The Ultimate Rejection

The black window, cheater, gold-digger, players, bitches and whores…. all of them always find and triumph in love… but not her….

She is the working colleague whose socialization is limited only in the church for she wants to serve God through others.  She longs to go out but what’s the point, she’s not always counted… She is not even a friend, always uninvited…. there was a time she was… the one-time movie… and the dinner…. afterwards, no more…. She wondered, I must have done something awful…. Wait, she invited herself only to be ditched like that!!!!  She called but ‘sorry, he’s busy!’ She sent messages and people uncourteousness hurts.

His friends said, he doesn’t like you… He said somewhere faraway someone waiting for me…

It was the day she wished that she never survived that accident.  Everyone was saying, she was so blessed to have that second chance…. Why?  Because no one will pay the bills or who’ll provide in her absence….

Yet, isn’t she the joyful and optimistic one?  She can draw… his drawings she’ll never show again for he’ll surely despise it.  This is not Victorian times when arts and literature matter… She can make a new dress… go out take photos of the rain…. Just sing it aloud…. Don’t u know she tried to prepare something for him but he never appreciated it…  so, she moved away even she wanted to be closer…

She is not that happy and jolly girl in her memory.  She is no longer that cheerful woman who brought joy to everyone.  She is no longer the one always fresh looking and in high spirits all the time… She’s no longer the one who smiles a lot and laugh aloud.  She is no longer that pretty girl in her reflection…. she is not who is anymore…

He can’t see her anyway.  He needed not to ask what he already knows.  He just wants to humiliate her… embarass and ridicule her feelings….

“Am I bad, Lord??? Do you create me to look horrible?  Am I not the one that others praise?  Is everything good about me is all in my head?”  she cried in the toilet…. walk out the door… went to church and cried and cried… A concerned lady gave her a pat for she kept in sobbing in the prayer room….

The ultimate rejection it is… when she is willing to give it all and take all the risks…. she is just someone toiling there…. She will never ever write that story for not even once she’s given a chance…. She likes him from the start but he keeps wandering and exploring around the world to have all the fishes…

He never stops and sees….

that Christmas miracle all comes from him… He knows but he keeps on putting him aside…

His friends’ words stating that he doesn’t like you and his wordsthere’s someone, looping in her head….

Perhaps, she is not she thinks she is… Is it bad to do good?  Is it wrong to live with what is right… 

All she wants is to care and love him with all her heart…  if only she could turn time, she should have disobeyed her father… not finish school and study lots of things… her degree and certificates have no use…. and again stupid girl who told you to spend a lot on that game!!!  Even she tried her best to play it just to be friends…. she will never be invited again…. she wants to laugh and laugh… and be who she is…

Yet, he will not see… he never did…. Perhaps, she must recall her papa’s love… He was the only man who ever loved her and told her that she was worth everything.  Her papa said, “I’m lucky to have you!”

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