While I was in the bus, there he was walking on the sidewalk while his mind elsewhere.  Rushing to the room, why on earth badluck fallen upon me and shamefully I am late?  Did I forget that I have lessons?  What if I forgot to teach? I entered in the room like a ghost, no one acknowledged my presence.  There he was, enjoying his private phone conversations with the glow of happiness displayed on his face.  I kept on  gazing at him for a long time.  Yet, he kept on looking away.  I rushed to the ladies’ room weeping  continuously.  Just for a minute, can I lend you for one moment only?


Then, it was past 12 noon.  Everyone was out for lunch while I was left locked up in the room.  I am starving but I am not invited, that was always expected.  They can judge me to be crazy or weird.  How about them, what are they?  Are we all different and unique in our ways?  Perhaps, the weirdest is the most true and who’ll stick around whether the tide is high or low.  You can cast me your wrongful judgements but if you’ve given me the chance, I’ll see to it that you’ll be the happiest man in the globe.

The day concluded, I rushed to the room.  The lights were off, no one was there.  Everybody left, I am all by myself again.  I blankly stared at my laptop.  I have lessons to complete.  My brains unfunctional, I lost my wits in between my sobs while I looped Linkin Park’s song entitled, “In the End”.  I love him very much, why can’t he see that?  I’d rather keep it to myself, in my silence because as of  the moment he is floating in heavens with all the excitements and happiness that he is experiencing.  He’ll never feel my pain and sadness.

When I reached my place, I went straight to my room skipping dinner time.  I immediately took my pens and looked at his picture.  When I was about to draw him, I only bursted into tears because his smile belonged to someone else.  I threw my sketches and took my phone.  My sole entertainment, the game was under server maintenance.  Without thinking, I quickly composed a message to him like I used to do.  Suddenly, it struck me that ‘hey, girl.. he already changed”  and so I deleted what I composed. After the increment, he became someone anew.  I hid myself in between my pillows consumed with all the gloominess inside.  “Lord, please tell him that I truly love him and I miss him very much”.  How many times that I attempted to call but I didn’t because he wanted to hear someone else and listening to me might only make him furious.

I love you.  I really do. Tomorrow and each day, I will die again and again. I have you, kiss you and more… only in my dreams and fantasies….


By Adam Lambert “Ghost Town”

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