Brat’s Cleaning Out My Closet

My apologies.  I lost it!!! I should have not overreacted.  I felt terrible for storming out.  I didn’t mean to disappoint or scare anyone.  It should not turn out that way—- I felt guilty  with what happened.

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Come on, I was not pushed to the edge but I just lost it like some brat.   What I did was so immature and irresponsible!!!  Perhaps, I was just carried away due to financial difficulties.  Most of the time, I felt cheated and used by the people I cared.   Perhaps, I am being too emotional because I felt alone in the battle.  So many times of my life, I am tired of being tough and fighting for myself.   In all the battles of my journey, I am always alone even if my friends were there, I didn’t want to burden them.  Yet, somehow I couldn’t count on the people who benefited me the most.  Sad to say, in my story they are the villains.

I had a cousin who was like a sister to me and when I went back she really wanted to see me.  I didn’t put an effort to meet her because I didn’t want her to be in trouble because of me.  I love her so much that all they said against her including the gossips hurt me so badly.  I told them that everything was untrue.  Most of them believed but there were few who stood bitter about her.

Months ago, I was emotionally down, I needed support and care.  But all I received were the blame and I scolding.   I was home but my mother was not there for me.  I had to live with my aunts.  Fortunately, two of my aunts and two uncles, and my cousins love me so dearly.  They welcomed me even I had nothing to offer them in exchange.   They gave me food and shelter.  They also made me feel that I am still the same person they looked up, proud of and respected.  One of my aunt said, ‘forget about what they did to you and don’t mind them whether they care or not’.

Then, I discovered the truth about how those people cheated me with my money.  Thus, in the recent situation, I lost it and acted like a brat.  I was possessed by the girl who used to bang things out of anger.  I lost control because I have this feeling that I am cheated again.  I locked myself in the room and cried.  I only heard myself crying, not the ones calling for me outside the door.  My behavior is unforgivable but I am still surrounded by good people.  I admit my mistakes.

I apologized all over again.  I told this brat… ‘hey, go clean out my closet’ …  I hate the feeling of anger. I don’t want this to happen again.  I want to remain kind but there are people who make a fool of me for so many times.

Gladly, everything was settled for my advantage.  Yet, I am not proud with what I did.  I regretted it and felt sorry even until now.   I will return to my old self: adventurous, carefree, funny, generous, kind, understanding and patient.  God will help me.  This pain will heal and everything will be over.  I will embrace a new beginning and I will just love and love and love… and make people around me happy… and laugh and laugh….

by Eminem “Cleaning Out My Closet”


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