Love is Not Meant for Me

I already planned on how to help thoroughly. I was so enthusiastic and full of energy because that dreamed indirectly gave me the go signal. I was planning of strategies how to convince more colleagues in my company and school, my family and friends. Finally, I decided to really help only to be someone’s jinx. Yet, after I found out, I felt more like a curse rather than of some good help. It was only my sweet nothing and creative expressions. I always ignored the ones I liked that now I wanted to make a change. I wanted to express myself. When you love someone, you always show and let them know about it. For me, it was more of enhanced digital motivational poster. My friend sitting next to me posted her works in her blog, so I’m such a copycat and did the same. It was not meant to harm anyone. I’m only proud of what I have done, and finally holiday was not boring. When I made the angel stuffs, it was meant for laugh. It was dinner time, we exchanged unusual jokes and so I thought it was ok to do the same and add naughty messages between the two of us. I’m a happy girl and I wanted people around me to be happy too. I hate sadness. What should I feel? I am humiliated and what those people think of me? No one can defend me. You were aware of how strongly I felt and I proved myself in ways that I thought that could make you happy. It was not easy for me. I understood everything. It only proves one thing that love is just a beautiful illusion. Love is never meant for me. Sorry, Papa I tried but I only failed. Papa, you didn’t want me to be forever alone and you always wanted me to be happy. I can easily smile Papa, anything can make me happy. Yet, something is missing… someone is missing… I can’t love easily. I don’t want anyone to touch me again. Similar to last time, I don’t want anyone to draw near me. I can be an artist, a writer, a teacher or more… but I can never be someone’s woman for no one wants me anyway. Love is just not meant for me. I gave it a try now, only to spoil someone’s life. I thought I agreed on the conditions of giving him the happiness he wanted. Too bad, I’m just some innocent jerk. I did things without thinking.  You know me better than anyone else, and you should know in your heart that I wouldn’t do things to endanger you.

Love is Not Meant for Me

Hello, I love you so much
I never loved this way
I never humbled to any man
I’d rather depart fast
No man can make me cry
I’m so smart to be abused
Why will I waste my time?
I don’t love love, it’s sick!

I’m hiding in my insecurities
Jailed inside my imperfections
I presumed I’m undesirable
Men only joke and insincere
They only bully and never care
I don’t want them to touch me
I don’t expect from anyone
My ambitions are easy to reach
No man will help me anyway

Hello, I love you very much
I know you will never care
You only see so lowly of me
You only consider me as trouble
No space in your heart for me
I give it a try and give my all
I swallowed my pride and fears
Yet, love is not meant for me
I should have not left my world

Love is not meant for me
I only want to see you smile
Finding ways to make you happy
I am unwilling and have doubts
But I only trust the person
I believe this unconditional love
Yet, at the end, I’m the bad girl
I don’t know what’s going on
I prayed and hold into my faith
Yet, love is not meant for me!

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One thought on “Love is Not Meant for Me

  1. oliviaannbui says:

    Thank you for sharing this.. I really needed to read some of the things you wrote. I googled “love hurts” and stumbled across you. 🙂 Everything happens for a reason ♥ Blessings to you and your’s♥

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