Peace of Mind

I didn’t fake it, I’m furious. I hope I lied or at least pretend that I’m fine. But, I let my true feelings out. I waited for two days to clear my doubts. I felt cheated and deceived.

Every single cent I earned, I worked hard for it. I endured every humiliation, pressure and stress for every money I received every month. I might look like a carefree, easy-go-lucky and party person, but beyond that I managed my expenses well, and balanced my cash for savings, leisure and extra things I needed. I always see to it that I don’t overspend.

Did you experience to have nothing and people look down at you? I remembered the disappointed tears my father shed because he needed to draw out all his savings in the bank to pay for the money people cheated on my mother. He also cried when we loaned out to pay for his hospital bills and said “I don’t want us to owe any money from anyone”. He added, “I didn’t send you to school so that you’ll pay my obligations”. After he passed away, our family not only lose the most important person in our lives but we were drained out with our finances. I remembered every word people said behind our backs. A lot of people thought we wouldn’t survive and we couldn’t pay our debts. I stood firm and worked several jobs to prove them wrong. I put aside my own happiness in exchange of my dreams.
I have gone so far, I will look back to my origin but I’m moving forward to achieve more.

This is my weakness, I hate being cheated in terms of money and I always want that everything is clear to me. I disliked it when my trust is being abused. When it’s about cash, my feelings are overshadowed with the numbers in my head. I’m sorry that I have to release my anger on you. I know that it was unfair. I overreacted with the figures bugging in my head. You handled me calmly and explained everything clearly. In spite of my anger, I listened and understood everything. Hopefully, everything should be put into writing and properly documented. I was madly mad that I even forgot that you are my friend… and more….  Thanks for giving me a peace of mind, now I can sleep tightly tonight.  Good night!

Peace of Mind

A piece of paper
Scribbled neatly
Words are missing
Queries in my head
What a disappointment!
Doubts turns to anger
Rage darkens my core
Will I ever trust you?
Is this my stupidity?
Am I always incorrect?

Hearing your voice
Won’t clear it all
You tried your best
There goes the heat!
You put down the fire
You calm the waters
You stop the storm
Explanations are enough
Serenity of the seas
Bring me peace of mind
Thank you my dear friend
*****



by McFly “Sorry’s Not Good Enough”

I know sorry is not good enough
I treated you badly and rudely
I hate that part of me—
Yet, I am only this foolish girl

xoxo
Sorry is not good enough
I still luv u and luv u more
I’ll do everything to help
To ease ur burdens and stress
xoxo

this is the tough part of me
i fight for my rights
i speak out strongly when in doubt
yet the only best part of me
i fall in love with u
i can’t help & stop it
forgive if i luv u still
i just luv u more…

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