I waited for more than an hour. I was hungry. I felt so dumb. The person didn’t come. I did everything but all my hopes sucked up into the thin air.
The loneliest trip of my life. Before I got inside the train, my eyes were already wet. I am so exhausted. I couldn’t help being emotional. Are all of these worth sacrificing my happiness? If only I learned to love in my past and if only I were braver then, I wouldn’t reach to this point when I felt nobody cared.
My aunt and my mother proudly exclaimed that they did me a favor because I wouldn’t reach this far, if they didn’t stopped me from giving myself a chance. Why they never asked me if I am really happy? Actually, they benefited me more than I did from them. No wonder, they did everything to destroy everything before it bloomed in my heart.
I sat at the corner of the train, and I just kept on crying all the way to my station, not minding if there were passengers who noticed me. Indeed, I felt so alone with no one to cling on or to talk with. My chest felt so heavy for I am exhausted of being strong and tired of being so brave. Then, I remembered with what Papa said that it was not bound to happen and that young man was not really meant for me. Anyone is lucky to have me for I’ll bring joy to any man, and I should not give up on love.
When I reached home, it was already late for lunch. After eating, I wiped away my tears and asked my friend to help me for a makeover. Sounds crazy. I wanted to shout it loud that another year added in my age tomorrow doesn’t make me look like an old hag. I wanted to look good and let go of yesterday’s chance that I didn’t take for I chose to be a good and obedient daughter. Family first above anyone else.
I created a present for myself. A gift to remind me with my father’s words, ‘you are always beautiful when you smile’. (Smile always, Gen...)
In my imagination, I am throwing a big party and I invited all my friends and he was there smiling at me. Perhaps, to kiss reality is a cry of sadness for no one is coming. I hope he knows that now I am ready to fight and I won’t repeat same mistake again. I hope he knows that he means a lot to me—
“I rob and I kill to keep him with me
I do anything for that boy
I’d give my last dime to hold him tonight”
I want to say that I am not a coward anymore… I am ready for everything….
by Shakira ft Rihanna ‘Can’t Remember To Forget You’