Counting 14344: Negative One (-1)

Dora-the-Explorer-Cartoon-Pictures Not Counted

Another MERS virus, a flu, a disease

A spring fever doesn’t need a doctor

I recovered, survived and lived

Nobody’s girl, always my Papa’s girl

Left alone, pretending to be fine

Whatever I felt, only buried down here

My secret, my foolishness, my pain

Speechless, not talking anymore

I belong to myself not to anyone

Never given a chance to go in

I am here but unseen and unknown

A shadow in the dark creeping at nights

Always there but served no purpose

***

Let them think I’m a shopaholic

Happy-go-lucky and extravagant

Narcissistic, selfish and brainless

The trying hard and overly dressed

So girly-girly but have a tough life

Dancing underneath the rain

Life is cruel, I have to be strong!

***

Immature? Irresponsible? Really!

No skeletons in the closet

Not pretending, not faking

Family first, serving God and others

With my presence exists the jester

Go on make fun for I am an alien

Laugh out loud, push me faraway

Come on, I know and get the joke

You should have known I cared more

You don’t know that I dream of you

Always wanting to hear your voice

Can I call you tonight or later?

I always think of you constantly

***

Not counted, unnoticed, invisible

Don’t you know that I really like you?

I do even from the very first day

I had my fears, my scars in the past

You’re the apple of my eyesight

You look perfect the way you are

You are handsome and love your chin! ‘

Dazzling brown eyes stare at me!

Your mind always wander elsewhere

You should have known in your heart

I can love you and be there always

Too bad, you see me with your eyes

Basing in your very high standards

You should have sensed the signs

I AM ME, there’s no shame of who I am

Always the friend. Only the friend.

Never counted, not in the options

Not even considered as one of the fishes…

Out of the blue, so near, you can just grab me!!!

DIEGO AND DORAWell, there’s always first time in everything or another false knight theory.  For the first time, I walked in a room unnoticed and even if I’ll parade around naked it doesn’t really matter.  Yet, at times when I am out, some kids and others have standards that are not high to meet.  They’re very appreciative and very generous with their praises.  Gone were the days when I scored in those good men’s hearts, and for being me I caught their eyes and in their ways they showed interests in me.  For the record, I didn’t move away and gave hints.  I am there but his eyes kept on wandering elsewhere and praised others. Then, I am looking while he doesn’t give a damn.   Hey, am I girl too??? Do I really look like a dude? Gosh! I’m just too short and unattractive!!!!  Are my body parts not feminine enough for me to be categorized as a woman?   Well, to all those boys and men whom I considered and moved me, I was counted.  How did I know?  They verbalized it and some actions spoke louder than words.   Sadly, not now.  Of course, no matter what I did and will do, my score will never be positive. Will you start counting from negative one?   So, I will start not being me.  I want to be indifferent and unfriendly.  I will shut up, never smile and not laugh heartily again.   I won’t be generous, sweet and never share at all…. And never ever to speak my mind…. I will not wear stylish clothes and take away my girly stuff and drawings?  Whoa!!!! That’s really tough on me…. After all, this is the consequence of the path I chose, a dull lame world where I don’t really exist.   Despite the heartaches, my life is meaningful and worth living.  I will go on with faith in God and be very strong all the time.   Life is beautiful and I am a beautiful person even though I’m overweight and I am much older.   Proud to be me…. I will choose not to be true here and pretend I am a robot with no feelings at all.  For beyond that room, I serve God and others and always been there for my family.  What do you know???

by Carly Rae Jepsen ‘I Really Really Like You’

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