I guess that I had enough. It was almost three AM, those messages kept me awake. Who am I? What am I? We pretended to set boundaries and not crossed over the zone. I was obedient to follow the rule of not going beyond the line. I stayed where I am expected. However, to my dismay, this foolish heart disobeyed…
Will I start all over again? Again and again… This is not how I planned my life…. Am I the one to be blamed when my fairytale ended with no happily ever after for I slaughtered my prince charming in my head. He died, murdered by my tears of loneliness and sadness.
“I am meeting new friends online,” I excitedly shared.
“Don’t bother me with this!” in a low note response, holding back your anger.
“I thought you will be happy that I meeting new friends…” before I could finish my sentence, the line went dead. The silence numbed my heart. I deleted my account and ignored. I tried but I could not deceive others. I didn’t want to use others for selfish desires, Then, I lost all my dreams and found myself in the abyss of nowhere.
I wanted to open my heart; yet, I am unseen. What do I know about flirting and getting guys? All I know is draw, write, read and work. I only want to stay home and do my duties beyond for my family…
I did care and gambled, in the past, not so long time. I am willing to give it a shot…. But, I am not physically attractive and everything about me is not in the criteria. So, I shut up and sing awfully… Then, everytime I get hurt, I embraced you in my head and heard your voice in my dreams. It’s all I had that I cherished….
Will someone ever care or bother that I actually exist? I tried so hard and in the end all that I did meant nothing. As if I am not there—