You think, I’m too dumb or insensitive not to get a hint. Of course, I get it that you’re just being courteous and polite. If you ask me what you’re really like, sorry to say “you’re somewhat rude”. Can you consider it as conversation? Ah, it looks more like an interrogation to me, a Q & A portion. So every time I message and if I expect a response, I must end all phrases and statements with a question mark. Like for instance, “good morning?”, “good night?”, “I miss you?”, “take care?” and “I love you?” So on and so forth…. Now, I know what it feels to be frustrated. Nonetheless, it is what I expected from someone like you.
It’s true you’re hardworking but it doesn’t mean you don’t fool around. I know what it is like, I passed similar route once in my lifetime. You’re sometimes nice but at times really cold. It’s true, you’re always there to aid me but there are times you’re so distant I can never reach you. You add-on to my dilemma with the bedbugs, the reason for my so many sleepless nights. Probably, you will tell me “stop and get lost”. Trust me, I tried and ended up losing all the data in my phone. I even convinced myself to at least like my hottest colleague or some cute random guys in the bus or streets. I even challenged myself to go online dating or pick some available bachelor among my FB friends. The good news is nothing seems to work because my heart has its own will and it already made a choice. Will I be sorry or too bad for you because you’re the unlucky one? I tried getting away but a day of not keeping in touch with you seems to be like a trip to Calvary or my never-ending misery.
Why? Maybe, you placed a love potion in the goodies you gave last time and you scribbled some love spell writings in my birthday gift. Haha. Just for the fun thought of it and I should know better that you would never do desperate moves to win any one. It will be my greatest joy, if you will feel the same but I won’t try so hard because I don’t want to lose a wonderful friend. I can’t help but envy her for I always wish to be loved by someone like you. What if I’m seductive enough, will I be able to tempt you? What a funny and silly idea! Everybody knows I won’t qualify the astonishing qualities of a bitch. I think I must consume five cans of beer or five shots of hard drink to dare myself to be aggressive. Well, I need alcohol to give me guts to become excessively confident and forward…
14344… I’m not asking so much but I’m willing to give more. As always I’m not expecting any thing at all, I’m just expressing myself until the feeling is gone. I can see the fence you build in between us. I won’t try so hard to break the wall, I will just patiently wait for the day you’ll willingly crossover (maybe someone so extremely hot will surprise me, you’ll never know? haha) I will not punish myself by feeling so depress or lonely because I am enjoying every second… every minute… every moment… that I shared with you. I will consider this feeling as heaven’s gift because my happiness is overflowing and I’m truly inspired to dream and write a lot 😉
In my dreams, I introduced Papa to my fantasy man and he responded “you pray”. (Tsk! Fantasy man is actually cute and smart) So, I prayed for divine intervention and God gave me —YOU. We never planned to see each other that evening. I have come back and forth to that certain place for more than two years (one time I was even included in the National Day billboard on its street). I’m not as accommodating as my friend, it is not my personality to entertain strangers. Likewise, you cleverly caught me not for something romantic but for marketing sake. If God allowed this to happen, I have no rights to feel bitter of how things will turn out. I’m just so grateful its you even if you’re not so free because you’re a remarkable individual. It’s all about the timing, and it doesn’t matter whether I arrived in your life two years earlier or later. Love doesn’t give concrete and expected answers to queries of how, when, where and why. It just happens magically, miraculously, mysteriously and unknowingly.
I wanted to belong to you and know every person in your world. Go ride with you in full speed and feel the wind blowing on my skin behind your back. I don’t feel bad even if you don’t give me the privilege. In my dreams and my imaginations, I can do such and even beyond (you don’t want to know what else —).
14344-42, I’m grateful you’re not reading any of my posts. If people will ask me to reveal your identity, then you’re just a fragment of my imagination someone without a name. Today, I can’t sleep (SOS bed bugs!!) and I’m so bored. I just want to write to express the words that I can’t say to you in person (unless you make me intoxicated but please don’t—). X.O.X.O. You know who you are and you know I love you more and more, even if at times you’re such a “rude boy” (a little bit only but in a cute way) 😉
Rihanna “Rude Boy”
Viv d' Biggest Dreamer 