I am so tired pretending that everything is fine in your absence. It is so absurd trying to look for someone else just to follow other’s advice. Does moving forward necessarily means be without someone you can’t really stand or you don’t feel anything at all? I just want my life to go on, fulfilling my dreams and do my best in what is expected from me. In addition to that, I want to explore and learn new things. I am carefree, lively and independent. As of now, with a broken heart and soul. There are always unexpected twists. I know in my heart that I am a beautiful person. My confidence and determination won’t vanish because I am totally wrecked emotionally. I will go on but it doesn’t mean I ever stopped loving.
I go on in a separate way, understanding and respecting you… This is what you want and so I let you be— Yet, God knows I am always as a good friend that I am always be. It’s a great to hear that you’re doing well and you never experienced the rough times I have been through. Nonetheless, thanks to everything that happened because it made me tougher and uncovered the best in me. In the process when people pushed me away and down, I learned to love and value myself. In my many ways, I am God’s wonderful creation… if only you see me that way again…..
There are several times that I attempted to dial the phone and to listen to you all over again. At a sudden, I got scared because you always take me wrongly and make me look awful. If you only you knew, I cherished you more than those people surrounding you… Break the walls that you build— I needed to be next to you…
I am tired of pretending that it’s okay without you and lying to myself that I don’t love you at all!!!
by Leigh Nash “Needed to be Next to You”