Coz I’m Bad…

My immaturity crawled to my spine, poisoning my brain and darkened my heart. “It’s the triumph of the young, rich and pretty!” I had no edge at all. I am already thrown out of the ring even before I entered the arena.

What did I do? And she was there again… 🤯😡😡🖤😡🤯🤬 Where was he? He always came to the rescue for her sake. I was very unfair because I didn’t even talk to the person. Forgive me Father for this darkness within me. I should not feel this way.

I am not talking! No way!!! I wanted to be where I am… Yet, a smile and friendliness put out the fire in my soul.

What was my problem? How dare me to utter those words? When a friend mentioned his real whereabouts, my conscience was so disappointed at me for my false allegations.

Why did I jump into conclusion and judge him immediately? Why was he not angry when he was there? At that point of time, I was expecting him to be mad (kinda used to it) but he wasn’t.

Forgive me Father coz I am bad… I am really bad girl yesterday😬😭

I kept repeating in my head the words from 1Corinthians 13… to remind me of how badly I acted at that instance.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.

Indeed, what was wrong with me then? I should be truly happy. What’s with this strange feeling anyway? I won’t surely dare to ask forgiveness face-to-face coz I’m also a coward. So what if I am no match for any of them? There’s one thing that I am certain, I will surely love him above all and I’ll bring him pride, honour and happiness. With all my abilities, I’ll make heaven on earth for his sake. After life, I’ll go beyond the depths of hell to bring his soul to heaven.

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