A Million Apologies, My Angel

Hello angel! Why u chose not to remember? Am I that horrible that you already forgotten? Why for you it is so easy and everything doesn’t mean anything at all? We agreed into something but you quickly changed your mind without telling me the reasons. I guess, I need an explanation to get rid of this sickness inside that’s pulling me down.

It’s true, I wanted to win your heart and do whatever it takes to triumph. But, I have difficulties of adjusting and I wanted to get some hints and tips from you on how to love you. Will you tell me my angel the steps on loving you? Yeah, you said a lot that only confused me.

I am taking my steps and you pushed me stating someone already won you and your stubborn, there’s no changing of your mind. I gracefully accepted that fact but I can’t cut the strings that connected me to you.

Everytime I see something, you’re the first one who cross my mind. I’m sorry if I always think of you. Forgive me because I can’t unlove or forget you. When you asked, I never said no… I can’t refuse you and obediently followed your commands. You are my weakness after all, I can never refuse you. In spite it all, you only remember my mistakes and see my flaws without considering what I feel. Out of nowhere, you don’t response and disappear as if I am never your friend and there are times we enjoyed each other.
They said
“you will be bless because you’re a good person. So, God will shower you all the blessings”
“you have a good heart, it won’t be difficult for anyone to admire and like you”
“you are so talented, skillful and witty… Any man will be lucky and proud to have you”
“you’re a good person, a good man will love you”

———-
All good words can’t lift me up. I feel that I can’t face any man. I tried but I can’t. I felt hopeless and scared… What if they’ll only want my money and my body? If that is the case, prostitutes are luckier than me coz they get everything for free and still get the money. I am not only for finance and bed I have good qualities worth loving. I can do household chores, I can learn how to cook and I know how to budget. Even I am old, I’m still fum to be with and has the energy of a teenage girl. I have sinned for I am imperfect. Don’t always blame me!!! My mistakes don’t make me evil.

A million apologies my angel, I don’t know why you can’t see the goodness in me that others can see. I’m not extravagant who is fond of online shopping and buying new phones or stuff. I have goals, I work for and save my money for it. Damn, you don’t care…

I hope you know my angel’s name.

Tell him that I’m deeply sorry for whatever unintentional things I did that hurt him.

Tell him not to forget me because he’s the only man in my mind.

Xoxo

Luv u more

Good night!

I hope these written but unuttered words will reach you.

Posted using Tinydesk blog app

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