To my other half,

Do you still remember me?  I was the inferior girl who kept on pouring silly thoughts to you.  Then, you oftentimes visited in the realm of my dreams.  Nonetheless, you were so unfair for you didn’t give me a chance to remember your face and voice.   How will I identify you from millions of people on the planet?  What path should I take that will lead me to you?  Where will I go to finally meet you face to face?

Well, you were only the fragment of the fantasy in my youth.  The creation in my head who rescued me from the pain of reality and through your imaginary existence, I belonged to someone.   I wanted to be owned, needed and wanted…. blah, blah, blah.  Gee, like everyone else!   The chances were plenty but I chose you over them because I made you and they were real.  Was it alright to barter what I have now with what I could I have then?  If I could turn back time and showed up when he asked me to come, will I wake up with him every morning rather than sleep on an empty bed?  If I took that chance when we met again and meant what I said, perhaps someone won’t hesitate to invite me to watch movies, concerts travel and more.  Most of all, whoever and whatever, he won’t hold back but just simply care.  (NO FORCE REQUIRED. LOL)  If I didn’t walk away and didn’t ignore him, probably we are out exploring the high and low of the world.  If I were brave enough and left home for good (when I was asked then), would I be happy living ordinarily and simply in his place? Am I really willing to trade the people I could have with the things and achievements I possessed now?

Moreover, I chose to be a good sister and daughter.  Perhaps, it’s difficult to comprehend.  After what I had been through, I’d rather chose greater things in life than be there because I am only needed and achieved nothing at all.  If given the chance to change my fate, will I stay surrounded by many and be here with no one at all?  I turned my back to all my friends who loved me.  There’s no party for me anymore and no more invitations.  The curtains are pulled down in front my face.  I can put on nice clothes for my mirror’s approval but now I am not seen.  Nobody sees me for I don’t exist at all.  I am totally invisible.  Yeah, I have additional skills to put in my resume.  Well, it doesn’t matter for we are only good in counting numbers.  Wil you be impressed if I can paint, animate, design and take nice photos?  Will you be moved that I have the heart to serve God and others?

How can I be happy? Will I be happy?  How will you define happiness, anyway?  There are no stars in the sky that will lead me to you.  I used to say to myself before that we stared at same moon and stars, and we are connected mysteriously.  What happened to you?  Were you stuck in Neverland with Peter Pan?  Perhaps, you’re only in my mind.

(Published: 8 May 2015, 1:00 PM)


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