And U Were Not There

  ‘How was the food?’ You asked flashing your naughty smile.  In a memory, long time ago…. and your words faded with time. There were no restrictions. But I had your full attention.  You chatted the most, your tales unending.   There were pretty girls among passersby, I pointed out for you.  Yet, you chose to have your eyes on me and your phone stuck in your pocket.  How did you do that? Why did you do that?   I was never moody.  You were.  I kept on understanding your temper and there were several times you put my patience into a test.  Perhaps, I can’t just delete the pain. No one to run… I am always all by myself.  When I thought I am ready, I walked into a room where I am unseen and unwanted.   

Am I moody?  Nope, I am hurt and sad… So many unspoken words… I miss you when you are with me and I miss myself when I am with you.   I miss those places…. Thanks for acknowledging me and being there….  Thanks for making me feel great about myself, recognizing my skills and everything about me.  I guess…. I can try but no one wants me same way… I can’t love again because no one is there.   Everyone is attached and taken….. They prefer others than me…. I should have a agreed to that deal…. But, you wanted me to be someone I am not…. 

How’s the food? I repeated the same question to myself and choked as I recalled those moments.  I thought that I would drop a tear or spit my food.  Nope, I moved forward… Suddenly, I saw you in my head and asked why can’t they be any of them be you? Did I? 

I am invisible in the social network losing contact to those friends who actually cared.  I’d rather hide beneath the bushes concealing myself to what really matters and not revealing my true feelings.  When I presumed that I could be happy…. Everything doesn’t make sense….  And no one is there…. 

Since it was all gone, I avoided and prevented whatever that triggers the memories…. Yet, it is a small world after all… Nonetheless, the little red dot is indeed too big for both of us.  

Hi, I am here…. And you were not there… Gone were the long hugs and sweet goodbyes… Plus before and after messages and calls.  

I wanted to disconnect from the world… Pretending I am not here or those memories don’t exist at all!!

Gee, everybody’s happy!!! Am I? Will I? 

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