Into the pit of nothingness

     

Of course, you are rejoicing 

Are you super happy now

Witnessing my health decline?

Obviously, it doesn’t bother you
My pain is slowly eating my will
Falling into the pit of nothingness

Dwelling in opposite corners
Your grass must be greener than mine
Deep in here, my grasses all withered

The ridicules getting into my nerves
Making me lost and weaker each day
Well, the judgement of being good!

You must laugh the loudest
Feasting with the queen all night
While I’m falling into the pit of nothingness 😦

The doctor gave me two days MC due to high fever (39.3•C) and he suggested that I should go for thorough checkup for influenza tomorrow. As for the evening, my fever decreased….

With great docility

Thou, on those who evermore Thee confess and Thee Adore, in Thy sevenfold gift, Descend; Give Them Comfort when they die; Give them Life with Thee on high; Give them joys which never end. Amen


The Fruits of the Holy Spirit

The gifts of the Holy Spirit perfect the supernatural virtues by enabling us to practice them with greater docility to divine inspiration. As we grow in the knowledge and love of God under the direction of the Holy Spirit, our service becomes more sincere and generous, the practice of virtue more perfect. Such acts of virtue leave the heart filled with joy and consolation and are known as Fruits of the Holy Spirit. These Fruits in turn render the practice of virtue more attractive and become a powerful incentive for still greater efforts in the service of God, to serve Whom is to reign.

Come, O Divine Spirit, fill my heart with Thy heavenly fruits, Thy charity, joy, peace, patience, benignity, goodness, faith, mildness, and temperance, that I may never weary in the service of God, but by continued faithful submission to Thy inspiration may merit to be united eternally with Thee in the love of the Father and the Son. Amen.

Bend the Stubborn Hearts

I said what I have to say.  I’d rather not speak out and said I am fine but still they expected me to say more. I have peace of mind now and I’m at ease… Still I am taken wrongly… Some hearts are made of stones and I’m glad mine is not….

Yet, despite what others said, my heart rejoiced today… O, captain my captain… Akin ka na lang…. Holy Spirit, grant me the wisdom!


Bend the stubborn heart and will, melt the frozen warm the chill. Guide the steps that go astray!

Embodying all the other gifts, as charity embraces all the other virtues, Wisdom is the most perfect of the gifts. Of wisdom it is written “all good things came to me with her, and innumerable riches through her hands.” It is the gift of Wisdom that strengthens our faith, fortifies hope, perfects charity, and promotes the practice of virtue in the highest degree. Wisdom enlightens the mind to discern and relish things divine, in the appreciation of which earthly joys lose their savor, whilst the Cross of Christ yields a divine sweetness according to the words of the Saviour: “Take up thy cross and follow me, for my yoke is sweet and my burden light.

Come, O Spirit of Wisdom, and reveal to my soul the mysteries of heavenly things, their exceeding greatness, power and beauty. Teach me to love them above and beyond all the passing joys and satisfactions of earth. Help me to attain them and possess them for ever. Amen.

Heal My Wounds


Our wounds–our strength renews; On our dryness pour Thy dew, Wash the stains of guilt away.


The gift of Counsel endows the soul with supernatural prudence, enabling it to judge promptly and rightly what must done, especially in difficult circumstances. Counsel applies the principles furnished by Knowledge and Understanding to the innumerable concrete cases that confront us in the course of our daily duty as parents, teachers, public servants, and Christian citizens. Counsel is supernatural common sense, a priceless treasure in the quest of salvation. “Above all these things, pray to the Most High, that He may direct thy way in truth.”


Come, O Spirit of Counsel, help and guide me in all my ways, that I may always do Thy holy will. Incline my heart to that which is good; turn it away from all that is evil, and direct me by the straight path of Thy commandments to that goal of eternal life for which I long.

Walk Worthy of God


It’s my Papa’s Birthday!!! I am very glad everything turned out well.  I saw my Papa smiled in my dreams and he nodded that all he said will surely come true.


If Thou take Thy grace away, nothing pure in man will stay, All his good is turn’d to ill.


The Gift of Understanding 

Understanding, as a gift of the Holy Spirit, helps us to grasp the meaning of the truths of our holy religion BY faith we know them, but by Understanding we learn to appreciate and relish them. It enables us to penetrate the inner meaning of revealed truths and through them to be quickened to newness of life. Our faith ceases to be sterile and inactive, but inspires a mode of life that bears eloquent testimony to the faith that is in us; we begin to “walk worthy of God in all things pleasing, and increasing in the knowledge of God.”


Come, O Spirit of Understanding, and enlighten our minds, that we may know and believe all the mysteries of salvation; and may merit at last to see the eternal light in Thy Light; and in the light of glory to have a clear vision of Thee and the Father and the Son. Amen.

Unmask the Pretenders 

My father smiled in my dream, indirectly saying ‘I told you so, it’s true and it’s time.’


Light immortal! Light Divine! Visit Thou these hearts of Thine, And our inmost being fill!

The Gift of Knowledge
The gift of Knowledge enables the soul to evaluate created things at their true worth–in their relation to God. Knowledge unmasks the pretense of creatures, reveals their emptiness, and points out their only true purpose as instruments in the service of God. It shows us the loving care of God even in adversity, and directs us to glorify Him in every circumstance of life. Guided by its light, we put first things first, and prize the friendship of God beyond all else. “Knowledge is a fountain of life to him that possesseth it.”



Come, O Blessed Spirit of Knowledge, and grant that I may perceive the will of the Father; show me the nothingness of earthly things, that I may realize their vanity and use them only for Thy glory and my own salvation, looking ever beyond them to Thee, and Thy eternal rewards. Amen.

🌸🌷Solace in the Midst of Woe👼🏼🙏

Thou in toil art comfort sweet, Pleasant coolness in the heat, solace in the midst of woe.


The Gift of Fortitude By the gift of Fortitude the soul is strengthened against natural fear, and supported to the end in the performance of duty. Fortitude imparts to the will an impulse and energy which move it to under take without hesitancy the most arduous tasks, to face dangers, to trample under foot human respect, and to endure without complaint the slow martyrdom of even lifelong tribulation. “He that shall persevere unto the end, he shall be saved.”
Prayer
Come, O Blessed Spirit of Fortitude, uphold my soul in time of trouble and adversity, sustain my efforts after holiness, strengthen my weakness, give me courage against all the assaults of my enemies, that I may never be overcome and separated from Thee, my God and greatest Good. Amen.

Begets in Our Hearts

Thou, of all consolers best, Visiting the troubled breast, Dost refreshing peace bestow.

happy mother's day

The Gift of Piety

The gift of Piety begets in our hearts a filial affection for God as our most loving Father. It inspires us to love and respect for His sake persons and things consecrated to Him, as well as those who are vested with His authority, His Blessed Mother and the Saints, the Church and its visible Head, our parents and superiors, our country and its rulers. He who is filled with the gift of Piety finds the practice of his religion, not a burdensome duty, but a delightful service. Where there is love, there is no labor.


A Mother’s Prayer – (Hannah’s Song) by Rachel Aldous baby dedication Mother’s Day Song
Prayer

Holy Spirit and virgit mother

Come, O Blessed Spirit of Piety, possess my heart. Enkindle therein such a love for God, that I may find satisfaction only in His service, and for His sake lovingly submit to all legitimate authority. Amen.

angel marriage

SOPHIA

Painting by Hrana Janto – all rights reserved

Fear of the Lord

Come. Father of the poor. Come, treasures which endure; Come, Light of all that live!

Gifts-7-Fear-of-the-Lord

The Gift of Fear

The gift of Fear fills us with a sovereign respect for God, and makes us dread nothing so much as to offend Him by sin. It is a fear that arises, not from the thought of hell, but from sentiments of reverence and filial submission to our heavenly Father. It is the fear that is the beginning of wisdom, detaching us from worldly pleasures that could in any way separate us from God. “They that fear the Lord will prepare their hearts, and in His sight will sanctify their souls.”

Prayer

Come, O blessed Spirit of Holy Fear, penetrate my inmost heart, that I may set you, my Lord and God, before my face forever, help me to shun all things that can offend You, and make me worthy to appear before the pure eyes of Your Divine Majesty in heaven, where You live and reign in the unity of the ever Blessed Trinity, God world without end. Amen.

light and darkness

Black Pages

Holy Spirit! Lord of Light! From Your clear celestial height, Your pure beaming radiance give!

rays-of-light-shining-throug-dark-clouds
How will you see when you close your eyes?
How will you feel when you shut down your heart?

Distorted facts fed into her innocence
Age is a matter of number, what did she know?

Web of misjudgments, cruelty and lies
What would you expect from the sons of darkness?

A just woman and kinder spirit with sweet smiles
Benefit of the doubt, everyone is a friend

She thrived to be someone she was not
The question of the color of her flesh

In the black pages of her life written
The tears that no one bothered and    cared

There she was in a place she wished to belong
Only not welcomed, broken and left alone

On those black pages, you can read
Her swollen eyes and suffering in silence

How could you see the artworks filled with love
When she drew on black pages with black paint?

How could you read her sorrowful texts
When she scribbled on black pages with black ink?

Is the color of your skin, also the shade of your heart?
Though out of trend, her beauty is skin deep

In her black pages included other’s feast
Yet, in the darkest moments she found the light

She’s not the coward in those black pages
Her heart does not discriminate, do you?

cross-light.png


edited by gen❤️😘

Temple of Ruins


The face of Satan, rotten soul!

Master of darkness with no mercy!

Allies or puppets, the rule of fools!

March with pride and head high

The reign will be over and farewell

What don’t exist, won’t be remembered

Your torch will burn your being 

Nothing but a shadow, who are you?

In darkness you dwell, be gone!

Motionless in the Tempe of Ruins

Erecting your downfall and destruction 

Will your laughter still echo in tears?

Your empire built in the Temple of Ruins

If only you see with your heart and truth

As old story goes, goodness always triumph 

Eat your ego when you can’t chuckle at all….

You forgot your Science? It’s the cycle….


To the Unknown 


Can you count the pebbles on the sand?

You don’t have to when they tickle your toes 

Can you count the raindrops when it rains?

You don’t have to when there’s rainbow aftermath 

How many teardrops I shed on a spoiled fruit?

Indeed, countless and what a waste!!!

What you behold also what lies underneath

The corpse belongs to the termites!

Soulless eyes, unappreciative and cruel species!

Be cautious with your bed of roses

With its thorn, you doubt your choice 

Somehow… I know, although unknown

Somewhere unknown you really exist 

A prince like you deserves the crown

The gentle facade is what’s in the heart too

Here, valiant you come and won’t let go

A true treasure belongs inside my chest 

Do you know how many cotton inside my pillow?
You don’t have to for they bring sweet dreams of us

Rotten Beneath

Off my clothes

Hidden shame

Concealed from sight

Unpretty marks

Unerased scars

Will I go on with pain?

Will you cry my tears?

How can you feel my pain?

Your life is all complete

Your wishes and desires

All within your grasp 
How many times a day?

Your bed satisfies you 

Thrill at nights, all yours

I won’t have a space

For I dwell in a place

Dying and rotten beneath

Do I have reasons 

To live on and smile???

She still cries a lot…

in the train and bus

her way out and in

before she sleeps

and she awakes

during her prayers

during the mass

she cries more and more
she losts hope

she weighs heavily

she can’t draw

no more nice photos 

everyday is a torture

everyday she’s dying

no more interests 

she’s all dead now

of course, you don’t care

you’re perfectly happy 

while she cries a lot

Each day and every time 

The best people in life are free

“Heart break is the national anthem

We sing it proudly

We are too busy dancing”


by Taylor Swift “New Romantics”

I truly thank those people who walked into my life and who are still around for knowing me too well. They’re the best in their many ways. With them, I don’t have to try so hard and none of them took me wrongly. They laughed with my craziness, rejoiced in my success and mourned with my sadness.

I’m grateful to all those people who accepted me for who I am and not misjudging me for who I am not… Well, there’s always first time in everything, yet whoever that person is… I am still who I am… I can’t my heart but I can make a mark in my destiny…. You can only break my heart… Likewise, no heartache can take away from me, my worth and my skills.

WARNING

Too bad, you don’t value that friendship and truthfulness…

Too bad, you can’t see… you just lose someone who CAN POSSIBLY LOVE YOU NOT ONLY WITH WHAT YOU DESERVED BUT EVEN BEYOND WHAT YOU EXPECTED… AND WHO CAN DO THE IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU…

AFTER ALL, THE LOSER IS THE WINNER AND THE CHAMPION HOLDS THE TROPHY OF DEFEAT FOR NOT ALL HAPPILY EVER AFTER ENDS REALLY  ENDS THAT HAPPILY IN REALITY!!!

STIR THE SHIT POT

 A different toast


I should not be there but I was obliged to respect my superior.  How can I turned him down when he was very kind to me?  He’s the only one I can count in my department.  

I didn’t feel like chewing my food.   Out of hell’s chief, my students were angels who saved my tears from flowing.  One of the kids asked, ‘are you selling your drawings? Can I buy?’ His innocence made me want to paint again after being indirectly discouraged to do so….

Happiness is what I owe to myself.  Another journey, I’m going to make it through…. A toast!! A diferrent toast!!!! What am I doing? My first speech, unorganized and I felt so tense….

The Truth


1“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. 4Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. 9As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. 10If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. 11These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. (John 25:1-11)

John 15: 4-5 Song “Abide in Me” (Esther Mui) Christian Scripture Praise Worship w Lyrics

Most Enchanting Smile

believe in yourr dreams

Skipping lunch for duties await

Facebook false alarm hits me

Faces you don’t want to see

It was all the illusion in my head

When dreams do happen in reality

A simple greeting, heaven in hell

Take the pain and worries away

For  a second, I wanted to fly with him

His enchanting smile, a joy within

The humiliations and mockeries

Temporary gone for something is true

Reminding me, happiness is mine too! 😉

dream quotes

by Jolina Magdangal “Chuva Chu Chu”

  

Bloodshed Gala

  And so the tale is told to confirm the truth.  Indeed reality is harsh, and one must live with it.  

The prince no longer marched on a dream, he made a choice. He felt as the luckiest man to have her.  As he watched her walked, his heart jumped with joy.  All their friends also rejoiced for both of them.  Everything turned out perfect and he was the happiest man for he got the fairest of them all.  Well, do all stories end with happy endings or happily ever after? The truth of reality that what you perceived may not what it seemed.  

Where’s the prince?  Is he still waiting? What probably can go wrong??? Round and round, he danced with the one who wanted him the most.   The music turned into shrieking and happiness became fear.  The white in his eyes painted in red and he spinned no longer in cloud nine.

The prince is still in the gala and dancing with her.  How is it possible that she let go of him?  She promised she wouldn’t, didn’t she?  Why he can no longer hear the laughter only their cries?  Why can’t he comfort them? Why he can’t open his eyes, trap in the darkness of nowhere? How can he run away when he’s motionless?  He calls out for her but sees someone else.  Why this other woman keeps on crying? Wait, he knows her and even in difficult times, he is so stubborn to call out her name. Can that woman save him?  He needs not to ask because she’s always willing to do so.  Likewise, his pride is larger than the globe. He lets that woman cry until he drowns in her tears.  

Then, she said ‘I can barter my life with yours…’ Suddenly, he feels the world and feels her suffering.  Finally, he is awaken but she’s not there.  Where is she?

She’s not there for it is her turn and that’s real and the truth. God answers and the miracle he made fun is hers.  It’s that other woman’s gala and her dream is his nightmare.  

He can have her when he had the chance.  He remembers what she said, ‘isn’t life a beautiful carousel?’ Indeed, he lives to be the witness of it. 

Now, he knows.  

  

Why you gotta be so mean?

mean3

You, with your words like knives
And swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again
Got me feeling like a nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I’m wounded
You, picking on the weaker man

mean 1

Well you can take me down with just one single blow
But you don’t know, what you don’t know…

Someday I’ll be living in a big ole city
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me
And all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides
And your wildfire lies and your humiliation
You have pointed out my flaws again
As if I don’t already see them
I walk with my head down
Trying to block you out ’cause I’ll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

I bet you got pushed around
Somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now
‘Cause you can’t lead me down that road
And you don’t know, what you don’t know…

And I can see you years from now in a bar
Talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion
But nobody’s listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing
But all you are is mean

All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

mean2

by Taylor Swift “Mean”

The Wall in Ur Heart

  

 I always get the blame, don’t I? Is it a forum or intervention? I’m put in the spot and I’m the villain in this story?  Wonder why???

Never knew I am bitter when I am the one always very sweet 

Never expected that I had pails of tears to cry a lot

Never thought of being disliked and hated

Never knew how to be the enemy

Never forgot to greet, smile and laugh aloud

Never out of words for something to say

Never gave a chance to others and be a good friend 

Never knew that I would be perceived as the worst woman ever existed 

Never knew that I would become who I am not now until you came along 

Life is full of surprises and tomorrow I will die again

The wall you created in your heart transformed me into someone I am not.  

Who I am then was really me… And I don’t know who I am now and you made me to be someone I am not….

Then, you built a wall in front of me 

You put a sign so that I can’t climb over

You don’t know and understand because you don’t how it feels

You don’t care and all you want to feel is hate me as if I am someone useless!!!

God is My Avenger

wpid-god-is-my-strengtg.jpg

Dear God,
            Lord, am I a failure? I disappointed the ones I loved and it’s no surprising I am ignored and forgotten. I didn’t know that it will take me so long to recover. Then, in the end, everything I did never mattered.  Instead, I am considered as a nuisance. I am always taken wrongly. My gifts were considered rubbish. Is it incorrect to paint and write? Is it my fault I can do excellent stuff with my fingers and mouse? Am I really that bad to suffer? Am I really that awful for others to treat me this way? Yes, what differences settled when all attack was on me!!! Was it gender or race issues?  None of them remembered and they made me into someone I am not!  The cheerful and optimistic girl you molded became the worst woman ever existed!  Am I not worth something??? Why all they wanted was to wipe out my smiles and erased the memories of my laughter???  They only saw the worst in me, as if I am the worst and ugliest creation ever created.  

               Lord, am always to be blamed??? Is it all my fault??? Why can’t they see that they did me wrong too (specifically he)??? He, who couldn’t appreciate and never cared but only see and prove to himself that I am nothing….

 

            I love You, Lord. I trust in You.

Always Your adamant believer and follower,
Me

——————————————————-

jesus hug a woman

image via http://wp.patheos.com.

  My Dearest Child,    

     I spoke through the parables in your dreams represented by symbols. Like Joseph the Dreamer, I made you wise to fathom their meanings and representations in your life.  What happened were bound to occur for you are prepared for greatness. You were not punished for I love you more than anyone else. I allowed the devil to interfere to challenge your faith and test your strength. Congratulations! Indeed, you didn’t fail me. Be proud of your gifts for that made you special and unique. Those who see with their hearts appreciate you very much. Actually, it’s not that others can’t. It’s either they’re clouded with envy or they’re just full of themselves. My child, stay as gentle and kind as you are. There are reasons unknown. Continue to be glad and firm. Remember, all my children are molded with my hands. You are beautiful like your brothers and sisters. My child, I planted it in your heart and showed it in your dreams because it is yours. Your legacy will continue and your lineage will be the rulers among men and their names will be written all over.  Consequently, in your mansion will echo the voices of laughter. My child, I am impartial and unbiased. I am slow to anger but I will protect you from your foes. Justice is served and it is yours!

        My child, I love you more than you love me. Continue trusting me for I will not fail you.

Always your avenger,
God


“The Lord is My Strength”

The Devil is Here

devil stuart animated gif

Beware and be aware

Scared to the bones!

Kicking her out

Pushing her away

Endangering her stay

Causing her tears

For the devil is here?

The devil sees no kindness

Recognizing its kind

For the devil sees evil

Not her kindness

Nor her truthfulness

Suffering in agony

Weeping endlessly

For the devil is here

Have faith in God

He’ll crush the enemy

GO TO HELL!!!

Crashed

magellan-vs-luffy-o

the devil heard

cruelty’s outcome

is there God?

what do you know???

turned into pieces

tears that ran dry

a seed choked

at the rocky soil

who is lucky?

the luckier

the luckiest…

Luffy_vs._Magellan

be really happy

happier than her

happiest, sure???

last flight

can you fly

without wings!

byakuya animated

return no more

catch your pride

rejoice the feast

with the maidens in hell

what goes up

always goes down!

she

graveyard of the fireflies animated gif 

 

A place u can call HOME

When you’re far from home and out of your comfort zone, loneliness will always strike you.   Indeed, I am grateful to God for calling me to serve Him.  Today we had Easter celebration with the catechists of St Vincent de Paul.  A fellowship of friendship and sharing of God’s love.  Kelvin, our leader ended the gathering with a speech stating that as catechists we just don’t serve the church.  We also belong to a community and a place we can call home.  

Thanks God for finding me a home because somewhere I am kicked out and pushed away.  

  
  

The Art of Not Being Me

Thanks to different mobile apps and other editing software what you see online isn’t what it seems…

  
Thus, aside from physical enhancements through surgery, there are people in social media who can deceive others with their photos. I tried those apps on my selfies using apps such as Beauticam, Camera 360, Pip Camera and Picsart. Wow, I’m absolutely amazed and exclaimed ‘hey, this is no longer me!’ 

Do you think the people you see online or what they say is really who they are? Well, online is about deception… Don’t be easily carried away…

Do we really have to pretend or deceive to be liked or appreciated? True beauty isn’t what the eyes can behold and nowadays a lot people don’t bother at all.  

Are you who you post you are??? Or you post to get attention????

   
 

By Justin Bieber ‘Love Yourself’

   
 

The Joy in the Light

   
   

I thought that I wouldn’t pull it off. I prayed to the Holy Spirit to lead me the way.  Indeed, I was not left alone when I conducted the presentation.  Everything went smoothly despite the fact that my friend was in Italy to attend the Pope’s mass. 

The Liturgy of the Light is the presentation all about.  I maybe broken and it won’t be mended in a snap.  Yet, when I saw the kids and shared God’s words with them, I felt the joy and peace within.  

Whatever people will people say, I maybe wrongly judged but I know who I am.  In my heart, I am willing to be with others, willing to be there and always listen.

Even there were instances my smiles were stolen still God always knew where to find me and brought me to the light and found joy in serving Him.  It’s alright if I am not appreciated because I don’t know how to be flirtatious or sleep around.   For what matter most are the good deeds and intentions.  I know the people who didn’t dispose me without knowing me knew what’s in my heart.  I am grateful to those people who spared their time to know me very well rather than judging me incorrectly and always make me feel upset. 
  
  

Wanna See Me Naked??? It’s for real ;)

 Nothing much to see… But, if you’re curious… You can take a peek…  Judge me as you please… Don’t care whatever you’ll say… You’re entitled to your opinions… Loving my body… Loving who I am!!!

  
Love this girl, Kim Kardashian!!! Only my Kanye has the privilege to take a peek… Well, my Kanye… I’m yours… All yours… Wake up.. You know too well that you’re my Kanye!!! Gotcha!!!

Hey, I’m not a fool to do so… Yet, you are a fool if you think I’ll dare…

  
 

Love is Not Meant for Me

I already planned on how to help thoroughly. I was so enthusiastic and full of energy because that dreamed indirectly gave me the go signal. I was planning of strategies how to convince more colleagues in my company and school, my family and friends. Finally, I decided to really help only to be someone’s jinx. Yet, after I found out, I felt more like a curse rather than of some good help. It was only my sweet nothing and creative expressions. I always ignored the ones I liked that now I wanted to make a change. I wanted to express myself. When you love someone, you always show and let them know about it. For me, it was more of enhanced digital motivational poster. My friend sitting next to me posted her works in her blog, so I’m such a copycat and did the same. It was not meant to harm anyone. I’m only proud of what I have done, and finally holiday was not boring. When I made the angel stuffs, it was meant for laugh. It was dinner time, we exchanged unusual jokes and so I thought it was ok to do the same and add naughty messages between the two of us. I’m a happy girl and I wanted people around me to be happy too. I hate sadness. What should I feel? I am humiliated and what those people think of me? No one can defend me. You were aware of how strongly I felt and I proved myself in ways that I thought that could make you happy. It was not easy for me. I understood everything. It only proves one thing that love is just a beautiful illusion. Love is never meant for me. Sorry, Papa I tried but I only failed. Papa, you didn’t want me to be forever alone and you always wanted me to be happy. I can easily smile Papa, anything can make me happy. Yet, something is missing… someone is missing… I can’t love easily. I don’t want anyone to touch me again. Similar to last time, I don’t want anyone to draw near me. I can be an artist, a writer, a teacher or more… but I can never be someone’s woman for no one wants me anyway. Love is just not meant for me. I gave it a try now, only to spoil someone’s life. I thought I agreed on the conditions of giving him the happiness he wanted. Too bad, I’m just some innocent jerk. I did things without thinking.  You know me better than anyone else, and you should know in your heart that I wouldn’t do things to endanger you.

Love is Not Meant for Me

Hello, I love you so much
I never loved this way
I never humbled to any man
I’d rather depart fast
No man can make me cry
I’m so smart to be abused
Why will I waste my time?
I don’t love love, it’s sick!

I’m hiding in my insecurities
Jailed inside my imperfections
I presumed I’m undesirable
Men only joke and insincere
They only bully and never care
I don’t want them to touch me
I don’t expect from anyone
My ambitions are easy to reach
No man will help me anyway

Hello, I love you very much
I know you will never care
You only see so lowly of me
You only consider me as trouble
No space in your heart for me
I give it a try and give my all
I swallowed my pride and fears
Yet, love is not meant for me
I should have not left my world

Love is not meant for me
I only want to see you smile
Finding ways to make you happy
I am unwilling and have doubts
But I only trust the person
I believe this unconditional love
Yet, at the end, I’m the bad girl
I don’t know what’s going on
I prayed and hold into my faith
Yet, love is not meant for me!

The Broken-Hearted Girl

After all the tears and the drama

There is still a huge hole in her heart

The escaped souls from hell tempting her to curse

Yet, her gloominess will never spoil her pure soul

Her wrath is temporary, it will soon go away

Even if her kindness & generosity are ignored,

She remains true from the start till the end

Others’ intentions have question marks

Still she holds on her faith & believe in miracles

***

It is one of  the so many episodes of real soap opera

She’s not playing the role of the broken-hearted girl

She will never be the loser for she survives it all

She will never raise and wave the white flag of defeat

Try catching her, she’s flying farther than you

It takes a heartless someone to make her dream high

Forever she’ll care for you ‘coz she’s unlike other girls…

X.O. X.O .X.O. X.O .X.O. X.O .X. O.

i’m back to the old place — our dreamland… welcome me back again… thanks for not leaving soon in  that safe place that doesn’t suck —



By Beyonce “Broken-Hearted Girl”

You’re Very Bad to Her

   
 
She was ill and it was not a lie.  It was not an excuse to be not in work and be somewhere else…. 

You knew vey well that she tried to be a friend but all you did was pushed her away…. You were the meanest… The most cruel… And you treated her so badly…

Are you happy??? Remind everyone that you are the happiest and luckiest person alive!!!! Yet, that don’t give you rights to treat people badly when all she did was to be nice and kind because that was who she was….

You don’t to treat people like hell and make them feel ashamed with their feelings.  What give you rights to make fun when she was being sincere and truthful????

You are the most joyful!!!! Then, rejoice with your comrades and your princess!!!! Keep your happiness for a lifetime… Hold it until you can’t carry it at all!!!

Of course, you are feasting while she’s crying everywhere… Waking in the morning with tears and sleeping with wet eyes….  She did you nothing wrong but all you did was treat her unfairly and steal her smiles…. Can she draw again???? Why she isn’t singing?????

You’re very bad….   She loves what she’s doing but you’re taking it all away from her…. You had what you wanted…. You already kicked her out for you never welcomed her in the first place….

He’s Dead…

You’re my angel, my darling angel…

  
The lines of the song stuck in my head and Wade Wilson’s humorous lines made me life.  Well, he’s dead… Nope, he can’t die… He has healing powers and can regenerate if any of his body parts will be amputated or cut off…

  
He’s Deadpool not your typical superhero… He can truly love like any man in all love stories.  He’s appearace was distorted  and he looked like those horror movie characters like Freddie… He can’t die… He’s dead…DEADPOOL….

   
  
Dead pool. A dead pool, also known as a death pool, is a game of prediction which involves guessing when someone will die. Sometimes it is a bet where money is involved.   
   
 

By Juice Newton ” Angel in the Morning”

  

   
 

‘You don’t need to be a superhero to get someone.  The right person will make a hero out of you’

Winter Almost Here

1. Jon Snow Ain’t Dead

It was inevitable that somebody would claim to spot Jon Snow alive and well, so ladies and gentlemen, I present you with JON SNOW ALIVE AND WELL. For approximately 0.00000154 second, you can see a dark-haired warrior charging towards the action atop a white horse.

He’s riding alongside Northmen, and while its the smallest of clips, there’s every chance it may actually be him. In the very likely circumstance that Jon does return, hopefully it happens quickly. It’s the worst kept secret in TV, but it will still be the greatest modern-day comeback. Prepare yourself. Game Of Thrones Season 6 is almost here.

Source:

Game Of Thrones Season 6 Trailer: 11 Hidden Details You Definitely Missed

Homeless 

  
My father died over a decade ago, and I am left alone.

I ran to my brothers but they were occupied building their future with other women.

I cried out for my mother but all she cared for were our neighbors, her relatives and her sisters.

I wanted to hold my sister’s hand but she left the country and enjoyed with others.

Yet, I am skillful and easily loved. There were two families who opened their homes to me.  I had two instant moms and they were well off.  They gave not only part time jobs but be part of their families.  I am contented with my little earnings.  I am happy with my students’ gifts and I still dress nicely with my cheap and second hand goods.  

Yet, I dreamed more and the children I borrowed had grown.  It made me realize that they didn’t belong to me.  Yet, all the laughter and secrets we shared were precious.  Now, finding out how successful they became made me proud.  I was not only their tutor, for I was their family and their homes welcomed me.  Everyone in their household were always part of me.  They were always be the little boys and girls I knew… I remembered my tutees namely: Joby, Lance, Van-van, Lukie, Val, Louie and Siobe.  Imagine, I had a big family before… I had two mothers and seven children… Life was never boring!!!  And so I left…

Away from my comfort zone taught me to value the people around me.  My job was my home.  The little joys people gave were truly a delight within.  No one presumed or took me wrongly.  However, I had to leave that little home I built and the familiar faces I’ve known because I sought for financial stability.  I had no choice but to return. 

When I reached my place, I discovered a tragedy.  My father’s land was taken away from us again?  Didn’t I pay for it a long time ago?  Have you worked for more than two years without any pay?  I did for the sake of family and to give my brother a good future.  I knew my mother and brother deceived all the time and cheated me with my money.  I never complained and forgot my happiness…

For a long time, I forgot about me. When I tried to, I was only taken for granted.   There was nothing to it but a hollow heart.  I was so empty and I ran to God.  I returned but someone tricked me with a job and took a lot of money from me.  God sent me a new source of living, but my boss was a coward and to this day he faced the outcome of my tears.

Here I am on my feet again. Clinging to the joy of my job and loving everyone around me.  All I want and need are people whom I can work well and share my stories and laughter.  I wanted to feel at home in my working place.  Yet, all offered to me was sadness and humiliation.   I thought that I am welcomed but not at all…. They all misjudged me because of my gender, the colour of my skin and my physical appearance.  None of them see the goodness of my heart.  I was not in for the show… All I wanted was for everyone to be happy  so that I would forget the issues at home.   I was taken wrongly and ditched as if I am the worst girl ever existed.  I was concerned and prayed for everyone else only to realize that no one cared and no one bothered.  They are all happy and feasting now…. Hope that they found it in their hearts that I considered them as my friends and I truly missed those moments… They already paid me… It was nothing but payment….

I am not the kindest person in the world.  I am not holy but a sinner.  Yet, no one can see that my goodness is true and I am not faking my smiles.

When I returned home, I am only back in a dream where my father was waiting and when everyone prayed the rosary together after dinner.

 I am not the best daughter there was but I gave up my happiness because I obeyed my parents.   I turned my back to the only man who was consistent to be with me because I valued my home and my dreams.  I was not the best sister but I made everyone happy.  I was not only my siblings’s sister but I am the big sister to all my cousins.  I had a big family and everyone was my brothers and sisters…. I got so many friends…. 

Then, I moved afar to be here, only to be judged and be the subject of a joke like the girl before me.  Only to buy a nice house where none of my family members willing to live… I wanted to start a business but how when there’s no one to trust…. All my efforts wasted…. And I can no longer be with those willing hearts whom I only liked but never tried to love.

I don’t belong. Nonetheless, God gave me so many skills to share.  He gave me a good heart to care for others.  He called my name to serve Him, be His voice and be a model to others.   Others may not appreciate that because I don’t sleep with them, it’s alright…. After all, my faith keeps me sane and strong…. Yes, I don’t have anyone and nobody wants me but God knows I am worth having and be a blessing to others as written in the scriptures…

God does not see race nor physical appearance.  He sees each His creation as a masterpiece and He judges what’s in the heart and deeds.  

  

Coz U Refused…

U ditched me on my day with the worst announcement in the universe.  My whole world crushed into pieces. Of course, no sympathy expected for your values remained in ur textbooks, no application in reality.

U refused to see the spark in my eyes when u used to smile at me

U refused to believe that I can care and love u the most

U refused to take chances coz I wad nothing but a joke

U refused to feel that my heart is yours 

U refused to know that I dream of u and I imagine funny thoughts with u

U refused to see the tears in my eyes and my suffering

U refused to convince urself that I can always be here

U have no idea the torture I have to survive daily   

The Inside Job in this Incredible Show

happiness

I grew up as a happy child
I only knew how to laugh
I cried less for I was loved more
Naturally liked and adored
I shared my smiles and laughter
I brought happiness to others
However, as a child I was injured
Unkind words and discouragements
Despite all, I was confident
Years folded, I was courageous
I am my own hero, who needed who?
I didn’t mind growing old alone
As long as my father would stay
All that matter was my dreams
I didn’t expect to be with no one
There were those who bothered me
Probably, one would return
And I would make it work for real

Believe_Wallpaper_by_AmigoamigaYet, now I am no longer a child

So many sacrifices for other’s sake
Deceived and always taken advantage
No longer the center of the crowd
Always down with no cheerleader
Sadly, I can’t cheer myself too!
My shoes can’t give me thrill
My clothes are getting old too
I look at my teary reflection
Asking the Almighty my sad queries
“What have I done to you, Lord?
Why you don’t send me someone?
Did I forsake you, my dear God?
Why no one can’t see my worth?”
Indeed, life is an incredible show
Am I not worth having and loving?
Do I deserve to laugh once more?
Do I deserve to have that happiness?
How to be happy without nothing?
Well, isn’t happiness everywhere?
Giving myself a little time
A time to heal and let go
Be that little girl I used to be
Always happy and cried less
It won’t be so easy steps to take
I’ll try to climb and not give up
After all, it’s my duty, my inside job…

Happy-Womens-Day-HD-Wallpapers

 

IMG_6542

Hug of the Devil

Sometimes you don’t feel like waking up

You don’t want to go to work and play dead

Sometimes you don’t want to climb the stairs

For every steps remind you of the smiles

Those laughter and chitchat shared

Sometimes you refused to continue

Never signed the papers for the card

Never complied the requirements necessary

what goes around

I always thought that I could belong

Be always be the friend to everyone else

I just wanted to be happy wherever I am

Bring smiles to others and be there for them

Then, the trauma of the passed returned

It was not for real and all for man’s greed

Silence of the lamb, the echo of fears inside

Why would I cry when he was there?

Should I be sad underneath his embrace?

carousel2

For in moments when I am down

All I need is a simple care and a little cheer

Why do they make feel I am worst?

Am I everything but bad and mad to them?

So many people knows me better and more

I am not who they painted me in their heads

There’s no one there when I weep alone

Only the hug of the devil in a memory

Pulling me down to the pit of nothing…

lildollcarouselhorsepink

You’re Never Late

She was there and she rose up with pride, I stared with pang of jealousy in my heart. ‘What a lucky girl’ I whispered to myself. He belonged to her not to me. When she started reading, she trembled and she flared up. Was it possible that the language was difficult for her to articulate? 

Then, a familiar name called out my name.  I came to the rescue to the woman who had everything I wouldn’t have.  I read with joy not with pride for God’s words moved me in many ways.

Was it him? Of course,  he came for her not for me.  He approached someone I knew and I felt that it was impossible he’d come for me.  I headed to the church with so many fears in my heart.  I was anxious of being late for the mass. Then, an elderly churchgoer smiled beautifully and then said ‘You’re never late!!!! Always remember that….’  Does it matter when or how???

He looked at my eyes and smiled.  Finally, after a long time he used the sight of his core for the first time… He held me in his arms for a long time….He could see now.  God, he finally saw with his eyes…

  

Drowning in the Rain

  
Everyone around me is very excited and they’re happily talking about it.  None of them can see that I walk with the hurt concealed in my eyes. Then, I dash and hide at the other room pretending not to cry even if the tears just keep on flowing.

Why will anyone bother about me or care with what I feel? I am not their kind nor I am not a prostitute. Or not the girl who willingly open her legs for them.  I am me who stupidly believed that I found friends in them that I could be one with the guys like last time.   

No one can see that I am in torture.  I guess, they’re all lucky while I am not.  What is the best way to perish? Am I brave enough to fall from great heights? Or tie a knot around my neck until I can breath no more.  Everyday I pray to Papa to take me with him…

My life has no meaning and I have no purpose.  If I’m gone no one will mourn for me.  No one cares if everyday is a torture for me.  They’re looking forward for the feast and I am no one to any them.  I don’t make count and I am absolutely nothing because of my appearance and the color of my skin.  

Hope it occurred to them that I was truthful all the time. I was happy then and meant heartily what I said.  They just with their eyes not with their hearts.

Why will they bother? I’m not a whore… I don’t sleep around… I only work hard and do my best in all I do…

On & Off with Life

I get hurt, I hold back my tears
Always insulted, I swallow my pride
I am angry, I calmed down myself
Am I truly mean? I tried to be kind
I want to speak out, I’m lost of words
I am outgoing, I stayed all day in my room
I am the center of the crowd, I’m left behind
I am scared, I pretended to be brave
I feel lonely, I thought of joyful memories
I want to cry, I never quit on smiling
I am down, I never lost confidence
I sometimes fail, I still have faith in success
I’m so exhausted, I don’t need an energy drink
At times I stumble, I rose up on my feet

I have no one, I saw God in my dreams

I lost someone, I will find someone special

I’m missing someone, I know you exist

Jul 22, 2010 @ 15:48

Jester, Walk Away!

cryin clown.jpg

A joke for a year long

The foolishness is over

No more humiliation

No more ridicules and mockeries

Welcome to the world

When being you is unacceptable

Honesty meant nothing 

Friends are blessings 

Aren’t they Heaven’s gifts?

Believing so and thankful too

Yet, what a fool she’d been!

A crying jester, no one cares!

The torture of knowing

Butchering love and hopes

Killing her courage and faith

What was said and heard

“Jester, walk away… get lost!”

She did and happiest others can be…

She’s gone and no one cared at all!!!

 

Kiss of Judas

  
Money talks louder

All for silver and gold 

Pride and shame

Words do matter

Trophy to parade 

What’s real or true?

Do you care at all?

You are the luckiest

You rejoice and feast

How long this will last?

Carrying the cross 

Dying and suffering

Everyday is a torture

Remember, Jesus said

“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted”

Forget about what Judas did

At the end, he paid more…

 

   
 

Wishes on Fireflies

believe

I used to be happy and I am always happy

Time changes but not the faith in my heart

I won’t allow life steal nor take my smiles away

fireflies 3

I was loved and I am always loved by many

I’m capable of loving and I will not stop 

I do believe and I won’t give up believing

 ***

As a child, my delight was seeing fireflies

There lights glowing in the darkness

They were fairies lighting the night

fireflies

As a child, I made wishes on fireflies

As a young adult, I kept on wishing on them

As a young lady, my wishes not forgotten

 ***

Wishes on fireflies glow within me

The light in my gloomy situation

I never doubted and won’t stop believing

fireflies 2

My wishes on fireflies are not gone

Somewhere you’re thinking of me

My love, the fireflies will light your way

i love you


by Owl City “Fireflies”

genevieve believer