I couldn’t do it!!!! I never tried. I took the courage to give pleasure to the man I only loved. It was not good enough… Nothing was good enough!!
Likewise, I am just some foolish girl and a trash who believed in his words. I should have known he was not man enough to keep his words. Like a little boy who wanted adventures but too scared with authorities, remained as coward as ever.
I am taking a bath but the feelings won’t wash off… The ecstasy and the guilt…
Let us put it this way, he came when I was ready and the signs were incorrect. My gift to foresee malfunctioned. I guess, I am dumb and naive. Yet, it was so brave of me to fall for the impossible following my heart’s directions. Then, remained as a true friend inspite of the terrible treatments and coldness.
There are so many uncertainties in life.
It is not easy to take away the pain in my heart. Yet, I move on with determination. I try to think straight and not to panic in the midst of a storm. I can do this… I will do it!
What I have done to deserve this?
No use of looking backwards. There are actually great and smart men who know I am a good catch and like me the way I am. The problem is not about finding someone. It’s just difficult to find who is the one. Yet, I’ll just prepare myself for him for he won’t regret to have me.
In the shower…
I remembered old memories that will never happen same way again. The waters on my face cleansed my tears. I touched myself imagining you again and how scared I was… Maybe, it meant nothing to you… I quenched my thirst for my throat ran dry. I felt the heat of the water on my skin, my heartbeat’s rate ran like horses on a race and the water swiped away my sweat. What a silly girl!!! It was nothing but my imagination.