Black Pages

Holy Spirit! Lord of Light! From Your clear celestial height, Your pure beaming radiance give!

rays-of-light-shining-throug-dark-clouds
How will you see when you close your eyes?
How will you feel when you shut down your heart?

Distorted facts fed into her innocence
Age is a matter of number, what did she know?

Web of misjudgments, cruelty and lies
What would you expect from the sons of darkness?

A just woman and kinder spirit with sweet smiles
Benefit of the doubt, everyone is a friend

She thrived to be someone she was not
The question of the color of her flesh

In the black pages of her life written
The tears that no one bothered and    cared

There she was in a place she wished to belong
Only not welcomed, broken and left alone

On those black pages, you can read
Her swollen eyes and suffering in silence

How could you see the artworks filled with love
When she drew on black pages with black paint?

How could you read her sorrowful texts
When she scribbled on black pages with black ink?

Is the color of your skin, also the shade of your heart?
Though out of trend, her beauty is skin deep

In her black pages included other’s feast
Yet, in the darkest moments she found the light

She’s not the coward in those black pages
Her heart does not discriminate, do you?

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edited by gen❤️😘

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What is Beautiful Exists in My Dreams!

Everyday is seventh heaven

Somewhere in my head we belong

The fantasy world in my slumber

A paradise where we both dwell

The waking hour is definitely harsh

I am all but for the gag and laugh

On the corridor, your mind flies

I am staring while you looked away 

When can I capture your thoughts?

When can I get the same attention?


‘Can I have someone else?’ I asked

Don’t answer me with a question 

For floating with my cloud nine

Words I can no longer and ever tell

Locked away all scars in the past

Lessons learned the hard way

No repeating same blunders


In God I trust and His will be done 

He trancends in the midst of us

Thank you Lord for my dreams!

Smiling in my sleep, my secret joy

What is beautiful exists in my dreams!

You walk in the marvellous scene

What’s next and how the story goes?

It’s mine to know, my lips are sealed

This time, you’ll never ever know…

Food for the Heart

My intuition was right, I could feel your presence.  I only looked on my phone not the other way around.  I thought that I was wrong but I am right all the time.  

What a beautiful morning indeed! It was an ordinary scene but in simplest things my heart was ecstatic.  The coincidences and unexpected made my day complete! 

Thanks for treating me well this time even the jokes are still on going.  It doesn’t matter at all.  I still appreciate the good gestures rather than the shades.  Thank you for the happiness you unintentionally shared. Some random stuff, I’m using my coloured pencils as substitute chopsticks… I remembered what was said😜😘

By the way, you left your scent and it lingered inside my heart even you were gone.  Whoever you were with after you walked out from that door, it’s yours to keep and this is mine as well.  Perhaps,  we’ll never tell…

In time…

Out of 7.5 Billion 

Beloved, I wish you well

You’re in my thoughts 

My heart cries your name

So ecstatic in your presence 

So gloomy without you

Beloved, I can kiss you better

The sheep is a wild wolf

I can do more and beyond 

In the wonderland and jungle

Day or night, does it matter?


Beloved, out of 7.5 billion 

Destiny entwined our lives

Come, take this chance with me

So dashing and good-looking 

Allow me to stare at you  forever


Beloved, don’t dash away

Hold me closer and tightly 

Listen to the music within

Let me whisper to your ears,

“I’m yours and I’ll stand by you”

Half of Yours

Oops, it wasn’t mine!

Not greedy nor gluttonous 

‘Twas given but not for me

You got yours, I had none!

You uttered a joke or a promise

You’re always kidding, aren’t you?


Indeed, you kept your word

Your not that bad after all

You shared half of yours

The tastiest chocolate ever!!!

So delicious for the heart ❤️ 

You made my day for awhile 


At the end of the day, you left

Someone is waiting somewhere 

When will you see, I’m here?

All this time, you belong with me❤️😘😍😎

Angels No Longer Exist

In the midst of doing something, I spaced out and stared at my painting for a very long time.  My ex-colleague’s words ringing into my ears.  She told me that after I finished the Western Art course, she would display my painting in the Art room.  Words of encouragements from real artists boosted my confidence in my interest.  Likewise, there was a shady backstory before that painting was completed.

All of us had our share of heartaches.  Likewise, I only fell and broke my heart and part of me was dead by that time.  Despite with what happened, I never stopped and continued on moving forward.  I was only heartbroken but I never died with its impact because I have so many reasons to live, and so I survived. 

Perhaps, gone are those days when people had all the reasons to admire or like me.  Welcome to the time of my life of which people have all the excuses not to recognise the uniqueness in me.  Still none of their words will subtract how I love myself and my confidence despite my age.  If I keep on counting,  comparing and listening what good will it bring to me?

Not a single day I am reminded of how old I am and how come I’m still waking up alone on my bed.  Were they right for stating that I am selfish? Or I’m no different from Elsa or the Snow Queen because my heart is probably all frozen too?  

On the other hand, there’s someone who crossed my mind from time to time.  I looked while he was sleeping.  After all, the reality of the matter I can’t a force anyone to see who I am and how special he can possibly be.  If he kept avoiding and won’t take chance on me, I can only remain to be who I am and won’t make the situation as my humiliation.  There are things best unknown and should remain hidden for the benefit of all.  Trust me, I am no different from others for I have feelings too.   Come on, I did false moves in the past and I already learned my lessons.  I can’t flirt because I don’t know how to do that. All my life, I’m only good with my job and I’m always 101% focused in everything I do.  

God let the angels make him see just for a little while.  He can go out and sleep with thousands of women.  I may not speak the language but I can read between the lines.  If the angels lend him their eyes,  he’ll surely behold the true woman in me.  Furthermore, whichever directions the wind blows and whoever being his eyes are set now, if it is meant to be the angels will bring him safely to the one that can bring him happiness.  

In the age of technology, people are only excited with what’s the trend like the release of the new iPhone 8.  Most of the millennials’ concerns are updating their social media status.  Where are the angels then?  St Raphael is no longer needed.  Even Cupid is now unemployed because people will sign-up at dating apps and sites to find the love of their lives.  No one will bother to see with the ones right in front their eyes who breath same air with them. 

Due to fast modernisation, people are so occupied chasing it.  As a result, there are people who believe that angels no longer exist.  For them, God is a myth and Jesus’ miracles are nothing but fictions.  There are people who no longer hold to a specific religion.  Well, I respect whatever others believe because I am not in the position to correct anyone.  Being righteous doesn’t mean being judgmental.  Whatever there is, I still hold on to my faith, which I used to almost let go.

Angels no longer exist in the rise of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and more.  What do others know about my favourite love stories in the bible?  No filters and standards.  No criticisms based on age and weight.  Love is mainly abstract, a divine feeling designed by God and its seed planted by the angels in the believers’ hearts. 

I don’t expect anyone to agree with me but I believed in angels when I was a child until now I still do.  

My faith used to quiver due to unavoidable circumstances but God found a way to redeem me from my downfall.  He sent His angels to save me and He’ll bring them to him whether he’s a non-believer.  God welcomes everyone.  Only people are selective but the angels they embrace everyone including the likes of him.
Again, I stared at my painting.  I remembered the praises I received from those passersby while I painted it at the location.  No one may praise it now still I can see the invisible angels God painted on it.   Always reminding me that everything will be fine.  I was heartbroken and wronged when I did that painting but I am now here always choosing what is right even if I am misjudged and even at times there’s a little pinch in my heart.

Angels exist to lead me to desires of my heart.  I don’t have to pretend again or shame myself or make others feel uncomfortable.  I care more than anyone knows.  The angels will direct him and never again break his heart with me.  May the angels heal his 💔 broken heart. All I can do is pray because I can’t make those who don’t like me… LIKE ME❤️😍😘😁

The wheel is turning, only angels can tell… we’ll never know…

“I Have a Dream” by Westlife


My angels…

Hey there!

Friday night and Saturday fever you explored it all.  Well, the energy of the youth running into your veins.  YOLO! The scream of the millennials, which I don’t disagree.  The liberty is yours, the world is vast for you to explore.  I’m truly certain that the likes of you won’t be out of fish.  It won’t surprise me if those fishes will willingly swim to your net.  Too bad I’m not a swimmer and I’m stuck in the old school.  My YOLO is expressed differently.  In stead of partying and getting wasted, I volunteered in the church. Afterwards, I go home to  do my chores, cook my meals, watch anime and pray before going to bed.  A lot of people asked me if am I lonely or bored with such routine?  Nope.  Do I seek for more when God has given me plenty.  I am easy to please and I am contented.  But, I still pray that I can be recognised with my other skills and talents.

Hey there, I am here while you’re there.  You crossed my mind from time to time.  Call me crazy but I see you everywhere. I don’t understand and I can’t explain.  I am ashamed of this.  Trust me, I am trying my best to put an end to this insanity.  Yet, do I have the power to stop the river from flowing?


Hey there, I want to be the one there sitting beside you.  God knows, I’m a big fan.  I want to be the one to call you and kiss you goodnight.  If this is not another mermaid theory, I will make you the happiest and I’ll love you forevermore.  As of now, you’re always in my prayers.

Am I certain? Can I clarify this with you?  I’d rather zip my lips because in reality you’re avoiding and ignoring me.  


May the Blessed Mother watch you tonight and keep you safe!  God bless and sweet dreams!

“Won’t say I’m in Love” Disney’s Hercules movie OST

Today…

Today….

   I woke in tears
   Tired of being ignored 
   Losing again and again 

   The uninvited guest 

   No energy to work

   Rage boiling within 


Today….

     When I knew I’m angry 

    But I really can’t 

    Avowed to be speechless 

    Engulfed with the music 

    Only children play

    Too old for this feeling 

    I know I can’t, can I?

    But, you had your ways



   

Boys are Meant for Girls

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Time has changed.  People everywhere are different.  Yet, one thing is certain wherever I am, I’m still being me and nothing has changed for I’m still kind to everyone regardless of who they are.  I don’t choose people nor judge others for being themselves.  Likewise, there are people who otherwise are selective regardless how great your kindness be, it is expected to be overlooked and will never ever make a count.

Perhaps, I walked out and erased those people whom cherished and valued the goodness in me.  Those were people whom I shared my smile and happy with my presence.  The ones who remembered me and once in my lifetime made me feel that I existed and did matter.  None of them ignored me in places we happened to meet; yet, acknowledged with friendly smiles, a nod and utterance of my name.  Yet, those were the ones I let go because I wouldn’t hold on to a flame that would only lost its fire in the long run.  I turned my back to those who in their ways did what they could do just for a brief hello, to be in a place that I don’t exist where I am treated like I have a contagious disease that is meant to be avoided.  Worst part, always ridiculed and mistreated.  Well, the irony indeed!

From afar, I found my art and this matter most to me.  It’s what I always wanted.  Yet, at this point of time, those who were unable to see and surely be proud of me are already gone with the wind.   I am no longer a coward now but the chances are long gone.  I can paint in many ways, digitally or manually using any medium.  Nonetheless, it took me awhile and that rendezvous is already empty for he must be home where he chose to belong.  I probably paint like he used to and I can put him in on my canvas like I always wanted.  What’s the point now? Why it took me so long to finally claim that I can do what he can do and indeed I can be his equal too?  I belonged to that place where he was.  However, that chapter ended not how many fairy tales concluded.

Here I am stuck in my reality that the people I lost are the ones that really matter.  The world won’t freeze again and the music won’t play anymore.  Thanks to the attention and respect they gave, and for liking me for being me.  No pretenses, deceptions and lies.  So, again when I’m trying to be a friend,  I received unkind words, rudeness and tactlessness.  What can I do there are people who are naturally mean and inconsiderate with what others feel?  Moreover, I can’t change what others think and who they are.  But I can only remain to be that person who’s always willing to give and be always there for others regardless of who they are.

This time is totally different from how it used to be. I still have all the reasons to smile and appreciate the beauty of the world.  God is not asleep and I seek His forgiveness for feeling upset today.   How will Jesus react? Didn’t he experience the worst?  All he did was to be there for others and the Father but he ended up being crucified to save mankind.  This situation is nothing compared to what Jesus went through.  As what I always tell my friends, I am in the situation where God knows where I belong.  God knows best!

The day will come for me.  Let boys be.  After all, boys belong to girls…. This is only the portion of my story.  Let those with eyes see and never mind those stupid boys… Did someone randomly say that ‘I look good with my new hair’?  Well, thank you Lord for sending people who can truly appreciate me.

 They Happened to be Passersby

“Only the hopefuls get hurt but the believers always win!”  

Is this world the reign of the bitches? I thought so.

The liars and pretenders get the prize. Temporarily.

Oh how foolish and what a loser most guys are!

Once upon my lifetime, I was chosen among millions 

I was picked among the sea of pretty faces

I always got the attention and charmed a few

Part of me wanted to convince myself, everything said were true

If only attractions have no expiration date

If only one just told me to stay and not prioritise my dreams

I won’t be in the circle where I am poked and unseen 

Not being avoided, ignored, ridiculed and disrespected 

Of course, I am not going to return to being a fool again 

I’d rather hide in my silence and be who I am

Faith and love are all I have to hold on to live gleefully 

If none of them can’t see the treasure in me

If all of them stick to their standards 

Then, I’m perfectly fine and I will go on to pray 

The ones who I used to know and seen the best in me

The ones who appreciated my uniqueness and skills

The ones who wanted to walk with me

Those were the ones I walked without goodbyes

They happened to be passersby in my life 

What I had with them ended there for I needed to leave

Will one passerby choose to stay?  I know he will and he can

In God’s time, the universe will align and we’re no longer passersby 

Dare to Grasp the Thorns

rose

“But he who dares not grasp the thorn. Should never crave the rose.”-Anne Brontë

Artwork created with Microsoft Paint.  I was hungry waiting for lunch food.  While waiting, I tried doing some artwork with MS Paint since my Photoshop isn’t installed in my computer yet. At first glance, I thought what a low quality piece of art….


Who would have thought, it will come out as shown below…

If I’ll Turn Back Time, Will I Let You?

As the song goes, “I’ll never love this way again.”  We always denied it for our egos were larger than the universe. Convincing each other with our lies for the truth was our wreckage.  I didn’t mean to hurt others but due to my blindness, I indirectly did.  Was my obsession, my vengeance? Did I purposely push myself not to be me to make you feel less guilty?  Nobody knew the real story because they were not present in those pages we both scribbled.  We let time erased what was written because we made a choice.

Yet, if we can turn back time, will I open the door for you? Should I ignore your presence for ignoring people is my expertise?  Would I walk away and turn my back? Would I answer your call?  Would I join you for coffee?  Perhaps, the safest way was to escape the pain and the hell within.  Likewise, if I’m going back to that same time and place knowing you would be there, perhaps I would still do the same.

The hurt made me insecure and I felt so little of myself then.  I dealt with that humongous burden all by myself.  Then, to forget and runaway from it, I made a fool of myself.  Did I pretend to like someone I never wanted to convince myself that I already moved forward?  Self-pity and self-blame… I was in my weakest, nobody knew that I wept to sleep….

Still I’ll let it be because after all the destructions within I found God and I am even grateful for all His blessings. Despite what others say, I trust His plan for me. That hell of a pain drew me closer to heaven!  The downfall of my naivety opened my eyes to God’s reality.  The Almighty Father brought His people to save me from messing up with my life.
Yes, there are men who are blinded with what they  see and they’re bound to their standards.  Yet, my Lord sees my all and He knows I am worth having regardless of age, language, weight and belief.  People can be so judgmental, mean and very selfish.  They can unreasonably avoid me for whatever darn reasons… Well, thank you for that pain because I stood firm to who and what I am, not caring at all with what others will say.  My values are tact and I truly believe that God already placed me to where I belonged.  The ridicules will not get into my nerve this time.  Those who are in darkness are always afraid of the light.  They just don’t know the real story.  

No matter how many times I am going to revisit that scene, I would surely repeat same mistakes all over again, since because of that I was lost and God found me.  Then, independently explored what life has to offer.  Also found time in improving my skills and expanding my interests, and in the process acquainted with people who made difference in my life.

  You know who you are for our fates already written with the constellations.  No matter what roads we’ll take and no matter how many women are there, no one beats God’s plan and there’s no other woman like me. You know that very well.

As it goes…

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Several days in hiding, concealing fears and loneliness

Letting the world see a smile that’s crying inside

Keep on fighting when to surrender is the best choice

Always believing despite the hopelessness of the situation

Always thankful for everyday’s blessings

When deep side longing for a miracle

Always chasing a dream that seems impossible

Creating beautiful creations with my hands

Painting someone whom I can’t hold

Someone who can’t see or feel me at all

Yet, as it goes, holding on to life’s surprises

No more Mermaid theories and false hopes

The ocean is so vast to explore…

As it goes, who says you’re only breaking apart

When there’s so much to live for in uncertainties?

As it goes, life goes on no matter how the wind blows

Your Light Next to Mine

I was distracted by a Prince Charming’s smile 

But my instincts proved my dreams to be lies

I couldn’t be swayed by a gigolo’s charms

Not trading my dignity for Hercules’ abs

My God will never give me what isn’t mine

I pray with all my heart everyday

Then, in a place and in that instant

I laid my candle trusting only Him

My prayers were uttered while my heart leaped 

God whispered and there you were

Standing beside me placing your light next to mine

I Pretend ❤️😌😘

Yes, I’m a great pretender

Pretending to be the one

Under the blue moon

On the isle filled of petals

Gazing at those eyes

Twinkling like the stars

Holding my cold hands

Figuring out crossroads

Thinking of me at night

Checking me out today

Pretending that you stared

Reality check: Wake me up!

You forgot my name

Never noticed as I came

Letting me passed by

Not a single word uttered

Let’s have coffee, shall we?

You are there, I know

Then, no more pretending 

Can I have you tonight?

Apologies for stealing the photograph

The castle touching the heavens

A prince wandering nowhere

Will you forgive my ignorance?

I didn’t mean to stare for awhile 

In your eyes, I’m lost in paradise 

Will you forgive my dreams?

Spare me a second, my heart begs

In the world I built in my mind,

Will you let me touch your lips?

Let me briefly hold your hand

Forgive me for this insanity 

Can I lend you from someone?

Can I have you tonight only in my head?

Kindness or Stupidity 

How many times you should forgive?  How many times you should understand?  No one is sorry and cared only with what I feel.  Are they aware of my feelings too?  Hey, it was hurting me more because I worked every penny I have and I cherished all my belongings. 

 I worked hard for my dreams.  No parents, relatives or siblings paid my school fees when I took another degree, and I paid my registration for the teaching board exam and also paid the review center with my own money.  I never owed anyone.  I worked hard for it.  I didn’t enroll for the major despite of the fact that I am not good in Mathematics because I couldn’t afford it.  In my mind, I must used what I only had and so I reviewed on my own.  I was even so thick skin to go to teacher’s school just to give me feedback for the mock test even if I didn’t pay him.  I reached my post-graduate studies and completed all units with all my cash. Then, I had to pay the dues at home and other stuff, also my brother’s college tuition fees.  A working student paying for a student.  Sounds ridiculous but I did that.

Nothing was left for me.  Not even my heart.  I tossed it away long time ago.  Will it ever feel after all the sacrifices I made for family and dreams?  I never thought of myself, always put others first.

I never complained but in stead I counted my blessings and very grateful to all the good people I met.  I used my skills and interests as my entertainment.  I invested money for what I loved.


I gave up what I had for other’s sake, believing it would generate profit to someone.  After finding out about the news, I lost my grip and my heart transformed into a stone.  Stupid me?  I should kept it where it was safe.  Am I kind? Am I just being stupid?  Always being fooled over and over again.  How can you trust those who lied?  Should people take responsibility with their lives?

My father was right when he read my palms.  According to his readings,  I am good in earning money but I would spend it all for family’s sake until nothing would be left for me.


It’s time to change what was written.  Choices were made.  They made theirs and I will make mine.  This time I am above my list.  I am my priority! Time has changed and circumstances give people no options.  And so, choices are made.  Should I be sorry?  Should you?

*(I can’t sleep coz of this… don’t know for how many days…)

Finding what I lost…

Tradition has it that when your younger sibling will marry before you, he or she should give tribute to you in terms of money or things.  If the younger sibling will fail to do so, the older sibling/s will be cursed and probably will end up to be forever alone.

Half a decade ago, my younger brother got married with his long time girlfriend.  Sadly, I missed that significant event not because I was bitter for him walking the isle before I did.  It was due to some financial issues and I had certain priorities then that stopped me from taking the flight and be in attendance for his special event.  My choice made others criticized me in so many hurtful words.  Nevertheless, they just had no idea what sacrifices I did for my family even up to this point of time.

Hence, my brother got married and I was not in the picture.   Nonetheless, I demanded what he owed me.  It may sounded selfish; yet, at that situation I had my reasons to ask what was rightfully mine.  Indeed, my brother bought me a pair of golden earrings.  I was happy when he surprised me with that jewelry.   I rejoiced not because the curse will be omitted, it was more than that.  It was the feeling of being forgiven and respected.  Then, just like any women of my age, a spark of hope and maybes were born within.  There was someone I considered by that time.  Yet, there were many things in life that wouldn’t work as planned.  Turning back, I placed myself in the worst situation that I never imagined to be involved.  As a result, a lot of boiling emotions were piling up.  Thus, my fears and pains questioned God’s plan. God only replied, ‘in My time’.

Patiently waiting and healing with time, I treasured those pair of earrings with all my heart.  After all the challenges I went through, my faith never faded and still remained optimistic despite my age.  I wore the earrings last Wednesday.  When I was about to clean my face, I noticed that my left ear had no earring on.  I briefly panicked.  Then, I silently spoke to the Almighty. ‘I will never cry again for what I lost because what matters most is what I am, who I’ll become and how I live my life.  My Lord, You have given me so much and no superstitions will ever stop Your plans.  I have nothing to fear because You walk with me in my loneliness’.  In my silence, I felt that everything will be fine and there’s no need to search high and low.  Besides, I journeyed so far from my working place to my house and there was no way for me to trace my footsteps.  Aside from that, I made some stopover to shop for what to wear for next day’s corporate picture-taking.  The probability of finding it was very slim.  Likewise, it didn’t matter, at least I still have the other one.

The next day, I woke forgetting about the other earring that I lost.  I am so occupied preparing myself for the picture-taking.  When I reached my working place, I immediately plugged in the cord of my hair straightener brush and suddenly I saw on my chair that other earring I lost.  What a surprise!  I didn’t lost it on the road but it only dropped at my office to where I am sitting.

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I had my answers.  You were right my Lord, when You spoke in my dreams that I don’t have to search for what I am looking for is only there all the time.  I may be unable to uncover the mystery of those words as of this point of my life.  Yet, I will always trust in Your words and plans for me and move forward while fulfilling Your plans.

You are pretty aware that I refused to lead because I’m so conscious with my accent, still You brought those children under my care.  When one of them didn’t show up during our important event, I did the impossible and prayed silently to find that girl.  I told You that this must what the Good Shepherd felt when one sheep was lost.  Miracle did happen, I was able to find her and the mother even brought us food.  Who would ever thought that one of them has the desire to serve you?  Perhaps, what I said to those kids came from the Holy Spirit and it had impact on them.

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Photo credit: Daniel Seah, Chuch  of St Vincent de Paul’s First Holy Communion last Saturday (19 June 2017)

Does it matter if I made this choice to be where I am now?  I always know that God put me in the situation which I can manage where I can serve my purpose and possess that contentment in my heart.  Romantic love’s offer may come and go.  I did take those chances and broke my heart several times.  Yes, there were so many stages in my life when those failures weakened me and I drowned to the belief of hopelessness.  Nonetheless, You never gave up on me and You brought me here instead.  Now, this journey taught me that it’s not about the love I lost but it’s about the faith and courage I found within that truly matter in my existence.  I lived and failed countless of times; however, I remain standing still no matter how strong the wind blows.  I survive it all and found ‘who I am’ in the process.

 

🙏🏻God’s Answer to the Fool’s Prayer


With anger, envy and pride, the fool prayed:

“My God, up in the clouds with the angels and cherubs

Shower me with gold so that in poverty I can esape

Though I don’t sweat at all, grant me the wealth I deserve

In nothingness I suffer, in emptiness I weep all day

Am I equal to my brothers, you owe me what they have?

My desire is for greatness only to stroll empty-handed

Where is justice, my Lord when others have it all?

Lend me the titan’s strength so I can crush my foes

Breaking their bones for their lives are meaningless 

God please listen to my pleas and answer me!” 

—-

God always listen and to the fool He answered:

“My child, above the clouds I behold you on earth

Please take note there’s no gold factory in heaven

Material wealth is gained by ceasing opportunities

Yet, what matters most is what’s within your heart

You and your brothers are created in my image

My child use the talents I gave you and excel

I, your God is just and my blessings are for all

Oh, my child! Have courage, be humble and forgive 

Don’t be a demigod, cherished all my creations!

I, your God always listen.  How about you, my child?”

Anew

Boldness and determination

Falling through and brokenness 

An obsession with tragic finale

Wrong choices, grave sins

Thunderstorms addiction

A taste of bitter cotton candy

***

For when you fall, you arise

Climbing the mystic mountains

Flying high towards victory 

Building wrecked kingdom anew

A fresh start, a new posting

Roses bloom on the 5th of May

Challenges await but I CAN

Meeting others coz I’m over you

Goodbye, my old friend….

Sleep Less

The game of fate

War of the champs

No weakling’s place

One foot backward

Disappear all dreams

Strategies and schemes

Are you greater than God?

Pray hard and fast more

Don’t close your eyes

A blink is your misfortune 

What will you do to win?

Cheaters are widespread 

Indeed, I CAN for I CAN!

I believe in my wits

And I believe in God

God leads the right way

I am here for He wills it

His masterpiece is ME

What’s Behind the Door

I fear of tomorrow 

Scared of the ruins

Beneath my sorrows 

All dreams shattered 

The friends I let go

What’s behind the door?

Is it my misfortune?

Or the fate I detest?

What if behind the door…

Another adventure

A love worth it all!

A hope to hold by

The face of God waiting

Someone shut its door

Another will surely open

What do I know this bad luck

Maybe my lifesaver 

For the worst to come

Forgive Me, Lord coz I can’t Forgive

Will you forgive those who are not sorry?

Will you welcome those who condemn?

Will you choose to love those who loathe you?

Should I apologise for those who wrong me?


Yet, instead of hearing my request

It’s not all about my petitions

For You said “YES!” and Your yes means YES

Thank You for my friends and enemies too

My journey brought me to reconcile

I vow to You for You’re GREAT and I’m small

Thank You for allowing to be in peace

Thank You for opening Your doors

Thank You for loving me more…

God Rescues the Just

My brothers will surely laugh

They are right, aren’t they?

The ridicules and mocking 

Have they grown to appreciate?

Lord in loneliness and fear

It’s a solo fight, prince missing!

No mercy and compassion 

Yet, tonight you showed

Strangers aiding each other

Lost but someone led the way

Stranded, I shared what was mine

The devil told me, doors locked

No heavy rain stopped me

Thank you for letting me in

And I’m joyful to be in your feast


I am so grateful for today

The free food, smiles and friends

Truly you’ll make a way

Even my fears tell me there’s no way

You said today, My Lord Almighty

“You rescue the just from distress”

Thank you and Amen, my King!

Tomorrow will take care of itself

 

“Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.” (Except from Today’s Gospel: Matthew 6:24-34 – Eighth Sunday in Ordinary Time)

I pull it off yesterday despite of how tense I was and worried how everything would turn out.  I thought the kids wouldn’t allow me to lead them when we were in the Eucharistic Adoration room but with God’s intervention they obeyed and participated throughout the prayer.  I am grateful there were parents who joined me and kids.  I’m also grateful for my friends who were there to support me.  At the end of our group prayer, one parishioner approached me saying, ‘sister, your prayer is answered because I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit while you prayed’.   Thanks heaven for the assurance.

Today, I celebrated in East Coast my friend’s birthday.  I did try to use the roller blades but for now I don’t have the courage and confidence.  I’ll just give myself some time.  I love the food and I enjoyed the day!  

Found

I was kicked out and boxes piled

Trashes and garbage in the bin

Unwanted or needed toss away!

Oops, did I accidentally let it be!

Baby, forgive me for it’s on me

Unintentional, my foolishness

Yet, how can I ever forget?

Apologies for my carelessness 

Never gave up for your return

When I was not looking 

Surprise! Surprise! Hey there!

I found what I thought I lost

Another Blessed Year

I’m alright with growing old because in each year God blessed me with countless gifts.

I don’t complain that I aged for each year, I accomplished many little things.

I am not ashame of my age because it’s just a number since what matter most are my good deeds.  

I am not afraid with what tomorrow will bring because God is just one call away.

I am happy to be happy because I made and will make more and more people happy with my commitment, dedication, hardwork, love and sincerity.

Thank you God for another year and for picking me up each time I fall!!! Thanks for all the people who cherished and value me❤😘❤



MacDonald’s Quarter pounder for my birthday!!!!


I will not wait for long…

That Moment U Slaughtered Me

That moment u slaughtered me, 

I exclamed ‘I will not teach again!’

I tossed my canvas and brushes

I felt so little of my being

All I composed were nothing

On my mirror, an ugly woman stood

I fell prey to devil’s advocate

Pretending to move forward 

Tried so hard and lost in tears

All you said ‘I’m good…’

You never checked on me

As if all I did meant nothing

That instant, I allowed you to kill me
I gave up but God never surrendered 

It maybe a point of no return

A lot of gold spilled ino the wind

Then, Jesus redeemed me from doom

He said, ‘It’s alright my child!’

He pulled me from the shadows

A lot were calling me ‘teacher!’

‘Job well done!’ they praised

Some said ‘I am the artist!’

Confidently beautiful under the sun

Behold, I can still write this!
Yes, I let you buried the knife

But God pulled it from my chest

You only killed me in that minute

In that instant, you crashed my world

Likewise, you are lesser than God

You had no power to take my skills

There’s always a rainbow after the rain

I forgive you and forgive myself too

You simply said, ‘I’m good’

Thanks God, I’m feeling great!

Always counting my blessings

Not looking back only moving forward

Don’t check on me for my hero is here

My extraordinary prince charming

No more knife but his armor and shield
Thank you very much for breaking my heart

Maybe it’s ME…

Sometimes you want to be not yourself and be someone else to get out from your comfort zone and to prove someone wrong…

Only to realize being who you’re not won’t make you happy at all but a sin with lessons learned. 

Despite of the blunders and downfalls of yesterday, there’s rising up and soaring high.

That feeling of something heavenly sent… God knows! God answers!  He always knows when—

Persevere in Prayer 

A mass was conducted nationwide for the catechists and I’m very blessed to received the blessings from my church’s priest.  Afterwards, was praise and worship with my friends in the ministry.  This year, I’ll take charge.  O Lord, with great powers come great responsibilities.  Let me be your voice and lead me.  Nothing is impossible in You.  My hope this year is for successful and fruitful year in love and in faith.

Nicole’s birthday!!! The whole event ended late.  So, I went straight to my friend’s place for dinner.

Moving On

Got the nerve to scold me after 4 years of earning some cash from me!!! Oh, she only gets the consequence of her lies and witchy-kind of attitude.

I packed 3 extra large boxes to be sent home and moved tons of things by myself.  Good thing the driver of the mover I procured was very helpful and didn’t ask for so much cash or overcharged.


Now, a peace of mind.  No one prying in my room, invading my privacy.  No wrong judgment and evil conclusions.  You didn’t get her nor me.  I felt sorry for you old fat bastard.  You’re nationality and money have no effect on us.  If only your spouse knew… 

Well, God has His plans and it’s for my benefit!  Thanks heaven for the free wifi. Movie marathon from morning till now!  I’m 101% grateful to move out from that controlling freaks’ rules.  I always miss and love my friend and the kind grandfather who once welcomed me in his home.  If grandpa is strong enough, he’ll surely shut the mouths of that couple from hell.

To My 👶 Baby

Baby, I cried today. My heart wanted to explode but I’m glad my friend was there for me.  It was upsetting to be judged as the rudest and most disorganized by a fellow Catholic.  Does they know the definition of being rude?  If they want to talk, why not call?  After all, all matters can be settled at home same as before.  What’s the need of sending so many messages when I was at the party? An elderly man threatening and scolding a young woman… from where I come from baby, all women should be treated equally with understanding and respect regardless of their status in life.  Baby, if you treat other women with disrespect then that’s how badly those who are close to you.  What you do to others what you do them to… What will you feel if others will treat anyone closer to you that way?

My baby, I controlled myself.  I told myself let the course of nature get into them.  I don’t know who is rude the one who is quick in judgement and scold with I own the world attitude?  I paid my rent on time.  If I am messy, it is because I dreamed to start a boutique for my sister and mother’s sake.  They have any idea that my sister left so many things?  I hope money can really make them happy…. Hope to remind them, they’re not getting younger anymore….

It’s Over, a New Chapter Begins 

I lied. I pretended.

I was selfish and mean

I did hurt someone 

God pulled me away

Yet, I wanted to return 

Only unwelcomed, unfriended

Insisting the desires

Belonging to another being

Insane and obsessed

I became who I am not

Running away in tears

Hoping to be rescued 

Pretending again

In isolation and hopelessness

The ridicules and sadness

No one rescued me

Drowning in my tears

Surprisingly, Jesus saves me!

The drama comes to an end

They are happy, aren’t they?

It’s over and it’s my turn now

There’s always hope for the living

I LOVE MY LIFE 

NO ONE CAN TAKE IT FROM ME

HAPPINESS IS MINE

LOVE IS HERE!

A new chapter begins

This time is mine

I am the apple of ones eyes

Spotless Minds

You can delete what’s in the mind but not what’s in the heart ❤️ 

And to forget doesn’t mean you can’t absolutely remember since there are memories that linger within your heart.


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_Sunshine_of_the_Spotless_Mind

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Minds” Love this movie over and over again… you can always take chances in love with no regrets😘😍

The Joke is Finally Over

Say goodbye Joker for your triumph had come to an end.  At last someone did kick your ass for real.  



After several episodes, Luffy won the fight versus Donquixote Doflamingo alias Joker.  Too bad Trafalgar Law was unable to beat him to avenge Corazon.  Well, Luffy did the job of for his sake and the rest of the Dressrosa’s residents.  Well, during this battle some Strawhats crews were missing such as Nami, Brook, Chopper and Sanji. 

See Me Not

Hmp! Little visions can’t behold my existence as I climbed to heavens.  Am I ignored for my I am vertically deprived? Choked and out of air!  For all the days I am dressing down, the unexpected happened.  Hey, did I actually exist!!!

The unflattering and insignificant scene of nothingness.  So, I continued my stroll and whatever brought a bird to another’s nest was none of my business. I am one solitary woman trapped in my cowardness, if only silence could speak.


I knew that I was there and never mattered.  Nonetheless, I am thankful to God that in the web of life I am not entangled to what isn’t.  God has His ways.  He has the master plan.  I pray and dream, trusting God always!

Thank you very much❤️ Looking great as always💪🏻❤️🏋🏻🏆💂🏻‍♀️

The Landlady 

She’s a witch in disguise
A mask of her fake smile
Offering you a place
Be warned for at night
She stirs the potion
To slowly steal your youth


She’s jealous of the maiden
For her man may not say it all
Actions speak louder than words
The admiration in his eyes
Kill her confidence inside
She’ll banished her and the pal
Swallow their beauties and youths
Wrinkled skin, dimmed her core

The landlady welcomes everyone
Don’t be deceived with her lies
She’ll take away your pride
Twisted story and allegations
The mobs will put you in fire
She plays her game pretty well

Every power has its weakness
No evil triumphs over goodness
Where’s the landlady, my prince?
‘Will you still be a landlady
When your man’s woman has it?’
‘Will you still be the landlady
When no one’s renting the space?’

The one once deprived with a home
Residing a mansion she can see
The perfect view from her window
In the loneliness of the asylum
Her laughter reaches her ears
And she responds in silent tears
The reflection of drying aging skin
Dear landlady, too much envy kills
Sickening the mind and heart
Accept and embrace your aging
Judge her not and let her be
Let the young, enjoy their youths!
Dear Lord, bless the landlady
For she lost not only her magic
But the ones she loved the most
Selfishess and obsessiveness
Brought her hell on earth!

Believe with All your Heart

The priest in his sermon said,’if you wanted it don’t give up on asking.  If you get tired or stopped, maybe actually needed it the least.’  Ask and it shall be given.  Knock and it will be opened.  Seek and it shall be found.  

Are you tired my friend??? I am not! How can one man saved the world?  It is through great faith and tremendous love.  Believe and it is yours.  The messages incribed in my dreams, not just the fruits of my slumber but the messages from God.  

The story of prophet Moses in ‘The Prince of Egypt’ is always my favourite Disney movie.  In addition, one of its soundtracks ‘When You Believe’ is my  all-time favourite song.  It’s not about the animation or the tune that made me hooked to them.  But it’s the deeper insights of the film and the inspirational messages of the song… For dreams are real and they do come true… when you believe with all your heart.


When it’s gone, it’s gone…

I took care for awhile but everything was not good enough! Were all my efforts wasted?  I did my best and dedicated my time.  Am I being unlucky? 


It was not about the outcome for what matter was I tried.

I can’t bring back what I lost because when it’s gone, it’s gone.  Instead of mourning over two dead stinky fishes, I look forward to something I know who’ll grow with me.  I’m going to get it!  I’m going to bring home the bacon!  I am the victor! I am going to get the crown 👑!!!!