Fight for Survival: Extended Chance

The 4th time, the chance slipped into my fingers again. This one is so heartbreaking because I am so close to have it.

Why? There’s no one to blame. I cried for hours and when my tears ran dry I asked God what He wanted me to learn from the situation.  I patched old gaps and forgave past faults with people closest to me. 

My stay is almost over and I needed help from my brother. I waited for him for more than 3 hours without breakfast and lunch.  Again, I couldn’t help to be dramatic waiting for him hungry and exhausted from standing.   When he arrived, I was not angry but it felt I have seen him for the first time after so many years.  He turned out to be the brother I always looked up and admired.  The queue was so long and we chatted like what we used to do. He suggested to consider other options.  Indeed, he changed as someone matured and responsible.

My brother and I were scared with the officer’s sense of humor.  Then, when she said she’d give me a chance, it was a relief for both of us.

Through the situation, little by little I located areas in my life that needed to be fixed.  I thought I am done, but God whispered to recheck and there it was the little spot stained with my fresh tears.

I don’t expect you to remember me.  After all, you are the one having the good life.  The last memory, I was so tired running fast and taking photos of all classes’ boards from first to the fourth floor.  Afterwards, I needed to do some editing by adding borders and labels to each picture.  Exhausting afternoon but I did what I should do.  Thank God, you were there to cheer me up for dinner.  You knew the fact, I wouldn’t let you down.  Again, I did what I should do, no demands and questions asked.  The evening concluded with you furious at me.  I just sealed my mouth and my heart crushed in silence.

The little spot I missed.  In our lives, trying love out takes courage and necessary decisions.  I did what I should do.  Somehow, I must learn to forgive myself for my weakness in causing my heart to bleed.  I forgive myself for I learned to love not a portion but the whole.  My words may not reach you, but if I happened to cross your mind, remember I am more than willing…

The little spot is a two letter word, it’s not YOU but ME.  Thank you for helping me in finding myself.  I still needed and wanted you, and it will never end.  I will just have you in my dreams.

This extended chance is about trusting God and His gifts to me that I will finally have it.

I will hit two birds with one stone with God’s grace.



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