In my silence, I am suffering with guilt and loneliness. Almost everyday, I weep to my slumber that even in my dreams my wailing continued. Nonetheless, how can you correct the errors in closed door? Thus, I uplift my heavy chest to God. I must wear a different mask every time I leave my place for my job is no child’s play.
I may wearing my clothes not conservatively still I am not the type of girl who lures men or enjoy the flatteries with them. To feel that someone who listens, I made it a habit to attend evening mass daily after work. Inside the chapel, I keep on crying for forgiveness while on my knees. Afterwards, I go straight home and pray for long hours that my apologies be accepted. Repeatedly reminding myself that I am not a bad person.
After every mass, I always kneel and say my prayers below the Blessed Mother’s statue. This afternoon, after I am done with my crying and prayers, I heard someone calling me.
“Sister! Sister!” a matured white European lady called me. I almost presumed she would sell me something or asked for donation. There was no running away for me because she went to my direction. I stopped to listen to what she had to say.
“You know what while you were kneeling and praying, I saw beautiful lights surrounding you,” she said.
“Is it because your bag?” she was wondering. “But where were all those coming from? Was it from the lights… But, they were so beautiful!” she exclaimed with a smile.
“Well, I take it as my prayers answered,” I smiled back.
“Then say AMEN and claim it.”
“AMEN! Thank you, Lord and thank you very much because I am totally depressed,” I said to her before we parted.
Amen, Lord. I know You can hear me even others don’t… Thank you, Mama Mary for being there. I remembered on my way to school this morning, I saw an unusual bird flying at the sky. It was quite small to be an eagle but closely resembled as a falcon. Yet, one thing for sure it was not a myna or pigeon. It was an uncommon bird spreading its wings across the sky.
Thanks Lord for making me strong despite the aching of my heart. Thank you for the miracles on my journey and for not leaving my side.
I only love with my heart. I am true from the beginning and no matter how awful I feel nothing has changed. No matter how others see only my faults and judge me wrongly and unfairly…. It’s alright… God knows me so well and He knows what is inside my heart. He knows I mean no harm for using my skills to come up with creative outlets of my emotions. After all, my talents come from Him even if others are not pleased with what I did.
Praise You, Lord. Amen!!!