The Wannabe Seamstress

All occupied Sunday! When my friend bailed on me, I was not upset but instead I was relief. So, I straight off to attend the morning mass. Afterwards, I went buy my lunch and cooked when I reached home. I did several tasks like washing my clothes and tidying up my room.

I did some sewing for my Friend asked me a favour to make her daughter’s costume. I tried my best but my sewing was really bad.

Well, after two hours, Mission accomplished!

It’s not yet over coz another friend asked me to draw and another one asked me to design her mum’s invitation card!!! What a busy life!!! Oops, I have a lesson to prepare and a video to edit..

Let’s Spread Good Vibes

The church celebrates ‘World Mission Sunday’ tomorrow to spread Jesús’s words and His good deeds.

So, today my kids created a booklet to list their good deeds and what they should do to share themselves to others. Let’s remember to continue Jesús’s god works by spreading joy and our blessing to others.

God is great! Always remember through loving your neighbours and even the most difficult ones, you already being Jesús to others. Don’t hold grudges and always forgive. Above all, find happiness even in most difficult situations and always find ways to smile even life is getting tough.

It’s a great day (I’m glad that I came)

Face it! It was not helping… despite of the inconsideration, I know too well that I did beyond extra miles…

I wanted to leave early but I got stuck. How to tell my boss that I wanted to go off when they were all occupied.

I learned my lesson that direction app isn’t all reliable. When I went out from the underground pass, I saw C… what!!! I’m going to F

When I was in pit D, I wanted to head up home. But, there’s beauty of being lost. I’ve familiarised the place and explore the part of the park that I’ve never seen.

I walked for 40 mins and when I reached there, the food was almost finished.

But, I enjoyed the event. The singing and dancing were my stress relief. I sang and danced all out, not caring everyone around me. Meet new friends and I did help those cuties😘

When I was about to sleep, my friend called. No matter how I am judged, I know too well that there are people who appreciate the goodness of my heart. I don’t need affirmation coz God sees that too❣️

A good girl also wears stilettos 👠

You think that girls on high heels are like the ones in the club. One wink, they’ll over you, buy you a drink and on-the-go for a one night stand. Probably, the girls on high heels are attention-seekers with celebrity complex. Or are they pieces of trash with those heels?

Hey, guess what a good girl wears high heels too because she enjoys the style. She’s not gifted in terms of height. Thus, an inch of heels can boost her confidence. What do you know, she doesn’t go clubbing or hooking up for she’s a home buddy watching Riverdale or dancing on K-pop songs when no one is looking. She’s a heck of an old fashionista stuck on her art and books.

A good girl also wears stilettoes, going to church while saying her prayers. What’s with the shoes? She loves them since young, her little pleasure and entertainment. Does she spend it all on clothing and shoes? Of course, one thing is certain, her bank account isn’t zero balance and she invested on some properties too… And she shares her time to serve others and always willing to give generously. She doesn’t hang around on social media to show off and vanity for she loves to write instead. Well, it’s easy to judge others on what we see on them but what do we know anyway…

Unpolished Gem

We don’t know… until we’ll try… this stumbling blocks can be your stepping stones. I’ve seen them all! Here, she goes again!!!! Is she back, no wonder you disappeared for a long time? Is she back to borrow charger? I can give her $2 to buy one in Daiso… 😂

So, I got it… I noticed you kept coming back and forth to that room where she was supposed to be… Why not transfer sit there since you don’t like where you are… Were they doing the tasks I am doing??? Their job was easy…. if they were in my position, would you treat them the same? Or they capable of doing what I can? Aren’t you tired of blaming me of things I am not supposed to do? Isn’t my duty at all? Aren’t you tired of hating me or getting angry at me with those things? They are just young with pretty faces but are they perfect? Are they angels? Sometimes those who are pleasing to the eyes are the ones who can hurt you the most…. Remember, the wheel keeps on turning…

Don’t judge me so quickly, you never knew what I’ve been through… After all the criticisms, still enjoy what I am doing. Whoever they are, I am still blessed and grateful for everything I received. Besides, I don’t hold grudges like you do. I give others the benefit of the doubt and appreciate their goodness. After all, we are born to be true not to be perfect.

We are all good and whatever clouded your judgement towards me, I know you’ve seen it too. You surely witnessed how committed I am to my work and how I love the kids. For now, you’re blinded with many things and all of them, but the true gem is in me. No worries… God knows when….

Despite of that, I thank God for blessing me with amazing and wonderful friends. Thank you to all my friends for making my day and being there for me. I don’t need so many friends. I’ll forever cherished the few who are always true.

Happy B-day!!! Thank u very much…

It’s a celebration!!! Thank you very much. In celebration for your day, I am a good Friend for I stayed in my friend’s place after my Catechism session. I gave a treat for lunchtime and I accompanied my Friend for acupuncture and other treatment for my Friend isn’t feeling well. So, I was a good company. I stayed on from lunch and left after dinner.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a good friend and be there for those who needed me. Happy birthday!!! I know you hear and listen to me all the time and you never failed to be there for us. I know you’ll find a way for both us same as you were there for Sarah and Tobias. It’s never a myth for you my Friend exists. You too are always there for him and I can thank you more for blessing him always. Tell him, I always deeply care and let him know it’s never a lie despite his hesitations.

I know he knows… and thank u with all my heart ❣

Goodbye to You My Friend

The food is simply amazing and appetising. Love my dining experience in the Crab at the Bay.

It’s a farewell dinner for a Friend who will be studying overseas. We had a Long chat and I’m still in the bus on my way home….

Goodbye for now and I can’t express how grateful I am to my Friend for the years we spent together in serving the Almighty. She will be back and we’ll definitely meet again.

The Mess in the Past

Midnight spring cleaning for the whole day I was being the couch potato queen. Look what I dug, art pieces that I did 6 years ago…

That mess I made and the unintentional hurt I caused another. I was too old to be naive but I did it anyway. It was about my selfish desire that led me to that choice and my escape goat were my artworks because no matter how I tried to runaway to another that hurt I caused always haunting me.

Every time I thought that I could, I only ended up in the shadows of yesterday. All I can do is hide in my writings… I messed up then and lost a lot. I have forgiven all the characters in that chapter of my life including myself too.

I know too well that I am a better person now. So, I have to endure because I should know better. I don’t know if I’ll get that chance but the ones in the past are merrymaking now…

And so it was not that face whom caused the mess in my past that I saw in series of dreams I had today and the past few days. All seemed so real in my head, as if everything was happening. The only thing who I wish to be true was that current face who touched me gently and explored my wonderland.

It’s time to clear my mess and throw away my more than a hundred art pieces. That girl who used to be in the past should had known better. Now, I am as bright and beautiful as I used to be before he came along. My age is never a hindrance because it is just a mere number for God. There’s nothing erroneous in my physical attributes for God created me in His likeness.

It’s time to clear and clean the mess! Change is a process but I’m taking a step one at the time to move forward. There are many blessings and gifts God showered me, which I can share to others and to benefit me too.

Someone in the present, please…. Wish you only knew, it’s no longer him, the ghost of my past who is in my dreams now… I only made more than a hundred art pieces of him but I had you in my head more than a million times… it’s like you’re embedded in every cells of my being. I hope it also occurs to you that I just don’t know how….

Honestly, I posted all my artworks of him in the past. But the only one I did for you never appeared anywhere. I am proud of that, I painted it with my heart…. likewise, I am just avoiding the additional hate… I want to make others happy not to agitate or anger them… hey, I don’t even want to be sued for harassment!!! Hay! 😔😞Lame as it may sound… those missed calls were unintentional! Besides, what will I gain from doing such…

What’s on My Blank Page?

Will I ever make this right? How will this turn out? Well, may my skills be the tool to spread God’s love and message. May the tiny mustard seed grow in the hearts of the children of the future, and as they grow older may their faith will flourish like the mustard tree. I don’t know how my two artworks will turn out but one thing for sure, my blank page won’t be empty anymore. It will be filled with people whom hate me the most and those who cherished me.

What’s on my blank page? Well, it’s a combination of assorted shades of sorrow and joy. Life may be crooked at times but I always have the choice to be happy and do what I want.

I am No Jezebel!

For the past few days, the indifference was eating the light in me and chewing my joy and confidence away. I asked myself, ‘Am I really bad? Are all of these pretenses? What worst thing that could I have done to deserve all sorts of shades?’

God knows, I wanted to do more & beyond and also reach out. However, I am pushed and ignored all over and over again. This cycle will halt with God’s wisdom and grace upon you.

Last night, after the mass for the Feast Day of the Assumption, I met an elderly friend in the church. I was supposed to walk her home but someone offered us a ride to her place. I gave her company for awhile. I indirectly relayed to her my self-doubt. She mentioned about Jezebel that ignited my curiosity and before I headed home she said in her prayers that I am a beautiful daughter of God. Am I? Of course, I am!!! Despite your negativities toward me, I am definitely sure you also perceived that it is the fact and the truth.

Rest assured that I am not another Jezebel. I wanted to bring merriment and tranquility, somehow you created a thick invisible wall that even my guardian angel couldn’t break. So instead of destroying the blockages, I am sending you my angel to give you delight and protection each passing day. After all what happened, I surrendered myself into prayers. Then, in tge stillness of my soul, I sought apologies to all those men who I rejected, ditched and insulted in my past. I am not a butch… Of course, I like men and I even currently fancy one in particular🤐 You know who😅😂

My problem was and is, I don’t know anything about love… how to act or react… So, I ended up putting everything into writing. In the presenf day, I haven’t outgrown such… However, after all the drama, there’s something good that came out in me because I chose to be the greater person following Jesus’ example in last Monday’s gospel (it was one difficult gospel reading to interpret and comprehend)… not instantly… taking baby steps…. one step at a time. Well, this take a lot of courage to do and tons of humility plus a hundred-fold of prayers.

For sure, you know by now that none of me is fake despite my flaws. I am just naturally lame and careless…. and 101% blur and unsure! Let it be and don’t hesitate for I am not the one whom you should despised because I am not another Jezebel😘😍😇😉

Who is Jezebel?

Jezebel was a Phoenician princess, later the wife of King Ahab of Israel.

Several years later, Ahab died in a battle against the Syrians, and a man named Jehu was promised the crown if he killed Jezebel’s son, thus taking Jezebel’s power. As the story goes, Jehu made his way Jezebel’s palace to murder her, and she, expecting him, applied make-up and dressed herself in finery. Her actions have been interpreted in a variety of ways—some people believe she was simply dressing for a dignified death. Others believe she was “painting” herself in hopes of seducing Jehu and becoming his mistress. In the end, she was thrown out of her bedroom window, trampled by horses and eaten by dogs.

Jezebel’s name has been used for thousands of years to describe cunning, ruthless and reprehensible women. Some believe she typifies evil and her name has also become synonymous with idolaters, prostitutes and sorcerers.

Tonight is the Night with the Holy Ghost

I didn’t ask for vision nor prophecy. I just lift up to Him my emptiness and tiredness. All I wanted was to rest because no matter what I did and had done, everything seemed wrong, unappreciated and not acknowledged.
I found myself in the dark cave and as I went in, I was unafraid because slowly a ray of light brightened the whole area. I couldn’t see anyone but felt the assurance in my heart that God heard my prayers and would grant my desires. Then, it crossed my mind that everything is possible in God.
As I prayed in uncertainties, I held on my rosary. Then, I visualised my father on the stage smiling at me with great joy. My Papa didn’t say a word while holding two babies on both arms. I didn’t call out for him nor asked anything, all I knew that his presence brought too much happiness that it felt warmth and good in my troubled heart. I was like my young self again, always filled with brightness and clarity in mind, heart and soul.
I will not question what I saw and felt. I will never doubt the God whom I believe. Let His will be done!

CLP and the gifts of the Holy Spirit!

Ten-Years of Heroes, Ten-Years a Fan

A fan so ecstatic… just like a dream! Two years ago, a friend invited me to watch the Marvel Studios exhibit. Sadly, I was unable to do so—

But this time.. I didn’t miss it! A dream come true!!! Hay!! Feel likes heaven!!!

Thanks to my cousin for the excellent and absolutely professional photos and accompanying me for my childishness😂 What do u know, I’m stuck in my Neverland😃😂😂😂 (I am not well but no choice needed to go because I bought my ticket on sale. So, changing of timing isn’t allowed)

Marvel Studios Exhibition @ Arts and Science Centre, Marina Bay

The Flight and Fight of a Survivor

More than a decade ago, after my father passed away, I still pursued my goal of studying as a teacher even if I already had my degree in Engineering. I am not employed for a regular job, only part-time basis as a private tutor to support my studies. I remembered every time I would go to my students’ houses, I would dreamily wish that one day I am going somewhere and earned more. Rainy days were worst because at the sidewalk, I am soaked from the splatters of the cars and flooded streets. However, my tutees became my borrowed family and even I didn’t see or speak with them for a long time, I can still feel the care and love.

Least as I expected, being the victim of bullying in the workplace didn’t end up in tragedy but opened a window of opportunity for me. Jesus was right when he said in Luke 18:14 “…those who exalt themselves will be humbled and those who humbled themselves will be exalted.”

Yet, a wish comes true has its consequences. I had to leave those people who valued me the most. The party was suddenly put to an end, no more bar hopping and fun drinking. Those butterflies whom I almost had, left me for good or I disappeared from their lives. Moreover, if they’d seen me today, they’ll surely tell me that time is unable to rob my high heels and being a fashionista away! On the other hand, it’s true that I am all by myself and don’t have anyone to defend or protect me. I am on my own. Then, at that moment I desire the cry of the flesh and my heart, no one is there. So, I surrender my aches, itchiness and sinfulness to God.

I am all by myself but I am not alone because God is with me. The closer I wanted to be with the Almighty, the tougher it becomes. Work isn’t easy for me these few days, taking away my laughter and joy. My hard work and commitment are certainly unseen and unappreciated. No one bothers if I have executed or did my job very well for they only perceive my errors. It pains me each day thinking how it is possible for someone to hate me to the core and treat me like an outcast or a stranger in the room. What does this person know about how the indiferrence killing me each day? He has a perfect and carefree life surrounded by plenty of friends and hot babes. What’s the crap with the ego thing? Did he even realise how tough and stressful that day was for me to substitute others and to do instant lessons? I am being dillusional to believe that being in a team is to be with people who care and ready to support. The person who is always late and not around is the one more favoured. I don’t understand where all the hate and dislikes are rooted for all I feel is being pushed away and ignored all the time. The ill-treatment makes me unhappy and cry each moment. For the first time in my life, I forced myself each day to rise because it’s all about the money for the flame of passion is slowly vanishing. The meaning of my labour is gone, its essential is only the compensation. Truly, it is my sole regret not to return to my previous working place where I am free to be me, laugh aloud and I am not anyone’s shadow.

Several times, I asked God why He let me survive that vehicular accident. I was told that I am so lucky for my father was my angel who saved me on that tragic day. If that was the case, my father must be very selfish! He let me live to die each day and to assume his responsibilities. Do I have to pay what I don’t owe? Do I save to waste for others’ burden and mistakes? Am I born to rescue my siblings? How about me? The most beautiful thing, I remembered during that accident was a dream of a man who called me by my real name (no one by that time called me by my name). When I woke up, I cheerfully told my sister that one day I would find that man. It gave me a foolish hope for someone there. Aftermath of the accident, I kept dreaming of that unfamiliar masculine voice belonging not to anyone I used to know.

And so when my wish came true, my dream faded. There’s no one there whom I can show that I am capable of doing anything and everything for love. Nowadays, I am only hated, ignored and rejected. Despite my prayers and good intentions, I am only seen and judged by my flaws and shortcomings. I am the one who is always pushed down, not lifted higher nor praised. The struggle is real but I have to survive because God has showered me wonderful things and plenty of blessings. Even it’s killing me softly everyday, I still look up at Heavens to say thank you for God made me strong and beautiful person. The world is not out of stock of physically attractive young women, still I am never less to any because I am one of a kind for God created me unique and special.

I never give up on anyone for I respect the space and preference. But, do I deserve the anger and outrage? If you only let me in, I could have hugged and kissed you to ease the madness and minimise the pride. Baby, I am yours!

By Jason Mraz “I’m Yours”

Reunited

3 things I learned today: 1) I am the meanest, 2) Me and my ego, and 3) We can all be lonely

How long it has been? Fate has its way of bringing people together. It felt like centuries since I saw my cousin and his first question was why I didn’t show up on his special day. My response was with all honesty stating that because I am the meanest. It was all the me-drama and my ego was larger than the Pacific Ocean. Yet, God has His ways of telling me that there are people who needed me and no matter what I will do, I can never be all by myself. I had a long Friday night and unplanned dinner outside with my cousin. After attending mass, I bumped at him near the train station. We looked for a place to dine. Then, we talked for more than two hours… a lot of catching up to do. We concluded to pursue our interests in photography. He shared with me that he has a new camera and there are photography competitions that he wanted to join. I shared with him about the photography I used to be active with and the Lunar eclipse later.

The past is forgiven and the blame was on me. Thank you Lord for today.

I am a Wall Flower

Everyone is waltzing and merrymaking while I was standing all by myself recalling those pretty girls captured by his lens.

All he had was his rage and ego. Yet, it never occurred to him what really happened that day. Did he ever experience to be unprepared for the day? I received a message that my colleague wouldn’t be around and I needed to cover for her. Yet, what was disappointing that there was a new lesson but nothing was given. At that point, I felt like a soldier going to a battle with a weapon. My fear drove me to be alone and it was the issue that I had to face all by myself. I needed my loud music to relax and calm my anxiety.

I decided to all by myself. Worst of all, I had to be in a class with 60 kids. First time ever! I overlooked something else! Sorry class had to come!!! Stressful day!!!

Yet, how people only remembered my flaws but no my good deeds? Why count what I failed to do? Does my mistakes make me evil that can overshadow the kindness and smile my heart??

The Deception Curse by the Raggedy Doll

“Anubis, unlock the door of the underworld

Bring along that wicked boy named Little Johnny

In hell where he deserves and he’ll burn to the bones

That bastard is expert in crafting the art of lying

Born without a heart and quick in deceiving kids 

Little Jane, how it fractures me seeing you so weak! 

Grab a handkerchief and wipe away all your tears

A greatest fall will happen to such ridiculous boy 

Little Jane, weep no more for I’m alright

Even if Little Johnny toss me like a trash

He cannot ruin the inner strength of my soul

Little Jane, why were you blinded with his lies?

How dare him to make a fool of your kindness?

A pretentious friend who ought to suffer more 

Is he going anywhere when he can’t reach his dreams?

I might be a Raggedy Doll but I can feel how much it hurts

Though I have no voice, my wrath is etched in my spirit

Little Jane, I can’t avenge for you and  my curse is true!”

“O, my beloved Raggedy Doll! Look at you!

My, my, what Little Johnny has done this time?

O, my Raggedy Doll, why your eyes so hollow?

I beg you not to let your angst darken your being

Little Johnny means no harm and he’s an angel

It’s untrue that he is one of Satan’s sons for he was our pal

Remember the fun and happy days when we played with him

Weren’t his colorful tales enjoyable that made us laugh?

Mama & Papa said never curse for it is a sin against God

Don’t surrender and allow yourself to be controlled by the devil

Raggedy Doll, I can clean and mend you so that you’ll heal

Little Johnny is my good friend and forever he’s special”

“My sweet Little Jane, why are you so quick in forgiving?

Little Johnny will pay the prize of being  a stupid jerk

How can he betray you and put your dignity at stake?

He must be Judas’ kin and he won’t get away with it!”

“O, my Raggedy Doll, please stop with this nonsense

I don’t desire any misfortune to befall at Little Johnny

 I pray to God that you’ll learn to forgive and forget

He’s back to an old playmate but still he’s always my friend”

———————————————————-

Note that this poem is not all about the curse or a girl cursing someone who made her cry.  But, this is all about how anyone naturally feel or react when being directly or indirectly disappointed and failed by others.   Little Jane and the raggedy doll represent the positive and negative feelings and thoughts within every person towards someone in such unlikely situation.  In every person, unconsciously good and evil exist.  Yet, the child within us that is always forgiving, pure and understanding will always prevail.  We should not choose to live in hatred because in darkness we’ll never find true happiness.

——————————————-  

by Philippa Hanna “Raggedy Doll”

——————————————–
T. Lewis and R.K. Harrison inform us:
When a curse is pronounced against any person we are not to understand this as a mere wish, however violent, that disaster should overtake the person in question, any more than we are to understand that a corresponding “blessing” conveys simply a wish that prosperity should be the lot of the person on whom the blessing is involved. A curse was considered to possess an inherent power of carrying itself into effect… Such curses [and blessings] possessed the power of self-realization. 
Source: http://www.religiousverse.com/forum/10-apologetics-and-theology/517-biblical-curses
——————————————–

The Room of Shattered Dreams

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Browsing for recipe online, I was determined to follow my parents’ footsteps that I could be a good cook too.  I should start somewhere, it runs in the genes after all.  If my brothers could do it, I am of no exemption.  In stead of analyzing logic gates, I tried to understand the uniqueness of every ingredient and the significant role fire played in the whole process.  With a sunny face and humor, I proclaimed to my friends, “I am ready for my soon-to-be!!!”  We laughed, I made their dining experience a happy one same I usually did with my family as I grew up.  The table wouldn’t be boring in my presence.  What??? Who??? I don’t recall that girl anymore.

Shoes here, clothes there… I wanted everything in order and I must schedule cleaning every week.  No dusty room, please!!! My place should be neat and adorned with cute stuff, which defined how creative and lively I am. Always in cheap style.  Yet, it cheered me up and gave delight to my heart.  I draw, pray, read and write for extra time.  I even produce animation for fun.  Singing is not my hobby.  I have a horrible voice and I can’t hit the notes.  What’s going on?  Where all cute stuff goes?  What’s with the mess?  OMG, pedicure and manicure missing!!!  The crib of bliss turned to be a monster’s horrifying place with that awful crying and singing sounds.

What’s with the drama?  What’s with the long face?  You forgot what Papa said??? You look beautiful because you always share a smile?  What’s with the inner torture?  You are the bravest… Stop acting like you’re a drama queen!  You’re terrible in crying…

How?  I entered the room where my existence is unknown.  I have no voice.  I heard and seen, and pretended not to know even if I understood what was going on.  The door shutted down.  I tried to be welcomed but the ring leader was disgusted of me.  My head wouldn’t function and my tasks uncompleted.  I felt the torment of being there but invisible.  I should tried hard to be liked but I am bad of faking.  They all scared most of the time but I taught myself to be comfortable.  I showed who I am, which was the biggest mistake I ever did.  The chief was pissed of me and despised my presence.  Despite all his disapproval, I cared and willing to share my love.  But, the chief was headstrong and his heart sealed.  Then, he decided to fly off somewhere to be united with a goddess, the fairest and most perfect.  The festival he planned with excitement and I am not invited. It’s alright, I understand that I am not welcome at all.

Am I the one who I used to know?  Not in that room… it is the room where I am someone whom I don’t know.   I even forgot how to talk a lot and crack a joke.  I should greet everyone, not ignore them… I did or they do…. When was the last time I smiled?   When I  taught I could learn to love again, I entered inside and found myself in the room of shattered dreams.  What is loneliness? I can’t define it before but where I am now I endure its definition.  Don’t come in to the ROOM OF SHATTERED DREAMS where I am the ugliest, undesirable, horrible and the cursed overacting drama queen….

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By Green Day “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”
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You Slaughtered Part of Me Today (That Boy is a Monster!!!)

I’m not crying, it is the sky outside weeping aloud

The image of truth, the hidden photograph revealed

Deceived by string of lies and romantic twine of hopes

Thanks for the joy you bring and the pain you pour

I can no longer hear the sounds of the raging thunders

I can only listen to my own, the shattered crystals within

Why you have to come and bring the daggers of truth?

I want to run to my father’s grave and feel his warm embrace

***

“Papa, that day I almost died,why bother saving me?

If you love me, why you let go and give me a second chance?

Papa, this another life is my hell on earth for everybody lies

It was only your illusion and false promise about someone

If my migraine is deadly, I don’t mind for I want to see you soon

Papa, I tried opening my door, only to find myself bleeding alone

Someone knocking is only a dream for no one is really there —“

***

I asked God several times but His answers always lead me to you

Is this my punishment from being heartless and headstrong?

No wonder you keep on ignoring me, just say that she exists!

Foolish me! My friends and I are just equivalent to cash —

Trap in your strategy of the marketing trade, it’s your job!

***

Somehow I know that I’ll triumph and I won’t give up

How to continue when I am paralyzed with reality?

Few minutes ago, I feel like evaporating to the clouds

Am I really hurt with the truth in front my eyes?

You must be laughing out loud for my stupidity

You must be rejoicing with my defeat for this is what you want

You slaughtered part of me today and hope you’re happy now!

——————————————————–

(Today, I’m supposed to ask a very important favor for I need his help so badly. Look at his chest! She must very significant and irreplaceable—)


He’s a monster!!!! That boy is a monster —- (“Monster” by Lady Gaga)

 

You Slaughtered Part of Me Today (That Boy is a Monster!!!)

I’m not crying, it is the sky outside weeping aloud

The image of truth, the hidden photograph revealed

Deceived by the string of lies and romantic twine of hopes

Thanks for the joy you bring and the pain you pour

I can no longer hear the sounds of the raging thunders

I can only listen to my own, the shattered crystals within

Why you have to come and bring the daggers of truth?

I want to run to my father’s grave and feel his warm embrace

***

“Papa, that day I almost died, why bother saving me?

If you love me, why you let go and give me a second chance?

Papa, this another life is my hell on earth for everybody lies

It was only your illusion and false promise about someone

If my migraine is deadly, I don’t mind for I want to see you soon

Papa, I tried opening my door, only to find myself bleeding alone

Someone knocking is only a dream for no one is really there —“

***

I ask God several times but His answers always lead me to you

Is this my punishment from being heartless and headstrong?

No wonder you keep on ignoring me, just say that she exists!

Foolish me! My friends and I are just equivalent to cash —

Trap in your strategy of the marketing trade, it’s your job!

***

Somehow I know that I’ll triumph and I won’t give up

How to continue when I am paralyzed with reality?

A few minutes ago, I feel like evaporating into the clouds

Am I really hurt with the truth in front my eyes?

You must be laughing out loud for my stupidity

You must be rejoicing with my defeat for this is what you want

You slaughtered part of me today and hope you’re happy now!

——————————————————–

(Today, I’m supposed to ask a very important favour for I need his help so badly. Look at his chest! She must very significant and irreplaceable—)


He’s a monster!!!! That boy is a monster —- (“Monster” by Lady Gaga)

(May 9, 2012 @ 18:39:31)

My Fairy Tale Comes True Too

Cinderella had one pair of shoes while I have more

She gate crashed a grand ball and found a Prince

Whereas my party is long time over, no one is here

***

Snow White left home because of a witch, so did I

She rejoiced with the dwarfs and I with the kids

She ate a poisoned apple and kissed by her true love

***

Ariel wanted to be out of the sea to be with her guy

The price of her heart’s desire was her golden voice

Yet, I am more voiceless than her because I can’t say it

***

Jasmine had it all and she had Alladin on the magic carpet

Together they explored a whole new world, I did too

But mine is in my fantasy land, exclusively ours only

***

Aurora was asleep for years still love found its way to her

It has been many years since my heart was in slumber

Who among us need to wake up? If you only believe me…

***

Odette became a swan but her looks never stopped her

A love that is true always perceive straight from the heart

No witch can stop the will of God and power of the universe

***

Anna rushed on finding the one, deceived and broken-hearted

Nonetheless, a genuine heart will always find what’s real

No need to hurry just be who I am and live happily everday

***

Is there a happy ending? Can I just live my story as how it is?

I wanted taste the lips of my love and tango with him all night

Who cares I’m too old? My fairy tale come true too, I just know

***

No masks worn, this is who I really am and I’m proud of myself

I’ll continue to be a good person and love everyone around me

Thanks heaven for the gift of love, which I’ll share with him heartily

***Hello, u know who u are… Wake up!!! Sleep no more. Can u share ur seat? Will u listen and not be irritated? I can make a fun and meaningful conversation too! Will u see the heart instead, rather than all insignificant variables? The best choice is only and always right in front of u. How can I make a move or be forward when you slam the door on my face? How can I take courage when you’re always angry and not happy in my presence? How can I ask you out when you never listened nor even acknowledged my existence? How can I kiss you when you walk so fast to be away from me? With all the pain of truth you revealed each day (I did like the bag but now I change my mind, jealous 😂) I only pray for your happiness… for at the end of the day, all I know is to pray… this the worst of the worst chapter of my story…***

From a French Boy

The school year reopened with so many drama and conflicts. Even if the indifference pulled me down, I still wake up each day feeling blessed and grateful. Yesterday, the only French boy in my session gave me a handwritten ‘Thank You’ card. It was one of those moments when I am grateful that I am labeled boring with personality that sucks because if I were exciting and trying-to-please-the-men type of girl, then I wouldn’t be in the place where I have the opportunities to share to the young ones how great is God’s love. I told to the kids yesterday that we should pray as one to remain in the light. When I read the card, I am overjoyed by the sincerity of the young boy’s words. Then, all that happened for the entire week were deleted and replaced with God’s love.

I thank Jesus for bringing me to a place where I learned how to care for others and my love for Him inspired others too.

I woke up late today, it was already passed 12pm because I was watching the Miss Q & A Grand Finals till dawn. After my lunch time, I even dozed off… Luckily that I still managed to wake up on time and made it for confession before the 6pm mass started. What a relief after I went out from the confession room! Finally, I can make peace with zero grudges. When the mass was over, I dropped off in Greenwich because I had this craving for an Awfully Chocolate cake… sweets can bring more happiness and this is my treat! Afterwards, while waiting for my bus, I met my friend and we had dinner while uplifting each other’s spirits.

Thank you dear God for bringing me good friends who can see how beautiful I am as a daughter of yours. The faithful always triumph and true love wins all the time!

Eventhough Our Summer Ended😱

Once upon a time, we spoke under the ceiling of stars that summer. There was no memory of our dialogues, I only recalled that I was very tense at that instant. So, you were there when I was waltzing with him and you did remind me of that moment. Sorry I already forgot about it for I am so occupied with my summer lessons and there were others in my class who disrupted my thoughts. So that evening was concluded with merriment in our hearts. When I reached home, I am replying a letter to someone else. It was the beauty of youth and I was good with time management.

You had so much admiration at me and you never judged me as someone selfish similar to what somebody I used to know said. My apologies for not returning for another summer. I even hid the fact that when you dropped by my place, I came from a rendezvous. There were many things unsaid but I am only certain with what I could achieve not who I would keep.

Eventhough our summer ended, the sun never stopped shining and I am always grateful for I am truly blessed with many things. When others are bitter at me, I only become a better person because I look deeper at my good deeds. Even others choose not to see my goodness and will dwell on hatred, I’ll remain true to myself and offer the world my splendid smile.

Remember when you told me that I am a beautiful person and my confidence would bring me fortune. Those were words from the lips of someone who genuinely cherished me for being me. You were one of those few people who appreciated and truly saw my truest beauty as an exceptional daughter of God. Thanks and adieu to our summer days. What was left of our summer are glitter of memories for we left as joyful individuals who made a choice of not turning back. I wasn’t banished not to return in our land, I am only looking foward with my hopes at the pedestal for the future God restored for me.

After so many summers, here I am…. And so hey gorgeous what’s with the frown??? I was just kidding and I thought we had the morning of joke time. What will make you smile??? Stop the hate and just continuously love and love…. Remember, it feels good to forgive others— what do you know, the one who loves you the most is just right in front of you… Yet, you can only see what is essential with your heart, not with your eyes…. take away whatever blinded you and stop looking for what is truly true and the truest…. most genuine of them all! I’m here, present!!! Hey, gorgeous! Chill! I am indeed here… Love yeah!!! Mwaah!!!! Xoxo…

In my secret world…

By Karylle “I love Yeah”

Butterflies in the Meadow

Yellow Girl

Dashing towards the outdoor feeling the breeze only to uncover that the butterflies were all gone.  Where did they go when at this point in time, I am far away from where I used to be?   There used to be quite a number of them chasing me but I prefer to be all by myself.  So, here I am today standing in the midst of a meadow where butterflies are extinct.

How can I rewrite my fate or return to how it used to be? Perhaps, there’s no turning back for the past is in the past.  Moreover, the paradise I always wanted is slipping into my fingers all the time, which is beyond my control.  So, I looked up at the sun recalling all the insults, insensitivity and tactlessness.  Indeed, I am told that the waiting list queue is long and I will never be counted.  Am I such one pathetic fool to be the outcast?

Certainly, I am not oblivious to the reality.  Welcome to the generation whereby being the goody two shoes is uncool and unacceptable.  The obnoxious forwardness pinched my heart briefly but I just shook it off quickly because after what I had been through, I should have known better.  Not so long time ago, I did the unthinkable and allowed myself to be enslaved by my obsession for several occasions then. At the end of the day, it never gave me satisfaction instead I was melancholic, guilty and embarrassed.  I learned my lesson the hard way and so this is my retribution for all the erroneous decisions that I did.  As a result, I also learned to shut up and let people be.

No matter how I am judged or being labelled as horrible with a personality that sucks (according to…), it won’t diminish my confidence and optimism.  Even I am always discouraged and treated sourly, I will still continue to fulfil my obligations with all my heart for God, my family and to others.  When someone throws stones at me, I only give back a delicious bread. In other words, I won’t dwell on grudges and vengeance at all but always do good deeds and as much as possible control my temper while allowing the Holy Spirit in leading the way.

Indeed, I took the road less travelled where all my friendly butterflies existed no more.  Here I am the wandering buffoon who finds it impossible to sweep him on his feet.  Likewise, I won’t surrender in disgrace nor feeling like an idiot for it’s not the end of the world for this too will pass.  Instead, I am going to stand on my feet with my head held up high and never get tired of continuing to love purely and truthfully.

My love isn’t a lie and this is God’s gift too.  It will bring authentic joy to the one with an open heart.  I let the butterfly fly away from me so that it can explore the world and find its audience.  When it gets exhausted from its flight, I am always here waiting lovingly and patiently. After all, I keep on telling myself that I don’t need so many butterflies for one is perfectly fine and more than good enough for me.

Sometimes one can’t see what truly matters when that person is so attached to the ways of the world.  Nonetheless, there’s someone Divine whether you’re a believer or not who knows better and we are no match for His powers.  Almighty King, let Your will be done!

(It was a long and stressful day! I needed a long walk and sweets to relieve me from being anxious for I failed to accomplish my expectations for the day.   And of course, the offer was on for you needed that too… I could sense it without any words uttered.)

DSC_0785

(Butterfly on my shoulder… this was the photo that my sister took with her old Sony camera)

To my first love❤️😍😘

My version of Infinity War face-off is a total disaster. I tried to draw but I actually couldn’t. But, if you were here, you’d definitely tell me not to give up and would say that I could do anything as long as I put my heart into it.

Remember, I oftentimes told you that I could draw without showing any artworks for all I did was read and sleep. I even told you that I could be a nun praying full day at the monastery. You only smiled because you knew too well that I only wanted to be all by myself and I never cared for others except you.

Here I am trying to draw my favourite superheroes. Yet, what so many people don’t know that you never failed to save me, you were the best superhero who loved me for who I am.

When I am cold and aloof, you embraced me with warmth reminding me that I am never alone and I couldn’t always run away from those people who needed me. You always supported me to lead…

I even said that I couldn’t make it in my studies. My secondary school would surely kicked me out and I couldn’t get my certificate for my degree. Undeniably, I am the laziest among my siblings in the academic field and I am always absent from my classes. However, all you said was I could surpass the rest because God blessed me with many gifts. One day, my skills would be my tool for survival. Guess what, now I even made it to second degree and post-grad… Thank you for not judging me and seeing the best in me, which I chose to put aside.

I miss kissing and hugging you everyday. Thank you very much for your unselfish love. You’re the first man I truly loved and my avid fan.

I miss you Papa! Happy Father’s day!

There are no accidents

Finally everything was over yesterday. I was so exhausted but it was worthwhile. Looking back, I didn’t expect to be with the people surrounding me. Yet, I was there…. for four days, it made me realised that tough love is indeed truly tough. In that experience with the kids, I was the disciplinarian, secretary, facilitator, artist, teacher, evangelist… Above all, I had the chance to become a temporary mum. I poured my time, energy and cash for the success of the event. But it was worth my everything because the children and their parents appreciated what I did.

Always thought that it was by accident that I volunteered to be there. Now, I know that there are no accidents for God placed me to where I can grow in faith and to be more caring to all people around me.

Super tedious but I thank God that I survived and I am healthy as a horse.

I don’t mind doing it all over again because being with the kids I am reminded that I am a beautiful person and a blessing to others too. I lost my cool on the kids for several times but I was very proud of what they had shown and done.

UNGLAM but still and always FAITHFUL!

Hmp! I got my new passport today. Passport photos are always unglamorous… What can I do, it’s me and there’s no shame of who I am!

Afterwards, I helped my friends to prepare the venue tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the day. I’m off from work but I’m ain’t resting, I’m too occupied preparing for the Wedding Feast session and the two prayer stations assigned to me. It’s four days event from morning to afternoon….

God enlightened me for what I’ll share to the kids under my care.

In my absence, may God bless you too. I’ll keep you in my dreams as usual! Missing you though… I hope u know and will never ever find out. 😂😝😆😅

https://goo.gl/images/n6skDN

Does it matter if you’re late?

The meeting just ended. Late? Very late. But, does it matter? The thought of the upcoming event is stressful. Three sessions in a row and 4 days straight for a full day commitment … All for the glory of God! Jesus, You’re my all! My wits and talents are not mine, I’m only sharing what belongs to you.

Probably, I felt the pressure because I am afraid of failure and I wanted everything to work perfectly according to plan… I needed to read through, research, reflect and memorise… Do I have the luxury of time to do so?

Well, I am not that confident. I only trust and have faith in God.

Too late!!! Nah! Lord, You’re with me! I should be still…

Taste of Liberty

The shadow of Lochinvar existed no more

No longer the uninvited wedding guest

Resigning from the role of stalker forever

I had my chances and let them off the hook

***

This is no longer the realm of the witch

I departed that sacred place for a decade

The witch and her minions couldn’t destroy me

Not anymore, no one could take away what I deserved

***

I am away from all those shallow pretenders

The ones who overlooked my efforts and hard work

Feasting on rumours to ruin my reputation

My father is right those who are good are rewarded

***

I have forgiven that girl who played to be obsessed

Exhausted of being labeled as the goody two shoes

No more trying so hard to win a hopeless war

Not all about what I wanted but obeying God’s will

***

I am free, although I have quick tears at times!

The taste of my liberty is sweet and beautiful!

No one can snatch it away from me anymore

I am tougher now, no more retreat and regrets

***

And perhaps I will not stop caring even I saw the reality of how happy you were to see and be around her. In that brief moment, I couldn’t help to be in her shoes for you spoke nicely to her and looked admiringly on her pretty young non-oily face. Then, I was minding my business at the corner while telling myself that I shouldn’t be upset when people are happy. I let you be for caring for others means respecting them too and to do myself a favour to live happily with faith, love and hope in my heart. Should I remember that few seconds of reality when we smiled, talked and laughed today? She wasn’t there but I was and it made my day and I was the happiest of them all because I made my friends joyful today. She and whoever those other women are, IDGAF… I care and that’s the truth even if I will cry a zillion times. I’ll get mad all over and over again but I will forgive and love more and more….

The Smile of an Angel

Here I am, indifferent and lukewarm with my blood boiling. I disconnected for I only cared what I needed to accomplish for I am entitled to do my duties and responsibilities. It’s all about work. I existed on my own. Why bother when it was my pride hit to the bottom? I am not sad nor upset but I’m totally outraged. I was told ‘find in your heart to forgive.’ I said, ‘sorry, I am not a hypocrite. It was so much.’ I felt the witch and her minions resurrected putting me in the bad light to shame and take everything away from me.

The line was crossed…

I arrived in the church a bit early to meet a friend who needed my help for our retreat’ prayer station. So, I settled at the pew on the front row. The priest sat across where I was, part of me wanted to approach him for confession. But I back off because I am not ready to reconcile. In my prayer I told God, ‘I did say that I want to go for confession but not today.’ My pride was holding me back.

The mass started and one of the altar boys is in my catechism session. He recognised my presence and he smiled beautifully from afar. Tears of guilt flowing from my eyes. Last Saturday during our session, I convinced the kids that they should not be afraid to approach a priest because it’s like having a conversation with Jesus. I added that it was not about confessing your sins but forgiving and reconciling with those who did you wrong and vice versa.

Did I walk the talk? That little boy and the rest of the kids in my session believed and trusted my words. However, when I was caught in the situation, I broke down because I was so angry deep inside. I wanted to scold backwards and say something nasty.

The little boy looked like an angel in his white clothing. His eyes sparkled while mine were on tears. Did I even deserve that admiration and trust? I’m sorry that I can’t be a saint and my humility reached to its limits. It was like an angel indirectly telling me that I am always good but I should let go of my pride. Then, I revisited that instant, who started it? I wouldn’t react in such manner if people did their things accordingly… The fault wasn’t mine, others were just too mean and wanted to trouble me so that I would lost everything similar to what that witch in the past did.

The smile of the angel still haunting me as a reminder to get out from the cold. Why freeze when you can enjoy the summer heat? I don’t know… I really don’t know… all I know is I wanted to have a happy and purpose-driven life… I never dreamt of being hated to the core!!!

I don’t know. I really don’t know. All I know that those who did wrong should acknowledge their faults too. If only there’s a little conscience—

We are the lucky ones

Last Saturday’s catechism session, I briefly recalled the parables of the ‘Lost Coin’, ‘Lost Sheep’, and ‘Forgiving Father’ to my kids. Then, I asked them where is God in the parables. They answered ‘God is the woman who found the coin. He is the good shepherd who left the 99 sheep to look for the one that was lost. He is the forgiving Father who waited for the son who lost his ways to the materialistic world’.

I was amused for my kids knew the parables by hearts. Afterwards, I asked a follow-up question, ‘I wonder where are we in the stories?’

They quickly answered, ‘We are the lost coin and sheep, and the prodigal son.’

‘What??? Are we the ones always lost!!!’ I blurted out and everyone started laughing. One of them said, ‘it always happen.’

Then, I concluded ‘aren’t we the lucky ones? We have a God who loves as very dearly and our physical attributes doesn’t matter. He will never get tired of looking for us when we are lost. Then, when He’ll find us, He’ll rejoice and have the grandest feast. God will even endure the longest time waiting for us to return to Him every time we fall from grace or separated from Him. He forgives heartily even we don’t seek for forgiveness and pardon. God’s love is unconditional, beyond man’s understanding. In our ways, we can love others the same way too.’

I paused for awhile and whispered in my head, ‘I wish but I know that I can.’ Yet, the real issue, there are people who have so many misconceptions and judgements towards another. So many people in our society who are biased and unfair in how they deal and treated others.

Today, I prayed for the Holy Spirit’s gifts of counsel and understanding because I cannot endure relying on my strength alone. After all, I am the lucky one because I don’t need likes in IG and FB to make me feel good. I’m just happy where I am because God has given me so many skills and I am so grateful that He opened the windows of opportunities for me to use and share my gifts to others. I am the lucky one because I know I am always adored and loved, no social media assurance required. Above all, I didn’t choose God, He chose me. It’s God’s will, who am I to question Him?

Will I share God’s gift of love to others? Of course, I am never greedy nor selfish. But somehow one lost sight of what truly matters because one only sees with eyes not with the heart. You should have known that you are more than the lucky one too.

Indeed, I’m the lucky one because my friend made home-cooked dinner especially for me this evening.

We still remember, Paps!

When you truly love someone, they will be etched in your heart for eternity. It is a love that is limitless as the sky and timeless. It is never a question of when, why and how.

Everyone at home are celebrating minus me but I had my solo celebration and party.

Thank you very much for making me feel that I am truly loved. I am so grateful that you showed me what real and unconditional love was like.

Some people will surely judge me for my face value but you only saw the goodness of my heart and the beauty of my soul.

I might ruined someone’s day causing that person to be in M.I.A. (leaving behind the phone) for more than two hours. Still I knew that I did what I should do to cover for a friend. My day didn’t go that well and I was apologetic leaving my heart felt heavy even until this time. Somehow when you do others a favour, not everyone apparently will agree.

My day may turned to make others felt worst. Still this day was a happy day for all of us. Everyone at home still remember your birthday even in my absence and I am no longer the longest-term-leader. Everyone is in jubilation and I am happy too. My prayers are with you, Paps.

Paps, I love you so dearly with all my heart!

A day in the cove

I couldn’t turn back on my responsibilities. I did come early to the church to guide the parents who volunteered to help in preparing the art and craft materials for the upcoming retreat. I still assisted my session.. if not, I wouldn’t be at peace…

Still I managed to join my family for my nieces’ birthday celebrations…

A day of fun and family bonding!!!!

What a long and fulfilling day!!!! Super happy indeed 😂😂😂😇🌈

Ever Dearest John(s),

Thank you John(s) for the waltz

For I never ever danced again

Thank you for that summer and more

The chitchats and wasting time

I wanted to send a message now

Share my thoughts and talk nonsense

Anything goes, share a laugh

But my calls will be rejected

My messages will be ignored

I hope all my good deeds count

Thank you Johns for smiling at me

Enjoying my company and being there

You know too well, I never pretended

Always telling the truth, a bad liar!

Thank you for not judging my looks

Accepting me despite of weight & numbers

You always see the goodness in me

Even if I pushed you away many times

Not all people are that forgiving

Material things have more worth

Than the purity of my intentions

Why there are people who dwell on hatred?

Why some people choose to be cruel,

When they have the choice to be kind?

Every time I felt the injustice

I remembered all the good words

If only things were meant to be

If only one of you or I shouldn’t go

Johns, I am not the master of my fate

I am here where I can find myself

Improve my skills and do my best

Alias Johns, you all knew too well

I am very lame but I ought not to be hated

Just want to be happy anywhere

And behold the beauty of the world

Not holding on to any of you at all!

Good news Johns, I avowed to let it be

To love and love, just love the love!!!

Bad news is, none of you are coming back!

This time, only ignored, rejected and not forgiven

Everyday I pray that the one who hates me

Will find forgiveness in his heart

I am not being sensitive or being a drama queen

I just don’t want to argue and fight

I wanted to live peacefully & happily

Hope ones eyes are not blinded

With ego, pride and all the rage

I wanted to care and be a Friend

I wanted to go out, have all the fun

Johns, I’m still me, not the prettiest

Always try my best to choose goodness

No hate, only love and never giving up

Even it’ll hurt me all over and over again

For every pains and tears, I’m created

To become stronger and closer to God

Johns, life goes on, no one can take away

My kindred spirit and genuine heart

Whatever there is, no one can erase

My smiles, happiness and gifts

No matter how I will be judged

I will stand still and choose love above all!

Apart from You, I am Nothing

Why am I doing this? I should be out clubbing and meet prospects. Then, feed the needs of the flesh and be joyous in the ways of the world.

Am I wasting my time? I should be home now doing my chores; and watch Legends of Tomorrow, Arrow and Iron Fist. I should be home preparing my clothes and meals for tomorrow. I could probably start my painting or read a book. Yet, why am I there when I am too tired after a long day at work?

Well, I am there because I know I am loved and God will never disappoint me. I may have my drama moments but it doesn’t mean my faith is lessened. I am in service of Him because I wanted to spread His love and remind others that He exists and He is above all creations.

Wasting time? Of course not! After listening to what the parents said with what their children shared to them, it made feel grateful to God for He called me to serve Him.

He is the true vine and I am one of the branches. I abide on Him because apart from Him, I am nothing.

Well, on my way home for I just left the church. While in the bus, I am composing this post.

Water 💦& ❄️ Ice

💧 Drip, drop. Drip and drop!

Melodramatic & melancholic

I was not dumb nor that naive

I only switched off my brain

To believe in your drama and lies

Although my conscience bugged me

Whatever made you so joyful

I did the unthinkable, breaking rules

That was supposed to be the episode

When we ought to enjoy the waltz

Only we drifted with coldness within

What kind of love it was that chose to hurt?

Wrapping in ice to shield from pain

Yet, the sun slowly melted my cocoon

I was surrounded with the water

The gloominess that I couldn’t deny

Drowning and hopeless in that situation

Rising again for I am loved by many

We turned our backs on yesterday

You’re gone but I never lost my dreams

My ideals and goals are never shattered

I never quitted, things were not meant to be

We’re no longer as cold as we were in the past

The water will drip and drop from time to time

At least we had those days when we were friends

The memories not meant to cherish and keep

Don’t worry, I have forgiven and forgotten

My Cave of Despair 😩

I’m sorry Lord for putting one of your children into the bad light. How different am I to those people who used to bully and talked badly in the past? They’re all gone but I am still dwelling in that cave where I hid every time they attacked me. I let the past torture me, leaving me helpless and losing my dreams and pride.

Why can’t I see Lord the blessings and good people you showered me? Why I always felt that their shadows following me? Why I can’t let the past be in the past? They’re gone now. I am much older, I should know better. Stop the drama! I should grow up!!!

I am sorry Lord for being so judgmental! My apologies for feeling that way causing troubles to so many people. I let my emotions and my incorrect way of thinking took over me.

I don’t deserve it! I’m glad that no one chosen me for I caused hurt on others. I did some actions without thinking of the consequences.

Grow up! Keep it cool! Be the party girl whom I used to be!!! Those bullies are long gone. I am so far from them. Perhaps, I’m unable to complete my post-graduate thesis because I was trying to prove something to them. (that was my regret that kept me going back) Still I accomplished many things now even they stepped down on me. I should not let the past affect my way of thinking and on how I perceived others.

Be that girl again! No drama! Always cheerful and laugh the loudest! Lord, help me bring back that girl that they ruined. I pray to restore who I used to be. I don’t mean to involve so many people in my drama and drag them in the bad light…. It’s my fault not theirs…

SOMEWHERE by Barbra Streisand lyrics

Possibly the Impossible is Possible

There are so many possibilities. We are who we are, aren’t we? We follow the paths of our choices. After every goodbyes, we go to those people whom we wanted to be with. Of course, I understood what ‘leave me alone meant’. I cared because that’s my nature. I wouldn’t insist because I do respect people’s space. Although part of me wanted to reach and find out more, I stood still from where I was, not daring to leap over cold stone-walled fences. At the end of every episodes, I put the blame upon myself. Perhaps, everything was truly my fault. Trust me, I don’t want to be there too but I believe God sent me to where I am to make use of my gifts and to become stronger amidst all challenges. I was admired, liked and respected in every places I went. I never wanted to leave my previous place and I didn’t want to be where I am not wanted.

I am a creep and a weirdo. Call me crazy too! Yet, what anyone know with what I have been through. It’s true that I have shallow tears, an old crybaby. Yet, through pouring out my tears, I released all the negativities for I don’t want to pile them up in my heart. Others may think that shedding some tears is a sign of weakness. Well, not for me, because if any one walked on my shoes, none will surely last. But, I did endure because I believe in my abilities and God will never leave me alone.

Others may define my life as boring without happenings. Yet, how do you define an exciting life? Is it to hookup with random people and get booked for dates? Is it spending cash on entertainment? Well, I don’t want to be with someone to fill my needs and to make me happy because I am joyful and contented on my own. I wanted to be with the one who finds me in his heart and believes with his might that I won’t leave no matter what. I will stay loving, loyal and committed…. and I’ll never get tired of forgiving and understanding. I don’t need so much to enjoy life because I am aware that there are little pleasures in everything and life doesn’t end here.

I always know that it’s impossible. I already dropped the idea in my head. Is it really what I imagined and fancy? Is it only the desire of the darkness within? Is it because of the summer heat that made me sweat? Well, the truth of the matter is I am same as other women. Yet, the only difference is I am expert in hiding and pretending too. I never wanted this but you made my escape schemes failed all the time. It’s not a surprise to me that you have plenty names in your list and your out with one of them. Well, if being with another makes you the happiest, it will hurt but I’ll remind myself to be glad because it’s my true joy and wish is for you to smile and rejoice all the time.

It’s never possible!!!! Will you ever notice me when you set your eyes on your phone for the pretty ones exist there? I always wanted to ask you out. But, you never gave me a chance instead you made me shut up and kept my distant. I wanted to talk random things and listen to your side of the story but you refused not similar on how you talk to others. So, I chose my silence and just fall in love to every song I listened. How can I let it be when you never let me in?

Somewhere in the place I know, you were there more than just a friend. Someone I can hug, kiss and touch everyday. Not elusive but seen the best in me. Not afraid to be closer but someone who cages me underneath his arms. And what do you know, there’s more and more… What do we really know? Possibly, the impossible is possible. After all, everything is possible in God.

I may not write so much now. I may kept my distance because I respected what you wanted. Still nothing changes for whatever there is… it’s the same as it was how I felt in the beginning.

Can’t bring myself to sleep for ur thoughts is the drug that’s keeping me high!

Are You Captain Cold?

My favourite among the legends, the villain who you only love but can’t hate, Captain Cold. He only proves one thing that being bad isn’t evil, it’s a matter of choice. He may despised the hero (Flash), he is still someone whom you can always count on when facing challenging circumstances. He maybe not that kind of hero who saves the day still he’s the nemesis that won’t turn down the opportunities to fight whether it is bad or good.

Trust me, Captain Cold is not your kind of guy but beneath that coldness he still has a heart that feels even he conceals his emotions.

Patiently waiting for forgiveness. One day, you’ll remember the days when you are fun being you.

Bloopers of the day:

– I had a wardrobe malfunction. My skirt had s big tore behind. Embarrassing! Thanks to the concerned lady who warned me about it!!!

– I helped my friend to place an order online last Sunday. There was an item that arrived when I reached home today. I thought it was the facial cream I ordered. I tried it on my cheeks. Then, it turned sticky like a glue. I was skeptical and so I ran through the orders I previously placed. I am dumbfounded to find out that it was my friend’s order. It was not a facial cream but a NAIL GLUE!!! 😂😆😝

The problem when you cannot read the label ending to a disaster!

A Long Walk

It was a hot day and I messed up

I was never good enough

I blamed myself for many things

Lost in nowhere consumed with fear

All this time, I am never forgiven

No matter how I tried, all was gone

Asking for respect, losing someone

How many times should I say sorry?

Am I pretending to be kindhearted?

Am I really a beast even if I pray?

It was supposed to be a short hike

A long walk that turned into a dash

Embarrassed of what I failed to be

I had to runaway and be with God

Yes, I was with the Almighty

But my thoughts were somewhere

My responsibilities and people behind

Repeatedly telling myself again and again

No one would care, I am no one’s business

I just didn’t know what’s with the hate

I accomplished my tasks, loving my job

Wanting to be there for others

Always concerned how others welfare

Only misinterpreted and misjudged

I left without a word, ashamed of my failure

Do I really deserve where I am now?

Or I only belong to God’s embrace?

Can I be God’s bride and be a nun?

There was no divine intervention

Even the priests in the church were not there

I was looking for a friend, I couldn’t find

What if history will repeat by itself?

When I did my best and I’m still wrong?

The reaction and anger reminded me of the past

So the fear played in my head and the humiliation returned

Will he do the same putting me in the spotlight

To bring me down and to break me into pieces?

Will I lost my pride and those I learned to love?

My fears returned and I felt so little of myself again

There was someone who despised me to the core

It cost my livelihood and jeopardised my pride

Will it happen again? Will I be forgiven this time?

Babe, Genie is So Gray😭

It was a tale like no other tales, 

Forgotten and untold by your forefathers

His story began in the forbidden forest

A lost lovely maiden was chased by beasts

She scampered fast; then, suddenly stumbled

There it was her lifesaver, a golden lamp!

Alas, awaken from a hundred years of slumber !

Outraged but the genie was left with no other choice 

It was his  duty to grant his new master’s 3 wishes

He vowed saying “Your wish is my command!”

The first wish was to salvage her from those monsters

Second wish was to bring her back to her old place

Her third wish was unselfish for it was his freedom!

***

Few years passed, his origin was known to everyone

His skin withered and his powerless like all mortals

A little girl asked, “Mama, why the genie is so gray?”

Babe, genie is so gray for this is what he wanted

 And the maiden only wished for what he truly desired

His liberty brought him plenty of adventures

However, his might had its own limitations

Worst of being free was to feel so much pain

Did he ever regret giving up his lamp

For he felt a great love and was rejected?

***

Well, this is not sad a story or a happily ever after

Even if the genie turned gray and had few years to live

He could always look back with a  contented smile

After all, it’s how we survive that makes living worthwhile

And the unusual surprises of life makes it beautiful

By the way, did the genie found his true love?

What you wish with your heart will surely happen!

If you really want to know, you can ask him

Perhaps, you know him well, more than I do 😉

How this ends? It’s really up to you, my friend —

—————————————————————————————-

“I know that when a door closes, it can feel like all doors are closing. A rejection letter can feel like everyone will reject us. But a closed door leads to clarity. It’s really an arrow. Because we cannot go through that door, we will go somewhere else. That somewhere else is your true life.” 
― Tama J. Kieves

***

Of course, you’re going to get your heart broken. And it isn’t just going to happen once, but a lot. That’s just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you’ll be a stronger person because of it. Then one day someone will come along, and it’ll all pay off and no one will ever break your heart again.

– Redneck Girl, Heartbreak Quotes 

—————————————————————————————–


by Cardigans “Love Fool

What Kind of Woman You Want?

My father told me, be the woman of God and aim to be like the great women in the Holy Bible. Thus, I don’t mind if others will see me as boring because I am contented of being who I am and I accept my flaws as a woman.

Nowadays, it’s all about vanity in social media and physical looks do matter… filtered photos, so much makeup and to the point of plastic surgery… This is the era of visual people and others confidence are based only on LIKES and number of followers.

Despite of society’s standards of beauty, I still believe in what my father said and I will always aspire to be like my heroines in the Bible.

Happy International Women’s Month!

TO THE WOMAN OF GOD: ❤

NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!

NEVER EVER QUIT!!!

Be an ESTHER, bold and courageous enough to stand for the truth, to voice your opinion and fight for the good of others, even when it means to sacrifice yourself. If God has put you in a position, it is for a purpose. Never be afraid to heed that inner voice.

Be a RUTH, loyal in all your relationships, walk the extra mile and don’t quit when things get tough. Someday, you’ll see why it was all worth the effort.

Be a LYDIA, let your homes be open, let your hands be generous, let your hearts be big enough to help anyone in need. Joy is greatest when shared.

Be a HANNAH, never cease to pray. It will never be in vain.

Be a MARY, humble and submissive. You don’t have to be great for God to use you, you just need to obey.

Be a DORCAS, use your talents, however small it may seem to bring a smile on someone’s face. You’ll never know how much it can mean to someone.

Be an ABIGAIL, remember how each decision can turn your life around for good or bad. Be wise.

Be an ELIZABETH, never doubt what God can do. He is the God of many miracles.

Be a MARY MAGDALENE, never let your mistakes and judgments of other people stop you from experiencing the joy of Jehovah.

Be a REBEKAH, never forget that true beauty lies within. Draw all your loved ones closer to God through your Christ-like character.

Lastly be a SARAH, age doesn’t matter, Trust & believe that all things are possible with God according to His time.

👱🏻‍♀️Who Run the World👩🏻‍⚖️

Hey, girl! Embrace this day wherever you are in the world.

Don’t frown for today you shine the brightest. None of us is inferior, we have the edge to reach our goals. Never give up despite the trials!

What did I do for this day? I didn’t wait for others to make me feel special instead I started someone’s day with an awfully sweet treat. It felt good to make others special (no matter how blind).

Hay, I’m all over you and my preference was never of the same gender. You never get it and how quickly you concluded that I play with the same team.

By Beyoncé – ‘Run The World (Girls)’

It’s My B-day Again! (My Extended Celebration)

Thanks for the generosity

I spent not a single cent

Thanks for the thoughtfulness

Even if I am always not there

Thanks for the understanding

Despite I was missing in action

Thanks for the no hate and grudges

Sincerely thank you for everything

For being my friends all this time

Happy birthday too my friends! Wishing us the love that flourish in our hearts forevermore! I’m glad that I came instead of prioritising my take home tasks. Thanks for reminding me that I needed to take a break and breath sometimes!