Friendless

If I’ll collapse now or cry myself to death, no one will bother.  What’s the big deal??? Somewhere I am in the world where the light is not brighter in my side, and when all my windows are shattered I ought to pick the pieces alone.  Will I force a smile when the sun is no longer shining within my heart?  How come it always rainy time during summer days?

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I thought that I will always be loving life as it is and regrets are unknown.  Somehow the cruelty and disrespect can get into my nerves.  How mournful it is when the the disco lights are off I found myself in the midst of the dance floor and all my friends one by one perished in my memory?   I may not verbalize the words but they just don’t know how much I miss the days when there were a lot of people who cared…. I chose not to reach out and prefer the isolation because the laughter in the past will only break my heart.  Every time I am down, I always recall those people who believed in me and appreciated me for who I am.

No matter how I adorned my place with all silly stuff still I can’t hide that I’m tired of struggling all by myself and clinging to no one.  Gone were the days when I talked nonstop and always laughed the loudest.  Am I always the one goofy??? Yeah, they called me the party girl!!! I bought plenty of trendy dresses now but where’s the party?  I am no longer invited.  I sucked in making friends this time.  Perhaps, I lost my sense of humor as I aged.  Or my loud voice is just so annoying, no one wants to hear me chattering. So, let’s go back to building walls again… I am the master builder!!! It’s my expertise anyway…. Surrounded by heartless and unconcerned creations, I am nothing but a machine… a robot will do all your commands… Hey, master I am bound to obey!!! I won’t say no… I will never complain… Yet, no matter how strong I wanted to be… I still give in to my female weaknesses…. Unlike before, my head is in control… Sad emotions dominating me. Well, don’t I wish for this??? It’s lonely to be alone all the time but I must face the ill part of my destiny.

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This day will pass… Remember what you’ve promised… don’t throw it away!!!  Keep it… It’s alright…

 

I wish I am…

MERIDA WALECZNA (BRAVE) 2012

Do i have a choice??? It’s a MUST…



by Toni Braxton, “Unbreak My Heart”

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