“Are you going?” she bravely asked even if she knew where he was heading. What a busybody??? Acting like one nosy grandmother… Finding out felt a thousand arrows piercing her heart. Nonetheless, she ignored the pain just to spend that moment with him. He answered and she didn’t contradict him even she was aware that he lied.
“You know what you should get a boyfriend and socialize,” he told her while occupied with his errands.
“No one wanted me,” she jokingly replied and he never heard when she said “you never wanted nor look at me…. Can’t you see that’s its you whom my heart desires even from the beginning.”
As the conversation went on, he mentioned that people only find love when they closed their eyes because with what the sight perceived are sometimes misleading. In her mind she uttered, if only you shut your eyes you’ll surely find it in your heart that I can love you above all. He truly had no idea that every time she closed hers, it is only him whom she sees… no other man not even his friend… Sounds cheesy??? It is because deep inside concealed with her shallowness, a lonesome warrior suffering in silence. Mute with the truth because she is aware of the absolute rejection, there’s always a first time in everything.
“Why? Is there someone you like?” he was intrigued.
“Yes, there is but he doesn’t like me…” because you’d rather be there rather than be here… I guess that’s always make you happy… she murmured to herself.
“Are you sure? Did you ever tell him?” he asked again.
“Of course, he will never like me…” you never liked me and see me as you see other women…
Isn’t she glad to spend that short time with him for he will be away for awhile into that place? She excused herself and surprisingly not wept in the ladies’ room. Just enjoying that brief instance until it lasts. If only that minute won’t end. Moreover, it does loop in her head as she’s sawing her clothes when she reached home.
He found what belongs to her. “….you see there are things that happened by fate,” he said with a big smile.
“I am a Christian, I believe in fate and miracles,” she said smiling back at him.
“Yeah, it is a miracle that I found it!!!” their laughter echoed in that crowded place.
Perhaps, he presumed she was innocent. She was not playing a role or pretended to be one. She was only deeply wounded in the past and being around or feeling such way scared her. She is same as other women with needs. Every time he is around, she wants to be closer and feel his skin on hers. How many times she wants to hug and kiss him? Countless times but her past always haunting her guts.
“Come on, you need a good girl to blow your mind!!!” she playfully said.
“Yes, I need a good girl to blow my mind,” you affirmed. ‘Can I?’ that’s the question she longs to ask.
In stead she cleverly said, “show me what your Mama give… Bang, bang into the roof… Have you heard it? It’s a Jessie J’s song with Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj?” He shook his head for he only knew the Frank Sinatra’s tune. He must probably heard but never bothered. As always, he probably sensed it but most of the time he chose to ignore her.
“Why disappeared one time and locked yourself in the toilet?” he asked. How can she answered that question, the truth was she felt being ditched by him that day and she felt like dying every time he used his phone and talked sweetly with someone else at the other end. Every time he walked out the room, she knew the reason why and it was killing her softly. She answered with a question “you cared??? I always thought no one bothers.” She did not lie. She diverted the question to hide what she really feels towards him.
“She must like her. Is she really pretty? Some girls filter their profile pics…” she interrogated his friend who was sitting next to her inside the bus.
“We suspected so and she is his type,” his friend answered.
“I see and my bad…” she whispered and felt like shrinking on her seat.
The God whom she believed answered her. Even if part of her wanted to be there, she should stick to her words. Maybe, it’s not yet time and she is very apologetic to those she loves the most.
She sent her sister a message saying, “I’m sorry, I am not coming. I have my answer”. It really hurts because she wants to be in that wedding and celebrate. Yet, how can she be reunited with everyone when she’s still hurting? She won’t expect them to understand her decision but she’s not giving up.
Sorry Lord, this girl is one insistent friend. Every day and night, she’ll never stop knocking at Heaven’s door. According to the gospel reading, Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask, Seek, Knock”
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
He will be gone for so long and his route will sadden her. Tomorrow her heart will mourn but she must not lose hope and keep the flame of faith in her heart on fire. She’ll probably won’t cross his mind with the excitement he feels going there. On the contrary, with loyalty not asked from her, he’s always in her mind… the ONE &ONLY!
Her favorite mystery is the ‘Wedding Feast in Cana’, 2nd Luminous Mystery. It was when Jesus turned water into wine. Impossible happens. It was no magic trick but a miracle!. Faith does miracles. She sees him in her way home and she always own him in her dreams. His scent and voice are registered in her head. Will he ever see like the woman as she is? Will he find her when his eyes are closed? All he did was pushing her to someone else, or treat her like someone in a comedy skit…. Everything is fun. Don’t you know that there are instances when jokes are half meant and hints to the truth?
Photos…. wefie… not for the blog but for a remembrance because she won’t be seeing him for many days. He turned her down for a significant reason. She didn’t take it as another of his lame excuse but she respected people’s beliefs. She can always draw him while he is gone but she won’t show it to him. After all, she memorized his facial features and skin tone. He spoke at her but she got lost in his brown eyes all the time. Kodus for he stays connected minus the gadget… Keep it up!!!
“Your presence will be missed,” he said as they parted ways.
“I will miss you more… Nope, I’ll miss you the most!” Those were not bluff words. Glad she fought her anxiety and courageously said what she was supposed to say.
SHE MEANT EVERY WORD WITH ALL HER HEART.
“I WILL MISS YOU THE MOST!”
by Jessie J with Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande “Bang Bang”