I was already there but I went back to find a boy! My sister dropped by and the pain in my stomach sent me to drowsiness distracting me to fulfill my duties. I made a promise that I ought to keep. There were candles everywhere even in the shower. So, I left without taking a bath (which was so unlikely me). I kept nagging at my sister that I would be late and tardiness was no longer an option for me. I definitely outgrown that habit! She told me that there was a shortcut somewhere but we ended up in the wrong direction. I told her that we should cross the road to get a cab but she disappeared, only to find an old friend under the waiting shed. It was like an old disc of my life played backwards in front of my sight. I was in that car again but this time I am conscious. The very fast speed made me screamed out for my sister’s name but then I shouted someone else’s name whom I never met nor known a decade ago. The next thing I knew, I am thrown into the clouds but a voice told me to go back because I forgot someone. ‘Who?’ my old self asked. Then, I landed into an ongoing shadow play happening offshore. Again, from the top of my voice, I was yelling for that same name all over again. Suddenly, I was on a somewhat roller coaster ride. There were voices telling me that it was the owner of that name who did that to me out of mischievousness. The revelation confused me because that person existed, heard and seen me all this time without me knowing or noticing it. Afterwards, I am brought back to an old place, a merged places of my friends and my aunts. Finally, I was taking a bath without any clothes on… then, there was that boy staring… I am a grown up woman, more than a decade younger than I am now… that boy shouldn’t make me feel uncomfortable. After all, he was just a boy but I hid my nakedness from him. I hurriedly went out with my aunt and that boy was a teen when I met him at the door. I didn’t know if it was when I reached my destination or left that place when I saw a grown up version of that boy. That voice whispered in my head again. My response was, ‘so, I came down from heaven for a boy?’ Did I? Will my magnanimity reach out to him in the world he has always known to be real?
Well, I am currently told to spoil market when it was never my intention because in my heart I was only doing what I was told and I am always willing to help like I used to do. I am also told that I am a show off when I displayed my artworks but within me, I am only decorating and adding colours to a place using my love of art. I am judged for hiding and not cooperating when in fact I was doing what was unnecessary to explore and share different ways of learnings. As much as possible, I tried my best not to waste my time taking breaks dining or chitchatting… was it stupid to aim to be productive? Or I am despised because of my desire to be there for others using my God-given skills and talents? I am not a control freak but I am always misunderstood. All I wanted is peace and also share to make others joyful. However, whether its shallowness or darkness… may the blind can see, the deaf can hear, the truth will be spoken and justice will prevail in time.
I did two sessions today. It was quite tiring but I learned an important virtue, which was magnanimity. All this time, I felt stupid for always being there for others when I knew behind the scene I am labeled as the black sheep in the flock. Now, I realised that I am just being magnimous because it is my nature. Indeed, I did something extra for my angels, not to get their approval but to compliment and be generous to them. For all of them are known and welcome in my realm. The God I follow is the same as others and I know that He was there for Abraham, Jacob, Isaac and Moses… and He abides in me too forevermore. The plagues aren’t happening only in Egypt. It is going tonhappen too the descendants of pharaoh-like, their stubborness and cold-heartedness will bring difficult consequences in their lives. Well, Ramses II was only shakened with the death of his first born. The loss isn’t mine when I am gone! It is a preparation for a feast because I am feeling like one of the liberated Hebrew slaves centuries ago for God will also bring me too to a new place with overflowing milk and honey. It is where my talents will be known again as how it is always been and my good intentions will not be taken wrongly. I hope no more lies, bitterness and misjudgements to shatter the goodness in my heart and soul.