Don’t open your eyes!

It was intense, out of nowhere. Well, it sent me off in a different level of creepy and scary.

I highly and totally recommend Netflix’s movie ‘Birdbox’. Well, my home alone Saturday was spent with Sandra Bullock! I kept on wondering, was there a monster? Did Gary’s drawings reveal how the monster looks like? Nutty people said it was beautiful to look at… but at the end, the blind people were truly blessed for not having the gift of sight because there are instances when what you see won’t do you any good.

Hey, it’s from me…

Hey, it’s from me, heartily yours
The one who always cares and shares
Oh yes, it’s from me, free of charge!

And it’s free delivery for you
I just hope you’ll bear in mind

That it’s out of my generosity

Not for anything else and nothing more
And I wish it crossed your mind

That this is true, you just ignored

Gone

Lost in the abyss

Heard voices behind

Gorgeous, was it you?

Another female sound

Certainly it wasn’t mine

Wasn’t it early for adieu?

She left and he followed

Searching for nothing

Gorgeous where were you?

Their shadows left behind

Did God really hear my plea?

Why gorgeous couldn’t see?

Dashed with the wind of beauty

Gorgeous, how to unlatch

That gentleness inside you?

How to unmute my lips?

You were not paying attention

Vanished chasing another

Always been there waiting

Gorgeous, where are you?

No response. His gone…

****

By Alicia Keys “Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart”

I will follow you, wherever you may go

You won’t be gorgeous for nothing

Two-hour of sleep! Almost late—

Surprisingly, I made it and you were there

I daringly stay closed by to nap

No worries, in my another realm

You ditched that phone and all

I had the closest view of you-know-what

And the song played, describing that moment

“I will follow you wherever you may go”

Stalker theme song, isn’t it?

Was I? Asked those little b—es in front!!!

Hey girl! Wanna close or open your skirt??? (Grrr…)

The Best Stalker Award wasn’t mine!!!

“My parents were from different worlds, and I was the product of a love that never should have been. A son of the land and a son of the seas.” (Arthur, Aquaman movie)

The Old Player

Remember the old songs we used to play in our vintage player? Not so many people had it but we had a few records to stay tune. As time passed by, we forgot about our songs and left our player to rot and forgotten.

Guess week for over a two decades, I got you this! If you are here, this is my Christmas present for you. I always wanted this for it reminded me of you…. Well, the records may cost that much.. but it is worth to sacrifice my shoes and clothes!!!

Another year with u and I made it through. This for you Paps for you’ve never forgotten.

By Jose Mar Chan feat Cherie Gil “Sing Me Your Song Again, Daddy”

Celebrating the beginning of the year with God!!! Attending a mass in Cathedral of the Good Shepherd.

Gonna Fix Me

Oops, I’m broken! Ouch! Ouch! Raised to the power of infinity!

I can’t change the facts. Knowing hurts but I gonna fix me for I’m one unbeatable captain of my ship. There’s no joy in crying… Besides, the prince and princess may be one, none of them ain’t living a fairy tale. There’s no happy ending for lovers only a love story full of loopholes and struggles. What do you know, the one who loses may weep for now but as the circle of life goes on he or she is declared the victor. Triumph befalls to those who claim defeat.

I am skilled to mend things. It’s not an easy route but I’m gonna fix me. All I have is faith and love… thus, no matter the circumstances, I can withstand the storms and endure the uncertainties on my path of existence.

Hallelujah!

Love in the City

I woke up with a broken heart amidst a beautiful dream with the most gorgeous of them all. That friend of his probably told no lie…

Whatever there was, God knows I am truthful…

My heart is pure; my intentions clear.

My brokenness may eaten my energy but it won’t slaughter my spirit. I attended the event in Waterloo road entitled “Love in the City”. It was a gag talk and carolling. Despite the humour, I learned the reasons behind the celebration Christmas and story of short-lived life of baby Joshua.

When love is true it endures and means to last…,

See-Me-Not

This is me at 70… ( image generated using Face Secret app)

Will you remember me?

Your mind is at the highlands

New Zealand’s beyond my reach

Your heart is always there

A tale told by another pal

Yes, I am just too near

Walking side-by-side

While my heart bleeds

Am I always been invisible?

You should have known

You never see for you don’t look

You never heard for you don’t listen

Even it hurts, I should be still

I am not afar always be there

Same as usual, you see-me-not…

Hope one day, you’ll uncover

How great thou art than them all

The truth is always in front of us!

Anyways, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE

For the Almighty knows best!

Be valiant! Fear nothing at all!

‘Tis the Season to be Jolly

All I want for Christmas is you

So you better watch out

You better not cry

You better not pout

I’m telling you why

Coz under the mistletoe

I’m kissing you all over

For this silent and holy night

The world is ours forevermore

Merry Christmas Darling
Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you
Merry Christmas Darling
We’re apart that’s true
But I can dream and in my dreams
I’m Christmasing with you
Holidays are joyful
There’s always something new
But ev’ryday’s a holiday
When I’m near to you
The lights on my tree
I wish you could see
I wish it ev’ry day
Logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say
That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too
I’ve just one wish on this Christmas eve
I wish I were with you
The logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say
That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too
I’ve just one wish on this Christmas eve
I wish I were with you
I wish I were with you

Answered: No more DOUBTS

It is the last evening of the Christmas Novena mass in preparation of the Advent. Finally, I made it to the 9th night at Yishun in the Church of Our Lady Star of the Sea.

Will you doubt it like Zechariah? Trust in Him and DOUBT NO MORE!!! If you have doubts, you are…

D- Devil Dwells in you.

Having doubts is allowing weaknesses and wickedness rule over your life. It depletes your faith, and the devil has the last laugh… will you let the devil reign upon you.

O – Obstacles become impossible to Overcome.

You will feel forsaken by everyone and the trials keep on coming. Surely weakened by shortcomings. Thus, obstacles in all your desires will be your made cell wherein there’s no way of getting out.

U – Ugliness and Unhappiness

Indeed, you only look at your flaws and imperfections. You will feel ugly and your innermost feelings will be seen at your outward appearance. Then, no vanity, makeup and filter can satisfy you… even surgery can’t make you feel joyful… Hence, ugliness within will darken your soul causing unhappiness in your life.

B – Bound to the Bed of thorns

As your doubts eating you, you’ll feel paralysed… trusting no one at all. Bound to the bed of thorns where you sleep in the darkened room. Despite, what you accomplished, you only feel worthless abs wounded inside.

T – Tales of Lies

The truth will be unknown for you are blinded by doubts. Therefore, you only listen to the whispers of the devil that keeps you pushing beneath the depths of your depressed hearts. The devil will chant believable tales of lies pulling you away from thy Saviour.

S – Sleeplessness or the choice to Sleep forever

When doubts take over, sleeplessness can bother anyone. Then, no medication nor medical professionals can come to your aid. Sadly, some choose a bitter end… a choice to sleep forevermore abandoning the blessed life God has given to all of us. I was watching Marilyn Monroe’s documentary after mass. It’s sad how she ended her life despite of the limelight’s and success… she’s one of the many…

Food was provided after the mass… God isn’t selfish and I know He hears me… He’s not blind to my selflessness. God is watching and taking good care of you because I always keep you in my prayers, gorgeous…

SIDE TRIP: MY TROLLOLOLOL

“EXPECTATION VS REALITY: Oh no! 😱🤮

Fun! Fun! Apps can do many wonders to deceive people… This time, feel free to DOUBT the pics in social media.. BEWARE OF BEING CATFISH!

Expectation: Adorable anime character

Reality: Plain and home buddy Gen (thanks to good lighting, the photo above doesn’t look that bad)

Underneath the Mistletoe

Absolutely vain in desperation

Another narcissistic fool I am

Unnaturally lovely with filters

Clinging to art for entertainment

HEY, I DON’T NEED THE NONSENSE!

Isn’t it Christmas? Am I merry?

Last night, I dreamt of a white Christmas

Of course, I won’t be alone there

For I was holding your soft hand

Smelling the scent of your cigar

Your breath so closed to my lips

Underneath the mistletoe was heaven

The magic happened instantly

Fireworks exploded in our hearts

Certainly you loved it too much

All over again in the longest time

For now, it’s a Christmas dream

Underneath the mistletoe we’re real

You and I need no filters for we’re true

Merry Christmas, gorgeous you!!!

I miss you very very much (it’s true!)

I Dare Me

Believe me for the truth is in my eyes

Move closer, let me smell your scent!

The fragrance of yours, drive me mad

Faraway you go but I’m always here

Keeping your thoughts within mine

What should I trade to hold your hand?

What’s the price to pay to have you near?

God knows my intentions are pure

My conscience is as clear as crystal

My heart is always and forever true

In the silence of my quiet chamber

I dare me to delete you from my system

The more I attempted to get rid of you

My feelings uncontrollably grow each day

Gorgeous, how to say I miss you badly?

(I dared myself too in posting awful artworks of mine… for the first time in forever… just for the fun of it despite the yucks and ews… . So, horrible and disgusting… well, I can be daring too for the sake of art not to draw attention. These artworks were made possible using PicsArt’s magic effects. It’s really fun to use for I transformed my boldness to intriguing pieces for your eyes only.)

Sincerely Yours,

Howdy, mi amore!! Still hopelessly devoted to you even if your from a distant because you never deserted my heart. Every morning and night, I say a little prayer for you. The fact is, I don’t really get the millennials styles for I’m stuck in my old school ways. I always care and you’re the number one in my mind…. However, you never bother to notice or at least let me in— Even if I wanted to bother you, I just kept things to myself because I’d rather keep quiet knowing your having the time of your life. Keep it up!

The mission trip in Cambodia was unexpected to me. It turned out to be relaxing and convenient… I had a good rest and was acquainted to wonderful people. At the end of it all, I felt inner peace and contentment. Honestly, the people I was with for a week didn’t need me because it was me who needed them more to discover my real self once more.

I didn’t sign up to paint. I was only proud showing the outputs of the kids when we did the garbage art. Then, one of the organisers thought I am an artist for she also saw my drawing as my WhatsApp profile photo. She requested me to assist two of the brothers to do the mural. I came unprepared, the paint brushes for details were not ideally used for wall painting. If only I’ve known beforehand, I should have brought my brushes.

This time round, I drew for a purpose… I received acknowledgements and praises. Six years ago, I was motivated to paint because of someone I used to know. The person even encouraged me and it made me feel that I was the better option. I got the highest mark and that person was the first to know. At that point, my artworks revolved around that individual but nothing really mattered at all. Then, literally and figuratively the strongest earthquake and typhoon came to my country and also to me personally. I was all shattered then and the pain never left me.

This year, I tried to paint again because of my loss… Only then when I was in Cambodia, that I realised how selfish I was been because I only made use of my skills for my satisfaction.

Art in any forms are meant to be shown and not to be kept. Its beauty isn’t meant to be hidden but share to others to bring little delights in their hearts. In addition, it also occurred to me that people could destroy me but none of them could take everything from me. I kept looking at my artwork, it wasn’t the best but it awakened the lonely and troubled girl in me to cheer up and face the music courageously.

Hey, gorgeous! I hope you’ll let me paint a portrait of you not in secret anymore just to make me happy but for you to appreciate and also bring joy to you… The reason behind the present: I support the sleeping and smoking and nothing religious with the accessory, it was bought to support a fund raising of the sisters. There were non-believers millennials who bought such for fashion and so I thought to get one to accent your looks. It was a quick shopping and the keychains with nail clipper usage, so I thought that those were really handy and useful for everyone do trim their nails from time to time. The last one, was for the fun of it… refill!!! Oh my! I disappointed people with my thoughtfulness and awful singing. Feliz navidad!!! I always keep you in my prayers as promised.

Thanks for the Day

I had a good day! It was indeed a wonderful night. The food was delicious …. Most of all, I just shook it off and had a great time! It has been so Long since I felt this way! Advance Merry Christmas!

Surprisingly, when I went into my room there was a bouquet on the dresser. I never saw one except this evening in my fourth day of stay. I am just happy because this is what I drew on my reflection the other night.

Shallow Waters Are Noisy

At the end of the day, I am still the happiest person ever existed!

This is me, just saying to get over the undesirable talks that I heard from someone I trusted and looked up the most…

Psst… Don’t talk and leave things as they are… what is done already happened. Make noise to kick others out and make yourself be the hero. Make noise to save your ass and tell the world how heavy is your load… After all, it is the survival of the fittest… how long?

Hence, I now fully understand, what’s with surprise abrupt exit. Sir, I feel you now and thank you for being grateful even if I knew you briefly. If only I could do the same but I cannot leave just like that with what I owed to God.

Less than a year ago, I asked someone who went down from the ladder why, “someday you will know…” was his response. The biggest OUCH coz now I just don’t know but I am not counted just like that… BIASES AND ALL— only God can judge me!

The quote that someone I used to know is suitable to this… “shallow waters are noisy…” Indeed, I know right!!!

How can you get over with something dearest to you and the reward is the hurting words because others may be silent but they can talk negativities behind your back. Come on, let’s make a difference…

I made this choice because I always have the heart to be with others and to share authentic joy that no money can buy.

A word that I learned from a young man today, “selflessness” over (self-) pity.

Be strong, fear not! Here is your God . . . he comes to save you. (Isaiah 35:4)

I’m happy that I said yes and tagged along. Now, I’m at peace and resting…. days will pass, those words won’t haunt me anymore.

The Death of Me

Must die… Must die… Kill the beast!

It’s not a question of who but what. Face it, most of us have our Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde moments. Doble Cara at times, the beauty and the beast tandem inside.

Indeed, my brain is the playground of the devil causing my own aches. The pessimism and inferiority complex destroy how I deal with others. I am my unbeatable foe, but that has to change because I am created and nurtured with love.

It’s tough to murder the part of me that I am blindly aware to co-exist with me. The part of me who lives in doomsday must be pulled to the light.

Whatever was said I won’t let it affect me or bring me down. For I absolutely certain that enjoy and love what I am doing. No one has the right to take my blessings. HISTORY WON’T REPEAT BY ITSELF! I am told with so many truths but I listened to whom I foolishly trusted. Didn’t I ask for assurance? After I was used, it was easily to say such…

Despite that, I will not stop doing my best!!!! So, I must kill me to give birth of a new beginning. Similar to a caterpillar who’ll die in its cocoon; then, will reborn to become a beautiful butterfly.

This time I’ll find meaning to all my experiences. Lesson learned not all who claimed to follow Jesus see no race but actually protecting their kind.

I Arrived

It would be a tremendous lie, if I would say that those words didn’t hurt me like daggers plunged into my chest yesterday. What a disbelief that such brilliant mind could be influenced with words rather than deeds… and whatever factors there were… What sort of infos were the other party fed surely not for my favours? So, now I fully fathomed what those termites in my dreams meant. How performance is rated? Is it based on subjective opinions or character assassinations? What happened to success criteria attained?

I woke up in tears. Rearranging my baggage all over again… from a comfortable four-wheeled luggage bag, I changed to an old dilapidated brown carrier. The worst of it all, I left my USB hub adapter used in charging my devices. To add up, I was even late during the arranged time of meeting and embarassed myself for the things I was carrying. While I was in the bus, I was told that I am expected last 6th December and when I took my key, the receptionist also asked why I didn’t turn up on the 6th. Perhaps, I should come earlier to escape the tactless truth… but isn’t it in hurt you learned to be stronger?

It is true, ‘I’m all work-no-play Gen’. After my father died, I was doing a lot of jobs to pay my school fees to further my studies. My goals were vivid. At that point of time, I oftentimes reminded myself that I would never need anyone. Then, my job became my life. Always trying so hard to prove something not to others but solely to myself that indeed I could…. I forgot to let loose. My job was my everything. As if I am trying to make up for the mistakes I did during my school days. I am never committed to my studies and always missed my classes. Why I didn’t flunked and still got good grades? I didn’t know. Probably, I cleverly played my cards and others too well. Or I was just lucky. Behind the scene, my father knew that I could achieve more if I would take things seriously. Despite of that, I was so arrogant by constantly telling him “my teachers were not good enough for me or he should be grateful I wouldn’t attend my classes because he could save money from my allowance”.

Preceding to where I am today, I had my exclusive episodes of my own version of “Series of Unfortunate Events”. Then, the voice in my dream said “ONE OF THE BEST!” I thought it was the other one who considered me instantly only I ended with the one who waited patienly. I was there because we needed one another, don’t we? Whatever there was, I could work things out. The Lord knows, that beneath those wrong judgements and misconceptions, I am the same beautiful person with hidden sweetness. I am a bad liar and terrible faker. I’m used on the idea that no one will defend me, so I must be brave to fight my own battles. Perhaps, the center of my life isn’t only my job and making money but others can be included there.

I was so disoriented at the airport. The sea of unfamiliar faces submerged me underneath the bottom of isolation. Will I be able to connect to others? Will I be the same leader that my neighbours and friend looked up for over a decade? Will I be able to revive that vivacious and voluptious college girl that could light a room with my presence? Where should I begin? I am stuck in a limbo of nowhere. Here I am, all by myself in a room trying to let the Blessed Mother to point me the way.

Dinner time was a delight in my tummy with the delicious foreign cuisine. Yes, I am in a foreign land blending in with new acquaintances. Of course, I am willing to make a difference to others for a meaningful and reflective holiday. All the things I did maybe seen and not discredited but none made a count. Yet, above, the greatest of them all isn’t blind and He knows too well what’s in my heart. I don’t have to destroy others to give myself a good name….

We gonna and we will do

Dear Gorgeous,

Look at you, what a such a cutie… One cool boss!


I got my ticket for the long way ‘round

Two bottle ‘a whiskey for the way
And I sure would like some sweet company
And I’m leaving tomorrow, wha-do-ya say?
When I’m gone
When I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my hair
You’re gonna miss me everywhere, oh
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
(Lyrics “Cups” by Anna Kendrick)

I do too.

I really do.

Here I Am

Love is a luxury I cannot afford

Little pleasures can delight me

Yet, in the muteness of my heart

‘Here, I am… will you notice me?”

It’s sad that I sound awful to you

In many times of my lifetime

The loudness of my voice is my asset

Don’t know how to mimic cuteness

To win and impress all the guys

“Here I am… will you probably see?

I can be like them too, you never tried

It took me courage to do what I did

Only to agitate you and hate me more

I know others don’t lie and pretend

And children are innocently honest

‘Here I am as a rare as a diamond

Sparkling the brightest among all gems!’

Lord, I am grateful that others are ecstatic

You know too well that it can be me…

The universe will speak on my behalf

Lead the path for the one who’s always true

Never fading… timeless and never ending

Don’t Drink…

My superstitious friend used to warn me

A logical friend’s reminder, ‘trust no one’

Sweet snacks gave me a slight sore throat

Rudeness spoiled my day, chocolates saved me!

Was yesterday’s meal bad for my health?

Or was there something in that drink?

After an hour of being fit and losing calories

Puking the drink recently poured in my system

All was well and I rested home in solitude

Suddenly, my body’s heat was rising rapidly

Self-medication with hot bath and a lot of water

The next day, I was off from my work

Something was wrong but I couldn’t explain

No check-up, I only requested for a flu vaccine

Perfectly fine after, I did a little shopping

Suddenly, my voice sounded really awful

I am coughing so hard and bought medicine

So many sleepless nights, my Panda eyes!!!

The doctor told me to rest for two more days…

Be healthy for I am off for a Mission

No disease should defeat my will to serve

Yet, it made me stop and think for a minute

Was there really something in the drink?

Silent jealousy, hidden hate at its brink

If you’re watching ’48 Hours Mystery’, ‘Behind Mansion Wall’, ‘Dateline’, ‘Deadly Women’ and ‘True Crimes’

You’ll get the hint with what I mean

Coincidence maybe or it’s my guts talking

Be warned for the wolf may be on a sheep’s skin!

My Vanity Fair

I’m sick but I already promised my Friend that I will come. So, I put a little makeup on…

What???? Too much editing and filter that I don’t recognise myself. The outcome is horrendous and out-of-this-world. (Haha Meitu app brings out the unrealistic side of me. 😂 LOL)

So, what’s my age??? With correct angle, good lighting and a little smile, and a light makeup on…. I can cheat my age. See, no facelift and botox required!!! (It’s about the camera tricks. The only one who can take beautiful photos of myself is only me).

And here, I’m ready to party!!! (My recycled attire, shoes courtesy of my sis-in-law)

Thanks to my friends for the delicious food, gift and good time. Thanks for inviting me!!!

Off to bed now…facial mask to relax my exhausted face with all the sleepless nights (of coughing).

Fly Away, Gorgeous!

The bird that I cherished the most

The one, I let off to the world

To be with its kind and explore more

Be drunk with the thrills of youth

Have fun with all sorts of mate

***

Don’t only learn but gain wisdom

Don’t just hear but always listen

Don’t only touch but feel deeper

Don’t only see but perceive beyond

Not the brain all the time for you also have a heart!

***

What you think is right can be wrong

Gorgeous, the earth is very vast

Fly away, my sweet gorgeous, fly!

When you’re exhausted with the flight

Remember that I will never leave your side

***

My soul won’t age, my heart won’t get tired

God knows, it hurts knowing it can be me

It’s painful because I want to be there

Yet, I don’t want to tame and cage you

True love is selfless, unconditional and timeless

I’ll just find the joy in waiting

Trust in the will of the Divine

Finding comfort in my unsent love letters

Plenty lovely, young and carefree out there

Not all for keeps nor forever loyal

Knowing me, certainly you know what I mean…

Love Myself: Exercise

Some people think that they are so good-looking and have the nerve to body shame others… (check the mirror first before you talk)

Only in… I know in my heart that I am thoughtful to others… hope being cruel brought happiness to one’s blemished soul🤬🤬🤬

Judge me as you please. I know too well who I am… Thank u God for creating me for who I am!!!

Thanks for all the blessings and making me stronger each day.

It’s so tiring to go to the gym. But this is my way of taking good care of God’s precious temple in me.

Wicked Dreams

How come the dreams become so vivid each day?

The fantasies are unreal, none will come true anyway

Not allowing my hunger to chew my soul

My thirst that you can satisfy is the evil side of me

Immoral fruits shattered the scent of my innocence

Should I apologise for welcoming you in my wicked dreams?

This church lady is no angel and will never be a saint

All the images created in my head are all wrong

Everything in the wild, voluntarily and willingly share with you

I’m glad that you’re absolutely clueless and won’t find out at all

Don’t judge me to be nasty, I’m a woman too!

From the Sweetest to the Darkest

I am a fan of Sabrina in the Archie comics even until it was shown in tv. I watched all the episodes. Sabrina portrayed by Melissa Joan Hart was flamboyant, bubbly and smart. It was all about the humour and magic.

Well, Netflix did again! After, a decade of resting from TV, Sabrina is back.

I watched the first season’s 10 episodes. The whole gang is also back but I missed the voice of Salem. Why Salem isn’t talking.

Well, the new Sabrina shows the dark side of Greendale and the world of witches. This time round isn’t in the studio. The cinematography and shots are terrific. Well, it’s like Halloween on TV, the scare and horror are on…

Don’t expect to have a good laugh… be scared and be thrilled!!!

The old Sabrina is the sweetest gal in school. The new Sabrina after signing her name in the Book of the Beast was reborn and become the most powerful witch of her generation.

Next in the Queue

Trust the Divine

Instincts doesn’t deceive

Intuition doesn’t lie

No retreat in faith

The Blessed Mother listens

An archangel on the side

Messages in the dreams

Voice of God in signs

Not abandoned at all

No one is born lonesome

Sacrifices be thy strength

Tears morphed into glee

God’s wisdom be the guide

My dear, know it too well

It’s your time, your turn

You’re next in the queue

Not absolute merriment

Fear no evil, stand still

Intervention of thy heavens

Be your courage and shield

Miracles happen unexpectedly

It’s God’s will, “let it be done!”

Smiling Again

Always shy away

Bashful and scared

Scarred in the past

Blessed in the present

Thank God, I’m there

I may not say a lot

My heart knows too well

****

Unspoken, unsaid

Always misunderstood

Used to quiver & growl

Then, I learned to let it be

Acceptance and gratefulness

I am imperfect and so as they

Pretty faces also aged and rot

But a beautiful soul is timeless

Not threatened by numbers

Only bringing joy to the world

Thanks for smiling again

May my thoughtfulness and generosity

Brings true joy and delight in your heart

I love you, boy (if you only knew)

Lyrics for Boy by Timmy Cruz

Oh what a night

‘di ako makatulog (I can’t sleep)

parang tukso tanging laman ng isip (it’s like temptation is in my head)

wala kundi ikaw (no one but you)

bakit ganito?(why it’s like this)

I can’t get over you

kahit sarili ko’y ayaw maniwala (I can’t believe myself)

sa nangyaring ito… oooh! 1 (with what’s going on)

I love you, boy

if you only knew

naiinis na ako sa iyo (I’m irritated at you)

sobrang manhid ka at ‘di mo napapansin (you’re so heartless for you can’t notice)

I love you, boy

kung alam mo lang (if you only knew)

ang puso ko ay nagdaramdam (my heart felt bad)

hanggang kailan ba ako ay maghihintay (until when I will wait)

My foolish heart

ikaw ang may kasalanan (it’s all your fault)

kung ikaw ba’y tumahimik na lamang (if you only keep quiet)

ako’y ‘di naguguluhan (I won’t be confused)

Oh sayang lang (Oh what a pity)

if I were not a woman

sana’y noon pa ma’y aking nasabing (for sure I’ve already confessed then)

ika’y aking mahal (that I love you)

I’m head over heels, babe

i love you so much

i’m going crazy

My foolish heart

ikaw ang may kasalanan (it’s all your fault)

kung ikaw ba’y tumahimik na lamang (if you only keep quiet)

ako’y ‘di naguguluhan (I won’t be confused)

if you only knew.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zvsu_NsgoXk&feature=share

Turn Up the Music

Turn up the music and tune it to the loudest. I feel good despite the tension and the indifference. The most important thing that I found peace deep within. I am so joyful that there are fruits to all the efforts. For the recent days, I said my thanks to the blessings of my friends. I told God, soon it is my turn… I know it will be me—

How You Live (Turn Up the Music)

By Point of Grace

Wake up to the sunlight

With your windows open

Don’t hold in your anger or leave things unspoken

Wear your red dress

Use your good dishes

Make a big mess and make lots of wishes

Have what you want

But want what you have

And don’t spend your life lookin’ back

Turn up the music

Turn it up loud

Take a few chances

Let it all out

You won’t regret it

Lookin’ back from where you have been

Cause it’s not who you knew

And it’s not what you did

It’s how you live

I’d Rather Keep Quiet

Wherever I go, I am known to be the person who does beyond job description …. extra miles…. So, it is difficult for me to comprehend why it was quick for others to calculate what I failed to do. How about what I have done for the children under my care whether paid or not paid? How about those people I am willing to give generously whether I know them or not….

No one questioned me or presumed that I am running away from tasks…

Whatever people will say… no grudges and no hate… Enjoy life in my ways!!!!

Father Eugene said yesterday, “All’s well that ends well.”

My 25 Gifts

In Bohemian Rhapsody song, the last stanza

“Nothing really matters, anyone can see

Nothing really matters

Nothing really matters to me

Any way the wind blows”

“NOTHING REALLY MATTERS AT ALL!!!”

And so that was I thought…

My friend hugged me for a very long time. She said, ‘God will bless you because you have a good heart.’ She also added that I am indeed a beautiful person.

The last day, the party for 25. I saw the joys painted on their faces. How could I question the 25 wonderful gifts God gave to me to whom I made a difference?

I hope my gifts are appreciated for I give with all my heart❤️

Well, I know everything matters wherever the wind blows…

Harsh Winds

Wasn’t it agreed and spoken?

A man should have his word of honour

Otherwise he’s like the butterflies of nowhere

While butterflies flirting with the flowers

I am up completing my tasks

Butterflies leap from flower to flower

Throwing shades and blowing harsh winds

No explanations needed and be defensive

Fulfilling my obligations and kept my words to others

Cruelty to the max, a real man should not

Maybe like a butterfly drawn to the rainbow

Is heart colourful or tainted with black?

It is quick for people to judge

What do they know that’s partly mine??

I don’t show off and announce my deeds

I know my preference and never confused

Thus no harsh winds can blow me away

I am grounded with the strength of the Almighty

What goes around comes around

Do not do unto others what u don’t want others to do unto u

Love is too beautiful…

https://m.ranker.com/crowdranked-list/rumored-gay-actors-celebrities

50 Rumoured Gay Actors Celebrities

No! Chuck from Gossip Girl can’t be one of them… Now, my yesterday’s fantasies all ruined!!!!

Welcome to the new millennium with the unpredictable millennials!!!!

Well, nowadays those who claimed to be charmers of women, the known playboys may also enjoy playing with boys. Nowadays, not all those fishing for women are real men… there are married men who enjoy the company of other men like Brokeback Mountain.

It took Bruce Jenner courage and a long time to come out…. Unlike Freddie Mercury who really embraced his identity in the time when it was easily condemned and hardly accepted by society.

After all, with all respect to all people’s gender preferences.

AFTER ALL, OUR CHOICES DON’T DEFINE WHO WE ARE BUT ON HOW WE TREAT OTHERS!!!

RESPECT

My Lollipop Boy

I was told that I should be the one kicked out. Even if it was a joke, it wasn’t funny…

After all the hard work and all that I started… my extra miles… none was appreciated! I’m only seen as someone frustrating and annoying because I wanted what is the best to be implemented and everything maximised and utilised. I wanted rules to be set and everything in placed.

I was supposed to finalise my painting for the kids in the church but my fear is getting the best of me.

Yet, as I was about to sleep I saw the lollipop a student gave me. He was not in my class but he really bought one for me. I am so overjoyed for the innocent thoughtfulness because in his heart the efforts I made did make a count.

Then, during my last class for the day. I told my students that it was already our last for the year. Most of them exclaimed ‘I or we will miss you!’ One girl gave me a hug saying she would miss me. One of them said, ‘can I stay for awhile? I don’t want to go because I will miss you.’

I am certain that those kids were not saying those words to flatter me. I could sense the innocence and sincerity in them. I’m grateful because in the eyes of the child I made a difference. Hence, all my efforts are not really wasted at all…

My Karma Chapter

“What goes around comes around” and I claimed that this is the part of my life that this line hits me. At the beginning, I almost lost it… I wanted to hide and vanish for the rest of my existence. Questioning the Almighty, ‘why now when it was there then?’ Please, I’m too old for this crap! Didn’t I avow quits… no more… not anymore… This is all the drama and creativity? I never believed and ignored. I lingered for I wanted to play the role of the broken girl coz tragedy sells more than fairy tales.

However, it hurts a little bit. How come some parts of me had this wanting that stirred my emotions only to be paralyzed with fears? So over with usual defense mechanism of not to care and playing tough or acting like a helpless abandoned bird at the corner of trash. Congratulations for I was so over with those tactics! Instead of weeping or pretending, I gave the world my brightest smile… not faking and no more masks…

With all the cold stone heart (exclusively to me only) and obviously the I-don’t-give-a-damn treatment… I learned to find the real me and the goodness I always have. Thanks to this karma chapter of my life, no matter how challenging and discouraging I found my worth. The shadow of inferiorities slowly abandoning my post. Perceiving the light at the end of the tunnel filled with wisdom and optimism. I no longer focus on what I am not but treasure the beauty in me. I received that approval and friendly smiles of two dashing male strangers today. Obviously, I was not hitting on any of them or trying to catch their attentions but I appreciated the friendliness and unspoken appreciations. Like most instances and the usual situations, I would certainly forget their faces. For the truth of the matter, it was not about getting someone but trusting my heart that whatever I feel is real because I am always true….

Those who disapproved at me will surely laugh out loud for my misfortunes. I accept the ridicule as a good sport for in losing, I emerged triumphant for I learned to accept love in my heart minus all the negativities. Nonetheless, this karma chapter taught me to be kinder despite of how others treat me. I am never a player nor I am not living a double life. I have nothing to hide. So, I embrace my freedom with joyful spirit by loving God and all people around me. If this is karma, I am thankful to this because I unraveled who I am and appreciate my blessings more.

It is never about who the person is but how I transformed into a better me… I am imperfect but I love who I am… Not going down with my misfortunes but coming out from the quicksand, climbing up to the ladder… rising up and flying high! Don’t break or have stiff neck… don’t blink even for a second when you behold the beauty in me!!!

My weird platform sneakers, which I love!!! Too old for these… I still pull it off like I used to do more than a decade ago…. Oops, feeling 18 again with my similar Baby Spice sneakers!!! My throwback attire… Or I’m the old Hannah Montana fan who can’t get over with the Disney show… Hey, Miley Cyrus now already passed twerking and nudity…

https://youtu.be/pJ2m9uyF2bg

By Miley Cyrus “The Climb” ost Hannah Montana the movie

Can’t get over u😍😘❤️😇

Lord, that manly scent so close and that K-pop hairstyle! Forgive me, I meant not to commit sins in my thoughts. I don’t want to close my eyes for my fantasies might burn my flesh to hell! Now, I fully understood that there’s an advantage of being unknown and unseen coz staying hidden is a safe place for both of us….

I’ll bring you to my pardise into the kingdom reserved for you. I’ll avow that it’s more than heaven above cloud nine. Hopefully, one day, my exclusive dreams and genuine desires won’t be just blown by the winds of time.

I dreamt that I was barefooted running somewhere… I was not alone for it took two tango. Of course, the music turned the beatings of the hearts… that look drove me nuts! Should I thank God it was all in my head? Hay! What dreams may truly come?

Most people who knew me presumed that I only wear high heels and stilletos. What people don’t know that there are teenage wishes in me that never grow old? These are one of those the brands of sneakers that I wanted to have in my tender years. Well, I’m indeed too old for Hannah Montana, no question about that!!! Who cares??? If I can’t get over being hooked with material stuff, the more I can’t get over with someone as gorgeous as you are❤️😍😘Who gives a—- So what? IDGAF!!! Haters gonna hate!!! I don’t really care!!! Besides, I am absolutely happy, always grateful and very contented!!! It’s up for you to see me too, gorgeous! It’s up to you😘😚😋😉

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

After wasting money from a lousy game and a bad movie, I felt like a loser. So, I digged into my classic songs obsession. Who would possibly thought that Freddie Mercury and the rest of the guys in the band Queen would be brought to life on the big screen? My bro promoted the movie, ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ ethusiastically that made me to find out more about the front guy of Queen, Freddie Mercury. I watched his documentary and played Queen’s songs all over again. Honestly, my all-time favourite song of Queen is “Somebody to Love”.

The lyrics are so relatable. I don’t want a prince charming, a trophy boy or a debonaire… For in the deepest part of my heart, I hope that the person whom my heart desires the most will find in his heart too that what’s real is not a fairy tale. It knows no boundaries and limitations. I hope he will somehow see to appreciate my little gestures that took me a lot of courage and praying to execute. For others, it’s easy to pursuade and coquer a guy but not to someone like me who lives in a cave and a century old. Being good is my only posession and being locked away from the rest is my safety and security. My values and virtues are my honour and my guiding light in this darkened era dominated by excessive and obsessive used of social media platforms and other forms of technology.

Still I believe that no matter what, I know for certain that I am always true… no disguises and pretenses. NO filter profiles in FB, no vanities in IG and Snapchat… and no lies in Whatsapp, Messenger, Twitter, WeChat, Viber, Tango, Telegram and more…

They said only princesses and pretty faces get the guy…. Well, all I know it’s always the heart that matters for something worth keeping and fighting for— We use or brains all the time, we’ll get tired of thinking and grow old with either dimentia or Alzheimers…. We use our hearts sometimes because the brain may forgets and halts on functioning… the heart always remembers and that joy is price that no treasure we cherished can buy….

You’ll know… you’ll see… you’ll feel… not to satisfy your flesh but to give a warmth in your for the rest of your existence….

Can anybody find me somebody to love

Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little

Can barely stand on my feet

(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)

Lord, what you’re doing to me (yeah yeah)

I have spent all my years in believing you

But I just can’t get no relief, Lord!

Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody)

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life

I work ’til I ache in my bones

At the end (at the end of the day)

I take home my hard earned pay all on my own

I get down (down) on my knees (knees)

And I start to pray

‘Til the tears run down from my eyes

Lord, somebody (somebody), ooh somebody

(Please) can anybody find me somebody to love?

Everyday (everyday) I try and I try and I try

But everybody wants to put me down

They say I’m going crazy

They say I got a lot of water in my brain

Ah, got no common sense

I got nobody left to believe in

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oh, Lord

Ooh somebody, ooh somebody

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

(Can anybody find me someone to love)

Got no feel, I got no rhythm

I just keep losing my beat (you just keep losing and losing)

I’m OK, I’m alright (he’s alright, he’s alright)

I ain’t gonna face no defeat (yeah yeah)

I just gotta get out of this prison cell

One day (someday) I’m gonna be free, Lord!

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love love love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Somebody somebody somebody somebody

Somebody find me

Somebody find me somebody to love

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

(Find me somebody to love)

Ooh

(Find me somebody to love)

Find me somebody, somebody (find me somebody to love) somebody, somebody to love

Find me, find me, find me, find me, find me

Ooh, somebody to love (Find me somebody to love)

Ooh (find me somebody to love)

Find me, find me, find me somebody to love (find me somebody to love)

Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love love love!

Somebody find me, find me love

Songwriters: Freddie Mercury

Somebody to Love lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

At the corner of the world

If I’ll put all those series of dreams into words,

A beautiful story will be born for everyone

Not only to ignite the imagination of the dead

But to awaken sleeping hearts hopeless in love

For we exist not only to survive and be the victors

On this winding road, at the highway of nowhere

We found each other on the web of no escape

None of us is divine, we can be friends and foes

Yet, at the corner of the world, far from your reach

Dwelling all by myself, comforted by your thoughts

I could only be my old school ways and hibernate

For living in the wild where I used to be before

Indirectly hurting the ones who owed me nothing

The guilt tortured me, my sensitivity at its brink

Only my tears became my comfort in isolation

I’d rather be discreet and unknown from the rest

At the corner of the world, anonimously yours

Scribbling sweet love letters unsent to your mail

Coz I’m Bad…

My immaturity crawled to my spine, poisoning my brain and darkened my heart. “It’s the triumph of the young, rich and pretty!” I had no edge at all. I am already thrown out of the ring even before I entered the arena.

What did I do? And she was there again… 🤯😡😡🖤😡🤯🤬 Where was he? He always came to the rescue for her sake. I was very unfair because I didn’t even talk to the person. Forgive me Father for this darkness within me. I should not feel this way.

I am not talking! No way!!! I wanted to be where I am… Yet, a smile and friendliness put out the fire in my soul.

What was my problem? How dare me to utter those words? When a friend mentioned his real whereabouts, my conscience was so disappointed at me for my false allegations.

Why did I jump into conclusion and judge him immediately? Why was he not angry when he was there? At that point of time, I was expecting him to be mad (kinda used to it) but he wasn’t.

Forgive me Father coz I am bad… I am really bad girl yesterday😬😭

I kept repeating in my head the words from 1Corinthians 13… to remind me of how badly I acted at that instance.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.

Indeed, what was wrong with me then? I should be truly happy. What’s with this strange feeling anyway? I won’t surely dare to ask forgiveness face-to-face coz I’m also a coward. So what if I am no match for any of them? There’s one thing that I am certain, I will surely love him above all and I’ll bring him pride, honour and happiness. With all my abilities, I’ll make heaven on earth for his sake. After life, I’ll go beyond the depths of hell to bring his soul to heaven.

Batman is No Saint But He Saved Me😉😇

This morning I was up very early to say my prayers to all the great men and women of God. I recalled last Saturday when I shared to the kids the stories of few saints. It never occurred to me that I would be a storyteller again. Actually, I am not really confident with how I pronounced some words using a foreign language. Besides, I sounded awful…. Moreover, I was probably convincing and brought the saints life stories real to the kids. Well, I thought that I am only a storyteller to my younger cousins and siblings during my tender age. But who I am naturally came out effortlessly.

Then, last night I sent to the parents of the children in my session a message reminding them to bring their children along for ‘All Saints’ Day’ mass this evening. I was rushing to make it for the 6pm mass because I wanted to make it while the church’s office was opened so that I could donate in honour of my Papa and twin grandmas for tomorrow’s mass.

On my way to the church, a girl who used to be in my session was in same bus with me. Then, a boy who was also in my session last year, I met when I was waiting for my turn in the washroom. After the mass, a bashful girl ran towards me with her younger sister to greet me ‘Happy All Saints’ Day!’ Hence, I am so grateful for the good deeds I did and the opportunities to serve the Almighty.

Nevertheless, some people mocked and misjudged religion. This morning I was reading the comments in one of the episodes of ‘Deadly Women’, which were negative impressions about religion. One commenter stated, ‘how come there were a lot of religious people involved in murders’. Well, the comment was illogical and no statics proof. For me, the person should watch all ‘Deadly Women’ episodes to uncover that in the show they feature a lot of female killers from different walks of life who experienced various mental and emotional turmoils. Another added that religious people have low IQ. For me, one’s intellect is not basis of faith. There’s nothing erroneous with religion but too much of it can lead to undesireable consequences. Please, stop using religion for personal interests and gains.

Well, the bottom line of everything that I wouldn’t manage to get through today smoothly without Batman’s help. Guilty as charged. Captain America is always my favourite but thank you very much Batman. Indeed, Batman is not a saint but he saved me today! See, you don’t have to be a saint or constant churchgoer to be a good Samaritan to others. I am grateful of the gesture and darkness’ knight made my day.

Sometimes we ceased and refused to perceive each other’s goodness. Yet, there are situations schemed by God to let us be who we really are… We are all beautiful people!!! Batman is the most gorgeous among all superheroes…. Right, gorgeous? My most heartfelt thanks…

My brand new obsession

I can’t get over with Wei Ying Lou from the Chinese drama “The Story of the Yanxi Palace”. Wei Ying Lou is sly and clever, and she stood up against to all who bullied her. Beneath her toughness is someone true who sought justice for her friend and sister. It’s a historical drama about concubines but after watching 10 episodes (the English sub isn’t that good) I am hooked with what will be next to We Ying Lou now that she’s closer to the empress.

I will surely be sleeping late tonight😂🤣😴😴

The Obedient Follower

After 8 weeks of a long journey from my working place to the Church of St Teresa, I completed the training without missing a single one. Even I reached home very late, it didn’t matter because I took the road less traveled.

Dear God, give me strength to follow your ways and obey your will. I don’t need a lot of people to understand me because I know that everything I do is for Your glory. Indeed, each day I am grateful for all the endless blessings.

And this obedient follower deserves a Samurai burger meal.

The Wannabe Seamstress

All occupied Sunday! When my friend bailed on me, I was not upset but instead I was relief. So, I straight off to attend the morning mass. Afterwards, I went buy my lunch and cooked when I reached home. I did several tasks like washing my clothes and tidying up my room.

I did some sewing for my Friend asked me a favour to make her daughter’s costume. I tried my best but my sewing was really bad.

Well, after two hours, Mission accomplished!

It’s not yet over coz another friend asked me to draw and another one asked me to design her mum’s invitation card!!! What a busy life!!! Oops, I have a lesson to prepare and a video to edit..

Let’s Spread Good Vibes

The church celebrates ‘World Mission Sunday’ tomorrow to spread Jesús’s words and His good deeds.

So, today my kids created a booklet to list their good deeds and what they should do to share themselves to others. Let’s remember to continue Jesús’s god works by spreading joy and our blessing to others.

God is great! Always remember through loving your neighbours and even the most difficult ones, you already being Jesús to others. Don’t hold grudges and always forgive. Above all, find happiness even in most difficult situations and always find ways to smile even life is getting tough.

It’s a great day (I’m glad that I came)

Face it! It was not helping… despite of the inconsideration, I know too well that I did beyond extra miles…

I wanted to leave early but I got stuck. How to tell my boss that I wanted to go off when they were all occupied.

I learned my lesson that direction app isn’t all reliable. When I went out from the underground pass, I saw C… what!!! I’m going to F

When I was in pit D, I wanted to head up home. But, there’s beauty of being lost. I’ve familiarised the place and explore the part of the park that I’ve never seen.

I walked for 40 mins and when I reached there, the food was almost finished.

But, I enjoyed the event. The singing and dancing were my stress relief. I sang and danced all out, not caring everyone around me. Meet new friends and I did help those cuties😘

When I was about to sleep, my friend called. No matter how I am judged, I know too well that there are people who appreciate the goodness of my heart. I don’t need affirmation coz God sees that too❣️

A good girl also wears stilettos 👠

You think that girls on high heels are like the ones in the club. One wink, they’ll over you, buy you a drink and on-the-go for a one night stand. Probably, the girls on high heels are attention-seekers with celebrity complex. Or are they pieces of trash with those heels?

Hey, guess what a good girl wears high heels too because she enjoys the style. She’s not gifted in terms of height. Thus, an inch of heels can boost her confidence. What do you know, she doesn’t go clubbing or hooking up for she’s a home buddy watching Riverdale or dancing on K-pop songs when no one is looking. She’s a heck of an old fashionista stuck on her art and books.

A good girl also wears stilettoes, going to church while saying her prayers. What’s with the shoes? She loves them since young, her little pleasure and entertainment. Does she spend it all on clothing and shoes? Of course, one thing is certain, her bank account isn’t zero balance and she invested on some properties too… And she shares her time to serve others and always willing to give generously. She doesn’t hang around on social media to show off and vanity for she loves to write instead. Well, it’s easy to judge others on what we see on them but what do we know anyway…

Unpolished Gem

We don’t know… until we’ll try… this stumbling blocks can be your stepping stones. I’ve seen them all! Here, she goes again!!!! Is she back, no wonder you disappeared for a long time? Is she back to borrow charger? I can give her $2 to buy one in Daiso… 😂

So, I got it… I noticed you kept coming back and forth to that room where she was supposed to be… Why not transfer sit there since you don’t like where you are… Were they doing the tasks I am doing??? Their job was easy…. if they were in my position, would you treat them the same? Or they capable of doing what I can? Aren’t you tired of blaming me of things I am not supposed to do? Isn’t my duty at all? Aren’t you tired of hating me or getting angry at me with those things? They are just young with pretty faces but are they perfect? Are they angels? Sometimes those who are pleasing to the eyes are the ones who can hurt you the most…. Remember, the wheel keeps on turning…

Don’t judge me so quickly, you never knew what I’ve been through… After all the criticisms, still enjoy what I am doing. Whoever they are, I am still blessed and grateful for everything I received. Besides, I don’t hold grudges like you do. I give others the benefit of the doubt and appreciate their goodness. After all, we are born to be true not to be perfect.

We are all good and whatever clouded your judgement towards me, I know you’ve seen it too. You surely witnessed how committed I am to my work and how I love the kids. For now, you’re blinded with many things and all of them, but the true gem is in me. No worries… God knows when….

Despite of that, I thank God for blessing me with amazing and wonderful friends. Thank you to all my friends for making my day and being there for me. I don’t need so many friends. I’ll forever cherished the few who are always true.