She loves him the most

She’s not scary, she just has a little bit of that good brain of hers still left after the accident.  She can easily memorize details and habits.  After all, like most women, her intuition functions very well. 

In secret, she sees a beautiful woman on her mirror who always smiles and never fails to praise and thanks God for each day’s little blessing.  On contrary to how others perceived her, she loves her life because despite the difficulties her dreams and goals unchanged.  Will she commit suicide over trivial things? Of course not, love maybe her phobia and weakness, she’s undeniably the follower of Christ who trusts and loves Him above all.  Besides, she has a lot of people who cared for her.  When she’s in trouble, she doesn’t count only two or three, she’s fully aware that a lot of people will be there.  She’s lucky to have found great friends and wonderful people.  

Oh, call her a creep! Yet, she’s not one of those girls whom you meet in Facebook with over three hundred friends, which mostly are male prospects.  She is not into the chase out of desperation.   She is not her almost mid-twenties who can easily deceive men.  She doesn’t used her feminity to prey on desperate whom all wanted is to get laid.   The men she used to know were quickly turned off to those women who would easily offer themselves just to get the guys.  The men who used to be there wanted her and some of them waited patiently.  Yet, she was not ready at that point of her life. Her priorities were her first I the list.  She was unprepared with the songs of intimacy that would probably her downfall and drugs.  Those were the days she pretended not to care and enjoyed the attention.  It was normal for her when guys were trying to be funny and she used her inferiorities as a escape goat not to fall.  The truth at that point of her life, she knew that she would do greater things rather than be crazy over love.  She did like a few of them, that one couldn’t be helped for they suited the criteria.  Perhaps, she wasted that chance with that one whom she wanted all her life.  She dared to fight her fears and he requested to see her.  She stood him up because she was still nothing compared to him.  He had everything, passed his license and got a great career.  It was after college, all she got was a certificate with uncertain future.  She told him in her head, ‘I won’t be the same when we’ll meet again.  She knew then that she was the only man she would ever love.  However, there are desires not meant to be.

And she ended up where she is destined to be.  Oh, the youthful smile fades!  The boys who tried their luck probably grown up to be men useful in the society.  She tells herself the beauty of being unattached and loves herself more than ever.  Then, someone came along and uncovered her weakness.  He filled her with rainbows and butterflies; yet, she couldn’t stay in the shade and life itself showed her the way out.  She missed the way he was and thankful for his time.  There was no future to plan with but she shed for the memories she should let go.

So there he goes, someone in her mind is a friend in the toiling box. Her dwelling is not a dollhouse with a perfect family picture but all she knows is to care and love everyone with all her heart.  But, when the storm blows, she remains standing as expected but she is tired.  She just wants to break down and cry but death never crosses her mind.

And there he is, the one who pushes him away and never appreciates what’s in front of him.  The one with so much arrogance and stubbornness and who wants to travel miles in search of love.  If he rather stops and see with his heart, he’ll know what’s in closer proximity cares deeply and will never fool around.  She doesn’t have her eyes that see that he’s special.  He hates her above all.  On the other hand, she loves him the most.  She loves him not because of her desires and needs but it is the kind of love with no explanation.  How she wishes to share to him the real gift of love and its true essence!!! Nonetheless, he chooses pride and standards rather than that chance to be loved by someone who is pure, real and true… and always willing to give without expectations.  Is she the fool because she loves him the most?

The irony of life for her.  This time, she is ready and willing to give her everything only to be undesirable in his eyes.  Those were the days when love were not out of stock but she chose not to make that purchase. Then, found herself in the impossible store where she has what it takes to procure the most unlikely stock only to be treated undeserving.

Thus, she is here and she loves him the most.  Behind his knowledge there were others who tried but he is still the one whom he loves the most.  He did what no man ever did to her.  She doesn’t question his preference but he should have not done such for someone who seeks for forgiveness and loves him more than anyone can possibly do.  

On his way to another part of the globe, hopefully she crosses his mind and he’ll comprehend that there’s no shame in loving him the most.  Yes, it’s true and she is the bravest to accept the gift of love and it so happens that it’s him inside the present.  If he chooses not to deny, he’ll surely know there’s more to her than whatever he concluded in his head.


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