How Could U Break My Heart Over and Over Again?

It was a fine day when you knocked at the door and I was left with no choice but to let you in. At a sudden, I was mesmerized by your deep set dazzling eyes. Afterwards, my heartbeat dashed faster than the cheetah and I was instantly lost out of nowhere.   Down under, a wishful thinking, that moment should had not ended.  Moreover, like a broken disc, I let it looped in my head.  Were you a god who had the power to possess my heart completely?  Was there a magic spell in the aroma of your Arab oil that overpowered my wits?  Hey, were you the doctor for I am terribly ill?

Your mere presence inspired the artist in me.  Through my stolen stares at you,  I memorized your features and jotted down in my head every details of your face.  Nonetheless, when I was about to grab my paintbrush to outline you on my canvas, you uttered to me the words I wouldn’t forget.  “No thanks, not me!”  I presumed you would be pleased and gave me the privilege to paint your portrait.  And so, I put away my art materials for  you slaughtered the aspiring artist in me.  I thought that I had found in you the motivation to let out my masterpiece.   Nope, you only detached my wings!

Ouch! Even if you turned me down, I didn’t give up easily.  I am dauntless, no challenges and cruel words could wreck my spirit.  So, I let out the Elizabeth Barett Browning within.  I composed in cursive writing the content of my heart with exceptional and truthful words.  Bestowing to you my handwritten sweet note wasn’t that easy but I courageously dared to do so .  As you ran through it, your twinkling eyes froze and turned cold.  Did I choose the incorrect adjectives to make you furious?  With a blank expression you said, “before I’ll throw this to the bin, I shred this first so that no one will ever read.”  I blushed in humiliation.  I might not dwell in Victorian era but I am a Shakespeare fan.  My ink didn’t leave a mark in your heart.  What a disappointing writer I turned out to be!!! Did I fail my teachers or your standards are higher than theirs?  Thanks to you I buried on that day, the writer who was always been dear to my heart.  On her tombstone written, “her words couldn’t resurrect his core and so her love brought death to her own.”

The artist and the writer were murdered by their failures to bring down the barricades that separated you from the world.  Would my camera do the trick?  From a distant, I zoomed in my lenses to capture your smile.  The stolen shots were framed and adorned on my wall.   Your images were everywhere in my room. My obsession was madness to others. However, it was my sole merriment.  Furthermore, those photos taken with love proudly published online.  Was it an error if I wanted the world to discover the beautiful you?  Nonetheless, what a ridiculous move it turned out for it only outraged you.  So, the frames on my wall one by one toppled down as my tears blurred my sight.  Have mercy, don’t destroy my shutter! I always wanted to take good photos like Papa. Did the photographer I visualized follow my father’s grave because of you?

Who’s next??? The teacher, the animator or the seamstress? Was there a need to be rude?  Why you’d never given them a chance?  Was the problem theirs or yours???? When did love become a crime or a sin?  I knew it was alright…. But, how could you break my heart over and over again? I apologize for stalking you.  Should I say sorry too that little by little I am falling for you??? Tell me, what should I do to reach the pinnacle of your fortress? Will you invite me to join your solitude?  I maybe a church lady but God knows I know how to tango.  I’ll let you lead, I don’t want to dance alone anymore.

Before I made my move, you already turned me down with a big NO.  Why so serious??? Your coldness shattered the vulnerable muscular organ underneath my chest. How could you do this and break my heart all over and over again?  I won’t be equal to your superior intellect. I am only fond of word puzzles not Sudoku. I am not a genius nor a beauty queen. I am some ordinary woman with pure intentions and with a heart that beats only your name.   Why not take chances?  We can always give it a try, can’t we?

And to the Heavenly I oftentimes pray, bless you always my dearest friend.  I reserved you a special place in my heart.  Feel free to come, in case you’ve already decided it’s always right and you’re brave enough.

by Toni Braxton “How Could an Angel Break My Heart”

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