After a long time, I cried in front of my sister while packing my stuff. She told me to stop for her eyes grew red and tears were about to come out. I proclaimed that I could survive and weep alone every time my heart is broken. No need to be dramatic sharing my heartaches to other people, I just hid and shed a lot of tears and then cry a lot. I could carry out and handle everything even people are not fair to me. Yet, with unfulfilled career and shattered dreams. I broke down and couldn’t hide my real feelings. It so hard to pretend to be alright with these awful things going on…
I met up with my old boss and he treated me with breakfast and I saw few of my colleagues. They were all wishing me good luck and gave those kind smiles that I would never forget. Those intelligent people admired my skills and my abilities. Yet, somehow it was unfair that I lost years of friendship and respect because I dared to dream and hoped to find what my heart was really looking for… Besides, with all the injustice, what was the point of staying?
“Every time I wish for it heartily, something will always go wrong. Am I meant to grow old by myself?”
‘In God’s time’, my sister answered. Yet, His clock for me is so slow and He let me wait for so long. My father was enough; nevertheless, he perished. There’s no one I could claim for real, all of them were just my friends. Nothing more and nothing less… I never expected from anyone to go beyond and I remained their good friend. At this point, I am tired of being a friend and claim to be just one. Yeah, there were few of them who came back but it was so difficult to convince myself and so hard to loosen even just a little. Perhaps, if my father loved me less, I could have gambled and sought love from others.
It was difficult for me to show my affection and so I diverted to other things to save me from falling. For the past few years, I slacked and so this time, I was unable to rescue myself and gave it a try no matter how many times I risked everything that I had. I did what I am not used of doing and I let it be… Only to be awakened that perhaps, one of them was for real and I was so fortunate to have the attention of those boys who used to matter in my heart. They always cared even if I never asked for it but they were just names, those few whom I entertained with my cheerfulness and humor.
I prayed and prayed and prayed…. only to reach at this point…
Likewise, God knew that I tried this time and I was for real and so willing. I tried to move mountains but it took miracles to do that… I stood in the hurricane even if I almost lost my strength. I convinced myself that I am generally kind to everyone. I sacrificed for family. I stood by for friends. I cheered and entertained my neighbors. I am committed to my job and enjoyed what I am doing. I am not perfect but I don’t pretend. I am always admired and loved because of who I am. Yet, it’s not smooth sailing…
I hope somewhere in your heart you’ll know that I maybe old but this is my first try in everything about loving deeply. I hope there’s a certain time, you’ll think of me as a woman too who is capable of doing everything for love and I can bring you more happiness. I grew up in a poor place where I cried less and laughed all the time. Now, in the midst of a very rich land, I am afraid that I will forget the sound of my laughter.
It’s not lie, I’ll bring you to a paradise and growing old not inside the box but in a beautiful home where you can smell the air freely and walk by the sand. No proofs, only imaginations. Maybe for now.
I’ll be back and build not a castle on the sand blown by the winds of time. Yet, a wonderful home on the lot I owned with pillars and roof, it will take some time to complete. A real beauty that will take years to build where my paintings will rest. Hopefully, on its walls there will be echoes of children who will laugh like I used to…
My boss said that I should not go down with my disappointments. Yeah, the wheel of fate never stops on turning. The God whom I believe will always lead me.
“In life, we take for granted what we could easily have for we presumed to have what we needed. Just be sure for you’ll never know… it’s actually the other way around”
Day and night I seek for you
In my dreams you’re always with me
I wish for the sweetness of your love
For me, there’s no other like you
We shared a good friendship
We were both happy together
But you changed at a sudden, so as your promises
Now, we are far from each other
It so regretful to waste that love
For my heart beats only for you
I always remember you when I’m alone
You’re always part in all my goals
In loving again, one should be cautious
So that no more heart that will be broken
I WILL STILL TRY CARRYING OUT
All MY PROMISES
That’s how true is my LOVE for you
Sayang Na Sayang lyrics
Artist: Manilyn Reynes
Araw at gabi kaw ang hinahanap
Panaginip ko’y laging kasama ka
Tamis ng pag-ibig mo napapangarap ko
Sa ‘ki’y walang ibang katulad mo
Kayganda naman ng ating pagsasama
Ikaw at ako ay laging masaya
Ngunit biglang nagbago, mga pangako mo
Tayong dal’wa ngayo’y magkalayo
Sayang na sayang lang ang pag-ibig mo
Laan pa naman ang puso ko sa’yo
Naalala ka kung nag0iisa
Sa pangarap ko’y/ay kasama kita
Kung iibig kang muli sana’y mag-ingat
Nang wala nang puso pang masasaktan
Mga pangako ko
Ganyan ang pag-ibig na totoo
by Manilyn Reynes “Sayang na Sayang”