I was not prepared with what to wear…. I didn’t plan what to put on today. I guess, yesterday was another manic Monday…. I grabbed anything and wore red pants and shirt…
I walked slow. My colleagues were far off from me. Then, I felt left behind making me anxious that caused my feet to perspire a lot. The sweat slowed down my phase…. Then, they were all gone and I couldn’t even glimpse their shadows… Had they forgotten about me??? Did I forced myself to be invited??? Shucks, that mixed feelings of being left out, no matter how you tried… Are they aware that I was behind? None of them, turned their backs…
Despite it all, I just walked steadily because I might slipped on my wet feet if I’d rush to catch them. I walked all by myself and eased my nerves with the sweet memories of yesterday. Perhaps, before the K-pop and anime trends, real people were appreciated. Boys’ criteria were not hard to meet and the simplest thing you’d do would get their attentions. Those were the days when I was noticeable and there were few waiting for me…. Someone walking or talking with me…. No whatsapp, Messenger nor Facebook but they wrote or managed to call me…. No smartphones but boys were smart enough to asesss what real beauty was…. No photoshop, camera 360 and lots of filter just to deceive beauty in social media…. No make-up required… No false lashes or contact lenses…. Just be who you were….
Those were the days when boys were contented and wise enough to enjoy the company of who were actually there…. Yet, I used my insecurities as my lame excuse for not believing anyone…. I couldn’t trade my ambitions and goals over love that sound great when read in fiction and written on my journal… I was not prepared for the consequences of love and I believed that the options were many for me….
I looked at my clothes and I am reminded. I whispered, “Red, I am ready but no one is coming back or will you find me again….” Yes, I am here and prepared. Where are you?
I reached my destination and I didn’t expect anyone to bother because that’s who they are and how they are raised. I have to understand people and remain kind to everyone, those were the words my Papa always said to me.
Then, one of them mentioned that all good ones are taken. I commented, so I must be ugly because I have no one!!! It was a half-meant joke…. Perhaps, in another’s eyes I am unattractive but once in those people I used to know I captivated their sights…
When I am not sleeping, inside the public transport, I caught others looking at my direction. This morning, a man stared at me with interest that scared me and I walked fast faraway fro him. There was once, a white fellow waved hello at me, as if we were acquainted. He probably mistaken me for someone else. At the bus, on my way home, a man offered me to go first and I couldn’t help noticing him because he was looking at me while we were at the bus stop. I wanted to ask one of them, ‘am I ugly?’ Someone joked that the pretty ones are all taken. Am I that bad looking because no one ever wanted to be with me???
So, it’s time to change my mirror because every morning I saw the reflection of a confident and lovely woman who is all set for work.
Here, I am called unpretty today!!!! Sadly that’s how I am seen in my present age for the current time. If you were there, what would you say??? Would you agree? Nope, I am pretty because you’d surely pick me…. Indeed, the prettiest….
Thanks, red and everyone for appreciating and for the attention!!!! Thank you very much for being proud of me…. Btw, I can actually draw….. Does it matter???? I am ready… Anyone there?????