Haunted Love

 I guess that I had enough.  It was almost three AM, those messages kept me awake.  Who am I? What am I? We pretended to set boundaries and not crossed over the zone.  I was obedient to follow the rules of not going beyond the line.  I stayed where I am expected.  However, to my dismay, this foolish heart disobeyed…

Will I start all over again? Again and again… This is not how I planned my life…. Am I the one to be blamed when my fairytale ended with no happily ever after for I slaughtered my prince charming in my head.  He died, murdered by my tears of loneliness and sadness.

“I am meeting new friends online,” I excitedly shared.

“Don’t bother me with this!” in a low note response, holding back your anger.

“I thought you will be happy that I am meeting new friends…”  before I could finish my sentence, the line went dead.  The silence numbed my heart.  I deleted my account and ignored.  I tried but I could not deceive others.  I didn’t want to use others for my selfish desires,  Then, I lost all my dreams and found myself in the abyss of nowhere.

I wanted to open my heart; yet, I am unseen.  What do I know about flirting and getting guys? All I know is draw, write, read and work.  I only wanted to stay home and do my duties beyond for my family…

I did care and gambled, in the past, not so long time.  I am willing to give it a shot…. But, I am not physically attractive and everything about me is not in the criteria.  So, I shut up and sing awfully… Then, everytime I get hurt, I embraced you in my head and heard your voice in my dreams.   It’s all I had that I cherished….

Will someone ever care or bother that I actually exist?  I tried so hard and in the end all that I did meant nothing.  As if I am not there—

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