Not feeling alright for the evening and forgot that X-Factor UK would be out soon. Not even preparing with what to wear tomorrow and should be done for the next day. She stared blankly at her messy room while enduring the pain of her head. She stood and took her rosary. The moment she started reciting her prayers, the tears uncontrollably escaped ducts in her eyes. In between sobs, she forced the words saying “thank you very much for giving me a good heart… thanks a lot for making me a beautiful person…. thank you and thanks a lot”. Despite of the pain she suffered, she continued praying the rosary and finished it all the way. Monday was for Joyful Mystery, was she?
She cried and cried and before her eyes shut down. She sent the message, “I’m sorry that I can’t come… There are no miracles!!!” So, it caused her heart to bleed for like most of the people she wanted to be there. Yet, she must stick to her words. She was once the best friend anyone could have and she cheered people all the time. She was the cheerleader and now without a squad… no one to cheer!!!
Unseen… she was always there… She had her answers in clarity. She’d seen and heard. Her senses were working perfectly and you needed not to understand in order to comprehend.
This morning, she had no idea with what to wear for the day. There was nothing new in her closet. Grandma said start the day with a smile. She tried and forced it… Impossible!!!! It’s impossible to smile for she was barely there.
However, she could pretend. Talked a bit and laughed a little. They should not know that deep within the tortures were there. She loved what she was doing despite the challenges and those innocent souls were the sole reason she was there. Good thing it was when they expressed their gratitude and praises to her. ‘You’re so pretty today and every time…’ They acknowledged and perceived…. ‘can you tell that to someone? or can you lend him your eyes?’
She chose not to surrender and kept the love in her heart. She knew too well that she could do anything for love if given the chance and the opportunities. However, she needed to live the harsh way keeping in silence what she truly felt.
And so it was answered. She bid goodbye to him in her dreams. She said, “you know what makes it so depressing, I am here willing to give you my everything and I am ready to face all the odds, still you chose to let me slip away when I wanted to stay by your side.” She kissed and hugged him for the last time, only in her dreams.
“I can love you the most…” she whispered as slowly his presence disappeared. She woke up with the pain in her head but the pain in her heart was the worst of it all. She never failed saying her prayers and she tried her best to attend mass. She believed in the Almighty, Jesus, Mary and all the angels and saints. She wouldn’t give up on her faith no matter even if others refused to see her. No heavy make-up. No masks and not pretending…. No lies, tricks and deceptions…
She prayed alone and still all by herself until this point of time. One by one she apologized to the angels in her head for no matter what she did, she didn’t have the powers to bring them to the world. Several times she tried and all her attempts were all ignored… “I can possibly love beyond what I can write and imagine”
Answered. Rejected in the dark while wiping out her tears.