me. God’s way of telling me to keep away from him. Still I chose to be the prey because I despised the idea of being admired by children. So today I realised the possibilities that those I didn’t want maybe so much better than him and what they had for me maybe true for that instant.

Another phase, I moved forward pretentious. It was not really what I felt. I was something that I insisted to feel. The only truth there were my generosity and thoughtfulness. I should have checked with God instead of being enslaved with my pride.

So here I go again, not knowing what I am doing. For a long time I gazed at my reflection, not staring at my physical flaws but the radiant of Jesus’ light in me. I am no longer that silly or pretentious girl. I am being me. It is never about what you can receive but what you can willingly share.

I am not a perfect creation but I strive for goodness because it gives me serenity and gives me a clear picture of my purpose in existing. I don’t try so hard to impress, I only do my best in what I do.

I was told that no one wanted or will want me. The statement initially agitated me, so I recalled one-by-one the boys and men who used to be there and even the ones whose names I couldn’t remember. The memories soothed my rage. Perhaps, it was not about being wanted or trying so hard to be needed. It was following the will of God and giving Him the authority to lead my life.

In my disobedience and impatience, God had His ways of saving me but the Devil used my neediness to pull me away from the light. This time, I have the light in my grasp. I am not letting go but I heartily share it to people around me. I do my part and God will do the rest! Take note, it is written in the Scriptures that no one will light a lamp to be hidden under the bed. A lamp is meant to light a whole room.

Finally, I freed myself from all my thoughts that was holding me back. Little by little, I liberated myself from whatever error I did.

Nonetheless, isn’t it funny that in my fantasy, I spent the evening with you. I will surely make you the happiest tonight. Well, if isn’t meant to happen, at least I still hold that fake memory in my head. 😘🍰🎂🎉

“Marvin Gaye” by Charlie Puth featuring Meghan Trainor

To Give or Not to Give

It must be a trick of the eye

A light? A bird? A plane?

‘Something’ floating above

A whisper within stating

‘You’re angel at the clouds’

Indeed, I never walk alone!

***

Lunch is served and I’ve seen

The proof in front of me

There she was coming to him

Plus flood of messages & more

How insignificant my gifts!

Probably he’ll get so many

What my presents are for?

Only want others to be glee

But someone else matter

Make them the happiest

***

My generosity is a waste

My thoughtfulness a joke

No one can appreciate

No one ever remembers

Perhaps, I’ll keep the gifts

Hidden and unshared to him

Connecting the Dots

This evening I couldn’t bring myself to draw for you crossed my mind.

Don’t you know? According to Wikipedia, the world population was estimated to have reached 7.6 billion as of October 2017. Above the earth, anyone’s appearance doesn’t matter. Whether you are fat or thin, up in Heaven, everyone looks the same. For from afar, with billions of people occupying the globe, all of us are like moving dots who are always on the go to survive the unpredictable winds of change.

What our stories be like? How do we ended up to where we are? Well, life is full of mysteries so live and deal with it. Moreover, there’s someone greater than all of us who knows every name of each single dot. His great power can bring some dots altogether whether we like it or not. Hence, be brave and still for the mission impossible. For when the Almighty connects the dots, it won’t be a smooth sailing and bed of roses. Yet, it brings out our true selves with joys in our hearts despite all the consequences. So, keeping the faith in my heart that God knows what He’s doing and I trust Him.

Why you ought to be mean? I don’t mind trading places with those who you cherished the most. If people aren’t happy around me, I’d rather disappear and give you whoever can make you the happiest. Hope one day, you’ll see that I am not only made of numbers that I am a woman too.

Despite of all the ill talks behind my back, I’m still grateful to God to where I am today because I am given the opportunity to showcase His gifts to me and others benefit from them too. And to which dot He’ll connect me, I’ll fully accept with no questions asked.

Speaking of gifts, I didn’t know which is which. I don’t know what’s gotten into me that I even bothered to give someone who never liked my taste and who never failed to remind me with my flaws. Sometimes my brain just switch off and I do things without understanding what I am doing. Will you like any of those? I don’t know because I’m the worst gift-giver ever! Besides, you’re expensive taste won’t appreciate my cheap thoughtfulness. Isn’t the thought that counts?

By Anne Murray “You Needed Me”

Recycle Bin Emptied

Life doesn’t keep scores

Whether I win or lose

I did carve you within

Words in my sleep were right

Time to tidy up the mess

Get rid of all the memories!

***

Put my efforts to my pieces

Used to inspire my art

That turned as my trash

None was meant to hurt

My indirect vengeance

A scheme unplanned

***

I want to draw another

The scars left behind

My tragedy and fear

Can’t paint the same

The portraits needed to go

Soft copies must be deleted

My Recycle Bin emptied

Thanks for all the pains

I’m braver & stronger now!!!

Can I paint someone new?

Certainly, got the courage!

Am I allowed to do so?

God, all I wanted is to share

To give my all and love too!

I know that I can. I will!

For there’ll be one man

He’ll treasure the portraits

Making him proud too!

By Grant Gustin “Running Home to You”

10,000 Reasons

A morning of prayer and thanksgiving… and farewell to a great leader.

I’m thankful for all my blessings and the good things that happened in my life. I am too grateful, so I also gave thanks to the people who helped me even if I am difficult and distant.

I’ll worship Your holy name

You’re rich in love

And You’re slow to anger

Your name is great

And Your heart is kind

For all Your goodness

I will keep on singing

10, 000 Reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, oh my soul

By Matt Redman “10,000 Reasons”

Seize the Day!

My cough kept me awake from time to time from nighttime till dawn. When I already slept soundly, I was awakened by a tremendous sound of continuous thunders. It frightened me even more knowing that I am left alone in the house, uncle and aunty went for a trip overseas for three days now. Due to lightning, there was a power trip. Hence, all lights went off! I’M SUCH A SCARY CAT!!! I’m afraid of the dark and thunder, plus no one was there. I initially panicked, dropped my phone facedown and broke its screen protector (I just replaced it 2 weeks ago). ‘Trust in Jesus, trust in Jesus!’ I kept reminding myself.

What a heavy rain! High heels not for today! At work, I thought that I’m free from teaching and I could do other tasks instead. Besides, I already offered to assist. Yet, another class was waiting. I couldn’t shortchange the kids and tell them that I have nothing to teach. Thus, despite my cough, I managed to deliver the lessons in between my barking. Then, when I was about to eat my free lunch at the canteen, another class came inside the com lab. I thought no more lessons for today! Yet, this is my last day with these kids. Next year, they’ll be on another level and they won’t be in my class again. Why not seize the day and give them something to remember? So, I did what I could by giving them an interesting lesson and gave out prizes afterwards.

I missed the free lunch. Well, it was alright since I did my part in my responsibilities. Nevertheless, I’m grateful to my friend for he gave me the burger that was given to him. So, I didn’t spend anything for lunch after all! Thanks❤️🙏🏻

By Spongecola “Bahaghari”

I’d Rather be Kind…

I don’t know how to deal, express and process my anger. It’s really difficult for me to stay mad for a long time. Actually, I despised that feeling because it felt so awful inside making me cold and withdrawn. Why it’s so easy to smile and be happy than hold a frown and be forlorn?

Although I didn’t feel like getting out from my icy prison cell still I shared the snacks my kids in church gave me. I didn’t know that today is World Kindness Day. I indirectly did the gesture unknowingly because that’s what I am all about even if I’m misunderstood at times. Wait! Did I give a treat willingly or I was tricked to it? Lol. In kindness, nothing can go wrong…

I’d rather be kind because it feels good to share and smile at others. To share kindness is spreading goodness and let others see that Jesus lives in you. There’s no other comforting feeling than to be kind to everyone even to those difficult people.

I’d rather be kind even if others are not because this is who I am. I don’t have to pretend that I am also mean because it’s very stressful and it takes away my serenity. There are people who’ll probably mock me for this but I simply don’t care because whatever I’ll do, it is expected that there are people whose fave past time is to criticise others. You can never please the whole universe. Just continue doing what you do best and continue to be kind…

I’d rather be kind to myself, do what I love to do and have a good rest. I don’t have to go with the flow to impress others, if at the end I am unkind to me by abusing and taking my being for granted.

11.11: Farewell My Angels

I told myself I wouldn’t love or be involved again.  I’d rather hide in my cave and be the couch potato queen.  Live an unhealthy lifestyle and grow fat, dressed badly walking on ballerina shoes; and don’t even bother to find out my purpose.  Yet, love has many forms!

I claimed not needing anyone for I am contented with the company of myself.  When I left home, I slammed the door to shut everyone out in my life.  Perhaps, there was an erroneous choice I once made that dragged me to hell because I thought it was what I needed and wanted at the moment of my anxieties and frustrations.

Hey, Lord! Thanks for Your saving grace that opened my eyes to the essential of my existence.  When You brought me to where I truly belonged,  I slowly accepted my reality and learned to trust in Your plans. Everything didn’t come instantaneously, the process took awhile. Indeed, I was truly a slow learner. So, that was Your way of teaching me to be more understanding and patient as a person for others.  I am totally imperfect and I still need to work on my flaws over difficult people who are slaves of their egos.

I told You, I couldn’t.  Didn’t I? Not the centerstage again, I am told that it wasn’t my cup of tea.  What did I know about children? What else I could say about You? So, on my third year in service, You gave me children under my wings.  Whaaaat??? A new challenge and different responsibilities….

In the midst of this year, the circumstances of the situation, almost took me away from those angels.  Remember what I said to You, ‘there’s no taking back with what You have given and for sure You won’t allow Your sheep unaided.’

You answered me in a dream.  I dreamt of this day except in that dream I brought them ice cream but all my friend and I brought them were boxes of pizza.  Well, when you fed children, they could be perfectly well-behaved.  

Well, these children were my angels in desperate times.  In that time, when I was swallowed by the whale of darkness, God gave me these angels to assure me that nothing was impossible in Him. 

 I am always misunderstood. I admit when my heart and pride are pierced, my tongue is pulled down. Then, I’m left speechless and I’d rather be isolated.  I really don’t know how to deal with my anger.  I wish that I could shout and scold people, or pretend that I am cool with everything even if I am not.

It wasn’t a good day yesterday.  My body gave up on me.  I was exhausted but I pushed myself to keep kicking for I took my responsibilities seriously.  The people around me made me feel that being a goody two shoes was incorrect and a big joke.  

Thank you my angels for being restless at the beginning but with all the words you said, I am reminded that I introduced you to Jesus in a different way, which made you love and trust Him even more.  

I am not good in getting angry and expressing myself.  I don’t know how to deal with anger.  It only stressed me out that made me withdrawn from others.  I don’t even know how to nag or scold…. All I can do is cry… But, despite my tears, I can still face the world bravely with an ageless bright smile.

Thanks to you my angels for making me feel good and teaching me to love and be true to my commitment.  Thank you also for showing me to love Jesus even more. Thus, I didn’t let rain nor my sickness stopped me to be with you for the last time.  I hope I could stop you from growing and flapping your wings to the world because I feared the tendency that one of you may be like Anakin Skywalker who grew to become the Darth Vader.  Yet, you have to fly on your own to spread Jesus’ love.

Our journey in faith isn’t over.  Keep moving forward with confidence in Jesus.  Don’t be like the foolish bridesmaids but be like the wise ones who always had oil in their lamps.  Farewell my angels, till we meet again!

Always Choose Love

Forgive me Lord because my fever is getting into my being.  I should not be there but I gave my word to assist and provide, and it was my last day to be with my favourite class. 

Despite of my anxiety and frustrations on how others chose pride over being not just a friend but a Good Samaritan, I still chose what I loved to do.  In choosing love, you always win.  I might be defeated with the demons in my head still I triumphed in the hearts of those who welcomed me.  Thanks to them for I am reminded that all my efforts were worth it!

Why you gotta be so mean?

mean3

You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again
Made me feeling like I’m nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I’m wounded
You, picking on the weaker man 

You never failed on looking down at me

mean 1

Well you can take me down with just one single blow
But you don’t know, what you don’t know…

Someday I’ll be living in a big ole city
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides
And your wildfire lies and your humiliation
You have pointed out my flaws again
As if I don’t already see them
I walk with my head down
Trying to block you out ’cause I’ll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

I bet you got pushed around
Somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now
‘Cause you can’t lead me down that road
And you don’t know, what you don’t know…

And I can see you years from now in a bar
Talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion
But nobody’s listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing
But all you are is mean

All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

Published on 8 April 2016

mean2

by Taylor Swift “Mean”

What’s that all about?

There was you.

    The familiar setting and people, in a bizarre dark scene.  Were I nasty? Was it your influence or it was the side of me unexplored? Or the far cry of a woman in need for a long time untamed, jailed and ignored? Suddenly, the lights went off and in the darkness I expected your presence but instead I found the people I deeply cared.  Surprisingly, you were not like that at all.

There was him.

    I thought it was the cupboard that belonged to you but he was there taking all the things.  I bursted your name to stop him from taking what were yours.  He smiled as he used to when we first met.  Then, he asked about you and I was completely honest and truthful to my response.  In that split of second, I lost you in my thoughts because I was stunned of his unexpected presence in there and I was drawn to him again.  Nonetheless, he spoke the reality of the matter.  So, he broke my heart all over again.

There was Papa.

    I ran away far from him but as I dashed the pain became lighter.  As I kept moving forward the hurt disappeared and I embraced my freedom. It was like getting out from the tunnel.  I felt like a child so overjoyed to escape darkness and it seemed that it was the first time I took a glimpse of the sun.  My happiness multiplied with 1000 for Papa was there and I hugged him for so long.

     I told Papa what was happening in my life.  He smiled and put the blame into himself.  Papa told me that I am not out of chances and I just looked at my palm for it was written.  It’s with me all this time.  Hence, all I have to do is trust my heart and stay humble.

   Papa disappeared and I didn’t know what was getting into me.  You crossed my mind and I whispered your name. I found myself awakened 3pm yelling out your name.

   It was said to pay attention on your dreams and visions because these are God’s ways of speaking and reaching to us.  It took me awhile to decipher what was that episode all about.  All I knew God was telling me that no man is the same.  He and you are not alike.  After all, God already saved me from the likes of him and brought you into my life.  God never left me alone and He’ll keep His promise.  I only listen to the Almighty Father, not to the judgements of people who hardly knew mr.  Take note, it’s already written in the stars, engraved on the palms of our hands.

By Tinie Tempah Ft Eric Turner “Written in the Stars”

It’s My Birthday! 18 Again!

I’m the debutante today for the second time!  I wore a navy blue cocktail dress with a flower wreath on my head.  It felt good to be young again!  (I looked more confident and prettier this time compared to my actual 18th birthday.  It’s what you call growing old gracefully).

I had fun and enjoyed the whole celebration.  All hardwork paid off!


I just didn’t enjoy dressing up!  But I also did my part in making the whole presentation a success.


Thanks to all my groupmates and friends for all their contributions.  I’m grateful to all these very talented and skillful ladies!  


I woke up early to prepare all the stuff needed.  My friends were there to help me and they brought all the tasty food too!  Wow, it’s teamwork as it’s finest!  Thanks to our teacher, Ms Anabelle for everything she shared and taught us!  I totally don’t have confidence in baking for I thought it is tough to make all those cakes, breads and other pastries.  Thanks to this course, I learned a new skill and discovered that baking isn’t that tough at all!  The course has ended but I’m looking forward for more opportunities to bake more and more…

In Darkness there’s Light

Insulted. Absolutely! Definitely!

Are we made of plastics?

So nice and friendly inside 

Outside, go ahead avoid me!

Embarrassed of my age?

Shame on you for judging me!

I am not only made of numbers 

My heart is forever young

Always appreciating little pleasures

My soul will never age in God

For it is not restricted to time 

I know you can’t see me at all

For you were not even looking

It’s alright if you can’t appreciate 

I’ll always remain to be true to myself 

The birthday bash and presents

I won’t waste them on someone 

Who never cared and bothered 

Besides, you’ll receive a lot from many

So you won’t notice if I won’t give my gifts

If only you knew and spend that day with me

You’ll be the happiest, the best day ever!

I hope it makes your spirit high

Humiliating and poking your jokes on me

Of course, young girls are plenty 

If you only knew and find it within

No one will ever love you same way as I can

You don’t know, you never looked closely!

In darkness I hid, strolling unseen

Dressed in white, did I become a ghost?

In darkness, I found my serenity

No matter how many times you ridicule me

The light within will always be on fire

By Kesha “Girl on Fire”

Bus 72

No need to run off or be scared as if I’m the witch in Oz, I’m taking Bus 72.  I am not some monster, in fact, I am going to attend a mass for ‘All Saints’ Day.  I already made donations to say prayers for Papa and Grandma. So, don’t worry, I am not some leech who’ll stick around even unwanted.  If don’t want, then, don’t want….  The rule is simple for me, I only want the one who wants me the most!

What’s with the birthday gift when no one wants it anyway?  What’s with the thoughtfulness and generosity when I’m not even there? Silly me, never learned!  Those people I used to know are all gone. No one is there anymore…

No need to rush and no need to endure standing the whole trip.  It was not my intention to be out at same time.  Don’t worry, be happy.  I am not taking same bus for I am taking Bus 72.  By the way, I am going to the Church of St Vincent de Paul.  St Vincent de Paul, I am taking back all my prayers!!! But, you know my heart.  I sincerely pray for your intercession.  

May all the saints bless you and may they’ll enlighten you that not ever once I insisted on anyone that doesn’t want me anyways… No need to avoid me as if I have a disease or a disgrace…  

 Forget about those gifts and cake, none are needed and those will be received from a lot of them!!!

Genevieve 

 She strolls into the pit of darkness with a joyous soul

She waltzes in the storm concealing her fears

And she always smiles even she’s dying inside

Loyal and selfless for the ones she cherished

A sacrifice she will never regret though unappreciated 

Always her father’s darling, she loves him forevermore

The kind of girl who sees the beauty in everyone

She values her friends but she suddenly disappeared 

How much she misses them all but there’s no looking back

She used to be their clown and cheerleader 

Someone who sticks around through thick and thin

She laughs the loudest but she weeps in silence

Do you think she doesn’t care? She loves you more

You think she doesn’t want you, she desires you very much

She pushes people away because she’s scared

She doesn’t know how to express what she feels

She’s afraid to utter the incorrect words 

She trembles with your stares and melts with your smiles

If given the chance, she’ll be there and love you more

She’ll give in to your desires and be a fool once more

And so your spirits will rejoice, a dance in heaven

You think she doesn’t know, she’s not a child, she’s a woman

Will you look at her eyes and clasps her hands?

Tell her ‘be crazy with me and let’s take this chance!’

Your words are her magic, the power that will bring her back

Yet, she’s there and you never take her out from the dungeon 

Will  you ever comprehend what’s in her thoughts?

 Will you ever know that you’re always in her mind?

What does it take to convince you that you’re in her heart?

I know Genevieve very well, inside and out

How about you my friend, do you know Genevieve too?

Will you uncover the mystery beneath her smile?

(published on 7/16/15)

By Depeche Mode “Somebody”

Let’s Have a Drink

It’s a manic Monday

This cheap fashionista 

Exhausted and sleepy 

Wearing less than $20

My high heels only $2.50!

Looking only at promotions

***

Thirsty in love and more…

All I need is the chance 

Looking for opportunities 

If desires are granted 

I’ll love you the greatest!

***

Come, let’s have a drink!

Can save cash on clothing 

Not counting how much

In sharing and generosity 

***

Come, let’s enjoy our drinks!

It’s buy one and take one

Can I take what I can’t buy?

Splendid and joyous moments

Endless possibilities in God

Whatever! Let’s have this drink!

Savouring it while promo lasts 


By Bangles “Manic Monday”

Who’s Your Fave Saint?

The children had spoken… during today’s session I asked them “who is your favourite saint? Majority gave their answers… Well, reminding me that it’s almost Christmas.  But beforehand, let’s remember the communion of saints in heaven.  Let’s celebrate, ‘All Saints Day’ on 1 November.  May all saints in heaven intercede for us!



Saint Nicholas also called Nikolaos of Myra, was a historic 4th-century Christian saint and Greek Bishop of Myra, in Asia Minor. Because of the many miracles attributed to his intercession, he is also known as Nikolaos the Wonderworker and his legendary habit of secret gift-giving gave rise to the traditional model of Santa Claus through Sinterklaas
.

Source:

Everybody loves this man, who wouldn’t?  I do too and always will… What do you know?

  Recently, I discovered my parents named me after a saint.  When I was in secondary and tertiary, I truly hated writing my name because it sounds so girly and it’s kinda long.  How would I know there’s someone holy same as my name?

We can’t all be saints but we are all destined to join our Father in heaven.  Some of us maybe lost in the ways of the world still bear in mind that there’s goodness in everyone.  My Papa always told me not to judge people quickly instead always see the good in everyone.  As human as we are, no one is perfect but no one is stopping us to do good deeds and share our blessings to others.

I met a pessimistic and materially bound woman who viewed other people negatively due to her experience.  She warned me about how bad people will become if you have nothing and money is all that matters for anyone to stick around.  Now, I remembered what someone used to tell me ‘money can change feelings and influence one’s choice’. (Reason I was deleted in the picture, hope he still kept his portraits drawn courtesy of me)

Well, I answered the lady, ‘I don’t know what will happen next but all I have is MY FAITH’.  There are times in life that people around you are the spokespersons or channels of the Devil’s lies.  Everyone say it’s not possible.  Whatever they’ll say? I know that nothing is impossible in God.  I believe in Him despite what others will say.  I told the kids in this morning’s session that I always want to be a nun.  I saw my self as one of the Carmelites sister who lived in the monastery like monks and wouldn’t come out only spent the day in prayers.  But no sisters of the congregation noticed me even if I came there everyday.

Then, that voice must be real and that was no dream but a vision… He said, ‘you don’t have to find me for I am there in the places you’ve been to…’ (the voice spoke in English not in my dialect) Whatever led me here, it is part of God’s plan.  God knows my needs and the desires of my heart.  I just go on living my life, sharing my talents and smiles, and always find happiness in all I do even at times my patience is challenged.  I’ll get ready for soon, I’ll share all of me to someone God knows….


Saint Genevieve (French: Sainte Geneviève; Latin: Sancta Genovefa, Genoveva; from Gaullish geno “race, lineage” and uida “sage”)[1] (Nanterre, c. 419/422 AD – Paris 502/512 AD), is the patron saint of Paris in the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox traditions. Her feast day is kept on January the 3rd.

Source: 

The Last Message

In the middle of all the ridicules and humiliations, when I’m stuck in the reality where I don’t matter and exist anymore.  The Devil surely did a good job in feeding me with all the lies.  Yet, in my defence, the angels made me remember those wonderful memories that I kept only to myself.

Yeah, it was the longest-running infatuation but it began beautifully and how I described it was my favourite lines of all time.

Audrey Hepburn

“It was one boring lesson and I was definitely hungry.  My teacher didn’t only look like a goat but he sounded like one.  I felt like sleeping in class.  So, to control myself from falling asleep, I looked around to keep my drowsy eyes occupied.  Then, at that unexpected moment, you trapped my sight with your presence.  I was glued to you, despite of the fact that your friend was much cuter.  You were goofing around on the stairs not so far from where I was.  I couldn’t take my eyes off because you had the loveliest smile that I ever seen.  At that very instant, the world stopped rotating and the background froze.  It felt that it was only both of us existed in the world, and everyone’s existence dissolved and blurred from that scene.  Then, the only sound I heard was the melody from the piano.  There was only you and I, and I could hear the music looping in my heart.”

We were children back then, what did I know?  All I am determined to achieve was to create a name for myself.  When that time would happen, I wouldn’t tremble anymore when you would be there.  After all, you were the only man that I ever knew who completed my checklist for the ideal guy.  I admit that I was not that loyal, I played along with the options.  However, you were always the number one and the best.  Yet, you were almost perfect that made everything about you scary.  Suddenly, you were gone, Cleopatra was reborn and the attention I got was not really that pleasing at times.

I was an inferior teenage girl.  But, in college I was overconfident and everything was so easy to me.  I am always selected and lots of people wanted to be my friends.  I became a part of many things.  Perhaps, in school and my community, I etched a name for myself.

After I received my degree’s cert, you were the first one I searched.  I never told anyone but you were the only one I dared and put effort to reach out.  Well, I had my resources.  If I really paid attention to it, I could nominate myself as the best stalker.  Nonetheless, why should I be one?  That was the prime of my teens, I had the time of my life and I always enjoyed the little pleasures and suprises the world could offer.  In other words, I was too busy that I couldn’t spare a second in stalking you.  Sorry to disappoint your expectations but my obsession never led me to such extremes. Anyway, I only did whatever I did out of my impulsiveness because I thought at that point, I am already valiant enough because I already made it in college.

What they didn’t know, for a brief time, we exchanged messages and dropped calls.  When I heard your voice after five years, it was a disbelief that it made me awake for the entire night.  My apologies to those guys who thought I was into them because the truth was I only danced along with the music of my youth.

Several random messages were exchanged between us.  Suddenly, you asked me to come to the place where you were playing pool.  I refused but you insisted.  I wanted to be there but I couldn’t.  I am still not your equal.  My fears were greater than my feelings.  Plus, I couldn’t violate my dignity and pride. I convinced myself that it was not time yet.  Not yet.

I had my chance but I blew it because I had nothing to prove to you and everyone else.  I still couldn’t draw same as you could.  In addition, I still couldn’t prove myself that I deserved that seat in my class and I belonged in that place where we found one another… I’m not just the lucky one, I belonged too!

Prior to deleting your mobile number.  I used my creativity in writing to compose the last message I sent to you…

“It doesn’t matter.  Actually, nothing matters at all.  As long as I know that same sun and moon shine above our heads, I will always be fine.  May they watch over you and won’t fail to tell you that I truly cared even from a distance.”

MESSAGE SENT.  NUMBER DELETED.

contact deleted

Perhaps, I was almost there but my heart couldn’t overthrow the power of my mind.  My brain assured me that I chose correctly because following my heart would probably direct me to ruins.  Hence, I put an end to that infatuation for it was merely nothing but the invention of a dreamy and hopeless teenage girl.  No happily-ever-after ending.  It was the finale of my choice.

If I accidentally dropped by and saw you for the last time in your special day, please bear in mind that what never began was obviously over.  After that day, the world never stopped anymore and the music never played again.  I was like a walking dead incapable of feeling real affection and still scared of showing my true feelings.  Indeed, I am only good at hiding and writing. After all, they don’t really see the real me…

By Anne Hathaway “Somebody to Love” (OST Ella Enchanted)

 

Judge Me as You Please

I’m done with my digital painting of Mother Teresa!  I thank God for as I grow older, my art skills improved and because of this I can share my artworks to serve God.  By the way, do I need to be young to do all the things I can do now?

Thank you Lord for the opportunities to share my skills and goodness to others.  By the way, I know You’re not deaf to what was said.  I’m sorry for feeling upset with how easy it is for people to say awful things and laugh aloud due to my age.  Why because they are young, are they perfect in everything and they look good? Age doesn’t matter to You, my Lord.  I am Your creation, I have nothing to be ashamed of but there’s more I can to do to fulfill my promise to You.  I’ll continue praying and no man can take away my faith.  They can judge me as they please but none of them has the liberty to judge my faith.

Well, Holy Spirit put me to sleep and for the first time I’m not prepared with what to wear tomorrow.

By Chris Brown “Don’t Judge Me”

The Broken-Hearted Girl

After all the tears and the drama

There is still a huge hole in her heart

The escaped souls from hell tempting her to curse

Yet, her gloominess will never spoil her pure soul

Her wrath is temporary, it will soon go away

Even if her kindness & generosity are ignored,

She remains true from the start till the end

Others’ intentions have question marks

Still she holds on her faith & believe in miracles

***

It is one of  the so many episodes of real soap opera

She’s not playing the role of the broken-hearted girl

She will never be the loser for she survives it all

She will never raise and wave the white flag of defeat

Try catching her, she’s flying farther than you

It takes a heartless someone to make her dream high

Forever she’ll care for you ‘coz she’s unlike other girls…

X.O. X.O .X.O. X.O .X.O. X.O .X. O.

i’m back to the old place — our dreamland… welcome me back again… thanks for not leaving soon in  that safe place that doesn’t suck —

Written last 12/12/12

By Beyonce “Broken-Hearted Girl”

Me as a Squirrel

Do you think, I don’t get it?  This is that moment when I wished to bring  back to life those people I used to know.  Those people who’d tell me that nothing matters when every detail actually mattered to me then. Those people who never failed to point my positive attributes rather than speak loudly of my flaws.  

A little respect and consideration, please… I’m in the room! You have eyes, right?  I turned my Spotify too loud with my headset but I could still hear the ridicules in the background.  Trying to humiliate me, isn’t it? Please grab a mirror and look closer until you can peek how dark is your soul!!!!😤😤😤😤😤 If don’t want… no need for negative criticisms…. Did it ever occur in that little brain of yours that not even a single thing about you I find attractive or interesting?  


I am proud of my age because thanks to God that I am still healthy and my dark skin is perfectly fine.  I thank God that I reached this far because so many people didn’t make it.  Sadly, some cut their lives in a very young age.  I am not ashamed of my age, in stead I am grateful for God’s blessings and greatness through these years.

Feel free to say that I am old!  It doesn’t matter because I might be older in terms of numbers, my heart never aged…. My smiles and goodness never faded with time.  My friends in the retreat even said that I look and act youthful.

    Yesterday, I saw an obese teenage girl who had a very severe skin problems. At that point,  I thanked God that my skin still glows with the sun despite how old I am.  

Not because they’re young they look good or they’re kind…  A lot of people I used to know told me,  “you always shine from the rest and nothing else matters.”  Well, it was not time yet then.  I had my priorities.  Maybe, in time… Till we meet again….

If it’s God’s will, nothing matters….

“Sarah was 90 when Isaac was conceived, but there are some disparate records of her age at his birth. Still, it is only a matter of a very small amount of time, and she was either 90 or 91 when Isaac was born.

From Genesis 17, describing the conception age” (source: http://www.funtrivia.com/askft/Question125674.html)

Will any of you speak something in my behalf?


My unfinished artwork of Mother Teresa.  Not all youngsters and millennials can do the same.  Proud to be old!!!


Where Were You When I was 17?

Marlena asked Jacob Jankowski “where were you when I was 17?”.  The line struck me because I asked myself the same question every night for I’m so smittened with your presence in my dreams.  Even if there were  no scientific connections between dreams and reality still I wanted to believe that such unreal and imaginary moments in my head gave my heart reasons to bounce again as it used to do when I was 17.

Water For Elephants poster

Our story is not similar with Jacob and Marlena for there was no train ride that led us to the miracle of finding love.  Instead, I took an unintentional flight to leave my disgrace behind only to find a bench where I used to frequently see someone with headset and books.  Are you aware that I wasted my time looking for your photograph and I accidentally kept one?   Are you aware that it was so silly of  you and your friend to make fun along the background?  Do you still remember when you were obliged to wait for me?  Do you recall the time when I sent you out of the room twice for you were not welcome inside?  I can still remember that moment I spoke to you and how we shared same sweet smile from a distant.  Maybe you think that I didn’t catch you winking at me twice.  I only pretended that I didn’t see but actually I did.  Yet, all those random events are meaningless because we were never acquainted or became friends. (At that time…)

Dreams are all false, a fool’s perception of a non-existent world. Nonetheless, it is a perfect universe I conquered because it is where I can freely hold your hand and lovingly kiss you. There are no rules and standards, no norms to abide.  It is where we are free as a man and a woman.  If I am seventeen, I will still not talk to you but at least there will be no issues if you become one of my friends.

Perhaps, I don’t want them because I only wish of you even if it is difficult to see you again.

(Actually, few months later, you took courage to speak with me.  Then, we became FB friends and had at least 3 photos of only two of us together.  One event was during the reunion and another was my bday.  We spoke several times and you told me about your future plans.  We had a brief connection but that wasn’t ours to flourish and keep.  For sure this time, you’re no longer 17. Hope to see you again.  I don’t know if you’re that same person I used to know 6 years ago. There are plenty girls out there but there’s no one like me. Miss those days and thanks for not embarrassing me.  Thank you very much for the honesty, respect and admiration).

Published 6 June 2011 

Lonely Bus Ride

One word is enough for a wise man, isn’t it?

So excited for something I could have

Like a child looking forward for something new 

After days of isolation and reflection,

Sing out loud to disturb the angels above 

True to my words, sadly it doesn’t matter at all

In the bus, no chitchat and laughter

On the upper deck, there’s a girl in tears

Others are blinded with her kindness 

Others’ hearts are asleep and don’t care

Others are so occupied with someone else

Others can’t see how true and great she is

It hurts a lot, I know but she’s alright 

No devil can snatch the goodness of her being

Even others’ hearts have no eyes that see what’s true

She is one valiant girl, others really don’t know 

A survivor withstanding all kind of calamities 

Will others can do, the many things she can do?

In that lonely bus ride, I feel her pain 

For her tears are flowing from my eyes….

By Glee ‘I don’t know how to love him’ (OST  Jesus Christ Superstar)

The Final Apple

Four days and three nights Kerygma Retreat in St Francis Xavier Retreat Centre.  I surrendered my phone during the retreat and finally I can use it now.  During the retreat, I met people who didn’t judge me but helped me cope with my internal wounds. Through the sessions, I’ve learned to accept myself, understand and live my faith.  Thank you to the Holy Spirit for the gift of tongue, the language of love between Jesus and I.  

   Each day, all participants are encouraged to get apples with scripture verses.  I took my last apple and told Jesus.  “Lord, thank you for today and this apple is my finale.  This is my answer.”

22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly[a] I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

I believe and I claim it.  In Jesus’ name, let it will be done!

Are We Petrified of the Scarecrow?

See you in the fields

Stargazing and holding hands

Dishing out the seeds of love

Why are we stuck here?

Why no one spill the beans?

Indeed, we’re no different 

Like the crows and sparrows

Terror-stricken on something

Non-existent and unreal

Choosing fear over audacity 


Come, let’s go to the fields!

You and I will not show up

Are we petrified of the scarecrow?

Oblivious to our true feelings 

Are we not tired of running?

Tell me not to be scared at all

Let’s explore the fields together 

Be more than casual friends

Be more than sweet lovebirds

There’s more between you and me

No scarecrow can that take away…

By Counting Crows “Accidentally in Love” 😘❤️😍 (OST of the movie, “Shrek”)

Through the Dandelions 

I closed my eyes and made a sincere wish from my heart.  Whispering the words that only God could hear. No more why or why not, just simply acknowledging what I truly felt.

In my silence, I yelled the words that I would never dare to say.  In this moment, I chose to respect his choice and criteria.  There’s no need to question why can’t it be me because I could see that he’s happy and having the time of his life.  When you wanted to care for someone and the opportunities are not granted, it’s fine because I can only rejoice for his happiness.

Time is not within my control for I can’t change the year when my first cry was heard throughout the world.  As a human being, there are variables beyond my control.  Thus, I acknowledged whatever I felt within in the quietness of my heart. No need to try so hard for what matter most is I am true to myself.  


The unglam photographs wouldn’t humiliate me because I accepted my physical flaws long time ago.  I don’t need any photo-editing apps and tons of makeup to make me feel good of myself.  For me being beautiful is not only restricted to what can be seen but it’s how you carry yourself and face the world confidently.  It’s accepting and cherishing how God created your being.  Society and multimedia can set the standards for physical beauty but God sees what no man can see.  After all, we are created in the image of God and in His likeness.  Therefore, God exists in each one of us.  

Through the dandelions, I made a wish that what is true will conquer it all.  Blowing it softly to the air, imagining that it will reach you gently touching your soft skin and kissing your sweet lips.  And may whisper to your ears, ‘I love you, dear…’ If only you’ve heard and not so occupied looking at them whose qualities meet your rubrics.  You should have known that you look good all the time. I hope the Dandelions won’t miss telling you that…


Why do you have to be rude?

Last day of class and a tedious practice for our graduation’s presentation, of which the idea and remix were courtesy to me.  Afterwards, was an hour waiting for a friend whom I’ve never seen for quite some time.  We had a chitchat and as usual I spoke in my normal tone while were seated in front of the last row in the bus.  Suddenly, our hearts jumped out of fear because of the man who was trying to hit me from behind.

Seriously, was it about us talking? Or were we judged to be working permits foreign dogs, which presumed to be nothing whom originated from third world and hungry stricken countries? Of course, there’s no shame to where I am now because I deserved and worked hard for my position.  I am not ashamed from where I came from because the people I knew would never treat me as if I am an animal even if they are poor and less educated.

Was it necessary to raise your voice to two women who were engaged in a conversation and almost hit from behind?  If you want your space, please sir, by all means don’t take a public transport!  If you only said so, I could have called a Grab or Uber for you and I’ll use my MasterCard to pay.  I don’t mind, if the charge is on me.

In our third world country public school, our men were taught how to treat women in a proper way.  I don’t know with your so-called high standards schools.  Values ought not to printed on the walls of school buildings, they should be practiced and lived by… Are you aware that you came from a woman too?  You won’t be present today not because of a woman who carried you for nine months and risked her life for your sake.

If you generalised that every foreign female hanging around are having their off day, I hate to break it to you that not all are the same.  By the way, who are you to judge people’s status and their countries of origin?  Excuse me, if it’s your way to get into us.  Well sir, we value our dignities over your citizenship.  None of us are users and gold diggers.  Put it in your head that me and my friend worked hard for every centavo we earned.

Me and my friend kept quiet.  There was no need to retaliate.  We fought rudeness with silence because we chose kindness over meanness.  One of the commuters gave me a sympathetic smile.  Probably the bus driver overheard because he kept a close look on his rear view mirror.  My friend told me that we could make a police report, anyway there was a CCTV to support our claims.  Yet, I told her that it wouldn’t be necessary.  Anyway, some people are sick in the mind and have so many issues in their existence.  Or maybe had an early overdose of alcohol in the body. 

 Dear Jesus, touch the hearts of those people who treat their fellowmen unkindly and pardon their wrongdoings!!!

In His Time

Thursday, 💔😭

   I questioned my archangels 

  I doubted my prayers were heard

   Is the Blessed Mother really there?

   Then, I challenged the Almighty 

   And to Jesus, I gave my conditions

   What will I share to those kids

   When my seed was in thorny soil?


Saturday,😇😘🌹

    Before I was inspired to draw

    Before I shared to the children

    Indeed, the rosary is powerful!

   Before I came to the session early

   Perhaps, I couldn’t sleep that night

  Awaken that evening flabbergasted 

   A big sigh, ‘All of YOU heard my heart”

   In Jesus’ ways, He answered 

   Not in my terms but in His time

   Who am to dictate my Saviour?

   In His time, it will be me too… 💑

Sunday.🙏🏻😎🌈☀️

    I thank my archangels and saints

   They heard me and they cared

   O, Blessed Mother forgive me 

    Thanks for giving me all the love

   I thank God for always being there

   My faith and my prayers not wasted

   Thank you Jesus and Your message

   “Patience my child, the time will come

    Don’t stop believing and have faith

   He’ll come around very soon 

  Let him be and he’ll be courageous 

   He’ll clear his head and love wins”

   Alright Jesus, your time be his too!

   

    

When Doves Cry

Glued to my bed at the crack of dawn

Isn’t it Saturday? Are the children waiting?

Nope, today is Friday the thirteen!

Will I be unlucky or will I cry?

No way, I choose happiness…

If I am down, will I let others do too?

God blessed me with what I have now

Not wasting God’s gifts due to heartaches

I prayed for strength to endure & carry on

I choose to love you in silence
****

Others say  I overdressed, that’s true

The accessories and high heels

The matching bags and wardrobe

Confidently walking in my cheap style

My clothing from sale & thrift shops 

Not pretending and hiding a double life

No shame, only loving my existence!

***

Will an artist dress like a beggar?

I am a walking canvas.  Am I?

I am God’s chef d’ oeuvre

Thus, beautifying His artwork in me

Plus taking good care of myself too!

No money on plastic surgery required

For I don’t profit using my looks

My skills brought food on the table

****

Not looking good to please or chase men

I dress up for myself and my entertainment

Thus, I don’t need anyone’s approval

If someone wants to know me more

Whatever clothes on me, it doesn’t matter

***

Little people know and understand

It’s alright. I choose what is right

When others throw stones on me,

I bring them bread and forgive

I walk the talk and I speak the truth

After all, I am truly a bad liar

Whoever you are, my goodness!

If you only see not with your eyes 

Hey, I am just in front of you all this time!


By Prince “When Doves Cry”
***

However, according to the website Bright Hub Education, mourning doves don’t necessarily just represent grief or sadness: they actually represent optimism in the face of such tragedy. “Beyond [the doves] sorrowful song is a message of life, hope, renewal and peace,” says the site. Though it’s unclear whether this more hopeful message is what Prince meant when he wrote “When Doves Cry,” the symbol should remind fans that even in times of great tragedy, there is hope for better days on the other side.

Source: https://www.bustle.com/

We Are Wild Ones

To tell you honestly, I am not always been the goody two shoes and zealous to God.  I am imperfect for I am a sinner too.  After all, only saints don’t sin.  In other words, I committed several mistakes in my life.  Probably it’s not as tremendous as others did, but it was defying my father’s rules.  If he’s here, knowing him very well, surely I’d already broke his heart.  Then, my disobedience attracted me to darkness and being there is only temporary fun and thrill.  For when the party was over, I drowned myself with my tears and ignoring the fact that God created me a beautiful and special woman.  

I am human too.  I am no different than other women.  Thus, whatever their needs are, I feel same way too. My thoughts will go abstract and out of control, playing funny scenes.  So, for each episodes, I vow down and pray.  

I’m not denying the fact that I am lonely, needing a human blanket.  Yet, I don’t know how to let the flame ablaze because when now that I am willing, no one is there.  So, don’t blame me if I go on hiding and keeping the wild ones to myself.  

Whether we like it or not and whether it’s what we want or not, no one can beat God’s plans.  I’m preparing for tomorrow’s session and met these amazing women from the Holy Bible.  They were Elizabeth and Mary who were both pregnant in the gospel of Luke.  Both of them experienced God’s miracles.  Elizabeth despite her old age was expecting a child.  On the other hand, Mary who was a young virgin was expecting a child too.  See, if it’s God’s will, age is just mainly a number and a variable!

I prayed everyday for my longings.  He replied, ‘trust your heart’.  I am not running away this time.  I am not scared anymore.  How about you? Keep on believing with what you think and escape in your dreams.  Trust me, we are no different from one another.  Both of us are the same, even we originated from different time and space.  You and I, we are the wild ones! 

Will You Fall from Grace?

Father, I always wonder why there are people who at times misunderstood my purpose? I already accepted the loudness of my voice.  Why can’t others do too?  Should I keep quiet when it’s all about the call of duty?  The truth of the matter is I am insulted every time but I just shake it off because I know for the fact that I mean no harm.

Somebody I used to know from not long ago, told me there was nothing wrong with how I sounded.  Those were the times, when that person put efforts to talk and talk.  Yet, when a chapter ends, take a step to a world whereby there are people who see and only kind to those who are visually acceptable in their standards.  Should I feel bad and hate them?  Should I fall from grace?

Nope, I am not like them.  I don’t care if I am not in their criteria.  What’s the big deal?  I will still prepare what to wear the next day and look good for myself.  It doesn’t matter if others will notice me, as long as I’m happy with what I’m wearing.  I’m comfortable of walking in my skin and no matter how mean they can be, my confidence won’t be subtracted.  It’s not a question of body size, age and nationality.  But, a matter of attitude and how you handle yourself.  
Whatever you do and no matter how you do it, there are always people who’ll criticise and judge you. If people will bring you down and won’t like you, will you fall from grace? No, no, never! I always be who I am.  I will do my best in all I do.  I sing and dance even I don’t know how and I will never be good with any.  I’ll revive my deleted animation channel.  I’ll keep on drawing and learn more skills like baking… I won’t let the ways of the world take away my faith and dreams.  Whatever the millennials will say, what is right is always right.  It can never be wrong.  One day, I’ll be heard and people will actually read this.

Will I fall from grace because of some mean and selective people? Nope, I kill them with kindness.  If there words are getting into my nerves, (at times I’ll get mad a little) I’ll listen to BTS or Got7 and count 1 to 10 until I composed myself.  I can’t dwell on hate.  Life is always beautiful.  I am fun to be with and I still have my humour.  Too bad, it’s all about the loudness when in fact I make sense…

‘Kill ’em with Kindness’ by Selena Gomez