Gratitude beyond the grave

Voices so deep, sounds from six feet under

Reminiscing those who passed on

I was half sleep, clearly heard my Father

My grandma’s echoing repetitive thanks

My uncle’s gesture of gratefulness

Beyond the grave they had spoken

Acknowledging my generosity and sacrifice

My blessings are mine but I chose to share

And their sincere thanks were more than enough

I’m same shallow girl, little things make me joyous

Don’t expect so much or payback

A simple thank you means a lot

I don’t have the witch’s deadly venom

Do I deserve the hate and ill-judgement?

Will you count the faults rather than the blessings?

Hope those who departed will prove you incorrect

Reminding you that good women wear high heels too!

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God will make a way

Exhausted on my way home, nothing much going into my head. After I plugged in my headphones, I silently told my head that the first song played on random selection will be the title of my post today.

Honestly, part of me was urging me to check in and say good wishes. Yet, knowing the person, he is surrounded by a crowd. Certainly, whatever gesture I would, as always wouldn’t make a count. Whether I sincerely cared and deeply concerned, it wouldn’t make a difference. So, I’ll just jot down into my prayers what would surely didn’t matter anyway…

“I admit dear Lord that the displayed ingratitude and uncaring attitude slashed my heart. A friend exclaimed that all my generosity were unappreciated and I should stop sharing. It made me think that in this crazy world a good heart is easy to overlook.

Forgive me, if I chose my silence and be there to the ones who’ll surely recognise my kindness and efforts. Perhaps, it feels great to be there to those whom I know appreciate even my simple smile and see the beautiful me.

Dear Lord, it is sad to change who I am. I miss my silly and shallow laughter. I miss my loud voice. I don’t want to change things; however, it was what others need– minus me.

It’s true, it hurts like a thousand gunshots that pierced my heart over and over again. Still I don’t wish I’ll-fortune to others. Karma may somehow real but not to him (exclude him, please).

Probably he’s living on high, celebrated and looked up by many. I maybe the outsider but you know too well how pure and sincere are my intentions. This all but drama to the millennials, still I pray for his good riddance and may he’s jubilant as always.

Aid him in all his needs. Send an angel to be always be there for him. I hope that I am that angel on flesh. Yet, let him be!!!

My guardian angel, I lend you to him so that you’ll be there for him in my absence and whisper in his dreams that I am always here for I never left. I always care and love him more than anything else in this world.

Lastly, thank you Lord for making him alright.”

When I learned about it, I prayed wholeheartedly. Thank God that everything is fine now.

It’s YOU who matters above all

I will never insist or force myself to someone who feels he is happy with another. Let the eagles fly to jungle for they belong to the wild. Deep within, my sweetness is overflowing but since you made a choice to resist and be blinded with pride. I let you be. No havoc for I am a kin to love and peace. No fights and angry words. For you know too well I did a lot from you and wasted more? What happen to gratitude and gratefulness? Perhaps, you are joyous in forgetting and not bothering at all.

I AM WHO I AM. I meant every single world that I handwritten. I might somehow be upset and disappointed still no one can erase my truthfulness. None was a lie Nor a flattery… not meant to win affection nor get the attention. I care and share because that’s who I am. If you don’t want any of my generosity and kindness, I’d rather give it to those who can appreciate me that even my mere presence is their delight.

Not because you made such choice that I will feel awful of myself. Nope, I will never allow that… you may choose not to see the beauty in me, it doesn’t mean that I will lose sight of myself. I am always worthy because I too is God’s masterpiece and I got a lot to share to the world.

Sadly, there’s so many good things I want to say. Indeed, I always care and be there when you needed me the most. Somehow you choose to do what you do even you know how badly it hurts. I never stop loving and caring. I never give up… Everything is up to you because YOU who matters after all.

I pray your welfare and good health. Just ensure that your jubilant because in my ways I am on my own.

Lonely table just for one

Isn’t it an odd world? Do people have amnesia? Aren’t they too young to have Alzheimer’s? Despite the harsh attack, I must protect myself through my songs and by continuously doing good to others. Let those with foolish tongues spread the lies to preserve themselves because pulling others down won’t bring any of them up.

The real me should be preserved. I won’t let anyone describe me according to their terms. At the end of the day, I will still choose to be selfless and happy… the woman who always smile, optimistic and true to my words.

Of course, I felt bad and had lunch all by myself. Honestly, I dreaded returning to that place but before I left someone approached me for he needed my assistance. I received a message seeking for my aid. As I was chewing my food a little girl came to my side and then another little boy followed. When I was at the gate, my colleague’s daughter who happened to be in my class gave me a quick hug. Am I that antagonist defined by the few who even failed their responsibilities?

I went down to help my colleagues and another one was worried that I might be unable to be there for the group. I gave a pat on my shoulder because at the end of the day, I made myself significant. It was never an issue of being needed but being sincere to be with others. Some may doubt, question and forget my goodness, I’m fine with that coz God is never asleep.

I conducted two sessions today for my volunteer in the church because my Friend wasn’t feeling well. What happened yesterday didn’t put me to sleep with a heavy heart because I was occupied with my drawing, preparing all the materials and researching more about Abraham. I had no chance of praying at the Adoration room before the session began because I had materials that I missed out preparing.

My friend requested my help on printing the ancient map of Abraham’s route on A3. But, I didn’t just print it… in stead I painted it, put on hard paper and covered it nicely on my expense, spending my money, time and effort. To think about it, I had little money left because I lent everything to my brother who needed it the most. Now, feel free to call me bad?

Indeed, others are quick to jump into conclusions when they just have no idea who you really are— Thank you, dear God for the good rest today!!!

Don’t frown or else you’ll be less gorgeous—

Get Out of the Way, B****

Is There a Bitch in Your Workplace?
Occasionally you may unexpectedly come across a bitch at work.
Posted Feb 13, 2013
by Meredith Fuller, Working with B*tches

Most professional women are too busy working long and hard to even contemplate the question. We don’t expect to come across any and we certainly don’t look for them, so how could we tell?

Initially, we can’t believe that someone is being bitchy and tend to assume that we have misread the situation. Why would another women want to humiliate us in a meeting, sabotage our career, or play silly games to destabilize us? We give her the benefit of doubt, and may blame ourselves for the misunderstanding and work even harder at communicating. When that doesn’t work, we tend to blame ourselves as we struggle to cope with the interpersonal difficulty.

We don’t wish to betray the sisterhood, or draw attention to our vulnerability, lack of coolness or internal resources. If we try to tell friends and family, they may try to problem solve by offering simplistic retorts we could never utter, or snort with derision at our silly paranoia.

We tend to remain silent – it is embarrassing and shameful to acknowledge that we’re allowing someone to upset us, or that we are helpless at trying to resolve it. Perhaps we are concerned about retaining our job, and swallow our distress. Secretly, we wonder whether we are weak and pathetic; other women seem to take it in their stride or fail to notice. We must be overly sensitive. Maybe we lack political or strategic prowess – yet another failing. We witness our career prospects wither as our naivety or niceness renders us powerless.

A number of women I see in my private practice describe similar stages:

1. incredulity: They cannot believe that another woman could be nasty to them. They surmise that there must be a miscommunication, misunderstanding, or lack of skill – it must be their fault or perhaps there is something wrong with them. They may be re-triggered with primary school memories of popular in-group girls who excluded them or taunts hurled across the playground.

2. numbness: They work even harder, and trudge on.

3. exhaustion: They may dread going to work, and worry about their reputation and career being eroded. They find it increasingly difficult to ‘switch off’ and worry after hours. They lose their work satisfaction, and struggle to manage their workload.

4. Cynicism: They feel hurt and betrayed. They drag themselves through their work day and ruminate each night. Their creativity and joy is compromised.

My concern led to my writing a book where I identified 8 types of bitches and methods for well mannered, non-gamey women to cope with managers, colleagues, or staff.

Read more, visit: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/working-btches/201302/is-there-bitch-in-your-workplace


By Ludacris “Move Bitch Get Out Da Way”

A billion shattered pieces

Taken for granted and taken advantage… what have I done? I am generous because that’s my nature…. I wanted to give a treat. What for? None of my good deeds were appreciated. So, what’s with the party? I gave a treat to myself…. pampering myself with vanity! Going back and back to the handsome stylist! I still have my charm for he gave me a discount😘😍. No need for blow out! No one remembers anyway!!!

My cake disappeared!!! Where is it? Never mind, as long as I do my best in all things I do. Never lose energy— the years keep increasing but the spirit won’t fade. I will remain to be good because that’s who I am. Even if I am unseen and unappreciated, I will keep my good works. Thank you dear God for giving the opportunities to improve my skills and share to others.

I am heartbroken today. My DIY, presents and all meant nothing— but I am not the bad person. It is a blast!!! A billion shattered pieces, my heart was blown out!!! So, I have to double my prayers, sing more and zumba for an hour!!!

I won’t be 18 again, Papa!!!

Papa, I hope we never ended this way. I was stold that your spirit allegedly saved me when I almost my life. After I was thoroughly scanned, I called out for you. Despite, my badly shaped body, I only didn’t feel your presence but I saw your silhouette at the corner of my half-opened eyes. Whatever I perceived, I kept it to myself because I didn’t want to add-on to the drama. Should I be glad that it happened? Should I be thankful because I won’t reach this far if I missed that chance? Yet, what’s the worth of it all?

Hey, in a very far memory… thank you for insisting that I should celebrate my 18th birthday. Thank you for the serenade, the cake, food and new outfit. I didn’t how special it was until all the guests of that day dissolved with time. Didn’t I wish then for what is now to happen? Today was just the future of my past. What did my 18 year self perceived and wished then? Of course, knowing my shallow, I should had wished for the obvious like success, good health and love. I was surrounded with people who adored, cared and valued me that I just danced with the music and enjoyed every moment because in my youth my optimism was towering, my laughter was the loudest and my energy was unending. Now, everything was a fragment of the old good days.

I am glad when I was 18 there was no social media because I didn’t need filter and posed naked to get likes and gained popularity. No IG needed for people to appreciate me. I never needed FB to get the interests of others on me. I’m glad that I am not born in the time of cyber illusion for I needed not to fake myself to gain friends for being true to myself only did matter.

I won’t be 18 again, Papa. No more lame wishes. Yet, I wish to have the strength and sanity to go on with my strive not only to be good but virtuous. I wish that my good deeds are remembered because I did what I did with my heart, not for a praise but out of my goodwill. Hopefully, I am not only seen and judged because of my little flaws but I should with my good intentions. I hope that being late wasn’t only the measurement of my commitment, performance and skills. I wish to be appreciated rather than discriminated. I hope pressing unknowingly wasn’t a big deal for I gave and did more than what I could receive.

Papa, you were right that I didn’t need to put effort to be good because it’s always been a part of me. In case, people take me for granted, I am just grateful at least I am given the chance to show that to others. I am not perfect but with no doubts in my heart, I firmly believe that there’s someone Divine who is watching for my welfare. God is good all the time!

With God all things are possible!!! Another year added is a miracle! I am forever young in spirit same as I used to be when I was 18!

Baby Boy

I can’t sleep right now, so end up writing this to drain out the energy of my rejuvenated heart. Soon is soon and it is never a question of when.

Let’s pretend you’ve heard me and you are there somewhere listening attentively. Today, I left from work very late around 6 plus. I rushed for I feared being locked up again and again. Then, I needed to rush because I promised to help tidying up the prayer space that will be used for this Saturday’s session (and onwards until November).

Before, I used to receive the applause and this time all the question marks are floating— brought to you by…. Still I did what I am doing because it was the benefit of the majority, not the glory of a few. Here, the one relaxing and forgetting the responsibilities turned out to be the victim of the situation. Bravo! A role perfectly played…. Hand over the Grammys!!!

Do I have to make excuses to my failures to protect my rice bowl? Is it all about the act in order to survive? Charles Darwin said, ‘survival of the fittest’. Many religious leaders said, “survival of the most faithful.” Which is which? I have to be both.

I don’t know how to work SMART. Baby, I am the stupidest with all of these because output matters to me! Ratio is the top priority for me, the concern is the majority, not the minority. Oops! No more talking for my words will be against me! Pharisees rule!!!!

Baby, it was the longest embrace and the most beautiful shoutout of my name. It felt so beautiful that I wished not to let go. Remember what I told you? I said, “I’ll do everything for you.” It was truly heartfelt, so don’t perish anymore. Come back safely and remain as the most gorgeous of them all!!!

Baby boy, it’s a tough life to love. I did awful unconscious mistake. Yet, my I-don’t-know-if-I-called-or-not may be disgusting, it was after all an innocent and unintentional blunder and it won’t bring me to hell. Should I confess for it? Which is greater sins people pulling others down or my accidental ring? I didn’t steal nor cheat… was it my itchy fingers? My absentmindedness? Or Paranormal??? Not those spooky stuff!!! I easily get scared (besides, I’m always home alone) Now, I’m putting my lights on. I don’t feel like sleeping at all! No real life ghost stories for me, please…

I did my share of good deeds and such minute error, the whatever spirit put me into wouldn’t erase the fact that I am truthful in all my actions. If my faults are seen, hopefully my good gestures will be remembered too.

Baby, I am not perfect but I don’t use my phone 24 hours. I don’t even bother about social messaging at home. It’s quite upsetting to cause such inconvenience coz I am not a mobile device addict. Whatever put me into this situation, it’s frustrating. It’s sad but it’s alright for I know the truth. Just kill ’em with kindness😇❤️ After all, the truth will always prevail!!!

Baby, thanks for existing there!!! Off to go now because I am going to see you again in our rendezvous❤️😘❣️ Did you hear what I yelled out!!! 14344.! It sounds corny and old but it’s true… remain the same and unchanging. Did you hear me? Can you hear me? Will you hear me? Please, listen carefully. LISTEN!!!

One of You

Are we going to look somewhere else? I am still widely awake at this time still deeply concerned of your welfare and wondering of your whereabouts. Personally, I am contented and comfortable of who I am. Despite of the good sleep and rest, part of me is searching for you. Do you think that I am that dumb or naive not to be truly aware of things going on around me?

Is it a sin to envy love blossoming in front of me? It’s been awhile since I am the spectator of the show, always reserving the front seat. Nonetheless, in my heart deepest desire, I wanted to play the role too. Isn’that too much to ask?

You have multiple versions of yourself, and for most instances difficult to catvh, You are one carefree spirit who enjoys exploring the world and captures every scenery with the lens. On the other hand, I am the quiet and timid me who rather stays foot and sketch and write to express the other side of me. Well, if you only looked closer and paid attention, you should have heard what until now still remained unsaid.

Nonetheless, there are so many sides of you… whichever and whoever you’ll pick… I hope that I can keep one of you who isn’t blinded by the sights of the world and unafraid whatever others will say. Certainly, there’s one of you who is definitely parallel to mine… tired of wishing and dreaming… aren’t we?

May these words fly to wherever you are and be delivered directly to your heart. In this unexpected twist of fate, what we chose to ignore and reject, is what truly matter… It has the answer that none of our friends and people who used to be significant hold.

I hope you’ve seen and known…

I EXIST.

I’m for real.

*Artwork was manually drawn on the iPad (for the first time and not that easy) using Picsart app.

Written By God

I was told that I wouldn’t get anyone because I AM SLOW.

Another one said, “FAKE YOURSELF, to be true is a lie.”

I was mocked because of my age, “no hope for you’re too old.”

Indeed, I am slow because PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE.

It is least understood but IT TRULY PAYS TO WAIT IN GOD’s TIME.

No need to fool others, this is not a masquerade. I AM WHO I AM!

Despite my loud voice, I am the sweetest, most thoughtful and caring!

No complaints! I am always more than good enough… (you know—)

Come on, only our numbers increase each year.

Remember the flesh will wrinkle but our souls won’t grow old.

Age doesn’t matter as long as your happy and healthy.

Keep fit, pamper yourself and find joy in little things.

No worries at all for I trust the author of my life.

Each morning I am grateful for I still hold you in my heart.

Walking all by myself in the church yesterday, the writings caught my eyes.

My Almighty, sometimes You know how tease somehow.

Never paid attention at those names which existed before you and I.

God has His indirect ways of sending His message to us.

May we listen with our hearts and won’t be lost in our human ways.

Before I left I uttered my silent prayers dedicated to a gorgeous you.

We have so many contradictions but will we question what is WRITTEN BY GOD.

Make the most of everything, grab all the chances for we OWE IT TO HIM.

One day, You’ll fully know that SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOTHING WITH GOD.

There are instances when what is written on the wall online isn’t authentic.

A brief IG story only conceal emptiness and cry for attention.

Don’t be deceived by the virtual illusions or your bound to be UNTRUE.

God is the greatest author, what He has written brings no doubt but lasting joy.

Hence, as you go on with the festivity, do things in moderation and be watchful.

If something goes wrong and out of control, trust in the Divine.

I wish to grow wings to be always there for you.

Enjoy the fountain of youth for you only live once! YOLO!!!

My Polaris

When the world is drifting to another realm

Nameless souls floating at the cloudless sky

Dancing with the constellation at night time

Many of those moments, we’ve been together

Our spirits united waltzing somewhere endlessly

No discrimination nor judgement truly matters

Rejoicing to the songs composed by the Divine

It is never over, keep it up! Not giving up!

Brave hearts not indulging to temptations

Don’t get lost for I am the compass in your heart

Find me nearby and even from a distance

We are not apart for you’re shining the brightest

You’re my Polaris, I will find my way to you

The wise men managed to be on the right track

The Northern star brought them to the Saviour

My Polaris, I’m not just falling for your my light!

No butterflies in the stomachs, thy will be done!

No evil winds blowing for the angels on guard

Thanks isn’t a hard word, I mean everything I said

I am one unknown midget but with a gigantic heart!

Among those glittering some falsely above your head

I’m the one true & most dazzling for I’m your Polaris too!!!

(A weird narcissistic mobile digital artwork of myself using PicsArt app. My aim was to produce the classic newspaper stencil black and white print. Well, fail or not, it was fun and worth trying😁😂)

To the Ends of the Earth❤️❣️

Welcome to the universe whereby you are only remembered by your faults and flaws, not by your contributions and deeds. Some people only cared for status and source of living that it would never matter to pull stranger’s down. Well, for some work is just simply a job but for me it’s a gift from God whereby I am given the opportunity to share my skills and be there for others. I may not rooted from this land but I know too well I value and treasure every single creation surrounding me. Likewise, the saddest reality of the situation, all eyes are closed to all my efforts but find time to bring me down. Yet, I am grateful to be in the situation because I strive to become a better person and humble myself before the Almighty for I can’t make it through the day without Him. Thanks to the strong winds for my roots became tougher and I learned to bend and blend.

Well, the intro is so long and it’s besides the point of this post… Hey, gorgeous! How long will it be? It sounds like forever. Deep inside, I wanted to keep in touch. At the back of head a voice stating, ‘come on, don’t be such a nuisance!’ Absolutely, you’ll have more than a great time! You’re one of a kind, full of energy, Mr Fahrenheit…

Every time I am there, my silent wish is a hope that you’ve at least seen me or take a glimpse of me same as you stare at them on social media and even in actual places. After the strings of my inferiority and insecurities, I just embraced the fact that being the unknown is alright for I cannot cage or chase a bird when it chooses to be free in the wild.

You don’t have to see my kindness for I am not pretending to get the approval or be noticed. I hope there are days, I am able to show that you’re indeed special. For such brief moment, thank you for staying just a little bit to help out. You needed to rush, excitements were painted all over your face. I understand and not feeling bad at all because you’re happiness do matter.

As I was contemplating, your gorgeousness bugging me and it gave a little chill that pinched my heart. Perhaps, the ones who crossed paths with me in the past were partly right that I was unwilling and selfish. I put walls and restrictions for I never fully comprehended with the topic of love for I am only good on writing about it.

Is this my karma? The loving God I know doesn’t punish His obedient follower. In a dream, unknown voice echoing my room with a big question, “what can you do, your pen has no voice? In this era, nobody reads and bothers. Wasted words and promises thrown and shown to nothingness”.

I woke up mumbling to myself, ‘to the ends of the earth.’ (that was my answer) All of them are youthful, lovely, sexy and stunning. How many will remain the same when situation turns sour? Young girls will follow you all around and can seduce by attracting your manly weakness. When they grow older, will the call of the flesh is enough reason for them to stay.

I don’t know why I am doing what I am doing. I am not sure why I reacted in such manner in certain situations. I will never understand what I am doing. All I know that at the ends of the earth, I am willing to be there for you just to see you the happiest and for you to feel my love.

So many things to write… but I am exhausted now. Good night, gorgeous! See you in my dreams, all over again (where you feel free to be naughty)!!!