To My Beloved

it means I still love you

I still love you like the sun that is always there despite of the rain and darkness of the clouds. There are so many things I am longing to tell you about all my experiences that I had been through to finally reach here. You had no idea how many times my heart was crushed and how I wished to perish in that very second. Under the circumstances, you crossed my mind giving me courage to go on and not to stop believing that I have so many reasons to live and dreams to fulfill. The words you uttered before we parted left a mark in my heart that cheered me in the shade of hopelessness and uncertainties.

Lost in the shadows of emptiness, I only had my wits and a fragment of you in my heart. Subsequently, trapped in my loneliness I kept you real in my creations either digitally or manually and I never stopped scribbling for you even unheard and unread. For me, it was not about getting views and praises but my strategy to swipe out my loneliness by keeping love alive in my heart through the products of my skills. Stating here the words I couldn’t say for reality prevented me to be true to my emotions.

My beloved, my sweet baby, I told you that I never allowed any man to jump over my barbed wire fence and I didn’t want to move closer even if I were interested at them. I built towering walls that was wrecked in your presence. When I am determined to crossover, the boundaries little by little became visible until there was no turning back. I despised myself for becoming weak. However, not even once I regretted finding and loving you in spite of the complexities and the negative judgement against me. For the first time in my life, I didn’t care about all the criticisms and challenges for I only love you with all my heart.

In the course of love, I learned that what breaks me only makes me stronger and what makes me cry is my only hope strengthening my faith. Indeed, love is not a bed of roses but a choice to take the bumpy route on the way to a dangerous adventure. Even if I wanted to forget and let go, suddenly I am haunted indirectly with consequences motivating me to reconnect. My beloved, I seek pardon for my errors and failures. God knows, it was not my intention and I told you so. I am not making nonsense excuses for my mistakes. Let me take the responsibility to make everything right.

My beloved, I truly miss you and there are old photographs I wanted to show you. The storm will end and the haze will disappear to clear our paths. In my heart, nothing changes and I am still here. I love you more and I love you the best!!!


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