The night is dark and my heart is so dead inside. I’ve seen this coming and I thought I played my cards so well. Every time I hold tight on the tiny light of courage I have, I remember your face and the echo of your voice bounces back and forth in my eardrums.
Don’t you know that there are several times I feel like not fighting anymore? I look at my paintings and realized how my skills improved and my dreams slowly coming true, I embraced them heart trying to fight this gloominess inside me.
I am so humiliated at you. I always happily exclaimed that I made it. Then, there’s always something wrong… how will I explain that my contract turn to be pieces of junks. How will I inquire about the business letters I received? You know for the fact that in terms of money lingo, it’s your expertise. I don’t know how to approach or what to say to you.
I am tired of crying. I just don’t want you in my head. I want to wear my nice clothes and meet you again. I don’t want to look like an old lady without nothing to offer. I can’t even afford a cup of coffee.
I want to fight and fight and fight…
But, I can’t stop missing you…. longing for your voice and big embrace…. I hope you hear me…. I really hope, you’ll find me…
I don’t like being helpless. I want to face you, dignified and my pride unbroken….