It was one summertime when you appeared into my life whereby the girls were automatically glued to you. Effortlessly you magnet them with your mischievous and mysterious smile. Of course, you were none of my business and I never cared with your existence. I may be fun but I was outspoken and tactless. I didn’t know if I were a charmer for all I remembered that I could easily win friends of any age, gender and sexual orientation.
You and I, we were not the same. I am bound to lead and you were so low profile. Almost in the beginning of my promising career while you were just half way. To make it worst, our difference in years made the situation impossible. Yet, how did it began? Why I didn’t allow you to flourish the flower in my heart?
The summer thrill went on but when it was over, you left me with no scar. You returned for Christmas holidays and joined me singing around the neighborhood with the caroling group I organized. It was the evening during one of our caroling destination when you smiled sweetly and clasped my hand. Then, pressed the Bougainvillea on my palm. You probably picked it on our way home. After the party was over, we watched the sunrise of New Year and it was the time I told myself, you were just another boy who was blinded by your being some hopeless romantic. You left again, it didn’t hurt because they were there.
You sent through snail mail your confessions. It was so early for Valentines Day. What was with my mother for she hid it from me?
Almost the day of the hearts, I even forgot to greet you for your birthday. I just plainly took it as your confusion and nothing real. If it was a long rejection reply, not because I never liked you, I just couldn’t trust what you really felt towards me.
Another summer time, my last year in college. I enrolled for summer classes. Surprisingly you were there waiting patiently for me along the path where I passed by every time I am on my way home. Rumors had it from those envious fools and their words were like venom that poisoned the minds of my family. I left with no farewell, I needed a break from all the nonsense of the crabs. Besides, miles away from us, there was someone hoping and waiting for me. You know, I am really friendly. Oops, I told no tales about any of them! What was there to know?
When I went back, you admitted that there was you and me. I may not approved with the idea but I owed no explanation to no one. Nonetheless, my place was not your home, you were only there for a vacation. So, I let the rumors be until it would just dissolve. Thus, when you stayed and transferred school nearby my place, I was more anxious than overwhelmed. Having you around wouldn’t do me any favor but absolutely a chaos.
Henceforth, I decided to leave and stayed at my aunt’s place. Likewise, there were people who didn’t know how to shut up and clean their mess. The reason I was so fed up, I stayed in a boarding house near my school. I needed my peace of mind to concentrate in my studies. People may presume that I didn’t take my studies seriously. Yeah right, they should had taken a look with my grades to verify if I failed. Yet, there were times when we spent our stolen Saturday nights with our friends as accomplices. Why the heck it became forbidden?
Being with you wouldn’t do me any good and it was not my priority. I invited you for the last time and you almost ditched me for my Ring Hop Ceremony. I was absolutely outraged and I was such a meanie to you. In the verge of fury, I threw away my phone and the copy of my speech for the ceremony into the bin. You calmed me down and I won the battle. Henceforth, you accompanied me to the party. Then, when we were there you couldn’t blend among my friends. I requested my father to take photos of me with the boys I was interested in school and it slipped my mind that you were there. Have you met my mother? Why were you both speechless? Remember, I told you when were in the cab that I wouldn’t bother about you and I would not care whether you existed. I kept my promise for I despised all the dramas. I just wanted to pass all my subjects, finish college, get a job and live independently.
Yet, you kept on coming back to the point that there was a girl who sent me nasty messages. Please, I was not shallow enough to take the likes of her seriously. I didn’t come from a wealthy home but I was highly educated for I came in schools with high standards. You knew that I didn’t bother at all but you still managed to call and send me messages; and even gave me presents. My graduation day came, you were not invited. I went to my friend who top our batch’s party and I didn’t ask you to come along. When I was with my friends, your name was never mentioned.
What was your problem? Why did you come back again? It was over three months since I last met you. I am still staying in the boarding house. The guys I liked were in my group for the projects and I had the time of my life hanging around with everyone. Why would I bother that you existed? Then, you told me that you would leave. My only reply, ‘I wouldn’t wait’. You should have insisted that I would come along. If you did, do you think I will follow you? By the way, you were real and you were not my imagination. True events based on facts not from my twisted mind as others see it.
You should have defeated my stubbornness. I should have disobeyed my parents. I should have loved you more when I had the time instead of loving someone now. Why was my dreams significant than the love you offered? Honestly, it never occurred to me to want you back. There were few who came along… But, it was you who kept on coming back in spite of my being indifferent and rejections. You should have told me directly that you wanted me to come along. You have not said so may hints, which I never bothered to understand.
We should have eloped instead and not remembering all those events that wouldn’t happen again as written in all plain texts. Out of nowhere, I recalled you but I never really loved you same way as I love him. If you taught me to humble down and love you for real, would I risk it? When I am alone at this point of my life and with a hole in my heart, I wondered if you said that you loved me it was the truth by that time. If I believed you so, we should have eloped instead… I am not a fan of big and fancy weddings anyway… being with someone I truly love only matters to me… The problem was, I am not ready to elope with you… I couldn’t but somehow at this point I wish I did take that adventure with you… Perhaps, it wouldn’t matter if I would be unable to paint, teach and write again… We should have eloped instead if you really did love me…
by Marron 5 “She Will Be Loved”