“It’s so easy,” my brother told me when I asked his help with my lessons in Algebra. It was the first and last time that ever approached him. So, I learned then that there was no one to lean on but myself. Harsh truth, if I am totally down, no one’s there. When life is tough for them, they’ll expect me to rescue them. Does anyone think of my happiness or consider my feelings too?
I will never ask. It’s humiliating to ask. I tried and had fun but I am lost. Well, I expect the machines to give me answers. If machines can talk, will they scold me make like you used to do? Yeah, you were right. I really listened but I couldn’t escape them even I am keeping my distance. You disagreed all the time, but at least you lent me your ears. I knew how to browse but you always looked what I needed and explained everything thoroughly to me. I never trusted you but you taught me how to care and share. In my weakest, you told me I am strong. In my anxiousness and fears, you encouraged me. In my little achievements, you shared my happiness. In my insanity, we had fun and made the most of it. Nonetheless, part of me despised myself for including your character in my story. I didn’t pick you in the crowd for you did.
Where are you when I am confused and lost? It’s always the same like before, no one there. All by myself surrounded by everything I need but still missing something. The machines with me won’t tell me the words you said. Will they be pissed with my jokes? Will the machines check on how I am coping up and doing?
When I am willing to share and put aside my fears, there’s no creation present. Then, I am abandoned in the presence of inanimate objects. If machines can talk, will they to tell me to shut up and help me heal? Kindness isn’t good enough. Being who I am always sucks. I guess, I rather build walls higher and remain in my self-constructed monastery.